Married a Thai and appear to do nothing right !

[AnotherOneAmerican]

So go on OP.... Give us the rest of the story.... Whose house? Land? Condo? How much Sinsod? And what does her old man do?

Add to that does she have a car? And where does she shop, and how old are the two of you?

her home and land, Sinsod 1 million baht Father is a farmer we both have a car she is 46 and in a high position Government job im 62 early retirment living on my super,she has never married before Shopping anywhere Central, Big C Town whatever takes her fancy Bangkok where ever we are mmm anymore info required

Oh well, 1M wasn't too much to find out why she hadn't been previously married.

Someone who has been alone that long was never likely to make a good wife.

[harryfrompattaya]

You are a man right?

highly unlikely

Just because some people sit around all day drinking piss and expect their wife to do everything doesnt include me

Maybe a farang wife would appreciate your being the house husband, but believe me, Thai women ... no matter what they may say ... will not respect you as a man when you're doing what they culturally believe to be woman's work. Actually I had to re-read your OP to make sure I hadn't misread and you were actually a woman. No offense meant here, just saying what it looks like to me.

Get a Job either Teacher or Become a Doctor

If you get a job as a Doctor she will respect you

Start a web site and charge for medical advice cousin Le Roy is making big money doing that as Doctor ^^^^^^ *******

[harryfrompattaya]

You are a man right?

highly unlikely

Just because some people sit around all day drinking piss and expect their wife to do everything doesnt include me

Somethings don't quite make sense in this thread.

You refer to your wife as 'Hi-So" in the title of your thread and then say she is university educated.... but you don't say what social class you come from.

You also say you are doing cleaning, washing etc....

First of all going to University here does not make someone Hi-So....

Secondly Hi-So women rarely (if ever) have anything to do with anyone who isn't also Hi-So, so one would initially have to presume that you yourself are hi-so...

Yet the mere fact that you claim to do housework means you don't have servants and no Hi-So person would ever consider doing housework.

My definition of a Hi-So girl would be that her father would have at least 50 million baht in cash.

Hi So to me at least 150 million

[saroq]

The only thing you get from bending over backwards for people is a broken back.

[amykat]

Hi Tracker1,

Have you lived in Thailand long? Are you able to function on your own here? Do you live in a large city, or out in the boonies? Do you have any farang friends?

I would say, on the face of it, with so little info, that you married someone who was looking for money, she got it, now you are getting a more realistic version of her or of how she feels about you. My feeling about a lot of relationships with Thai people, is that they are not good at equal relationships, they either are deferential people-pleasers, and when they feel a power shift in their direction, become "not so nice" to put it mildly. Okay, maybe not all, not in every kind of relationship, but it seems to me, in family or family-ish things, love/fake love relationships??

At the very least, let us say that people who come to us, because they want money basically ....after they get the majority of what they expect, things change. You could try throwing out a large carrot, and see if suddenly, she is more able to control her feelings? Tell her someone died in your family, and you are expecting a huge payout and see what happens?

Keep delaying the carrot, come up with stories, etc. You don't even need to be a good liar here ...at least according to the lies I have heard over the years. But I would start setting myself up for independence, and see/think about how you can make a good life for yourself, without her. Put your plan into action, take the time you need ...travel a bit, find some friends, start living like you will be alone. That alone, might make things a bit better. However, don't fall for it, if she starts being nice again, while she believes in the "carrot" ...continue to make plans, and put those into action when you are able to.

Do things for YOURSELF, and yourself ONLY, and you will start to feel better. Remember that the competent person you were before Thailand ...you are still that person! And sorry for all the somewhat rude comments you got from many people here today. You don't need a job to be a husband, or have a life. Or to be a man. You might need money though, which it sounds like you have ...as I would assume most of us here, are retired, I don't know why so many people made certain kinds of comments. Knee jerk reactions. I am a woman here, and I think, I would be more than happy to live with a person like you ...but I am not looking for a cash payout!

