What are your perceptions of having a Thai GF or wife

[godden]

I haven't spoken to the wife for 2 years after she told me never to interupt

[Morakot]

What are your perceptions of having a Thai GF or wife

Overall a positive perception, but it actually does not matter to me whether she is Thai or not.

Edited March 12, 2014 by Morakot

[Somsrisonphimai]

Remember to check facebook daily to see if she needs more Candy Crush lives, chat her up at lunch on Line chat and remember to make the reservations for Hello Kitty Town for vacation.

Please don't tell me that those are your daily routines.

[thailiketoo]

Remember to check facebook daily to see if she needs more Candy Crush lives, chat her up at lunch on Line chat and remember to make the reservations for Hello Kitty Town for vacation.

Please don't tell me that those are your daily routines.

No, Hello Kitty Town is only once a year.

[Stan7444]

Agree with Bgrssboy ...."Takes work to be in a relationship regardless of the cultural differences"....Aside from the cultural differences that my wife of 10 years and I have....Most arguments, misunderstandings, or "spats" occur because a misunderstanding occurs due to language barriers. Either she doesn't understand what I am trying to say or "visa versa". After MUCH patience we figure it out. If not ....wife goes into a huff and doesn't talk to me and its usually forgotten after a day.

Be that as it may .....still have a MUCH better relationship with her than I had with ANY western woman.....

Sounds like any woman from any country or culture in the world. I was married to a Middle Eastern born and raised woman for many years and we had the same type of relationship. Women are just different from men, i.e. Venus and Mars and it takes a lot of work in every relationship. I am now looking at getting married with a lovely Thai lady, but expect after the "honeymoon" we will also have our own issues to deal with, especially with her family coming into the picture.

[Somsrisonphimai]

Remember to check facebook daily to see if she needs more Candy Crush lives, chat her up at lunch on Line chat and remember to make the reservations for Hello Kitty Town for vacation.

Please don't tell me that those are your daily routines.

No, Hello Kitty Town is only once a year.

What is Hello Kitty Town? I never even heard of it. I have seen Hello Kitty bags and stuffs that girls like to carry. It is kind of silly for grown women to be carried that type of things. They should be carrying a business bag not a Hello Kitty bag if you ask me.

[BudRight]

The Super Girl costume is outstanding.

[krisb]

I had to get my wife to see the bigger picture.

So we finally bought a 60 inch lcd tv. Footy season is now awesome.

[Ricky from Brisbane]

I had to get my wife to see the bigger picture.

So we finally bought a 60 inch lcd tv. Footy season is now awesome.

footy season not so awesome for us brisbane supporters krisb

[thailiketoo]

Remember to check facebook daily to see if she needs more Candy Crush lives, chat her up at lunch on Line chat and remember to make the reservations for Hello Kitty Town for vacation.

Please don't tell me that those are your daily routines.

No, Hello Kitty Town is only once a year.

What is Hello Kitty Town? I never even heard of it. I have seen Hello Kitty bags and stuffs that girls like to carry. It is kind of silly for grown women to be carried that type of things. They should be carrying a business bag not a Hello Kitty bag if you ask me.

Me and me bag. You can google Hello Kitty Town.

[iamariva1957]

mine thinks I'm stupid, perhaps she has a point

I think that you comment was right on the money! Whether or not you were just trying to be funny.... you hit the nail on the head! I have been with the same Thai woman now for 3 years and she says that to me all the time!

I have been married to a British girl and to an American girl before (4 & 13 years respectively) and can say with certainty that in every relationship there are difficulties and problems that crop up that send things into tail spins for a time. Adding the cultural aspect into that mix only can add to the difficulties.

The Thai culture (whatever that really is anyway as it such a mix of other cultures), personal issues, economic factors, basic compatibility, and all the other elements that exist between any man and a woman represent the only Monopoly board of the relationship. What you do, how you act and how you handle the relationship are the dice, playing pieces, Chance and Community Chest cards, etc.

What I am trying to say is that every relationship has its issues that seem to crop up. Every relationship has its failings and high points. But it is our own "better angles of our nature" (Lincoln, 1861) that will govern how well things work out.

[Morakot]

Remember to check facebook daily to see if she needs more Candy Crush lives, chat her up at lunch on Line chat and remember to make the reservations for Hello Kitty Town for vacation.

Please don't tell me that those are your daily routines.

No, Hello Kitty Town is only once a year.

Any good this place for a vacations?

Edited March 12, 2014 by Morakot

[iamariva1957]

To be quite honest after 20 years of marriage and i year living together ,i find my wife is the same as any other woman ,maybe its her upbringing or the fact we lived in the west for many years ,but on the whole she thinks like i do , or maybe just pretends to who knows.

