Worst Lines

[Sheryl]

Thought it might be good for a giggle if we gals swapped examples of worst pick-up lines/approaches we've ever heard -- directly or related to us by a friend.

My own nominations are:

1) (experienced first hand, from a co-worker) I don't recall the precise wording but the gist of it was "everyone thinks it's easy to get sex in Thailand but I'm not having much luck, and Ï'm getting pretty frustrated, so how about it?" i.e. "I have no special attraction to you but you're female and I can't get anyone else and you're here..." Oddly enough this did not sweep me off my feet. It did pretty much end the slight friendship we had been developing.

2) (happened to a friend -- true story, I swear) Happened on Fire Island (beach place in NYC) (Kismet, for you NYers). It's the norm there for groups of single people to rent beach houses together and customs are in general very relaxed. A friend sharing the house I was in went to the local grocery and met a guy and started chatting, store was across from tennis courts and subject of tennis came up, she likes to play, he said so did he, they agreed to a game. Played 1 game of tennis. Upon which he asked her to come home with him. She declined, having truly been interested in just playing tennis, and anyway having just met him maybe an hour ago and knowing nothing whatever about him. He became nasty and belligerent demanding to know what her "problem" was, implying she must be gay etc (she isn't). Anyhow, she told him off and came back to the house in a foul mood and related the saga to us all. The time: about 2 PM.

Now comes the coup de grace. 12 midnite, she's reading in bed in her nightie, her 8 year old kid asleep in the room with her (she was a single mom), hears the front door open but thinks nothing of it coz lots of people staying at the house coming & going. Then hears footsteps on the stairs, then her bedroom door opens and...in he walks. And says:

"I've been thinking it over, and I've decided that maybe I was a bit too forward before and I decided to apologize". (note that this realization took him 10 hours)

Apoplectic, she says: "You barge into my house and into my BEDROOM without even knocking because you want to apologize for having been too forward??!!!!"

He replies: "Yeah. Now will you come home with me?"

Her response to that was, of course, unprintable.

Over to you all to match or top these.....

Edited June 16, 2006 by Sheryl

[Jasmine]

Lol Sheryl

I don't think I can top them but this has always been my favourite!

When I lived in BKK I used to take a motorcycle taxi up the soi to the school I worked in.

One morning this guy dropped me off at the school then turned round and with a beautific smile said in stilted English

"Hello. Do you want to have sex?"

Being terribly polite and British I smiled and said "no thank-you" and continued on to work

It was 7.45 in the morning for chrissakes

[donna]

a friend of mine was working in india as a tour leader. she was on a train, in a carriage full of men (of course) who were playing cards and drinking.

after a while, one of them turns to her and says (head wobbling, indian accent required here): "so tell me madam....what country is suffering in your absence?"

a stunning line! one that i remember after years and years.

[TRIPxCORE]

a friend of mine was working in india as a tour leader. she was on a train, in a carriage full of men (of course) who were playing cards and drinking.

after a while, one of them turns to her and says (head wobbling, indian accent required here): "so tell me madam....what country is suffering in your absence?"

a stunning line! one that i remember after years and years.

I quite like that one!

[Sheryl]

Yes, that one has some wit and charm. Perhaps we should move it to a new thread called "Best Lines"????????

[Sheryl]

Lol Sheryl

I don't think I can top them but this has always been my favourite!

When I lived in BKK I used to take a motorcycle taxi up the soi to the school I worked in.

One morning this guy dropped me off at the school then turned round and with a beautific smile said in stilted English

"Hello. Do you want to have sex?"

Being terribly polite and British I smiled and said "no thank-you" and continued on to work

It was 7.45 in the morning for chrissakes

Great story…and brings back another one to mind which is actually better (as in more worse) than the ones I originally posted:

Setting : A work-related field trip requiring travel on a large river ferry boat in rural Bangladesh.(For those who have not been to Bangladesh, imagine the poorest parts of India, make it Muslim, and more than double the crowding and dirt.) I had boarded it after an exhausting 12 hour road trip prominent for its jarring pot holes, broken a/c in the car, and of course utter absence of any sort of toilet facility on route. (And in Bangladesh, there are NO private spots to dash off to relieve yourself. the men just in public and pee and the women…suffer).

So by the time I boarded the ferry in addition to being tired sweaty and covered with dust, my bladder was massively distended and my only interest was in finding out if there was a toilet on board. It was a very large and crowded boat (as in, thousands of people, almost all men and avidly staring at the foreigners) so little hope of finding it on my own. I approached a uniformed ferry official, a short fat guy with oily hair profusely sweating and (since he was wearing polyester) smelling to high heaven, and asked if there was a bathroom. He motioned me to follow him, I assumed to show me the way, and indeed it proved to be tucked away near the engine room in a spot I’d never have found. I then entered one of the most squalid toilets I have ever seen and believe me I have seen quite an array. Suffice it to say that it was the only toilet on a boat that carried at least 10,000 passengers back & forth per day and most of them apparently did not understand what the squat hole was for, and no one seemed to ever clean the place. Anyhow I was desperate enough to avail of it, holding my nose and trying to side step the piles of s*it as best I could. Now the actual toilet part was a single booth within a room with a sink. Imagine my shock when upon exiting the booth I found said room occupied by…the Ferry Man!

Who had apparently followed me in and locked the door behind him. He reached out both hands & grabbed me with a big smile and said “I LIKE you!”(in Bengali, which I speak). Both his tone of voice and facial expression indicating that he thought that he was bringing me news which would delight me and fully expected me to fall gladly into his smelly arms. (After all, he was SO gorgeous and the setting SO romantic!!...)

I was so stunned and infuriated that without pause I grabbed his arms, threw them off me and shouted “Well I DON’T like YOU”, unlocked the door and stormed out before he could recover from the shock of this apparently unexpected rejection and try to stop me.

The dialogue part of this story is even better in Bengali.

[sylvafern]

Hi Sheryl - your story (the toilet part) reminded me of a book I've got called "No Shitting in the Toilet: A travel guide for when you've really lost it" by Peter Moore. In it's introduction it says it is the oposite of a normal travel guide ... instead of telling you the best places to stay, it tells you the worst places etc. It has some funny stories in it like the one you described.

Wish I could add some pick-up line stories but I don't seem to even get bad ones let alone good ones these days. I liked Donna's line though ... that has to be one of the best I've heard!