She's pregnant, its not mine, but she wants/needs money

[realenglish1]

A lot of guys when THEY get a gal pregnant do a runner. Its because they have a lot of class (Low). Even though its not yours you feel enough about this PERSON that you feel you want to help.

In a nutshell do what your heart tells you. Good bad or indifferent. In the long run you have to live with yourself.

[Alwyn]

Let's keep it simple. In the words in the title it says "she wants money"

Anything else is peripheral.

Two questions:-

1. Do you WANT to give her any money ?

2. Can you afford to give her any money ?

1. Not the amount she requested to support her during her pregnancy

2, Yes, I can afford it as of May 2014 - how long do you reckon my savings will last if I carry that attitude forward for the remainder of my retirement ?\

This might sound cold, but let me repeat the part about the baby not being mine.

There you go, you've answered your own question really. If it's going to put a strain on your finances the answer is no, right? Do you feel the need to support another child? If you feel the need and can afford it, do it otherwise live your life for yourself!

[hansnl]

One

You are not the natural father

Two

Why doctor's bills, she could have gone to a state hospital, 30 baht arrangement

Three

She plays your strings with the wrong bow by playing on the shared past.

Byebye darling, go to the father of the child for his support.

Of course, when he happens to be Thai no such thing will be forthcoming

She probably have travelled that road.

And about the doctor's bills, she is too much hiso for registering in a state hospital and going there for medical problems.

[Phoenix1312]

Firstly may I say you are a lovely caring man and I commend you. Yes abortion is an option in the first trimester. If that is the option that is best for her then she should do it. Too many people think it is morally wrong but realistically if she cant afford to bring up a child then the hardship would far out weigh the deed.

Good luck with this. I wish you all the best.

[hansnl]

She can get a legal abortion in Thailand.

Mr. Meechai (Condoms and Cabbages) established a foundation that helps low-income women with this problem. Send Sheryl a PM for the details. About 12,000 baht.

Help her financially if she chooses this route. It's a one-off cost.

Explain that under the circumstances, you won't be able to help much if she decides to continue the pregnancy.

A legal abortion?

In Thailand?

Edited May 30, 2014 by hansnl

[bobbin]

^^

Yes.

[starky]

Mate we've all been there, particularly in light of the fact I am guessing she may be an ex of yours. Regardless, you know the rules forget all the B.S. as long as it isn't ongoing support. That she does with the money what you expect her to do. That you realise it's not coming back and finally that it won't break the bank can't see the harm probably a good thing to do. I have thrown a bone (pardon the pun) to plenty of girls I have known in the past in a time of need and as long as you are clear that she won't be putting the hand out every time she is in trouble I personally think it is a pretty nice gesture. Then again, Up to you! Good luck.

[mesquite]

OP, you have no idea if she's pregnant.

Yes he does, she told him so in the email!!

you're right!

Sent from my iPhone using Thaivisa Connect Thailand sky ohm. San nmfg

[DrTuner]

What the OP actually asking is: Which one of the fine gentlemen here on the TF forum is willing to help out one of his past fling, of whom he still has some empathy for, but he himself can't or won't help her out.

Maybe the dad's here. Any takers ?

[BrooklynNY]

A woman sharing a comment. If I were that woman who could not afford raising her own baby alone, I would not keep the baby. But to many Thai women, they'd rather keep that mixed baby regardless whether they could afford raising it or not. I have known a of couple Thai women who chose to get pregnant by their white men fling. Only one reason is to have a mixed baby !!. Those babies have grown up to be spoiled and arrogant young persons.

I doubt that the woman wants the abortion. You'd better not offer her financial help at the moment. If you give her money, it would be more and more........

I found a very useful website for legal abortion in Bangkok in Sukhumvit soi 12 Clinic Dr. Meechai found by a famous well-known Mr. Meechai Weerawaitaya (Not sure with spelling)

Clinic Dr. Meechai

http://xn--12-oqi3f3bvbs7f6ab.com/

Website in Thai language. if you need further translation, please let me know and I will translate it.

Details:

BTS station Asoke and walk about 10 minutes to Soi Shkhumvit soi 12

Clinic hours: Mon - Fri 8:30 AN - 4:30 PM

Fee: 3,000 THB (Base on 2012) Current fee may be higher (Fee includes ultrasound and abortion)

Procedure: Awake procedure. First taking a pain killer before procedure.

tel.# (092) 582-3877 or (093) 619-0846

If she decides to have an abortion, do not simply wire her the money, you must accompany her to the clinic to make sure that she would do it otherwise she may lie to you and kept the money. Act fast. The longer she waits the higher risk will be.