It was that time when you lived in the West. That is what changed her POV on a number of levels. Us living here has done the same. But to a lesser extent I think. We have the ability naturally to see things with a critical eye and have no problem expounding upon it. We are taught that we can say what we like, to shout it at the top of our lungs. We are told that we can complain and point out things that we think are wrong or regarding behavior that is not either in keeping with the situation or that is in some way disrespectful or dangerous. We also know and understand sarcasm. We see things from this supposed better understanding and have the outwardly obvious sense of confidence (something that the Thai friends I have are always commenting on to me and wish that they could have and understand is okay to have).

But your comment that woman are wome is totally correct! I could not agree more with you. My difficulty in the realationship I have been in for the last 3 years with a Thai woman is trying to maneuver through those things that seem to be simply referred to in this thread as cultural differences. For I am not sure if they really are or if that is just an easy way to explain the uncertainty that anyone has when one is in a relationship with someone who is not from your 'culture' and comes from so far away and from a country that represents (as shown in the media, etc) such a wonder.

I am just saying...............

[recycler]

Takes work to be in a relationship regardless of the cultural differences. I have had my share of differences with the wife of 6 years mostly to do with the spoiled younger brother. The rest of her family is OK, but Nong is a 29 year old living as though he were 12. Most recently we (wife and I) had a spat about him as he's staying with us for a month between terms at medical school. I was finally able to show her examples of how every time he comes to visit we have a problem, not just with me, but with other foreigner friends too. She thought about it for a while and finally said, Nong does't know how to interact with foreigners. She said she can't talk to him as he has to figure it out for himself but at least she is now seeing it from another perspective and even said she didn't want him to come with us to the states next time we go as she clearly sees he isn't capable of dealing with non-Thais.

I still find my relationship to be far healthier than any I ever had in the states. I mainly attribute that to my growing up and not running away from the person just because of a problem.

Thus my perception of having a Thai wife is that with work, lots of dialogue and compassion, problems can be overcome.

Recent advice I was given by a friend is that if you're getting serious with a Thai lady the first question should be:

Do you have a brother?

If the answer is yes....RUN!!!

[thailiketoo]

Remember to check facebook daily to see if she needs more Candy Crush lives, chat her up at lunch on Line chat and remember to make the reservations for Hello Kitty Town for vacation.

Please don't tell me that those are your daily routines.

No, Hello Kitty Town is only once a year.

Any good this place for a vacations?

I have no idea. I only know the girls jump up and down and squeal when the ad for the place come on TV.

[faraday]

Takes work to be in a relationship regardless of the cultural differences. I have had my share of differences with the wife of 6 years mostly to do with the spoiled younger brother. The rest of her family is OK, but Nong is a 29 year old living as though he were 12. Most recently we (wife and I) had a spat about him as he's staying with us for a month between terms at medical school. I was finally able to show her examples of how every time he comes to visit we have a problem, not just with me, but with other foreigner friends too. She thought about it for a while and finally said, Nong does't know how to interact with foreigners. She said she can't talk to him as he has to figure it out for himself but at least she is now seeing it from another perspective and even said she didn't want him to come with us to the states next time we go as she clearly sees he isn't capable of dealing with non-Thais.

I still find my relationship to be far healthier than any I ever had in the states. I mainly attribute that to my growing up and not running away from the person just because of a problem.

Thus my perception of having a Thai wife is that with work, lots of dialogue and compassion, problems can be overcome.

Recent advice I was given by a friend is that if you're getting serious with a Thai lady the first question should be:

Do you have a brother?

If the answer is yes....RUN!!!

Why....?

[kimbathewhitelion]

Thanks members, actually read every post. Had insomnia again & was feeling a bit down early this morning, thus the post. Been married 6 months now & it's been a roller-coaster ride breaching the balance between values & culture....well my American values as to family & interaction etiquette with others. As of 'culture', well she's been indirectly changing me...time, arguments, upset periods, understanding, compromise.

Sometimes I do just want to bail, but somewhere inside me (and I'm not religious to any degree) will not allow me to break the commitment, nor could I ever cheat. Also considering maybe my anxiety isn't all about the relationship (partial & ongoing, yes) but living in Thailand. Maybe time to switch countries...though also thinking if I were to give Thailand another try (famous last words tend to always lead to disaster), the next & last try would be in a small village/town in Krabi. Already lived in Chiangmai, Issan & now in BK.

