Playing the Farang card

[naboo]

I've been here 6 years now, married into a Thai family, can get by with the language etc etc. Recently I've found myself playing the Farang card more often.

The Farang card means doing something that you know is unnacceptable, but by virtue of being a Farang you can get away with it - people will just say "he's Farang, he doesn't understand".

For example, my mother in law yesterday did something I objected to with regards to looking after my daughter. Instead of talking to my wife about it later, I stood up and told my mother in law not to do it, knowing that, as a Farang, nothing more would be said and she wouldn't do what she did again. In the meantime everyone will bitch a bit behind my back.

So how often do you play the Farang card? And is it ultimately a bad thing to do?

[ihunnieibee]

I don't usually do things like that but I bet I would feel less stressed out if I did hahaha

[CharlieH]

When I need to park where I shouldnt, when the notice says its for someone else etc, I just play the "ferang" card and didnt understand the sign written in Thai.

[Costas2008]

OP, you did nothing wrong.

If something bothers you, take it out straight away with any family member or Thai person.

They have that excuse, if they don't like something......Thai culture doesn't allow this or that.....Bullshit.

They don't like it, they bring Thai culture into play.

And don't forget, you are the boss, they should respect and wai at you and not the other way around.

Ahhhhh.....feel better now.

[art vandelay]

everyone probably bitches about you behind your back anyway so no loss there.

[pigeonjake]

i agree with costa,

if ive got something to say i say it, if who ever dosnt like it so what,

if ive said something wrong, then i will say sorry, heat of the moment stuff,

but if i see mama or anyone else throw rubbish while at my house, i tell them to pick it up and use the bin, dosnt happen much now, i think they have been told enough,

i explained, falang dont like to see litter all over there garden,,,SO DONT BLOODY THROW IT DOWN,,,,lol

ive told them lots of things,

i wouldnt dream of just going into there fridge and taking a coke or a beer or something to eat,

so why would i think it ok for them to do it in my house,,

there are things you have to get strait right from the start of the relationship,

and these are just some of the things,

but you end up getting there

jake

[krisb]

Not bad to do at all.

Thais don't respect a quiet, soft character. Show them who's boss I say.

[NancyL]

Pigeonjake, for starters, it would drive me nuts to hear my relatives-by-marriage say "falang dont like to see litter all over the garden" when they damn well know your name. The rest of the stuff wouldn't sit real well with me, either.

You're right, you need to politely, but firmly set boundaries from the beginning of any relationship. Same in the west. Hubby didn't want me giving keys to our place to my parents when we lived in the same town. Fair enough -- they weren't paying the bills.

Edited April 16, 2014 by NancyL

[krisb]

Pigeonjake, for starters, it would drive me nuts to hear my relatives-by-marriage say "falang dont like to see litter all over the garden" when they damn well know your name. The rest of the stuff wouldn't sit real well with me, either.

You're right, you need to politely, but firmly set boundaries from the beginning of any relationship. Same in the west. Hubby didn't want me giving keys to our place to my parents when we lived in the same town. Fair enough -- they weren't paying the bills.

I guarantee you when your relatives are talking to strangers about you, with you around, they call you falang.

[NancyL]

Pigeonjake, for starters, it would drive me nuts to hear my relatives-by-marriage say "falang dont like to see litter all over the garden" when they damn well know your name. The rest of the stuff wouldn't sit real well with me, either.

You're right, you need to politely, but firmly set boundaries from the beginning of any relationship. Same in the west. Hubby didn't want me giving keys to our place to my parents when we lived in the same town. Fair enough -- they weren't paying the bills.

I guarantee you when your relatives are talking to strangers about you, with you around, they call you falang.

Why, do you have a name that's difficult to pronounce? Have they not yet come up with a suitable Thai nickname for you? Falang is hardly a suitable nickname.

Did they do this while you were dating your tiirak? If so, this should have been a real clue to what was in store. It would have been like me going to visit my husband's three uncles and their families before our marriage and finding they all referred to me as "Girlee" in talking about me when I wasn't around.

[Jip99]

Pigeonjake, for starters, it would drive me nuts to hear my relatives-by-marriage say "falang dont like to see litter all over the garden" when they damn well know your name. The rest of the stuff wouldn't sit real well with me, either.

You're right, you need to politely, but firmly set boundaries from the beginning of any relationship. Same in the west. Hubby didn't want me giving keys to our place to my parents when we lived in the same town. Fair enough -- they weren't paying the bills.

I guarantee you when your relatives are talking to strangers about you, with you around, they call you falang.

