Problems with son of Thai girlfriend

[dutchman]

I would like to know if there are other expats who have their relationship distroyed by unwilling sons.

I am living with my girlfriend and her 14 yr old son for about 14 months now.

From day 1 he was thinking he was the boss in the house.

Not listen, just do as him pleases and play games till middle of the night.

Is lazy as hell, sitt all day at school and at home.

from bed he want lay down on the couch to watch television.

When he need to wait somewhere longer as 1 minute he need to sit.

He ignore authority by his mom and by me.

After a strugle of 14 months and not having support of mom to change him, i finely throw him out.

I ve tried so hard to change his attitude. talking with him, by try learn him about life.

disconnect internet or computer in his room many times.

Still no change even after several warnings he have to move out if he not listen.

Then the day came i was tired of him.

After i want him move out his mom cried and beg me to give him a last chance.

Ok i said but make him sure he go sleep at time and listen( obey) to you.

two days later he dont care and play game till middle of the night again.

So now he is living with his mom in a room.

she did not want him move to boarding school or send him to family

she want to take care him even when he is controlling her and disrespect her.

Dont tell me it seems i dont love my gf.

I do love her, i dont need other lady but her son is not running my live

All the time i ve tried his mom to stand by me, she say" him need have good feel and he is a thai kid.

he live in Thailand"

I am to strong with him

[The byaMemo]

better check he hasnt got a gun.

[beachproperty]

Be prepared for a LOT of flack. One of the first topics I ever started was about my wife's Thai daughter and disciplining her. Difference from you though was I had my wife's FULL support. That being said....

You have taken over as the Father figure in the house. I assume you are paying all the bills and supporting the family. You have TWO problems ....not only the girlfriends son BUT your girlfriend as she is not supporting you in your decisions as the Boss of the household. Also you've let the problem fester for 14 months. The son knows he can get away with everything ....so he is.

Solution...its a tough one but either you lay down the law, move on or put up with the situation.

Wish you luck though ...whatever you decide as its never an easy path when moving into someone else's family situation

[geriatrickid]

Perhaps you should consider taking a course in parenting. It's a serious comment.

A 14 year old boy is at the stage where he is going to be like that. He's also going to have resentment to some guy who has taken up with his mother. Why should he respect you? What do you do that creates respect? Do you arguew ith his mother and raise your voice to her? Do you scream at the kid? Many foreign men have taken on a partner who comes with kids and have been successful at it. They come from all walks of life, Rich, poor, educated, uneducated, but they all seem to have some common qualities when it comes to getting the kids to listen. If one wishes to have respect, one must give respect and must act in a manner that causes respect. I have a feeling that you are probably one of those guys that issues orders and expects obedience. It doesn't work that way. Did you make an effort to know the kid? Maybe he has so much resentment to you and the way you behave that he didn't care what happened and hoped your relationship with his mother would fall apart. In any case, if the mother has moved out and is taking care of the child that speaks volumes. You have lost her and the kid. Either you seek counseling or say good bye to the relationship with that woman.

[chickenslegs]

Teenagers can be hell to live with and everything you describe seems to be typical for a 14 year old boy.

Here is a good article that may help http://everydaylife.globalpost.com/fix-laziness-teen-1830.html

Part of the answer may be to agree (in writing) that he does regular chores in exchange for privileges (internet etc) or pocket money.

Something that could really help you is to give him a space where he can lay around out of your sight. Watching him laying around doing nothing is bad for your mental health.

Also, is there some activity you could do together so that you can show him that there is an interesting alternative to sitting on his arse all day (golf, fishing, fixing up an old motorbike, building something...).

Throwing him out should be a last resort. And, if it comes to that, you will probably need to throw out his mother at the same time.

[petermik]

Unless you get full backing from your GF you will never succeed in this situation-if you are being fair in disciplining him and she does not support you 100% then find another GF-there are thousands out there looking for a decent man life,s too short.

[benalibina]

Your gf is with you, not for you.

[dutchman]

Perhaps you should consider taking a course in parenting. It's a serious comment.

A 14 year old boy is at the stage where he is going to be like that. He's also going to have resentment to some guy who has taken up with his mother. Why should he respect you? What do you do that creates respect? Do you arguew ith his mother and raise your voice to her? Do you scream at the kid? Many foreign men have taken on a partner who comes with kids and have been successful at it. They come from all walks of life, Rich, poor, educated, uneducated, but they all seem to have some common qualities when it comes to getting the kids to listen. If one wishes to have respect, one must give respect and must act in a manner that causes respect. I have a feeling that you are probably one of those guys that issues orders and expects obedience. It doesn't work that way. Did you make an effort to know the kid? Maybe he has so much resentment to you and the way you behave that he didn't care what happened and hoped your relationship with his mother would fall apart. In any case, if the mother has moved out and is taking care of the child that speaks volumes. You have lost her and the kid. Either you seek counseling or say good bye to the relationship with that woman.