On the 'out' side of things, Malaysia looks quite nice with an easy long term visa, excellent infrastructure & food, though a bit more expensive then Thailand; or back to (miserable) America (but not so miserable locations as Laramie, Wyoming or areas in & around the Columbia River Gorge on the Oregon side or Seattle, Wa. - actively looking), which needs more negotiating as the wife doesn't (yet) want such a drastic change that could easily be permanent with just once a year vacation trips to Thailand.

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[bgrassboy]

or back to (miserable) America (but not so miserable locations as Laramie, Wyoming or areas in & around the Columbia River Gorge on the Oregon side or Seattle, Wa. - actively looking), which needs more negotiating as the wife doesn't (yet) want such a drastic change that could easily be permanent with just once a year vacation trips to Thailand.

Sent from my iPad using Thaivisa Connect Thailand

Laramie, Wyoming would for sure be the end of your relationship ? Took my wife there last year as have relatives who live there. Asked her if she could live there and she looked at me like I was crazy. lol. Edited March 12, 2014 by bgrassboy

[transam]

The thing that us farangs MUST take on board is the very big difference in "thought" between us and Thai folk. It is a big learning curve that I think most of us cannot adapt too (me). I have learned to keep my mouth shut unless is . Doesn't happen often but when it does it usually has something to do with her 25 year old daughter. Must confess that Mrs.Trans is pissed off with her too but the Thai family thing comes to the fore. Lots to take on board, you only find out about this crap over a period of time.

[kimbathewhitelion]

or back to (miserable) America (but not so miserable locations as Laramie, Wyoming or areas in & around the Columbia River Gorge on the Oregon side or Seattle, Wa. - actively looking), which needs more negotiating as the wife doesn't (yet) want such a drastic change that could easily be permanent with just once a year vacation trips to Thailand.

Sent from my iPad using Thaivisa Connect Thailand

Laramie, Wyoming would for sure be the end of your relationship Took my wife there last year as have relatives who live there. Asked her if she cold live there and she looked at me like I was crazy. lol.

Yeah, I figured the much with all the old buildings, sparse open lands & no Asian food, let alone Asians anywhere to be found. But I can't help but to look at the wonderful charm the town holds.

Sent from my iPad using Thaivisa Connect Thailand

[RedQualia]

Thanks members, actually read every post. Had insomnia again & was feeling a bit down early this morning, thus the post. Been married 6 months now & it's been a roller-coaster ride breaching the balance between values & culture....well my American values as to family & interaction etiquette with others. As of 'culture', well she's been indirectly changing me...time, arguments, upset periods, understanding, compromise.

Sometimes I do just want to bail, but somewhere inside me (and I'm not religious to any degree) will not allow me to break the commitment, nor could I ever cheat. Also considering maybe my anxiety isn't all about the relationship (partial & ongoing, yes) but living in Thailand. Maybe time to switch countries...though also thinking if I were to give Thailand another try (famous last words tend to always lead to disaster), the next & last try would be in a small village/town in Krabi. Already lived in Chiangmai, Issan & now in BK.

On the 'out' side of things, Malaysia looks quite nice with an easy long term visa, excellent infrastructure & food, though a bit more expensive then Thailand; or back to (miserable) America (but not so miserable locations as Laramie, Wyoming or areas in & around the Columbia River Gorge on the Oregon side or Seattle, Wa. - actively looking), which needs more negotiating as the wife doesn't (yet) want such a drastic change that could easily be permanent with just once a year vacation trips to Thailand.

Sent from my iPad using Thaivisa Connect Thailand

Question occurs: You aren't the type who runs from things, are you? But it's a rhetorical question. No need to answer here, but you can consider what the answer might be.

Have been with my wife for seven years. I'm 60ish, she's 45. Took her to the states for about three years. She got to meet family, see the countryside, attend an English language school for a couple of years, watch, and actually understand, a good bit of American TV. I also tended to shelter her while there somewhat... To keep her away from any situations that might be abusive. Still, the occasional racist will make him/herself known.

Have been living in LOS a bit more than four years now. I speak Thai a bit, but in an American sort of way, of course. She's pretty good at picking my American way of thinking out of the Thai words and understanding me. More so than other Thais, though I can get by speaking with them, mostly.

I have learned to leave cultural judgment at the door, and for the most part, we do. The American way isn't the only way, nor necessarily even the right way. There is rarely if ever any reason for me to "put my foot down" about anything at all. Just as she knows it's important to see "my side of whatever," so I know it is important to see her side, too.