Why, do you have a name that's difficult to pronounce? Have they not yet come up with a suitable Thai nickname for you? Falang is hardly a suitable nickname.

Did they do this while you were dating your tiirak? If so, this should have been a real clue to what was in store. It would have been like me going to visit my husband's three uncles and their families before our marriage and finding they all referred to me as "Girlee" in talking about me when I wasn't around.

It is nothing to do with what the individuals name is, the generic of 'the Falang' is standard use.

Forget any western notions of politeness, or courtesy in using a persons name, it i scultural to refer to the foreigner in the third party.

It may seem like total ignorance to an intelligent westerner but that is the way it is in many/most parts of Thailand.

Retaliate by referring to your hosts as 'khun Thai' (the grammatical equivalent) and you will not be popular.

[Som wat]

I used to have the farang card stuck to my forehead.

Now I have the 'You're all f'ing idiots.' card stuck on there.

It's great.

[maxme]

Pigeonjake, for starters, it would drive me nuts to hear my relatives-by-marriage say "falang dont like to see litter all over the garden" when they damn well know your name. The rest of the stuff wouldn't sit real well with me, either.

You're right, you need to politely, but firmly set boundaries from the beginning of any relationship. Same in the west. Hubby didn't want me giving keys to our place to my parents when we lived in the same town. Fair enough -- they weren't paying the bills.

I guarantee you when your relatives are talking to strangers about you, with you around, they call you falang.

Maybe if they compare habits between Thais and westerners but I'm pretty sure mine would say my name. Even if she was angry she would still not call me farang but that's because she has like thousand other names in her vocabulary she can use.

[Morakot]

Yep. Played the Farang card yesterday.

Won shedloads...

Edited April 16, 2014 by Morakot

[pigeonjake]

i said falang just in a general statement,

im not going to say jake dosnt like that,,,

ive sat down and told them, WE falang people are different in what we look at in life,

for example,

my father in law was very lazy, did the rice at rice time but that was it,

so i said to mama and my wife, if he thinks hes going to sit araound on his ass thinking im going to keep him he,s got another thing coming,

my wife and her mama agreed with me, but said what can they do,

so when we went out, i didnt ask him,

when we had a drink at our house i didnt ask him,

he asked mama,, jake not like me,, she said he like you he just dosnt like what you are lazy,

i had better explain i still work, in the oil and gas industry, im just starting a job in iraq 28days on and 28 days off,

so they said to him jake have to go to work to get things, so whould you,,

the end of the story is that now,, hes ok, does his rice then goes of fruit picking, helps mama with the veg and what not,

hes getting there,, he just needed a bloody big push,,,lol

dont just give in to them and give them alsorts

jake

[celso]

I'm happy to play the stupid foreigner to get around unnecessary inconveniences. Luckily in Bangkok I don't need it often, the city is already foreigner friendly.

The only times I really use it are:

a. To avoid paperwork. Signing up to a gym, phone, getting something delivered, etc. 'I don't know any of these details, im foreign sorry, now here is my money', cuts out all of it.

b. If I cant get an appointment somewhere. If its urgent I will just arrive and pretend like im supposed to be there. 'sorry, I thought it was today.. oh im here now'.

Edited April 16, 2014 by celso

[rgs2001uk]

Not bad to do at all.

Thais don't respect a quiet, soft character. Show them who's boss I say.

He who pays the piper calls the tune.

The husband is head of the household.

[Neeranam]

I sometimes use the ladies toilet and say, "sorry, I can't read Thai"

[Neeranam]

I sometimes use the ladies toilet and say, "sorry, I can't read Thai"

[Seastallion]

How many of you guys that play the farang card remember back in your homeland some woman, maybe your GF or your mate's wife, the lady across the road, who played the "I'm just a weak girl" card, or some other gender-oriented card, to get her way? And how many of you thought "manipulative bitch"?

Deliberately playing the farang card is giving all farang a bad name. Thanks guys. Good to see how proud and honourable you are, taking advantage of people, from laziness or slyness, or just a conscious lack of respect.

[inthepink]

OP, you did nothing wrong.

If something bothers you, take it out straight away with any family member or Thai person.

They have that excuse, if they don't like something......Thai culture doesn't allow this or that.....Bullshit.

They don't like it, they bring Thai culture into play.

And don't forget, you are the boss, they should respect and wai at you and not the other way around.

Ahhhhh.....feel better now.

I don't see my mother-in-law waiing me first anytime soon and why on earth would she?

