Becoming less social as I get older

[soalbundy]

I know where you are coming from

[wabothai]

Socializing with whom ??

[HeijoshinCool]

Socialising is like sex. Once you've tried every position and permutation and there's nowhere else to go, you retreat into your thoughts. Stimulation becomes just that much harder ...

or mowing the lawn....whether it needs it or not, rather than do something you have absolutely no interest in...

I found that mowing the lawn revitalized my interest in sex.

Stop smelling the petrol...

These days, as you get older, sex comes in second place....I prefer a cup of tea, it's warmer and lasts longer.

.

*sigh*

Metaphors on TV go to waste ….

I don't have any grass.

[kerrysum]

My opinion? find your own peace inside.. I think the interchange between people used to be so different.... Most of it I have found is that they don't know who you are, or maybe you do not know them.... My wife just returned to Thailand for 2 months, I find this to be a great test, last time she went, she wanted to return in just two weeks..... and that trip was for only a month... I think many forget of how things are, and sometimes like such things as they were the way before.... Even my wife has a relative that lives right next door, her mother has refused to talk to them for over 20 years... And they feel the same way.... But when I have gone to their house they like to talk.... That's just the way it is..... Hmmmmm... didn't Phil Collins right a song about this? Just a thought.......

kilosierra

[XpatMike]

I'm in my '60s and socialise very little if at all, except with my partner. I avoid people like the plague. I do sometimes try to help farang tourists though - and now avoid even them after being looked up and down in case I am a scammer or worse. If they ask for help I am more than happy to help, but don't approach them very often anymore. I just find people rather boring with standard topics and responses. Prefer to read, internet, walk, listen to music. I am, however, a loner type so it's easy and pleasant to be on my own as I've always been like that. I just find socialising an irritating drag. Maybe it's easier to be alone in Thailand - it's all a kind of white noise to me.

BTW, in response to the last post, I have a full head of hair and the old libido fine for my age and definitely din't overdue it earlier in life. I am happily grumpy, though.

The previous poster sounds like he can't stand his own company - never a problem with me.

Could not have put it better, myself! Also in my '60's with a head full of hair and still interested (!) - married to a lovely Thai lady and live way out in the sticks and never see tourists and there is only 1 other farang here and I ''respect'' his privacy i.e. I don't bother him and hope he respects my ''privacy''!

[Paulzed]

Socialising is like sex. Once you've tried every position and permutation and there's nowhere else to go, you retreat into your thoughts. Stimulation becomes just that much harder ...

or mowing the lawn....whether it needs it or not, rather than do something you have absolutely no interest in...

I found that mowing the lawn revitalized my interest in sex.

You sure its not "cutting the grass" you are referring to?

[laislica]

If we are lucky, as we age, we have more wisdom compared to the people who are around us.

At the time we hit the middle age crisis, we are actually in transformation from the person who used to ask all the questions to gain knowledge to a person who at this point should start sharing the knowledge to the younger ones.

I still like to talk to the older people as I'm not planning to grow wise any time soon. The problem is that it's often hard to find people who can and will share their knowledge, at least on subjects which interest me.

Spot on!

I'm 2 years past the biblical sell-by-date.

I have a mine of (usless?) information - knowledge.

I was lucky enough to meet a man in his mid 50's who had an enquiring mind and we were able to converse enjoyably.

Sometimes, trying to have a conversation with a younger person is like trying to shove butter up a porcupine's ar$e with a hot knife - Not easy or enjoyable - so why do it?

When the student is ready- a teacher will appear.

[Greg Nixon]

I read yesterday evening that talking to strangers will give you a positive outlook. I had been out early in the day and had spoken to many strangers something I seldom do. I was unusually cheerful on my way home and wondered why. Now I know increase my positive attitude by chatting with strangers.

[dotpoom]

I have always enjoyed my own company but can be very sociable when in other people's company. But as you say.....I find myself less and less inclined to want to make conversation with the people I know and with people I don't know. I have given this a lot of thought recently as to why this is and the answer I have come up with is that I am getting very tired of the self contentedness of the majority of people I know. I am a very strong believer in the principle that people should be of support to each other whenever they have an opportunity. If I hear of a relationship breakup, or a death in a friends family or their children get into some sort of trouble or sickness in the family, I will go out of my way to try and be of comfort to that person and making sure they have my phone No. if ever they need an ear to talk to. When I pass them in the street i will ask them how things are regarding whatever problem that have told me about. That is the way I was brought up. I have to say...the majority of people I know here are not of this ilk. I would probably die of shock if one of them asked me how so and so was if i had told them about a sickness in the family or some similar event. People these days don't even seem to bother acknowledging emails.....when it's a million times simpler that when we used to have to write letters.