We do argue sometimes, but almost always, it's about nothing. It's as if we haven't argued for a while, and so need to do so about whatever little thing there is we can find to argue about. Which is to say that really, we don't argue very much at all, and the argument often ends up turning into play. We are not rich, but we have enough. Mostly a country gal, she is generally big on everything family, which is really a pretty good thing. Also pretty big on Buddha the temple happenings. I kinda like the guy, too.

One thing I think may be different for us: having been in different relationships in the past where it has been a problem, and seeing it start to raise its head early on in this relationship, I have refused to play any jealousy games, and have taught her that jealousy is not love, is destructive, and is not required. In fact, we often joke with one another about all her boyfriends and all my girlfriends, none of which exist. Sometimes confuses people at first, but all seem to approve, once they understand. Does she have any boyfriends? Haven't seen any evidence of such at all.

She is my best friend, without doubt, and the relationship I have with her is better than any I've had before, no matter where they were from. There is very, very little work involved in our relationship. Never has been, really. If I'm outside in the afternoon heat building a concrete block wall, she's there with me, either mixing concrete or with a trowel in hand. And I know how to do the dishes often enough, too.

But everyone is different... I know one couple consisting of an older, domineering Scottish madman, and a very jealous younger Thai wife. I'm not quite sure what kind of couple they are, nor how happiness might be defined in their regard. And was reading something somewhere on this site a while back, in which it seemed to me that an American fellow, with (Republican?) American values and sensibility, etc., etc., etc., had come to live in Thailand, and was most insistent that his wife, her family, all the family's friends, and the country in general, adapt to his (Republican?) American values and sensibility, etc., etc., etc. because hey -- he was in the right, you know? I guess his God had told him so. So yeah... Uh-huh... Like any of that's going to happen anytime soon...

Sometimes, it seems pretty clear that just because a relationship of one sort or another could exist, that doesn't mean that it should. I don't think these things should be forced at all. If it isn't working for some of you, well, that should tell you something, I guess.

Anyway, so much for my 2-3 thoughts...

Edited March 12, 2014 by RedQualia

[sirchai]

We've been married for more than twelve years now. Of course did we sail through rough waters, but we still love and respect each other.

Took me only 10 years to find that she's always acting like she would understand me, but doesn't. Maybe because I don't speak baby English to her?

I'm glad and thankful that I met her and I hope we'll stay many more moons together.

Life's too short to create problems, or to argue about stuff that doesn't matter.

Once understood, it helps both of us.

Treat others the way you'd like to be treated might be a good start. And thanks for not bashing about Thais in general. Cheers-

[ajarnmarc]

<script type='text/javascript'>window.mod_pagespeed_start = Number(new Date());</script>

After 45 years of marriage I find life together is simple. I just say yes dear to everything and hide in my office.

I'm on my ninth year, and I try this every chance I can,

but then she just complains why I don't wish to come out of my man cave...

especially when her friends come by.

My response is always the same...they didn't come here to see me,

and since they don't care to understand my broken Thai,

what's the reasoning behind my presence?

I feel I'm doing her a service, by staying clear.

A man cave is also a great place to stay,

when you're having issues over how much junk food to feed the kids.

As this seems to be an issue, I can never get over, nor win.

The sugary stuff comes from all directions,

and even a 3.500 bht visit to the dentist for my two year old,

doesn't change anything.

I was hopeful the dentist would be able to explain,

and confirm my concerns,

which the dentist did,

but to no avail.

Though I luv my kids,

and couldn't live without them...

Relationships with Thai ladies is much easier,

when children aren't in the scenery.

As it all goes south, when the children enter the picture,

though I wish it wasn't the case, it just is.

[sirchai]

Thanks members, actually read every post. Had insomnia again & was feeling a bit down early this morning, thus the post. Been married 6 months now & it's been a roller-coaster ride breaching the balance between values & culture....well my American values as to family & interaction etiquette with others. As of 'culture', well she's been indirectly changing me...time, arguments, upset periods, understanding, compromise.

Sometimes I do just want to bail, but somewhere inside me (and I'm not religious to any degree) will not allow me to break the commitment, nor could I ever cheat. Also considering maybe my anxiety isn't all about the relationship (partial & ongoing, yes) but living in Thailand. Maybe time to switch countries...though also thinking if I were to give Thailand another try (famous last words tend to always lead to disaster), the next & last try would be in a small village/town in Krabi. Already lived in Chiangmai, Issan & now in BK.

On the 'out' side of things, Malaysia looks quite nice with an easy long term visa, excellent infrastructure & food, though a bit more expensive then Thailand; or back to (miserable) America (but not so miserable locations as Laramie, Wyoming or areas in & around the Columbia River Gorge on the Oregon side or Seattle, Wa. - actively looking), which needs more negotiating as the wife doesn't (yet) want such a drastic change that could easily be permanent with just once a year vacation trips to Thailand.

