Does anyone else's girlfriend fly into incoherent rages about nothing?

[bodkin]

We have come to serious blows on many occasions everytime started by her. Trivial stuff like...

Her: "Why didn't you tell me you forwarded me the email from immigration?"

Me: "Oh sorry, it's because your phone usually beeps and you check it every 5 minutes anyway. It wasn't urgent".

OR

Her (unprovoked and screaming at me from the other end of the carpark): "It's raining, you are such a stupid idiot. Why would you start the car before putting my bags in the boot? My bags will get wet."

Me: "I wanted to start the engine to warm it up and also it's dry under this tree. Do you see the tree?"

After this, her abuse tends to get hard to understand. Jumping between things she wants to say and making illogical connections, cutting me off before I've even made my point. Then she ups it a notch, by randomly accusing me that I treat bargirls better than her, implying about a girl that I slept with (who I didn't pay for and may or may not have been a bargirl). My girlfriend considers as though I'd cheated on her with this girl, even though she (my girlfriend) sent me about 100 messages saying that she hates me and never wants to see me again. I don't even remember what caused that breakup.

If she had spoken to me like this in the first 6 months I would have told her what's up and walked away never to be seen again. Now, when copping abuse I either walk outside, put my head under the pillow and ignore, or try to talk her down. If I walk outside or ignore, then in the next argument I'm accused of abandoning my responsibles (or more simple words to that effect). I try to calm her down, I get interrupted all the time which really gets my goat and then I fly off the wall.

A friend of mine told me it took him 7 years before he learned that he should just ignore. But I find it's really hard to ignore though when someone is verbally and sometimes physically shredding you. A couple of other friends say that their Thai girlfriends lie profusely and constantly. I don't think my girlfriend lies. I think she actually believes what she says. I was thinking she had some bipolar illness or one where they only experience the lower pole, if that exists. But most of those categories of illness come with periods of excessively elevated mood, which has doesn't seem to have. I'm not sure that it completely lines up with monthly cycles either. Maybe she is just Thai?

Besides these flare ups, everything is great! I will go now before I write a book.

[Spoonman]

[NancyL]

Reading this as a woman, all I can think is the sex must really be great, because there's no way I could have gotten away with treating my husband this way during the early years of our relationship and still be married 38 years later.

Unless I'm missing something, what kind of hold does this woman have on you? This isn't a mature, adult relationship. And the people in it aren't acting like mature adults -- that includes you.

[Showbags]

My wife has incoherent rages after several wines, a few beers and then whatever is leftover...

The other night for example....a friend forgot her phone at our place after drinks....so missus continually called her to tell her her phone is here......she went apeshit for her not answering.

[krisb]

Sounds like she hates you.

[JLCrab]

Even though I would have understood everything written in Post #1 if it were spoken to me (screamed at me?) in Thai, having a girl who doesn't speak English and to whom I have to sometimes say 'Why don't you say that again s-l-o-w-l-y' helps minimize the verbal tantrums.

Edited April 30, 2014 by JLCrab

[simon43]

You know, it is really great being dvorced from my Thai wives, and with no GF and living alone....

You should try it

[HeavyDrinker]

Sounds like it's time to move along....

[CharlieH]

What's her age and whats your's ? Just curious as it may be relevant.

I explained the principle of "the straw that broke the camels back" never had a problem again.

Edited April 30, 2014 by CharlieH

[jkinbkk]

It's clear something is amiss if her character has changed like that.

If you are willing to try and work things out with her that is commendable if you see long term merit in doing that?

However, I would suggest you initiate 'Plan B' while you are working things out.

Meaning, get yourself set up to be able to leave, disappear, escape at a moments notice, just leaving non essentials behind.

If her ability to reason is diminishing then it could turn very ugly for you when you try to split amicably.

Not saying it will turn nasty, but from my experience preparing your escape plan now if things don't work out could save you stress, money & fear.

If you work things out, nothing lost. As that say forewarned is forearmed, and it looks like you are getting plenty of forewarning

Good luck

[Thakkar]

I don't know why I bother, because people never listen, but for what it's worth, here goes.

This is a true story.

One of my dearest friends hooked up with a girl more than twenty years ago. When I first met her, I could see signs of trouble right away and I suggested to him to think carefully before making his next move.

"You don't understand because you've never been in love."

I had and I understood all too well. I had been cognizant enough to cut it off weeks before the marriage, and I've never regretted it..

They married, had a kid. He could now see what I saw years ago and wanted to end it but stayed for the sake of the kid.

The kid's now 18, in collage and solidly on his side. Even the kid's urging him to divorce and he's finally doing it, after 22 years of a horrible marriage. The kid has had a horrible childhood with an irrational, uncaring mother. It's going to cost my friend half his assets, and that's a lot of money. But he's so fed up, he is happy to pay it.

Now, I'm not saying I'm super prescient. What I saw all those years ago, others also saw. But my friend didn't. As a result, he wasted two decades of his life, has a drinking problem, brought an unhappy child into the world who is even today unhappy and disturbed.