In my youth I went with the flow.......now that I'm older and a little bit wiser and more secure in myself (mentally) I can enjoy the privileged of picking the company that i feel is good for me and not the company of people that bring me down.

I

[Seastallion]

I'm in my '60s and socialise very little if at all, except with my partner. I avoid people like the plague. I do sometimes try to help farang tourists though - and now avoid even them after being looked up and down in case I am a scammer or worse. If they ask for help I am more than happy to help, but don't approach them very often anymore. I just find people rather boring with standard topics and responses. Prefer to read, internet, walk, listen to music. I am, however, a loner type so it's easy and pleasant to be on my own as I've always been like that. I just find socialising an irritating drag. Maybe it's easier to be alone in Thailand - it's all a kind of white noise to me.

BTW, in response to the last post, I have a full head of hair and the old libido fine for my age and definitely din't overdue it earlier in life. I am happily grumpy, though.

The previous poster sounds like he can't stand his own company - never a problem with me.

I was excersising my weird sense of humour. I excuse your grumpiness in not getting it, because indeed it is weird humour.

I LOVE my own company by the way. Some people call it antisocial to prefer one's own company.

That's not to say I don't enjoy the occasional company of friends, because I certainly do....but I have no problems being alone with my thoughts and my weird humour.

[Justanotherpassword]

I think it shows good judgement to be more selective of friends with age. More selective can mean several things. You look for the good things and the accomplishments and attitudes of the other. I have friends from their 30's to their mid 80's and have lived in Thailand nearly ten years. I have had to whittle down certain friendships if the other person did not strike me as "quite sane enough."

The other side of this coin is that our elders and contemporaries die and this can be painful. "No one told stories better than old Jake!" Losing friends can make us slower to add them because we miss those truly few other humans we are more than an "acquaintance" to. There is never a time to miss making a new acquaintance and by degrees forming new friendships. It keeps your mind and outlook young.

[Seastallion]

Socialising is like sex. Once you've tried every position and permutation and there's nowhere else to go, you retreat into your thoughts. Stimulation becomes just that much harder ...

or mowing the lawn....whether it needs it or not, rather than do something you have absolutely no interest in...

I found that mowing the lawn revitalized my interest in sex.

I mowed my lawn 3 times last month and it only worked once

I don't think it's your "lawn" that you're supposed to mow.

[CMDAWI]

I would like to observe that all aspects of our lives need to be managed. I go to the work-out room regularly doing the walk master,tread mill and do also lift weights and swim .I am in the habit of daily reading and writing.I keep my healthy levels of curiosity by exposing myself to areas and persons that I have not encountered before.I seek out the companionship of women; younger and much older folks and from differing backgrounds. There is still so much to learn and to be exposed to.At almost 70 years of age, i feel very alive.I share whatever wisdom I have accumulated over the years. I have lived and or worked in Africa,Asia,North America and in Europe. One has to do oneself a favor by " ...reaching out and touching someone." I highly recommend taking up some classes and learn a new language or a new musical instrument . Doing volunteer work can be fulfilling . Several studies have shown that Joining some social groups or clubs contribute towards better mental health . One such group comes to mind: Chiang Mai Social Gathering on FB with no fee and no obligations ; they are about Dinning Out, Social Gatherings, Keeping The Art Of Conversations Alive And Well,Sharing Travel Stories, Food and dining out , Special Topics, Coffee+Tea, and more ...

[catweazle]

Hi Puukao, thanks for asking such a rather personal personal question, respectively stepping into the line of fire here at TV with your concern. I am sure you will (as almost anyone who dares to ask a question here) be subject to much ridicule as well, but rotten apples are to be found in any forum, right?

I'm 49 and can chatter until the cows come home when drunk (happens perhaps 3 times per year on b-day parties, new year, whatever), and have to do a lot of one-on-one communication with clients due to my job. Luckily, my area of interest is widely spread, so I can basically click with almost anyone, except when they are complete #$$holes... This all said, I can tell you that you are not alone! I figured that most conversation and socialising with a larger circle of "friends" (blessed is the one who finds >one< real friend in life) is pointless. Very often, after a nice night out, where everyone "loves" each other so much and plans to do this and that in the future together, blabla - everything is forgotten the next day and life troddles on as usual... I rather spend time with my wife and kids and if I feel like it, a tiny circle of 3 or so highly valued friends. As much as I liked socialising in earlier days, as much do I appreciate my peace and quiet nowadays. I think it comes with age... You get a bit more wiser and you choose more carefully how your valuable time is spent instead of wasting it with nonsense babble and boozing.