If I HAD to live with a Thai guy that I mostly disliked, which I mostly would dislike most Thai guys, I would be a raving bitch too! In fact, living with Thai staff, that mostly drove me crazy for numerous reasons, made me quite hate life a lot more than I do now! I also hate cleaning in this heat but it is the better option for me. Things can get better for you I am sure!!! Good Luck and get busy please.

[nithisa78]

Really? Why are you putting up with this treatment? Sounds like she is not happy with you. People don't pick on each other if the are happy.

The woman sounds like she is unhapyy. Unhappy with herself.

[belg]

hire a maid, or find a mistress

[PJcm]

You are a man right?

highly unlikely

Just because some people sit around all day drinking piss and expect their wife to do everything doesnt include me

lighten up the man is pussy whipped, just take a vacation to Patty or Phuket don't tell her till you get there.

[amykat]

Just because some people sit around all day drinking piss and expect their wife to do everything doesnt include me

Maybe a farang wife would appreciate your being the house husband, but believe me, Thai women ... no matter what they may say ... will not respect you as a man when you're doing what they culturally believe to be woman's work. Actually I had to re-read your OP to make sure I hadn't misread and you were actually a woman. No offense meant here, just saying what it looks like to me.

I'm a farang woman. And I most certainly wouldn't appreciate a house husband unless I was a lawyer etc with small children. Where do you get off generalising us farang women. Don't think that we are beneath any race. We like our men to be men just like any woman. If she is always angry at him then there are issues and he needs to sort them out with her.

Dear Cheated, I feel you are contradicting yourself a bit ...and while not "appreciating" someone generalizing about what farang women would like, you go ahead and state that "we like our men to be men just like any woman." I am a bit shocked by this to say the least! I am pretty sure that many farang women, do NOT feel like many non-Western women feel, at all, not even close! We don't think like them, we don't have the same expectations towards family, towards husbands, towards dating, etc! You seem to be saying, really, that IF YOU had a lot of money, than you wouldn't mind a man who stayed home. But I guess you are assuming that men who stay home, or people, don't have any money for one thing. And that women do need men to make/have money ...obviously?? I find that a bit shameful from a younger-ish ( by that I mean, not my 92 year old Grandmother who still doesn't think like you, but whatever) Western woman, who I think is self-supporting, right?

So, your love, your husband, your whatever, MAN, gets sick, can't work, for a while, or forever, and now he is not a man? Not your love? Or he retires ...like many people on this forum ... then what? I think a PERSON who contributes to the best of their ability is a good man/woman/person ..in general. Sounds like this poster is doing his best to contribute, and now since you wrote this, we know he contributes financially ...and really how could you expect less in Thailand ...??

And your comment about" being beneath any race" ... well, I just have no idea what you are trying to say here, maybe some text got deleted by accident?? Women around the world are socialized in very many different ways, but in a lot of the world, very much the same way ...a way that we Western ladies are no longer totally sucked into. We are so very lucky to have the chance to think differently and mostly to have the choice to LIVE differently, and to thank that fact, by putting down men who are not living like third world men ...well that is just so SAD to hear!

I strongly suspect, that you haven't had the pleasure of a relationship with a real MAN yet, but you could try to find it in Thailand as there are many REAL MEN here! I also suspect that you haven't really gotten to know women in a different culture, non-Western culture, very well yet either. I mean, ladies who are your social equals, but live in India let's say, and get a better idea of our differences.

[tracker1]

You are a man right?

highly unlikely

Just because some people sit around all day drinking piss and expect their wife to do everything doesnt include me

lighten up the man is pussy whipped, just take a vacation to Patty or Phuket don't tell her till you get there.

Just returned on the weekend from Phuket with her after a weeks holiday

[Frank James]

Unfortunately, gaining a university degree does not automatically imbue the holder with moral fiber, good manners, common sense or respect for their fellow man.

We all take turns proving that on here all the time.

[tracker1]

Hi Tracker1,

Have you lived in Thailand long? Are you able to function on your own here? Do you live in a large city, or out in the boonies? Do you have any farang friends?