What the OP describes is completely unacceptable behavior. There is nothing there to build a relationship on, except infatuation - and that's no kind of foundation.

Move out for a couple of weeks, stay out of contact get laid, get over the infatuation, clear your head and get into the mode of thinking straight. Then, with a clear head, decide how you want to move forward.

Good luck.

T

Edited April 30, 2014 by Thakkar

[Thanet]

The fact is that she's lost interest in you, and is using every excuse to pick fights with you. Things will only get worse. End it before she does - it will hurt you less.

[Stradavarius37]

Sounds like you are both morons / congratulation!

Sent from my iPhone using ThaiVisa app

[kurnell]

I am yet to meet a rational woman in my life and I do not anticipate meeting one in the future.

[Banshee]

Sounds like those thai woman with a child's mentality, no time for that or tantrums.

[CWMcMurray]

I hope you don't have kids ... If so, what a nightmare for them...

Don't think I could deal with what you are putting up with.

I am married for 8 years to Thai woman and she does have her moments... But again normally only little silly things (differences between Mars /Venus)

She normally goes with the silent treatment rather than being loud and abusive.

Although if I just leave her alone for an hour or 2 she is back to normal. I just had to learn in the first couple years to stop trying to 'Talk everything out' in every situation... Sometimes just better to not sweat the small stuff

If she was anything like you are explaining no chance could stay together

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

[Costas2008]

You know, it is really great being dvorced from my Thai wives, and with no GF and living alone....

You should try it

Yeh, but they still ring you to tell that nobody can see their heads

[HeavyDrinker]

My missus flew into a rage this morning when I was suffering a sublime fit of the hot, dry farts at 6am....(I think I got away with the last one as she gave the dog a real gobful....)

[thailiketoo]

My first wife was American and we lived in three different countries. She spoke six languages and had 4 degrees. She washed out my cats mouth with soap because the poor animal cried too much (I was at work) and stabbed our daughter in the thigh with a fork because her skirt was too short at her HS graduation. In my experience Thai women have been a welcome change. I don't think one can stereotype actions based on nationality. Whinging may be an exception.

[Thaddeus]

You know, it is really great being dvorced from my Thai wives, and with no GF and living alone....

You should try it

Likewise, but took one of the dogs (4 legs) with me, much better now.

[Lancelot]

People use anger as a control tactic- and it usually works.

Time to sky up because if they do it once, they will do it again.

[coobah666]

Turn them all upside down and there all sisters

[marko kok prong]

Guess i must be lucky my wife is very jai yen,she has never really blown up at me despite having every right to do so on occasion,feel sorry for the op ,think it may be time for him to move on.

[mickjn]

Guess i must be lucky my wife is very jai yen,she has never really blown up at me despite having every right to do so on occasion,feel sorry for the op ,think it may be time for him to move on.

No I good a good one to and all of her family and friends are ok to.You got a bad one move on quick, pleny of good ones out there just pack to bag are go

[Furbie]

If, as you say, this change in behavior is not the norm then it is clear your GF is angry about something – whether it’s your “cheating” incident or something else, her behavior will not stop until she gets over it. I have found that Thai women are particularly bad communicators – they either repress their feelings until they blow up or cry.

Only you can decide if it is worth getting to the root cause of her unhappiness – it will take work and patience and it may not pay off. Frankly, I would wait for a calm moment and discuss her behavior, how it is making you feel and allow her to explain what is really bothering her. Being a Thai woman, it may take repeated attempts over weeks or months. Again, it’s up to you to determine if the relationship is worth it and the trust level can be salvaged. Your not married, so fish or cut bait.

[arjunadawn]

Is this the emotional context you wish to define your life? Does it matter why she is doing it? Without question, a disease state is described above. To stay is pathological. To depart is to cure. You cannot likely fix what has taken a lifetime to mature in her. Unless she has some tumor or medical malady, you should run now. When you look back years later it will be hazy, and you will be thankful you had the courage to sever. You are slipping into a codependent relationship where you slowly "unbecome." Increasingly, you will seek to avoid these antics, try to outsmart her to please her, and in the process further lose her respect. Run!

[rwdrwdrwd]

Leave, ASAP - sounds like a complete nightmare. I once had a girlfriend that acted this way, leaving was one of the the best moves I ever made, wish I had done so much sooner.

[FritsSikkink]

Why would you stay with someone who treats you like shit?

[daveAustin]

Man, just leave already, you're not even married. I can see it now; we're ling with a child who only has her TV soap dolls as role models and acts up to get her way, right. Give her an ultimatum and disappear for couple weeks. If she doesn't change her tune, unless you have a house with her, walk. Easy.

If you're looking for the reason, here it is: ALL parents screw up ALL kids and where Thailand is concerned, generally, you can write that down in bold type and underscore it.

[Bernard Flint]

You must be mad to keep living with her. She would be out by now, bags in the road, and door locked