Sent from my iPad using Thaivisa Connect Thailand

Question occurs: You aren't the type who runs from things, are you? But it's a rhetorical question. No need to answer here, but you can consider what the answer might be.

Have been with my wife for seven years. I'm 60ish, she's 45. Took her to the states for about three years. She got to meet family, see the countryside, attend an English language school for a couple of years, watch, and actually understand, a good bit of American TV. I also tended to shelter her while there somewhat... To keep her away from any situations that might be abusive. Still, the occasional racist will make him/herself known.

Have been living in LOS a bit more than four years now. I speak Thai a bit, but in an American sort of way, of course. She's pretty good at picking my American way of thinking out of the Thai words and understanding me. More so than other Thais, though I can get by speaking with them, mostly.

I have learned to leave cultural judgment at the door, and for the most part, we do. The American way isn't the only way, nor necessarily even the right way. There is rarely if ever any reason for me to "put my foot down" about anything at all. Just as she knows it's important to see "my side of whatever," so I know it is important to see her side, too.

We do argue sometimes, but almost always, it's about nothing. It's as if we haven't argued for a while, and so need to do so about whatever little thing there is we can find to argue about. Which is to say that really, we don't argue very much at all, and the argument often ends up turning into play. We are not rich, but we have enough. Mostly a country gal, she is generally big on everything family, which is really a pretty good thing. Also pretty big on Buddha the temple happenings. I kinda like the guy, too.

One thing I think may be different for us: having been in different relationships in the past where it has been a problem, and seeing it start to raise its head early on in this relationship, I have refused to play any jealousy games, and have taught her that jealousy is not love, is destructive, and is not required. In fact, we often joke with one another about all her boyfriends and all my girlfriends, none of which exist. Sometimes confuses people at first, but all seem to approve, once they understand. Does she have any boyfriends? Haven't seen any evidence of such at all.

She is my best friend, without doubt, and the relationship I have with her is better than any I've had before, no matter where they were from. There is very, very little work involved in our relationship. Never has been, really. If I'm outside in the afternoon heat building a concrete block wall, she's there with me, either mixing concrete or with a trowel in hand. And I know how to do the dishes often enough, too.

But everyone is different... I know one couple consisting of an older, domineering Scottish madman, and a very jealous younger Thai wife. I'm not quite sure what kind of couple they are, nor how happiness might be defined in their regard. And was reading something somewhere on this site a while back, in which it seemed to me that an American fellow, with (Republican?) American values and sensibility, etc., etc., etc., had come to live in Thailand, and was most insistent that his wife, her family, all the family's friends, and the country in general, adapt to his (Republican?) American values and sensibility, etc., etc., etc. because hey -- he was in the right, you know? I guess his God had told him so. So yeah... Uh-huh... Like any of that's going to happen anytime soon...

Sometimes, it seems pretty clear that just because a relationship of one sort or another could exist, that doesn't mean that it should. I don't think these things should be forced at all. If it isn't working for some of you, well, that should tell you something, I guess.

Anyway, so much for my 2-3 thoughts...

The American way isn't the only way, nor necessarily even the right way.

Thanks a lot for your honesty.Nor is the German, British, or Thai way.-

[elzach]

Find out the divorce/separation rate of Thai-foreigner....then find out the divorce/separation rate of Thai-Thai. That should be a good starting point.

[kimbathewhitelion]

Thanks members, actually read every post. Had insomnia again & was feeling a bit down early this morning, thus the post. Been married 6 months now & it's been a roller-coaster ride breaching the balance between values & culture....well my American values as to family & interaction etiquette with others. As of 'culture', well she's been indirectly changing me...time, arguments, upset periods, understanding, compromise.

Sometimes I do just want to bail, but somewhere inside me (and I'm not religious to any degree) will not allow me to break the commitment, nor could I ever cheat. Also considering maybe my anxiety isn't all about the relationship (partial & ongoing, yes) but living in Thailand. Maybe time to switch countries...though also thinking if I were to give Thailand another try (famous last words tend to always lead to disaster), the next & last try would be in a small village/town in Krabi. Already lived in Chiangmai, Issan & now in BK.

On the 'out' side of things, Malaysia looks quite nice with an easy long term visa, excellent infrastructure & food, though a bit more expensive then Thailand; or back to (miserable) America (but not so miserable locations as Laramie, Wyoming or areas in & around the Columbia River Gorge on the Oregon side or Seattle, Wa. - actively looking), which needs more negotiating as the wife doesn't (yet) want such a drastic change that could easily be permanent with just once a year vacation trips to Thailand.

