how to deal with a long distance relationship ?

[hanno]

OK, not so long distance for me as I live in Cambodia. We both have busy lives but see each other once or twice a month. I think this is what keeps us going. We are both not young kids anymore and don't have to jump on each other each and every night. When we do meet, we enjoy the nicer things in life (in Rayavadee as I type) and things couldn't be better.

[khonlanna]

At the very beginning, 'Absence makes the heart grow fonder, ' but soon, 'Out of sight, out of mind.'

[cybernatoruk]

My 2 cents. I have been in a long distance relationship with a Khmer girl since 2011. We have visited many places together, right now she is with me in Saigon. I try and visit twice a year. We are saving too get married.

When back home, I work 6 days too keep me busy. I go to watch football, see friends, nights out, if even just down to the local pool hall. I use whatsapp to keep in touch and a quick phone call 3 times a week. It is not easy, but I kinda wonder if I would have done as much as I have if I hadn't of met her.

I know where she lives and works in Phnom Penh so have no worries about what she is up to.

You can make it work but you need trust, and to keep busy.

[Datebayo]

The term ''long distance relationship'' just means: ''We can't be together physically and do the things bf/gf do but I'd like to pretend that we have a loving and caring relationship by communicating with chat apps and webcamming just to get through the time before we can meet again in the next xx months''

LDR is useless and hopeless unless the couple has plans to move closer ie. same city. Better to have a relationship locally then. People who keeps LDR without any plans to live in physical proximity of their partner are day-dreaming and usually believes in unicorns farting rainbows.

[Aussieroaming]

There isn't a wrong answer in this thread because both the pro and anti "long distance relationship" have evidence to back up their claims.

OP it is really up to you..throw the dice, take the gamble and hopefully you get a good partner.

I have had to deal with long term relationships for all my working life because I have always worked remotely. It's not easy, some partners cheat (men and women). Some partners hate the loneliness and can't deal with separation.

But the reality is the more good you bring to any relationship the more likely it will succeed. That includes love, support, cash, understanding and most importantly communication.

I do however think that where some men go wrong in Asia in general is when they assume they have bought a girl to save her from poverty. That act doesn't entitle them to subsequently treat the woman like garbage, which I have seen too.

[jack1965]

I agree entirely that no man has any right to treat these impoverished souls as garbage .

Any man who tries to save these girls from poverty and develop a loving relationship long distance deserve a gold medal for great humanitarian work! The least a farang can expect is honesty. With honesty comes love and a hope of eternal freedom from poverty. Let Love flow around the world.

[ttthailand]

I think it can work if there is honesty and trust. With that said, a lot depends on her background and what she dies with her day. If you met her and paid a bar fine first day there is a good chance she will be up to her old games again. If she works a normal job 6 days a week I think she might be ok

[Greg Nixon]

If it lasts more than 6 months, give it up.

[Datebayo]

I agree entirely that no man has any right to treat these impoverished souls as garbage .

Any man who tries to save these girls from poverty and develop a loving relationship long distance deserve a gold medal for great humanitarian work! The least a farang can expect is honesty. With honesty comes love and a hope of eternal freedom from poverty. Let Love flow around the world.

I'm all with the love thing mate. But you will be sharing the ''love giving'' to these wonderful poverty struck ladies with other great humanitarians...

[jack1965]

That's very funny, but sadly true! Which is exactly what l said in my very first post on the topic .

You can take the girl out of Pattaya but you can't take Pattaya out of the girl- not even if you take them home!! I have heard of several guys who bring them home, only to find that they discover the red light districts and charge 10 times the rates and wire the money back home to the family! Such is " love"!

[David48]

There isn't a wrong answer in this thread because both the pro and anti "long distance relationship" have evidence to back up their claims.

OP it is really up to you..throw the dice, take the gamble and hopefully you get a good partner.

I have had to deal with long term relationships for all my working life because I have always worked remotely. It's not easy, some partners cheat (men and women). Some partners hate the loneliness and can't deal with separation.

But the reality is the more good you bring to any relationship the more likely it will succeed. That includes love, support, cash, understanding and most importantly communication.

I do however think that where some men go wrong in Asia in general is when they assume they have bought a girl to save her from poverty. That act doesn't entitle them to subsequently treat the woman like garbage, which I have seen too.

I reckon that post is worth a second read ...

[dotpoom]

Unless the end plan is for one to move to the other's country I think long distance relationships are pointless. They are full of worry, doubt, upset and tears at the airport everytime you have to say goodbye. The world is a small place now, technology and the interweb are fantastic things in business, but for a personal relationship just show you what and who you are missing.