[Scarpolo]

I thought the farange card, was insisting on the Thai price of anything and everything in thailand?

thats the way I played it, and if I wasnt satisfied, I would wait for my thai girl to approach the situation, and have her do it for me,

once I learned there was a two price scheme, I made sure to eliminate it, or walk to the next merchant, every time.

[tingtong]

How many of you guys that play the farang card remember back in your homeland some woman, maybe your GF or your mate's wife, the lady across the road, who played the "I'm just a weak girl" card, or some other gender-oriented card, to get her way? And how many of you thought "manipulative bitch"?

Deliberately playing the farang card is giving all farang a bad name. Thanks guys. Good to see how proud and honourable you are, taking advantage of people, from laziness or slyness, or just a conscious lack of respect.

You would be just right about farang card....IF the Thai wouldnt always pull their this is Thailand cards on us!

Making a game that stucked against us (outnumbered, badly) a bit more fair; now isnt that fair play?!

[Seastallion]

How many of you guys that play the farang card remember back in your homeland some woman, maybe your GF or your mate's wife, the lady across the road, who played the "I'm just a weak girl" card, or some other gender-oriented card, to get her way? And how many of you thought "manipulative bitch"?

Deliberately playing the farang card is giving all farang a bad name. Thanks guys. Good to see how proud and honourable you are, taking advantage of people, from laziness or slyness, or just a conscious lack of respect.

You would be just right about farang card....IF the Thai wouldnt always pull their this is Thailand cards on us!

Making a game that stucked against us (outnumbered, badly) a bit more fair; now isnt that fair play?!

Mmmmm, I see your point....and you could be right......in some cases.

Some guys, though, are just plain deliberately rude and superior and use it, not to even the playing field, but to get away with their own disgraceful behavior.

To use the Western woman analogy again; In a male dominated office, say, full of chauvinists, her acting coquettish to achieve an end is understandable, and I wouldn't say "manipulative bitch", but there are manipulative bitches who will play the woman card at every opportunity and truly are manipulative.

[Scarpolo]

There is always some form of manipulation going on, with any female, as they do not have the physical ability we have, so it is their nature to be coy, shy, w/e is needed to get what they want,

unless it is all about money,

then, you see the real woman

[krisb]

Pigeonjake, for starters, it would drive me nuts to hear my relatives-by-marriage say "falang dont like to see litter all over the garden" when they damn well know your name. The rest of the stuff wouldn't sit real well with me, either.

You're right, you need to politely, but firmly set boundaries from the beginning of any relationship. Same in the west. Hubby didn't want me giving keys to our place to my parents when we lived in the same town. Fair enough -- they weren't paying the bills.

I guarantee you when your relatives are talking to strangers about you, with you around, they call you falang.

Why, do you have a name that's difficult to pronounce? Have they not yet come up with a suitable Thai nickname for you? Falang is hardly a suitable nickname.

Did they do this while you were dating your tiirak? If so, this should have been a real clue to what was in store. It would have been like me going to visit my husband's three uncles and their families before our marriage and finding they all referred to me as "Girlee" in talking about me when I wasn't around.

No need to take it like that.

They use it cause it's easier to describe who they are talking about if they don't know you, not meant offensively. Calling you girlee would be offensive I think.

As for Thai nicknames, I don't care really. Usually it's just Kris if they know me, falang if they don't. No big deal.

[chrisinth]

Mine must be different.....................

In all seriousness, our marriage has run its course without any interference from family, on either side. My wife is a grown up girl who fends for herself. If something is wrong, or needs to be talked about then it is, in most cases, sorted out there and then. Certainly not one-sided.........

In our household there is no such thing as a falang (or Thai) card, just a normal marriage partnership. Seems to work OK, at least it has for the last 15 years.............

[samran]

Hold on - I thought all farang were down at heel sods discriminated against by all Thais who are working in unison to conspire against them and make like difficult.....

[naboo]

But Chris, outside the marriage, in a shop, you're getting poor service, the item you bought this morning has broken, they're stone walling you.

Do you consider showing a bit of rage in the hope they'll think crazy Farang and give you your money back just to get you out of the shop? I've done it, it worked.

[dotpoom]

I understand where a lot of comments are coming from here, we all like to be shown respect...but the word "boss" sits uneasy with me, like who promoted me above other people ...socially I mean.

It was a well worn phrase where I come from when visitors called...."Make yourself at home". ...that meant if you fancied a cup of tea or something just get up and help yourself....no need to ask. Somehow humility is a far more attractive quality than arrogance.