Sent from my iPad using Thaivisa Connect Thailand

Question occurs: You aren't the type who runs from things, are you? But it's a rhetorical question. No need to answer here, but you can consider what the answer might be.

Have been with my wife for seven years. I'm 60ish, she's 45. Took her to the states for about three years. She got to meet family, see the countryside, attend an English language school for a couple of years, watch, and actually understand, a good bit of American TV. I also tended to shelter her while there somewhat... To keep her away from any situations that might be abusive. Still, the occasional racist will make him/herself known.

Have been living in LOS a bit more than four years now. I speak Thai a bit, but in an American sort of way, of course. She's pretty good at picking my American way of thinking out of the Thai words and understanding me. More so than other Thais, though I can get by speaking with them, mostly.

I have learned to leave cultural judgment at the door, and for the most part, we do. The American way isn't the only way, nor necessarily even the right way. There is rarely if ever any reason for me to "put my foot down" about anything at all. Just as she knows it's important to see "my side of whatever," so I know it is important to see her side, too.

We do argue sometimes, but almost always, it's about nothing. It's as if we haven't argued for a while, and so need to do so about whatever little thing there is we can find to argue about. Which is to say that really, we don't argue very much at all, and the argument often ends up turning into play. We are not rich, but we have enough. Mostly a country gal, she is generally big on everything family, which is really a pretty good thing. Also pretty big on Buddha the temple happenings. I kinda like the guy, too.

One thing I think may be different for us: having been in different relationships in the past where it has been a problem, and seeing it start to raise its head early on in this relationship, I have refused to play any jealousy games, and have taught her that jealousy is not love, is destructive, and is not required. In fact, we often joke with one another about all her boyfriends and all my girlfriends, none of which exist. Sometimes confuses people at first, but all seem to approve, once they understand. Does she have any boyfriends? Haven't seen any evidence of such at all.

She is my best friend, without doubt, and the relationship I have with her is better than any I've had before, no matter where they were from. There is very, very little work involved in our relationship. Never has been, really. If I'm outside in the afternoon heat building a concrete block wall, she's there with me, either mixing concrete or with a trowel in hand. And I know how to do the dishes often enough, too.

But everyone is different... I know one couple consisting of an older, domineering Scottish madman, and a very jealous younger Thai wife. I'm not quite sure what kind of couple they are, nor how happiness might be defined in their regard. And was reading something somewhere on this site a while back, in which it seemed to me that an American fellow, with (Republican?) American values and sensibility, etc., etc., etc., had come to live in Thailand, and was most insistent that his wife, her family, all the family's friends, and the country in general, adapt to his (Republican?) American values and sensibility, etc., etc., etc. because hey -- he was in the right, you know? I guess his God had told him so. So yeah... Uh-huh... Like any of that's going to happen anytime soon...

Sometimes, it seems pretty clear that just because a relationship of one sort or another could exist, that doesn't mean that it should. I don't think these things should be forced at all. If it isn't working for some of you, well, that should tell you something, I guess.

Anyway, so much for my 2-3 thoughts...

No. Running is not an option. She's 35 & I'm 47.

Initially when she was still a girlfriend (13 months), living together in Issan (5 mos), I told her "I'm done with Thailand", I needed (more for my brain, well brain food & soul) to go back to America and work again (in my field of expertise). I wanted her to come with me (was so done & tired of the dating scene; & especially the never ending games of BS with American women), so we married. After the dust settled she decided she didn't want to leave her country, short vacations aside to the surrounding countries, but ultimately I'm stuck here & thus my anxiety.

Sent from my iPad using Thaivisa Connect Thailand

[dietergerhard]

I've been married to my Thai wife for twenty years now and looking back there were many hurdles to overcome. The language barrier didn't exist for us, I was fluent before we met, but the cultural differences really had to be worked on. After a few years, I realised my wife didn't know how to think critically, so I taught her. She didn't know how to plan, so I taught her. She didn't understand the ways of the world or technology, so I taught her. Having said that, a girl from a poor farming family who left school at nine, has taught me so much about life!

I consider it to be a balanced relationship as she has helped me to learn so much about myself. I have always felt that I hit the jackpot when I met her and all of my friends (Thai and foreign) have echoed this.

"thinking critically" ... thats exactly it ... any tips on how to teach her that skill?