Edited May 30, 2014 by BrooklynNY

[kerrysum]

Do the paternity test, and take it from there.... Sorry for such woes.... I did bring a step-daughter here, in the USA, and it was a real problem.....

But for each of us it is different, so do some sole searching... Maybe it is wise to say, for one not to blame others, for what they have done.....Life is such , many words spoken, and answers sometimes never revealed. Just a thought... I never get into spats like this in life, truth is a good thing, but where is the responsible party?

Honesty is important to me, we can accept or reject....... Kerry

[Caesarillion]

My turn to state the obveous. There are a couple of Christian churches right near Na Na that are in the business of helping people and lives in need and saving the lives of babies still inside. I would take her there and see what I could get done first. I'd rather spend money from the collective of the congregation than shell out all my hard earned cash. If she doesn't want help from God she'll be free to find her own way, but that can be even tougher. I had a gf who had slashed wrists and other damage from a pregnancy experience that resulted in her being a 17 yo mom on the streets. It can be done, but she wanted out. I know that for sure. I met her in the shadows of Sanam Luang (actually Rat Scurry Park by the klong) eeking out a living doing sex with whoever on the cheap. Good luck to everybody. I miss Thailand and ache to be there and help girls like this. Karma. Ever heard of that and the golden rule. Have a nice day, Paul

[David48]

One may consider that the OP is enjoying a spot of ...

Wouldn't be the first time we have witnessed that.

[GarryP]

If you didn't penetrate her and the baby cannot possibly be yours then why even ask? This is a bar girl you are talking about? Since you think there are others it's safe to say she is a bit of a slag?

Of all the replies, yours is by far the least helpful - no surprises but was it even vaguely possible that you might have addressed the question re abortion ? Would you completely turn your back on a woman back in your own country if she told you she had nowhere else to turn to ? All I'm looking for here is some way to dig her out of the hole some lowlife has dug for her - you know and I know how few Farang in Thailand are serious about wearing a condom - branding her a slag helps no one,

I'm sorry your just another sad sack that needs to cry on a forum, man up like I said if it's not yours why you bothered. I don't need to read your pish about abortion because of the above.

Man you are a pretty heartless fellow. Haven't you ever heard of helping others? And why is she a slag for getting pregnant? You are making a lot of assumptions based on nothing.

To the OP, abortion is legal in certain instances and there are a number of legal clinics that provide such service. However, she will need to be able to prove why an abortion is necessary.

[hellohello123]

A woman sharing a comment. If I were that woman who could not afford raising her own baby alone, I would not keep the baby. But to many Thai women, they'd rather keep that mixed baby regardless whether they could afford raising it or not. I have known a of couple Thai women who chose to get pregnant by their white men fling. Only one reason is to have a mixed baby !!. Those babies have grown up to be spoiled and arrogant young persons.

I doubt that the woman wants the abortion. You'd better not offer her financial help at the moment. If you give her money, it would be more and more........

I found a very useful website for legal abortion in Bangkok in Sukhumvit soi 12 Clinic Dr. Meechai found by a famous well-known Mr. Meechai Weerawaitaya (Not sure with spelling)

Clinic Dr. Meechai

http://xn--12-oqi3f3bvbs7f6ab.com/

Website in Thai language. if you need further translation, please let me know and I will translate it.

Details:

BTS station Asoke and walk about 10 minutes to Soi Shkhumvit soi 12

Clinic hours: Mon - Fri 8:30 AN - 4:30 PM

Fee: 3,000 THB (Base on 2012) Current fee may be higher (Fee includes ultrasound and abortion)

Procedure: Awake procedure. First taking a pain killer before procedure.

tel.# (092) 582-3877 or (093) 619-0846

If she decides to have an abortion, do not simply wire her the money, you must accompany her to the clinic to make sure that she would do it otherwise she may lie to you and kept the money. Act fast. The longer she waits the higher risk will be.

I cannot believe that someone could be stupid enough or willing to take that much of a risk in keeping a halff farang baby!!!

Really????

Unless they only had one encounter with a farang thats rich and living in Thailand, why would you be willing to become a single.mother when chances are you don't even know who the father is or the father isn't even in the country any more

Amazing

[4dyg]

have had know thai women ask me for money for small things when they were in a spot. after assessing the situation and credibility, i gave. they did what they said. they didnt ask again that i can recall. yes one or two of these requests were from dread shock horror bar girls ok was very long ago. these days i dont even know one bg by sight even. however i still give small things to ppl who seem to be in need. often to ppl i havent even seen before. these days it not ppl who request that i give to. more of, if they are unknown and asking then i dont give, but not absolutely always dont give, yes they are all ppl.

if you have ever been poor, you will know small help can be enormous. talking in order of tens of baht here not thousands.