Well maybe in some parts you are right about in what you mention.

But i am not a dictator, i dont order around

Everybody have freedom and can make decissions and have own responsability

The kid has only one rule and that is to go sleep in time.

Can spend his time as he like as long it is not bad havior.

[dutchman]

Your gf is with you, not for you.

I know i dont own her, but that also goes for her kid.

I am with him for give him care, education and give him enjoyment for things he like to do

But he dont apreciate it much

[Thaiberius]

Had two farang relationships ruined by her kids. Never again. If she has kids it's steer clear time. You will never get any thanks and will always be the outsider.

[vadimbz]

So OP is throwing the lad from his (not OP's) home for playing videogames till late? Really? Why don't you just get rid of a gaming console? Jeez, I thought there will be at least yaba orgies or family car stolen and sold or assault with knife...

[Vacuum]

dutchman, on 19 May 2014 - 14:48, said:

geriatrickid, on 19 May 2014 - 12:39, said:

Perhaps you should consider taking a course in parenting. It's a serious comment.

A 14 year old boy is at the stage where he is going to be like that. He's also going to have resentment to some guy who has taken up with his mother. Why should he respect you? What do you do that creates respect? Do you arguew ith his mother and raise your voice to her? Do you scream at the kid? Many foreign men have taken on a partner who comes with kids and have been successful at it. They come from all walks of life, Rich, poor, educated, uneducated, but they all seem to have some common qualities when it comes to getting the kids to listen. If one wishes to have respect, one must give respect and must act in a manner that causes respect. I have a feeling that you are probably one of those guys that issues orders and expects obedience. It doesn't work that way. Did you make an effort to know the kid? Maybe he has so much resentment to you and the way you behave that he didn't care what happened and hoped your relationship with his mother would fall apart. In any case, if the mother has moved out and is taking care of the child that speaks volumes. You have lost her and the kid. Either you seek counseling or say good bye to the relationship with that woman.

Well maybe in some parts you are right about in what you mention.

But i am not a dictator, i dont order around

Everybody have freedom and can make decissions and have own responsability

The kid has only one rule and that is to go sleep in time.

Can spend his time as he like as long it is not bad havior.

Been there, done that. You're lucky to be unmarried to the mother, so you have the opportunity to just walk away from the relationship if the kid doesn't change his behaviour.

[dutchman]

So OP is throwing the lad from his (not OP's) home for playing videogames till late? Really? Why don't you just get rid of a gaming console? Jeez, I thought there will be at least yaba orgies or family car stolen and sold or assault with knife...

Yes could have done that, but that would have pissed him more off as throw him out.

Now he first time of his life experience the concequenses of his choice

My idea was better talk and convince him by reason.

Told him about have choices in life and that choices have concequenses.

Good ones and bad ones

[Bernard Flint]

So OP is throwing the lad from his (not OP's) home for playing videogames till late? Really? Why don't you just get rid of a gaming console? Jeez, I thought there will be at least yaba orgies or family car stolen and sold or assault with knife...

Yes could have done that, but that would have pissed him more off as throw him out.

Now he first time of his life experience the concequenses of his choice

My idea was better talk and convince him by reason.

Told him about have choices in life and that choices have concequenses.

Good ones and bad ones

14 yo????

Decide what time he SHOULD be in bed, then switch off his pc and smart phone. take the power cable of laptop and smartphone to your bedroom, then he gets it back when he comes home from school

[vadimbz]

Reason doesn't work with teenagers, are you too old to remember? Make rules, and make his life miserable, if they are not followed, then even more miserable, if it doesn't work, and make sure that the mom is at least neutral. A couple of weeks on the rice farm could be a good start.
No matter what you do the kid will hate you till he's twenty something, but then he might even thank you.

That's of course only if the mom worth the hassle.

[rgs2001uk]

So OP is throwing the lad from his (not OP's) home for playing videogames till late? Really? Why don't you just get rid of a gaming console? Jeez, I thought there will be at least yaba orgies or family car stolen and sold or assault with knife...

Yes could have done that, but that would have pissed him more off as throw him out.

Now he first time of his life experience the concequenses of his choice

My idea was better talk and convince him by reason.