[Crazy chef 1]

I am thrilled to see a lot of great posts above. Stunned, not even any Thai bashing. Makes me proud to be on this site. Yeah, sometimes not to proud, esp when it comes to Thai Women bashing. Glad to see none here.

I agree with most everything posted and can only state that for me. It has been the best 2.5 years of my life. Both in regards to my Thai wife. And in regards to "her" teaching me how to de stress, not worry about things and to let life pretty much come at me, rather than thinking I need to think, fight my way through it as my Western Culture had taught me.

Having stated that. The drive to get ahead, meaning coming from the Western culture is what got me out of that very rat race. I now though am learning to appreciate life "Thai Style" and could not be happier with the transformation. Meaning I am far more peaceful and low key than I was in the past. Thai Buddhiest based culture of course call it "taking the middle path". I love that phrase and try and apply it to each and every day. It is amazing how much more at peace with oneself one can be. I attribute all this to my Thai wife's nurturing and caring, sharing her beliefs and life skills with me.

This is 100% due to my Thai wife's upbringing and the Thai Buddhist culture of being at peace with ones self. Long story short. My Thai wife has changed my life in a lot of great ways, and I had a great life before. So, long story short. I could not be happier.

I waste some time sometimes trying to explain Western Culture to her, and how to apply it and I can honestly say, more and more I realize that what I am stating is a bunch of BS. She is often curious and asks me so anymore, it is only during these times that I even share it with her. Meaning for informational purposes only. Not to try and make her "westernized". God forbid I would not know why any of us would want to do that anyway. The middle path makes more sense each day that I live here. Meaning that my Thai wife has taught me far more than I ever plan on teaching her.

great post and insights.but to find a middle way you have to know both ways.sometimes the western way works sometimes the thai way works.imho it is not a question of finding the middle way it is to find the right way/ approach to different situation.but i agree with the most posters the last almost 4 years have been one of the best times of my life but still had also great times in the west or with western woman.it's a question how to treat your partner and i think respect is a key factor.man and woman are different- period,doesn't matter where we are comming from it makes it just a little bit more difficult/ interesting.

[montrii]

The phrase do it the "Thai way" comes to mind. Been married to a Thai for 7 years and have a 2-year old daughter. Have lived in Thailand for the last 3 years. Maintain your Western ideals but mix them with the "Thai way" where possible. There are always disagreements but like in any relationship a solution can be found. I have to say that the one thing I really like about Thai's is that they will go into a strop for a day but after that everything is forgotten ... no grudges, no repercussions. Not at all like the "Western way" where we tend to harbor these things and let then get to us. Also be prepared to be second to the Thai family ... this is important to them ... they have been bought up to support their elders unlike the "Western way" which seems to be the opposite.

I am glad for your success and harmonious relationship, sounds good. But I wouldn't generalize to say that "after that, everything is forgotten . . . no grudges, no repercussions." Surely not all, but many Thais can hold serious, serious grudges, for ever, and despite Buddhism telling them to go the other way with it, they try to hurt people they think (often wrongly) did them a wrong, which could be as little as something they feel make them lose face. And this really comes out in marriages and long relationships, I speak from serious experience, I've been seriously grudged at, false revenge taken on, etc. etc. with somebody I really loved deeply, or thought I did. Right now, fortunately, am out of that, happily married to a wonderful Thai woman, more happily than I ever thought could happen, esp. since I never cared for the institution of marriage. She's helped me change my life in all sorts of positive ways. But she sure knows how to turn the cold shoulder on people she thinks have slighted her. Her own sister calls, and she won't talk to her. I've encouraged her to loosen up and let bygones be bygones, but she won't. I can't imagine that happening between the two of us, as she has been nothing but reasonable with me, but then . . . never say never!

[nanapong]

Thanks members, actually read every post. Had insomnia again & was feeling a bit down early this morning, thus the post. Been married 6 months now & it's been a roller-coaster ride breaching the balance between values & culture....well my American values as to family & interaction etiquette with others. As of 'culture', well she's been indirectly changing me...time, arguments, upset periods, understanding, compromise.

Sometimes I do just want to bail, but somewhere inside me (and I'm not religious to any degree) will not allow me to break the commitment, nor could I ever cheat. Also considering maybe my anxiety isn't all about the relationship (partial & ongoing, yes) but living in Thailand. Maybe time to switch countries...though also thinking if I were to give Thailand another try (famous last words tend to always lead to disaster), the next & last try would be in a small village/town in Krabi. Already lived in Chiangmai, Issan & now in BK.

