She's pregnant, its not mine, but she wants/needs money

[MrWorldwide]

OK - feel free to flame me, but this is someone I have a shared history with. That all ended 4 years ago, but now I get the 'I have no-one else to turn to' email. If others got the same email, so be it - I wish her every success - but this isn't some Nigerian scammer its a flesh-and-blood woman that I had lunch with just a couple of weeks back in BKK. The baby seems to have come as a complete surprise, but I suspect she was simply waiting for the right moment and doctor's bills were all the impetus she needed. Roughly 10 weeks puts conception somewhere around my last few weeks tidying things up in Oz before the move to Thailand - for all I know 'daddy' could be reading this thread right now. If its you, I'll be happy to forward you the email - please PM me

I'm guessing that a large chunk of this board will tell me to harden the freak up and ignore any further correspondence, but what I really want to know is whether an abortion in the first trimester remains a realistic option ? This is a woman who struggles to support herself much less a baby - I know its a big no-no for the Thais around her, but unless even if they got the same email I'm guessing they won't be contributing to this child's welfare financially. I guess advice is free but child support isn't.

If we can avoid turning this into a flamefest about the evils of abortion I'd really appreciate some feedback on this. Thanks in advance to those with sane responses and my apologies to the mods for any subsequent mayhem.

Have at it.

[Pralaad]

So what do you want to know or hear??

Should you support her??

My answer would be a no, unless you have feelings and want to go back together.

For abortion, putting aside the illegality of it, best to speak with doc's at sukhumvit soi 12 in Bangkok

[NancyL]

I suggest you request that this post be moved to the Health forum where Sheryl can advise about options for first trimester abortions in Thailand. If this woman were in my home country, then a first trimester procedure would be a very good option.

[benalibina]

You do what makes you be able to not look back with regrets later on in life.

[wooloomooloo]

Is the abortion the lady's idea?

Sent from my iPhone using Thaivisa Connect Thailand

[AnotherOneAmerican]

How do you even know she is pregnant?

Because she emailed you?

[CharlieH]

If as you say, you have history, yes of course you can support her, emotionally !

Help her get the right guidance, talks things out, be her sounding board help her decide whats best or whats right for her, accompany her to wherever, make doing whatever she has to do that little bit easier as any friend would do when providing emotional support.

Emotionally, NOT financially ! Be a friend not a mug !

[Skint]

If you didn't penetrate her and the baby cannot possibly be yours then why even ask? This is a bar girl you are talking about? Since you think there are others it's safe to say she is a bit of a slag?

[4dyg]

it not 30 baht a visit any more?

adoption ?surely there are many looking. seen many chinese adoption girl imports in the region

how old is she? 29 something woman know how not to get pregnant.

why do you associate with women who are life novices so to speak?

[nottocus]

Outta there. Not your responsibility mate. Worldwide soon to be Bled dry.

Edited May 29, 2014 by nottocus

[marko kok prong]

Mate ,some dumb posts in reply to your op,already,obviously a friend,who you know well,as you know abortion is i beleive illegal here,and this could have a negative impact on the lady mentally if she is like most kon Thai a buddist,i guess it is up to you if you can help a bit and it does not burden you financially,my only nagging worry is if she then see's this as a route to try and rekindle something you may or may not have had before,you were not specific but i am guessing you may have been romantically involved before,it is hard to give advice on this,but the fact that you have posted this show's your obviously a decent bloke,i would just be wary of getting to involved,but sure if you can ease her burden without to much impact on your own pocket, i applaud you.

[krisb]

Throwing a sensitive personal topic like this on here is probably not the best choice. I think you know that.

[Jip99]

Let's keep it simple. In the words in the title it says "she wants money"

Anything else is peripheral.

Two questions:-

1. Do you WANT to give her any money ?

2. Can you afford to give her any money ?

[sdanielmcev]

Glad to see you thinking about stepping up to the plate for a friend in need. The earlier in the pregnancy the better for an abortion. I'm sure there can be some place safe, no coat hanger and vacuum, somewhere in Thailand.

[wow64]

Was there more of a question or just a story?

Just be there emotionally... Is my advice unless its yours. Dont mean to be harsh but its not your resposbilty.. Its not your kid.

There are 1 million of these stories if you look for them.

Sent from my c64

Edited May 29, 2014 by wow64

[MrWorldwide]

If you didn't penetrate her and the baby cannot possibly be yours then why even ask? This is a bar girl you are talking about? Since you think there are others it's safe to say she is a bit of a slag?

Of all the replies, yours is by far the least helpful - no surprises but was it even vaguely possible that you might have addressed the question re abortion ? Would you completely turn your back on a woman back in your own country if she told you she had nowhere else to turn to ? All I'm looking for here is some way to dig her out of the hole some lowlife has dug for her - you know and I know how few Farang in Thailand are serious about wearing a condom - branding her a slag helps no one,

[MrWorldwide]

Let's keep it simple. In the words in the title it says "she wants money"

Anything else is peripheral.

Two questions:-

1. Do you WANT to give her any money ?

2. Can you afford to give her any money ?

1. Not the amount she requested to support her during her pregnancy

2, Yes, I can afford it as of May 2014 - how long do you reckon my savings will last if I carry that attitude forward for the remainder of my retirement ?\

This might sound cold, but let me repeat the part about the baby not being mine.