Told him about have choices in life and that choices have concequenses.

Good ones and bad ones

Your problem is you are thinking like a farang and not a Thai, hence you will NEVER win this battle.

You have two choices, send the kid to live with his father/grandparents which the girl will resent, or walk out the door.

I suggest you take the latter option.

[mrtoad]

So OP is throwing the lad from his (not OP's) home for playing videogames till late? Really? Why don't you just get rid of a gaming console? Jeez, I thought there will be at least yaba orgies or family car stolen and sold or assault with knife...

Yes could have done that, but that would have pissed him more off as throw him out.

Now he first time of his life experience the concequenses of his choice

My idea was better talk and convince him by reason.

Told him about have choices in life and that choices have concequenses.

Good ones and bad ones

Your problem is you are thinking like a farang and not a Thai, hence you will NEVER win this battle.

You have two choices, send the kid to live with his father/grandparents which the girl will resent, or walk out the door.

I suggest you take the latter option.

As always spot on RG

[captspectre]

better check he hasnt got a gun.

kick them both out and start over! in the time being, learn english.

[marko kok prong]

I too have a stepson and stepdaughter,he is 11,so younger than your's and the step daughter 16,she is no problem at all,my main gripe with the boy is,he used not to flush the toilet after having a poo,i spoke about this,nothing happened ,so i yelled about it,now no problem,the other issue is he drops rubbish everywhere,i am slowly gaining the upper hand with this,but it is difficult with Thai people and garbage, i have 4 kids of my own back in Aus ,so i guess this gave me a bit more of an idea how to deal with him,but op,i am afraid,Thai mothers can find it hard to see any wrong in their Son's,generally yelling and shouting can be counter productive ,but also can work used sparingly,i do fear you have an uphill battle here though,with his age,things generally don't get better until early 20's,but i don't think you can in all consience, throw a 14 year old boy out of the house,it may be better,if you just cut your losses and move on.

Edited May 19, 2014 by marko kok prong

[DLock]

One of the first questions I would always ask a Thai lady is, does she have kids.

If the answer is "yes", it doesn't matter how hot she is, I'm gone.

I'm sure there are examples of good kids, but I'm not raising the lazy spawn of a deadbeat Thai man who is also likely to enter my life at some point and make it miserable.

If it doesn't have my DNA, it doesn't enter my life. Period.

I wish you the strength to make a wise decision.

[transam]

I have a problem with a 25 year old DAUGHTER at my place. The and I am now just beginning to lose my temper, which I haven't done for a looooooooooooong time. Problems are that mums are soft and their kids take the piss. I wish the daughter here was male, it would have been sorted.........

[marko kok prong]

One of the first questions I would always ask a Thai lady is, does she have kids.

If the answer is "yes", it doesn't matter how hot she is, I'm gone.

I'm sure there are examples of good kids, but I'm not raising the lazy spawn of a deadbeat Thai man who is also likely to enter my life at some point and make it miserable.

If it doesn't have my DNA, it doesn't enter my life. Period.

I wish you the strength to make a wise decision.

You do have a point mate,sometimes i think i would have been better off this way,but i did know from the start,and my wife is a really great lady,so i just think to myself everything is never going to be 100% perfect,any way my stepson is nothing as bad as the op's and although only 12,i said 11 before i was wrong, i really cannot see him turning out like this,his mother works hard in her shop,and i don't think, well i hope he will not end up like the op's.

[vadimbz]

I have a problem with a 25 year old DAUGHTER at my place. The and I am now just beginning to lose my temper, which I haven't done for a looooooooooooong time. Problems are that mums are soft and their kids take the piss. I wish the daughter here was male, it would have been sorted.........

That could make a good porn movie. Sorry, I know it's rude and immature and shouldn't have said that. I just couldn't help myself.

[DLock]

One of the first questions I would always ask a Thai lady is, does she have kids.

If the answer is "yes", it doesn't matter how hot she is, I'm gone.

I'm sure there are examples of good kids, but I'm not raising the lazy spawn of a deadbeat Thai man who is also likely to enter my life at some point and make it miserable.

If it doesn't have my DNA, it doesn't enter my life. Period.

I wish you the strength to make a wise decision.

You do have a point mate,sometimes i think i would have been better off this way,but i did know from the start,and my wife is a really great lady,so i just think to myself everything is never going to be 100% perfect,any way my stepson is nothing as bad as the op's and although only 12,i said 11 before i was wrong, i really cannot see him turning out like this,his mother works hard in her shop,and i don't think, well i hope he will not end up like the op's.