I would say, on the face of it, with so little info, that you married someone who was looking for money, she got it, now you are getting a more realistic version of her or of how she feels about you. My feeling about a lot of relationships with Thai people, is that they are not good at equal relationships, they either are deferential people-pleasers, and when they feel a power shift in their direction, become "not so nice" to put it mildly. Okay, maybe not all, not in every kind of relationship, but it seems to me, in family or family-ish things, love/fake love relationships??

At the very least, let us say that people who come to us, because they want money basically ....after they get the majority of what they expect, things change. You could try throwing out a large carrot, and see if suddenly, she is more able to control her feelings? Tell her someone died in your family, and you are expecting a huge payout and see what happens?

Keep delaying the carrot, come up with stories, etc. You don't even need to be a good liar here ...at least according to the lies I have heard over the years. But I would start setting myself up for independence, and see/think about how you can make a good life for yourself, without her. Put your plan into action, take the time you need ...travel a bit, find some friends, start living like you will be alone. That alone, might make things a bit better. However, don't fall for it, if she starts being nice again, while she believes in the "carrot" ...continue to make plans, and put those into action when you are able to.

Do things for YOURSELF, and yourself ONLY, and you will start to feel better. Remember that the competent person you were before Thailand ...you are still that person! And sorry for all the somewhat rude comments you got from many people here today. You don't need a job to be a husband, or have a life. Or to be a man. You might need money though, which it sounds like you have ...as I would assume most of us here, are retired, I don't know why so many people made certain kinds of comments. Knee jerk reactions. I am a woman here, and I think, I would be more than happy to live with a person like you ...but I am not looking for a cash payout!

If I HAD to live with a Thai guy that I mostly disliked, which I mostly would dislike most Thai guys, I would be a raving bitch too! In fact, living with Thai staff, that mostly drove me crazy for numerous reasons, made me quite hate life a lot more than I do now! I also hate cleaning in this heat but it is the better option for me. Things can get better for you I am sure!!! Good Luck and get busy please.

No havent lived here long but been back and forth for years living in Chiang Rai have 1 good buddy here as I only drink to be sociable can I function on my own presumably yes

[Toscano]

Tracker1 , you are not alone . My wife too is university educated and head teacher of a school . I'm at home all day , having to clean , wash the dishes , cook our evening meal . My wife comes home and scolds me like I was one of her naughty pupils . Water off a ducks back , I remind her who provides such a comfortable home , pays for everything . My wife tells me I don't know anything , that Thais do everything another way . I guess they are all the same, you've got to stand up to them keep them in their place .

[jacko45k]

You are a man right?

highly unlikely

Just because some people sit around all day drinking piss and expect their wife to do everything doesnt include me

There, you see, you can speak up for yourself.... now extend your 'bravery' to what you do at home.

Tell the wife....

I am not Thai so I do it falang way.....

I raise my voice because I need to be louder than your complaining...or simply....

Sahhhh....Wow.......

[amykat]

Dear Toscano,

Do you have some idea, or insight then, into WHAT it is, your wife, poster's wife, might be wanting?? I am very curious to know this!!!

Oh, and as well, what are YOU getting that you enjoy/depend on/want, from this relationship???

[Hugh Geen]

I do most of the washing up and most of the cleaning and all the work in keeping the garden nice but I am 63 and live with a 24 year old and a 29 year old (with a delightful child) - so I don't care. My life is OK.

[AnotherOneAmerican]

Dear Toscano,

Do you have some idea, or insight then, into WHAT it is, your wife, poster's wife, might be wanting?? I am very curious to know this!!!

I'm guessing, she wants a different man, or no man at all when she comes home.

(Please be aware, I freely admit to not having a clue what women want, If only I were Mel Gibson)

[Hugh Geen]

I do most of the washing up, most of the cleaning and all the work on keeping the garden nice. I live with a 24 year old and a 29 year old (with a delightful 2 year old daughter). I don't mind the work. It is OK. I am happy.