On the 'out' side of things, Malaysia looks quite nice with an easy long term visa, excellent infrastructure & food, though a bit more expensive then Thailand; or back to (miserable) America (but not so miserable locations as Laramie, Wyoming or areas in & around the Columbia River Gorge on the Oregon side or Seattle, Wa. - actively looking), which needs more negotiating as the wife doesn't (yet) want such a drastic change that could easily be permanent with just once a year vacation trips to Thailand.

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Question occurs: You aren't the type who runs from things, are you? But it's a rhetorical question. No need to answer here, but you can consider what the answer might be.

Have been with my wife for seven years. I'm 60ish, she's 45. Took her to the states for about three years. She got to meet family, see the countryside, attend an English language school for a couple of years, watch, and actually understand, a good bit of American TV. I also tended to shelter her while there somewhat... To keep her away from any situations that might be abusive. Still, the occasional racist will make him/herself known.

Have been living in LOS a bit more than four years now. I speak Thai a bit, but in an American sort of way, of course. She's pretty good at picking my American way of thinking out of the Thai words and understanding me. More so than other Thais, though I can get by speaking with them, mostly.

I have learned to leave cultural judgment at the door, and for the most part, we do. The American way isn't the only way, nor necessarily even the right way. There is rarely if ever any reason for me to "put my foot down" about anything at all. Just as she knows it's important to see "my side of whatever," so I know it is important to see her side, too.

We do argue sometimes, but almost always, it's about nothing. It's as if we haven't argued for a while, and so need to do so about whatever little thing there is we can find to argue about. Which is to say that really, we don't argue very much at all, and the argument often ends up turning into play. We are not rich, but we have enough. Mostly a country gal, she is generally big on everything family, which is really a pretty good thing. Also pretty big on Buddha the temple happenings. I kinda like the guy, too.

One thing I think may be different for us: having been in different relationships in the past where it has been a problem, and seeing it start to raise its head early on in this relationship, I have refused to play any jealousy games, and have taught her that jealousy is not love, is destructive, and is not required. In fact, we often joke with one another about all her boyfriends and all my girlfriends, none of which exist. Sometimes confuses people at first, but all seem to approve, once they understand. Does she have any boyfriends? Haven't seen any evidence of such at all.

She is my best friend, without doubt, and the relationship I have with her is better than any I've had before, no matter where they were from. There is very, very little work involved in our relationship. Never has been, really. If I'm outside in the afternoon heat building a concrete block wall, she's there with me, either mixing concrete or with a trowel in hand. And I know how to do the dishes often enough, too.

But everyone is different... I know one couple consisting of an older, domineering Scottish madman, and a very jealous younger Thai wife. I'm not quite sure what kind of couple they are, nor how happiness might be defined in their regard. And was reading something somewhere on this site a while back, in which it seemed to me that an American fellow, with (Republican?) American values and sensibility, etc., etc., etc., had come to live in Thailand, and was most insistent that his wife, her family, all the family's friends, and the country in general, adapt to his (Republican?) American values and sensibility, etc., etc., etc. because hey -- he was in the right, you know? I guess his God had told him so. So yeah... Uh-huh... Like any of that's going to happen anytime soon...

Sometimes, it seems pretty clear that just because a relationship of one sort or another could exist, that doesn't mean that it should. I don't think these things should be forced at all. If it isn't working for some of you, well, that should tell you something, I guess.

Anyway, so much for my 2-3 thoughts...

No. Running is not an option. She's 35 & I'm 47.

Initially when she was still a girlfriend (13 months), living together in Issan (5 mos), I told her "I'm done with Thailand", I needed (more for my brain, well brain food & soul) to go back to America and work again (in my field of expertise). I wanted her to come with me (was so done & tired of the dating scene; & especially the never ending games of BS with American women), so we married. After the dust settled she decided she didn't want to leave her country, short vacations aside to the surrounding countries, but ultimately I'm stuck here & thus my anxiety.

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Being stuck or feeling trapped is no place to be especially in a strange country. Add to that a woman not on the same wave length and your problems will compound to the extent you begin to hate the country and hate the people. You're situation is common especially among those living in the sticks with a simple country girl. I hope you haven't gone down the road of those unfortunate souls who've bought the house and become the host for a family of parasites. Take a break on yourself and go find other decent farangs to talk with for the brain food. It's amazing what a few days away can do to relieve the anxiety. I can put up with the simplistic life and the mindboggling way of thinking for a couple of months but then i need a break and i don't even live in the countryside. It works for me but i guess everybodys different. Living in Thailand isn't easy , to be happy you have no choice but to adapt. If you can't , go home while you're still young enough to work. The longer you leave it the harder it will be !!!