I have seen Thai kids with a new foreign Dad turn out really good kids - educated, polite, respectful and helpful.

But, it's just me, and my selfish attitude, so I would make tough decisions at the start, rather than suffer potential problems later.

I give you all the credit in the world for trying and seriously hope your patience and efforts pay off.

[transam]

One of the first questions I would always ask a Thai lady is, does she have kids.

If the answer is "yes", it doesn't matter how hot she is, I'm gone.

I'm sure there are examples of good kids, but I'm not raising the lazy spawn of a deadbeat Thai man who is also likely to enter my life at some point and make it miserable.

If it doesn't have my DNA, it doesn't enter my life. Period.

I wish you the strength to make a wise decision.

You do have a point mate,sometimes i think i would have been better off this way,but i did know from the start,and my wife is a really great lady,so i just think to myself everything is never going to be 100% perfect,any way my stepson is nothing as bad as the op's and although only 12,i said 11 before i was wrong, i really cannot see him turning out like this,his mother works hard in her shop,and i don't think, well i hope he will not end up like the op's.

I have seen Thai kids with a new foreign Dad turn out really good kids - educated, polite, respectful and helpful.

But, it's just me, and my selfish attitude, so I would make tough decisions at the start, rather than suffer potential problems later.

I give you all the credit in the world for trying and seriously hope your patience and efforts pay off.

In my case I have been patient for many years, sadly I must soon tell someone to fugg off and deal with her life and NOT turn to mum for tears. See what happens.............

[marko kok prong]

One of the first questions I would always ask a Thai lady is, does she have kids.

If the answer is "yes", it doesn't matter how hot she is, I'm gone.

I'm sure there are examples of good kids, but I'm not raising the lazy spawn of a deadbeat Thai man who is also likely to enter my life at some point and make it miserable.

If it doesn't have my DNA, it doesn't enter my life. Period.

I wish you the strength to make a wise decision.

You do have a point mate,sometimes i think i would have been better off this way,but i did know from the start,and my wife is a really great lady,so i just think to myself everything is never going to be 100% perfect,any way my stepson is nothing as bad as the op's and although only 12,i said 11 before i was wrong, i really cannot see him turning out like this,his mother works hard in her shop,and i don't think, well i hope he will not end up like the op's.

I have seen Thai kids with a new foreign Dad turn out really good kids - educated, polite, respectful and helpful.

But, it's just me, and my selfish attitude, so I would make tough decisions at the start, rather than suffer potential problems later.

I give you all the credit in the world for trying and seriously hope your patience and efforts pay off.

Thanks for your kind word's, i hope so too.

[rtrivedi1]

You threw him out of the house because he is lazy and plays video games? Ignores his parents? Sits all day in school and sits rest of day at home? Hmmm..... He sounds like a pretty normal teenage boy.

Don't know about Thai child laws, but in some western countries child protective services would most likely get involved for kicking a 14 year old out for acting like a typical 14 year old.

Sent from my iPhone using Thaivisa Connect Thailand

[transam]

You threw him out of the house because he is lazy and plays video games? Ignores his parents? Sits all day in school and sits rest of day at home? Hmmm..... He sounds like a pretty normal teenage boy.

Don't know about Thai child laws, but in some western countries child protective services would most likely get involved for kicking a 14 year old out for acting like a typical 14 year old.

Sent from my iPhone using Thaivisa Connect Thailand

At 14 I got a whack around the head.......................Glad I did................

[marko kok prong]

You threw him out of the house because he is lazy and plays video games? Ignores his parents? Sits all day in school and sits rest of day at home? Hmmm..... He sounds like a pretty normal teenage boy.

Don't know about Thai child laws, but in some western countries child protective services would most likely get involved for kicking a 14 year old out for acting like a typical 14 year old.

Sent from my iPhone using Thaivisa Connect Thailand

At 14 I got a whack around the head.......................Glad I did................

I got whacked round the head and kicked up the arse,did'nt do me any harm,but i do find it difficult to impose any kind of physical punishment on children that are not my own, i have to say,i am not talking here about beatings or anything like that which i would never contemplate at all,but the odd clip round the ear,i used to give my own kids in Australia,i don't know i just don't feel comfortable doing that with my stepson.

[atyclb]

I recently learned that there is no lack of children ages 14 - 18 that simply choose not to continue high school. Often they still live with parents and vegetate (play games, hangout, may drink or do drugs) Some parents allow them to stay in this manner, other parents require them to work and contribute to expenses.