[transam]

I do most of the washing up, most of the cleaning and all the work on keeping the garden nice. I live with a 24 year old and a 29 year old (with a delightful 2 year old daughter). I don't mind the work. It is OK. I am happy.

Cool, their boyfriends OK with you...?

[tracker1]

I would like to thank all for their comments good and bad I even got a laugh out of a few. Its good to know Im not alone in this situation Might have to start up a Marriage Consultancy

[Donnie Brasco]

I know two "men" who are trapped like this.

One guy is barely tolerated by his Isaan "wife" who uses him like a manservant. Hr does all the cleaning and home maintenance as well as the washing and ironing. Once she'd cleaned out all his parental goodwill and sucked up all the money his mother had to pay for sinsot, she got her brother to sell him a couple of rai of dry-gulch desert from the family estate on which he could build a house for this woman. Her father bossed the job and this dumb@$$ wondered why all the work as inferior and why it always cost twice as much.

He sat still for it until "Dad" started to park his pickup in their living room.

Her break-even-if-she-is-lucky rag business needs a top up every second month (again from any spare cash he or his retired Mom have lying around)

This entrepreneurial marvel of his has at least one gig and possibly two, in addition to this husband and any other likely suspect she can lure into her "struggling seamstress" longball scam.

The other guy is hooked up (married) to a the niece of a former loan/land shark who has just retired from the board of a major Thai Bank. She studied ballet in NYC and gives private lessons around the city to the kids of other spoiled brats she knows.

The hubby is her butler.

There is no sex.

There has been no six since about two years after the wedding.

He has been told to find it outside the marriage.

She bangs Thai guys from her old party circuit that she met while she was a singer/dancer.

Both these guys are afraid to lose face in front of the friends from home who attended their weddings.

Doormats like these guys deserve every foot-wipe they get.

"Sometimes, 'fuggedabowdit' just means fuggedabowdit. . . . "

[iancnx]

You have made yourself her maid/butler/manservant/whipping boy.

She likely needed some way to piss off her dreadful parents.

Marriage to a farangledangle was the equivalent thing to pumping Daddy's driver. Or she was damaged goods and lucky you got to cover the play.

Anyway she sounds bored with you.

Suggest you spice up your life by hiring a maid.

So:

Git yerself down to some nasty-@$$ rascal bar and bar fine the cutest tart you can persuade for a week or so.

Introduce her as the maid of a friend who had to leave for Europe for a month or do so she can't make you fire her.

OR

Introduce her to BDSM ritual starting with a fashionable array of the latest Velcro and webbing restraints, ball-gag and a Symbian with a Turbo setting.

Tell her it's all Japanese.

OR

Put a tail on her and find out who (from her old party circuit) she is shagging. Film it and post it online.

Come to think of it. Film ALL this stuff and post it online. Or produce a soap series sitcom about farangs like you who get trapped into this crap.

Sent from my iPhone using Thaivisa Connect Thailand mobile app

And send us the link. Promise not to circulate too much.

[iancnx]

I know two "men" who are trapped like this.

One guy is barely tolerated by his Isaan "wife" who uses him like a manservant. Hr does all the cleaning and home maintenance as well as the washing and ironing. Once she'd cleaned out all his parental goodwill and sucked up all the money his mother had to pay for sinsot, she got her brother to sell him a couple of rai of dry-gulch desert from the family estate on which he could build a house for this woman. Her father bossed the job and this dumb@$$ wondered why all the work as inferior and why it always cost twice as much.

He sat still for it until "Dad" started to park his pickup in their living room.

Her break-even-if-she-is-lucky rag business needs a top up every second month (again from any spare cash he or his retired Mom have lying around)

This entrepreneurial marvel of his has at least one gig and possibly two, in addition to this husband and any other likely suspect she can lure into her "struggling seamstress" longball scam.