Edited May 30, 2014 by 4dyg

[Stuart21]

Shout her the fare to get to Suk soi 12 to PDA - talk to them.

[Chris Lawrence]

Are her girlfriends offering cash; is the potential father offering cash; do you have a red cross on your back?

It might sound harsh but you don't deserve to be picking up after someone else. If you feel so strong about helping, offer physical and emotional assistance. If you want to do more, volunteer your time helping the needy.

You sound as though you have a big heart, but beware of being taken advantage of.

I know if this happened to me, I would offer emotional support, and help connecting the young lady to the relevant agencies that help expecting mothers. This I see as all the responsibility that would be owed in friendship. I would pay for a cup of tea or coffee and may go as far as a cake between friends to listen and talk to the young lady, but that would be about it.

Good luck

[DLock]

Thai's always have somewhere or someone to turn to.

You are not the end of the line...but you are probably a better option than what's next on her list....but she has many "feelers" out looking for potential support. Thai girls rarely put all their hope on one person.

Personally, I'd probably visit the Doctor with her, support her if she wanted an abortion, but would draw the line at infinite financial support if she decided to keep the baby.

Tough situation, but save your support for the future problems you or your family gets into.

[tubby johnson]

Do what you think is the right thing to do.

It depends on:

1. How honest do you think she is?

2. How much do you love her?

3. Are you ready for stepfatherhood?

4. Can you afford to look after her and her kid for the remainder of your life?

5. Is this how you see your future?

Good luck, mate!

[4dyg]

very long ago have also walked away from an accusing girl, difference being she was a multi-millionaires daughter. have never regretted that walk. the unwanted knock at the door never came either, should be past now. i am not a good find and like to keep it that way. still dont believe it was mine. number dont add for a start.

Edited May 30, 2014 by 4dyg

[elgordo38]

Sounds like a chain letter ooppps email. All donations gladly accepted

[Straight8]

Let's keep it simple. In the words in the title it says "she wants money"

Anything else is peripheral.

Two questions:-

1. Do you WANT to give her any money ?

2. Can you afford to give her any money ?

1. Not the amount she requested to support her during her pregnancy

2, Yes, I can afford it as of May 2014 - how long do you reckon my savings will last if I carry that attitude forward for the remainder of my retirement ?\

This might sound cold, but let me repeat the part about the baby not being mine.

Wow, she even has the audacity to ask you for a figure amount?

Priceless!!!

If that in itself is not your cue to tell her to look elsewhere then I don't know what is.

[hawker9000]

You know, I don't think anyone here can - or in good conscious even should - advise you. Assemble as many of the facts as you can, as objectively as you can, think it through as best you can, and then do whatever you have to do. If you need someone to discuss it with, do it with a close friend or family; maybe a spiritual advisor if you lean that way. But not here. Just a bad idea.

[hellohello123]

Maybe I had such wonderful parents but to ask an ex bf via email for the first contact in 4 years for money for my own doing, let alone an amount, is such a absurd idea It does not even compute!

Maybe cos im not thai,

I would only be doing that if I had absolutely no family/friends left on this earth, ive gone and approached charities and other help services, and that I had no food for the next day , would I even consider

[belg]

no news for many pages from OP

is this turning into the TROLL post of the week award?

[louse1953]

Do the paternity test, and take it from there.... Sorry for such woes.... I did bring a step-daughter here, in the USA, and it was a real problem.....

But for each of us it is different, so do some sole searching... Maybe it is wise to say, for one not to blame others, for what they have done.....Life is such , many words spoken, and answers sometimes never revealed. Just a thought... I never get into spats like this in life, truth is a good thing, but where is the responsible party?

Honesty is important to me, we can accept or reject....... Kerry

Paternity test for what,it aint his.The reading comprehension on this forum is appalling.

[F4UCorsair]

It's been so long I'd forgotten. I had a Khmer girl try similar on me 10+ years ago. She told me she had a belly full of arms and legs and I was responsible, and she wanted $$, so I went for a sperm count, full head of steam and a bit of fantasy produced the required sample which was still 'zero'. I day 'still zero' because I'd had a vasectomy years before.

I met her for a coffee, dropped the pathology report in front of her and walked out.

WW, different circumstances, but if you're leaning toward giving assistance, go with her for a pregnancy test. She may not even have a belly full.

Edited May 30, 2014 by F4UCorsair

[Strangebrew]

Look simple is it yours? NO Then move on enjoy the thai tat.NEXT.

[KunMatt]

Hey look, it's that guy who always talks down to other posters and trolls people asking for help. And he's asking for help for a silly problem??

Good luck!

Sent from my GT-I9500 using Thaivisa Connect Thailand mobile app

Edited May 30, 2014 by KunMatt