Agreed. I was very surprised when I first came here to learn of so many people who married a Thai lady but were living in different countries. I still don't see the point of it.....surly people marry to be with and spend the rest of their lives together. When you love someone don't you want to be with them as much as possible. Why marry a person and then go live in a different country from that person...what's the point.....baffles me?

[lanng khao]

Unless the end plan is for one to move to the other's country I think long distance relationships are pointless. They are full of worry, doubt, upset and tears at the airport everytime you have to say goodbye. The world is a small place now, technology and the interweb are fantastic things in business, but for a personal relationship just show you what and who you are missing.

Agreed. I was very surprised when I first came here to learn of so many people who married a Thai lady but were living in different countries. I still don't see the point of it.....surly people marry to be with and spend the rest of their lives together. When you love someone don't you want to be with them as much as possible. Why marry a person and then go live in a different country from that person...what's the point.....baffles me?

not everybody is lucky enough to have made enough money by there forties or fifties to be able to go and live there lives out in another country, so they make a commitment in getting married, then have to go back home to work there <deleted> off to enable them in maybe 3 or 4 years to be financially solvent to live there without running back and forth to there old job to top the coffers up..

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[thehelmsman]

The Man leaving the family to make money elsewhere is common in some countries. All the Seamen of the world do this, most with families waiting at home. With their hard work and sacrifice the families have a better life. It's a hard concept for most. The thought of doing that is terrifing to most.

Then you have the Military as an example. Many countries such as Philipines and India the men and women leave home on 2 yr. contracts. You have offshore workers doing 30 days 0n 30 days off.

So, if you're fortunate enough to stay at home with family while providing a good life then consider yourself lucky. Me, I'll be logging many nautical miles before I return with the booty.

[HerbalEd]

Skype sex.

[bobo42]

How to deal with long distance relationships? Serious answer, don't do it for long. The only case where I would consider maintaining such, is if you both know that the situation is short-term.

I'm guessing that you're girlfriend is Thai and you are not in Thailand? You've probably heard all the warnings and related topics about Thai girls and foreign men by now - if not, you should do some reading. I'll assume you've taken all that into account and assessed your situation for yourself.

My advice, its never going to work out unless you have solid plans to move to Thailand, or to get your girlfriend to move to your home country. If you're not far enough in the relationship to have such plans, then you either need to get to that point quickly, or get out. Without a solid future plan, its not much of a relationship anyway.

How long will a girl put her life on-hold for you? And how long would you do the same? Unless you're both working toward a real end-game where you can actually be together and have a "real life", its pretty much just a dream. Just my opinion - not saying to break it off regardless - just that if you want to make it work, you need to both be working towards the goal of being together.

[jack1965]

Choc Di or whomever posted that reply clearly cannot engage in rational debate and cannot articulate anything constructive . Very rude and abrupt replies have no place in this forum. If you have a brain , use it! If not, don't bother penning your stupid replies!!

[jack1965]

Real men? Are you are real man? What's your point? What do you disagree with? What's a real man?

[jack1965]

Bobo42 knows what he's talking about !

Smart dude!!

[Paulzed]

It doesn't matter what country they come from or what they do for a job, you have two types of women in this world.

1. The bare foot pregnant in the kitchen type, who just want to have a husband and a family and live a happy normal life.
2. The I'm going to screw you and every other man for every cent you have and lie and play games and be a bitch, just because you had sex with me - Type.

Its a shame that a lot of Thai women are like this, if you watch the local Thai days of our lives day time dramas on TV you will see were they learned it from...If its on TV then it must be ok to behave like that.

[Paulzed]

Real men? Are you are real man? What's your point? What do you disagree with? What's a real man?

A real man doesn't eat quiche!

[longstebe]

That's very funny, but sadly true! Which is exactly what l said in my very first post on the topic .

You can take the girl out of Pattaya but you can't take Pattaya out of the girl- not even if you take them home!! I have heard of several guys who bring them home, only to find that they discover the red light districts and charge 10 times the rates and wire the money back home to the family! Such is " love"!

That's funny I've heard quite the opposite. Just because a girl has worked a bar doesn't mean she will always be a bar girl, I'm not saying it doesn't happen but I believe many farangs like to think that a relationship involving an ex bar girl, will fail miserably.

Its a load of tosh really.

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[A1Str8]

In my opinion the best way to deal with it is to stay away from it.