[MrWorldwide]

How do you even know she is pregnant?

Because she emailed you?

She's pregnant, although I completely understand your skepticism. She can bung it on when she wants to, but this is on a whole other level.

[Skint]

If you didn't penetrate her and the baby cannot possibly be yours then why even ask? This is a bar girl you are talking about? Since you think there are others it's safe to say she is a bit of a slag?

Of all the replies, yours is by far the least helpful - no surprises but was it even vaguely possible that you might have addressed the question re abortion ? Would you completely turn your back on a woman back in your own country if she told you she had nowhere else to turn to ? All I'm looking for here is some way to dig her out of the hole some lowlife has dug for her - you know and I know how few Farang in Thailand are serious about wearing a condom - branding her a slag helps no one,

I'm sorry your just another sad sack that needs to cry on a forum, man up like I said if it's not yours why you bothered. I don't need to read your pish about abortion because of the above.

[tangcoral]

What would I do? Talk her into getting an abortion, if you find that morally wrong then talk her into giving it up for adoption/orphanage.

If your conscious is bothering you, help with some cash. But I wouldn't let it drag on after 9 months.

[MrWorldwide]

Is the abortion the lady's idea?

Sent from my iPhone using Thaivisa Connect Thailand

Initially, it was - then she started talking to her Thai friends and everything changed. With one possible exception, they all have families upcountry who care for their kids - she is planning to rely on the same woman who effectively raised her in a little village south of Chumphon. Her attitude seems to be 'other women do it so I can' - I just dont think she is tough enough but I guess that's her call. The part I object to is suddenly becoming the sponsor for this particular chapter of her life

FWIW, one of her friends dumped a kid with the father and returned to the bar - bit of a reversal of the usual stereotype.

[MrWorldwide]

Throwing a sensitive personal topic like this on here is probably not the best choice. I think you know that.

The original attempt contained her email - clearly typed up by a friend - but I deleted it because I knew exactly what sort of response it would elicit. I think you've seen enough of my posts to know I dont normally indulge in this sort of hand wringing - particularly in the general forum - but telling someone point blank that they should get an abortion isnt a move I take lightly. I had hoped that another board member may have found themselves in a similar position, but I accept that those folk may not be keen to discuss something like this on an open forum. In hindsight, it was a mistake - that's life.

[4dyg]

you over estimate your powers of telling.

Edited May 29, 2014 by 4dyg

[David48]

I'm confused ... maybe some translation might help me.

The woman that you refer to in the OP used to be your squeeze?

She came to you (either in person or through an email) requesting advice from you?, money from you?

The Kid is definitely not yours as you were in Australia at the time?

What is your level of care towards this woman? Level of emotional attachment?

Re the medical bills, if she is attending the Public Hospital which she is registered for, there would be no (significant) Hospital bills.

Lets start there

Just a heads up also, something I leant with the recent birth of my child. The doctors refer to length of pregnancy taking the date back to her last menstrual cycle, not the actual date of conception.

Meaning if the Doctor says that she is '10 weeks' pregnant, most likely the sex that occurred which lead to conception happened '8 weeks' ago.

[Datebayo]

What the OP actually asking is: Which one of the fine gentlemen here on the TF forum is willing to help out one of his past fling, of whom he still has some empathy for, but he himself can't or won't help her out.

[Datebayo]

Also who is willing to support a bastard child? raise your hands pls.

[Donnie Brasco]

Haven't gone over the whole thread except for your mention of selling out in Australia.

She knows you got a pile.

For whatever reason, she'd like some.

To tam boon or not to tam boon ? That is the question.

May I suggest you go to the Bard for the rest of that answer ?

Sent from my iPhone using Thaivisa Connect Thailand mobile app

[krisb]

Throwing a sensitive personal topic like this on here is probably not the best choice. I think you know that.

The original attempt contained her email - clearly typed up by a friend - but I deleted it because I knew exactly what sort of response it would elicit. I think you've seen enough of my posts to know I dont normally indulge in this sort of hand wringing - particularly in the general forum - but telling someone point blank that they should get an abortion isnt a move I take lightly. I had hoped that another board member may have found themselves in a similar position, but I accept that those folk may not be keen to discuss something like this on an open forum. In hindsight, it was a mistake - that's life.

My view is abortion is horrible. Ask anyone who cant or have lost a child. Some would shoot me down for saying it, but I would rather help her or adopt the child then let it have no chance at life at all. If shes a decent girl, she would be asking for genuine help, I would. A little can go a long way especially in Thailand, life can also really be awful living there with nothing. Good luck with this issue, let me know what you choose to do if you want.

[krisb]

Also who is willing to support a bastard child? raise your hands pls.

Over abortion or living in a gutter I would.

Not the childs fault the mother and father possibly made a mistake.

Btw, bastard childs quite an ugly word.

[daveAustin]

I'd make it clear that you could help her abort (yes it can be done) but if she wants your help through pregnancy and birth it'll likely never end... you'll possibly also end up as de facto daddy.