The other guy is hooked up (married) to a the niece of a former loan/land shark who has just retired from the board of a major Thai Bank. She studied ballet in NYC and gives private lessons around the city to the kids of other spoiled brats she knows.

The hubby is her butler.

There is no sex.

There has been no six since about two years after the wedding.

He has been told to find it outside the marriage.

She bangs Thai guys from her old party circuit that she met while she was a singer/dancer.

Both these guys are afraid to lose face in front of the friends from home who attended their weddings.

Doormats like these guys deserve every foot-wipe they get.

"Sometimes, 'fuggedabowdit' just means fuggedabowdit. . . . "

.......she got her brother to sell him a couple of rai ........ No way mate, it was her husband..... Just looks similar due to over active parents, cousins, sisters, grandparents etc etc.

[pkspeaker]

i married a waitress, she's not educated and she doesn't make alot of money.. so I have to help out a little with money but she's always nice and never bitches, she insists on doing all the housework even when i tell her she works too hard between her job and doing all the laundy-but she won't let me doit, when i do do housework like dishes i have to make sure she's not at home because she doesn't like it when i doit(fortunantly we live in a small apt so its not too hard)

seems like all these guys marry these educated Thai's-thinking these women will make their own money since they can earn more, but everyone i know who has/had a wife-GF like this winds up PAYING WAY-WAY MORE than I would ever dream of.. careful with these Women, they're going to be more ambitious and will have high expectation, they also may feel that they had to 'settle' for a foreigner-not good for the couples mental health..

[Hugh Geen]

Posted Today, 20:32

Hugh Geen, on 28 May 2014 - 20:28, said:

I do most of the washing up, most of the cleaning and all the work on keeping the garden nice. I live with a 24 year old and a 29 year old (with a delightful 2 year old daughter). I don't mind the work. It is OK. I am happy.

Cool, their boyfriends OK with you...?

I wish the 24 year old could find another bloke to look after her really but the mother does not have anybody else because she is a bit crazy.

[MantisMan]

You are a man right?

highly unlikely

Just because some people sit around all day drinking piss and expect their wife to do everything doesnt include me

A little more swagger when you are being a man. Cursing can be very butch. You should try it.

I agree with this statement.

I'd also like to add that a good back hand, knuckle side, once in a while will put her in her place!

Be a man!

Even James Bond silly slapped his ho once..........From Russia with Love................She LOVED him for it!

[pendingo]

Tracker1, the majority of guys on here are right.

You are the boss and you are in charge of your life not a doormat or skivvy.

Kick this woman into touch (rugby term in the UK, I mean figuratively not literally of course).

She does not deserve your loyalty.

I lived with someone like this in the UK for nine years and then one day I snapped, packed my bags and walked out. determined never to let this situation happen again and never looked back.

Granted it is not easy to do and only you can make that decision.

You have to ask yourself whether you want to carry on like this or get peace of mind.

From what you say there are no children involved so a divorce may be relatively easy but I'd take legal advice first.

Whatever, but make sure you get in first because it looks very likely she could be on the verge of giving you the old heave-ho anyway and is just looking for an excuse.

.

[macca3248]

You are a man right?

highly unlikely

Just because some people sit around all day drinking piss and expect their wife to do everything doesnt include me

Maybe not but she expects you to do the housework whilst she is sitting around on her butt barking at you .

Get out and start enjoying yourself !

[ripper15]

To my mind, and I may be biased, but the words "Thai" and 'hi-so' simply do not go together.

Sorry, have to disagree to a certain point. I have worked for and around the 10% at various times in my life all around the world and I find 95% of them a bunch of self-centered a......s. They have so many yes men trying to butter them up and inflate there own self worth that I suppose it is not all their fault. Donald T and Kim K are just typical of the worse but there are many just one level down. As you can guess, I have had some interesting conversations with them, when I refused to prostitute myself. Temper tantrums to shame a two year old. Such is life.

[brit1984]

i think you should get a job and hire a maid to clean the house

if your wife still moans, maybe the maid can also help relieve the stress