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[Paulzed]

That's very funny, but sadly true! Which is exactly what l said in my very first post on the topic .

You can take the girl out of Pattaya but you can't take Pattaya out of the girl- not even if you take them home!! I have heard of several guys who bring them home, only to find that they discover the red light districts and charge 10 times the rates and wire the money back home to the family! Such is " love"!

That's funny I've heard quite the opposite. Just because a girl has worked a bar doesn't mean she will always be a bar girl, I'm not saying it doesn't happen but I believe many farangs like to think that a relationship involving an ex bar girl, will fail miserably.

Its a load of tosh really.

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Bar Girls are brain washed at an early age.

I could write a book on all of the people that I know that were married to bar girls in Thailand and lived together in Thailand and the ones that were taken out of Thailand and brought to Australia, had children, go a respectable job etc...these relationships all ended badly, Jail, Murder, Suicide, Children on hard drugs etc...

I would have to say that I know of only four couples that are still together after many years of marriage and the Thai ladies in these relationships never worked in a bar before and were university educated before meeting their Farung husband.

[longstebe]

That's very funny, but sadly true! Which is exactly what l said in my very first post on the topic .

You can take the girl out of Pattaya but you can't take Pattaya out of the girl- not even if you take them home!! I have heard of several guys who bring them home, only to find that they discover the red light districts and charge 10 times the rates and wire the money back home to the family! Such is " love"!

That's funny I've heard quite the opposite. Just because a girl has worked a bar doesn't mean she will always be a bar girl, I'm not saying it doesn't happen but I believe many farangs like to think that a relationship involving an ex bar girl, will fail miserably.

Its a load of tosh really.

Sent from my GT-I9505 using Thaivisa Connect Thailand mobile app

Bar Girls are brain washed at an early age.

I could write a book on all of the people that I know that were married to bar girls in Thailand and lived together in Thailand and the ones that were taken out of Thailand and brought to Australia, had children, go a respectable job etc...these relationships all ended badly, Jail, Murder, Suicide, Children on hard drugs etc...

I would have to say that I know of only four couples that are still together after many years of marriage and the Thai ladies in these relationships never worked in a bar before and were university educated before meeting their Farung husband.

So your telling me that a relationship that ends in "murder, suicide, children on hard drugs" Is down to the female working a bar in her late teens early twenties?

Again, its to easy to generalise and put all of these relationships in the failed bracket.

Not "all" marriages fail if one has married a bar girl, its just impossible to say that.

Its typical farang mentality.

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[Paulzed]

That's very funny, but sadly true! Which is exactly what l said in my very first post on the topic .

You can take the girl out of Pattaya but you can't take Pattaya out of the girl- not even if you take them home!! I have heard of several guys who bring them home, only to find that they discover the red light districts and charge 10 times the rates and wire the money back home to the family! Such is " love"!

That's funny I've heard quite the opposite. Just because a girl has worked a bar doesn't mean she will always be a bar girl, I'm not saying it doesn't happen but I believe many farangs like to think that a relationship involving an ex bar girl, will fail miserably.

Its a load of tosh really.

Sent from my GT-I9505 using Thaivisa Connect Thailand mobile app

Bar Girls are brain washed at an early age.

I could write a book on all of the people that I know that were married to bar girls in Thailand and lived together in Thailand and the ones that were taken out of Thailand and brought to Australia, had children, go a respectable job etc...these relationships all ended badly, Jail, Murder, Suicide, Children on hard drugs etc...

I would have to say that I know of only four couples that are still together after many years of marriage and the Thai ladies in these relationships never worked in a bar before and were university educated before meeting their Farung husband.

So your telling me that a relationship that ends in "murder, suicide, children on hard drugs" Is down to the female working a bar in her late teens early twenties?

Again, its to easy to generalise and put all of these relationships in the failed bracket.

Not "all" marriages fail if one has married a bar girl, its just impossible to say that.

Its typical farang mentality.

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I didn't say that all marriages to Thai bar girls will fail and please forgive me if you took offence to my statement.

I said that all of the marriages that I know of e.g. my personal friends and people that I have worked with, have failed.

If you are married to a Thai Bar Girl and your marriage is great, then I am glad for you for finding and marrying a good lady.

But the statistics are high for failure and misery.

http://www.thailovelines.com/Frontinfo/thai-bar-girls-australian-men.html

[casualposter]

My advice, its never going to work out unless you have solid plans to move to Thailand, or to get your girlfriend to move to your home country. If you're not far enough in the relationship to have such plans, then you either need to get to that point quickly, or get out. Without a solid future plan, its not much of a relationship anyway.

How long will a girl put her life on-hold for you? And how long would you do the same? Unless you're both working toward a real end-game where you can actually be together and have a "real life", its pretty much just a dream.

THIS. IS. PERFECT.

Relationship founded on holiday romance + no plans to live together = fail.

Note. I don't think the OP is talking about the the type of LDR where the husband opts to works overseas for several months at a time.

[Loles]

Means you would like to hear a lot of fairy-tail from TV members here. They do it just wait.

[longstebe]

That's very funny, but sadly true! Which is exactly what l said in my very first post on the topic .

You can take the girl out of Pattaya but you can't take Pattaya out of the girl- not even if you take them home!! I have heard of several guys who bring them home, only to find that they discover the red light districts and charge 10 times the rates and wire the money back home to the family! Such is " love"!

That's funny I've heard quite the opposite. Just because a girl has worked a bar doesn't mean she will always be a bar girl, I'm not saying it doesn't happen but I believe many farangs like to think that a relationship involving an ex bar girl, will fail miserably.

Its a load of tosh really.

Sent from my GT-I9505 using Thaivisa Connect Thailand mobile app

Bar Girls are brain washed at an early age.

I could write a book on all of the people that I know that were married to bar girls in Thailand and lived together in Thailand and the ones that were taken out of Thailand and brought to Australia, had children, go a respectable job etc...these relationships all ended badly, Jail, Murder, Suicide, Children on hard drugs etc...

I would have to say that I know of only four couples that are still together after many years of marriage and the Thai ladies in these relationships never worked in a bar before and were university educated before meeting their Farung husband.

So your telling me that a relationship that ends in "murder, suicide, children on hard drugs" Is down to the female working a bar in her late teens early twenties?

Again, its to easy to generalise and put all of these relationships in the failed bracket.

Not "all" marriages fail if one has married a bar girl, its just impossible to say that.

Its typical farang mentality.

Sent from my GT-I9505 using Thaivisa Connect Thailand mobile app

I didn't say that all marriages to Thai bar girls will fail and please forgive me if you took offence to my statement.

I said that all of the marriages that I know of e.g. my personal friends and people that I have worked with, have failed.

If you are married to a Thai Bar Girl and your marriage is great, then I am glad for you for finding and marrying a good lady.

But the statistics are high for failure and misery.

http://www.thailovelines.com/Frontinfo/thai-bar-girls-australian-men.html

Fair comment mate but please show me where I can find these so called statistics. Like I say, its impossible and you are only going off a very very small percentage.

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[nithisa78]

Long distance relationships....ain't they grand.....I've had one for 6 years, and there is always just a tweak of "What if she is playing up" or "what if she is just a liar and I am one of many". It is inevitable with the amount of crap we all talk about on this forum. We are all so ready to bag each other out, tell each other we are suckers and losers. How can we have any confidence in anything when we have such a supportive brotherhood. I see my wife every 6 months, I talk to her everyday, I skype with her and her family, and if I've had one to many beers, I get paranoid that she is at home on the farm, but screwing the village. But it is usually moments like that that I find I am the weakest link in the relationship.

I am the doubter, I am the jealous one, I am the failure. My dear wife, she is as hard as nails, she is self confident, she is beautiful, and she can be a piece of work as can I, but above all, she has self respect, she holds her head high, she would never want any of her friends family or villagers to look down upon her, and she has a beautiful heart, and a hint of compassion. I know her family well, I do not pay huge amounts of money every month, and her father and mother and sister and brother adore me and treat me as a family member. I love when we meet up at the airport, and then the next two or three or four weeks that we are together it is as if we had never been apart. It's as if our conversation takes up from just where we left it at the departures lounge.

She is my best mate, she is my friend, she is my lover. If I were to die tomorrow and it had all just been a big lie, well, I will have died happy, for I have never had a more convincing relationship, never had a more loving and caring relationship, and have never loved so unconditionally, and as far as I am concerned, if they are that good an actress over all of these years, they deserve that academy award just for having put up with me for that long, forgiving some of my jealous rants, and for loving me when at times I know I wasn't really deserving of it. So with that, I have to go, it is time to call my wife. God bless all of us who are in this situation, and may he grant us the perserverence and the humility and peace to always treat our long distance loves with trust, and the respect that they deserve.

Thank you for this. From many who fear this level of honesty and thank you from we that also have the courage and honesty. The humility to endure the some time pains of growth and faith. Hallelujah