Hope this helps. Hang in there, pal !

Edited June 12, 2014 by catweazle

[HeijoshinCool]

Socialising is like sex. Once you've tried every position and permutation and there's nowhere else to go, you retreat into your thoughts. Stimulation becomes just that much harder ...

or mowing the lawn....whether it needs it or not, rather than do something you have absolutely no interest in...

I found that mowing the lawn revitalized my interest in sex.

You sure its not "cutting the grass" you are referring to?

.

Mowing the lawn.

Cutting the grass.

Trimming the hedge.

Same-same.

[raybal5]

Socialising is like sex. Once you've tried every position and permutation and there's nowhere else to go, you retreat into your thoughts. Stimulation becomes just that much harder ...

or mowing the lawn....whether it needs it or not, rather than do something you have absolutely no interest in...

I found that mowing the lawn revitalized my interest in sex.

Stop smelling the petrol...

These days, as you get older, sex comes in second place....I prefer a cup of tea, it's warmer and lasts longer.

Wow weegee, you must have really huge cups of tea.

[Doc46]

It could be age, but then again I just think it's different for everybody. Some people are just naturally expressive and they like to have people around them. Other people are reclusive and like their alone time.

When I took care of my uncle a few years ago he loved to talk to people. He was 78 years old and had Parkinson's disease. We would go out and he would tell the pretty girls that they looked good. When I took him out to a restaurant he would go to a table full of people and just strike up a conversation. There could be 10 people sitting at the table and he would walk over and start talking to them. If it was a table with young couples he would tell the guys that they were lucky to have such beautiful girlfriends.

Now, his brother was the opposite. He didn't talk with many people and kept to himself. Funny how that happens.

I bet you his brother did not have Parkinson's disease,,,and smarter.

[332]

Me at 25: Hey, how's it going?

Me at 35: Fukc Off, I'm busy and have no interest in you.

[pieeyed]

Unless you have nice tits or a nice ass your are probably not worth talking too.

[WitawatWatawit]

I mowed my lawn 3 times last month and it only worked once

I don't think it's your "lawn" that you're supposed to mow.

Be careful you don't steer this thread into a moral morass.

[rotary]

I have had this good habit eh I mean problem for years. I know lots of people but really do not have any friends. Seldom if ever speak to another farang especially if I see them up country as 90% of the time he is doing something silly and he might ask for my opinion. Really I am a bit of a loner. As I said in a previous post "I will have to hire mourners for my funeral". I stay at work most of the time in isolated work areas and I joke with the workers I have to stay here as this is the only place I have paid friends. I guess my wife matches me......she calls it "friendsh*t"

You will be fine..........You are normal.

[Johnniey]

I became less social in my 40's, as I grew wiser.

[vogie]

If I'm not miserable, I'm not happy ;(

[RichBKK]

Never came naturally to me but forced myself to do it as I felt that certain milestones weren't achievable by staying at home with books etc, even though it's what I instinctively preferred

So I sort of forced myself, quite enjoyed it, getting drunk, going to pubs etc. it was fun but it wasn't deep down really me

Then aged 30 I get married, became a dad a year later and was diagnosed with a serious health condition at the same time which meant no more drinking alcohol now or perhaps for ever and a drastic career scale back

So motivation is gone. Back to square one, but in a way I don't mind because I think my daughter and family are enough for me now. I don't feel like I have to be out there and be seen any more like I maybe did when I was younger

And that happened to me I reckon quite a bit younger than most on here reckon it comes to people at different stages of their lives. The biggest waste were the uni couples I encountered aged 20 who were living like couples twice their age minus the kids. Mid life crisis candidates for sure

[penwithcris]

I'm in my seventies and love to talk to people of all ages and sexes. I find people's lives so interesting in the main, although I can find listening to people's physical ailments hard going

I used to like talking to children too, but this pleasure has been lost by the tragic public perception that any adult talking to a child must be a paedophile

But aside from that I continue to learn so much from interacting with other individuals, and of course, it's the way to make friends and enlarge one's circle of acquaintances

Everyone is different as has been said, but conversing with pleasant company is certainly enjoyable for me - and it's free

[Card]

Perhaps technology has something to do with it? I was a gregarious youth, really enjoyed meeting, chatting with people. Very rarely do I speak to a stranger now, nearing 60 I've become a misanthrope. Email someone, very often no reply at all, call a mobile, very often no one picks up. When you do have coffee, lunch, dinner with someone, very often they are preocupied with their phone. if someone calls in the middle of your conversation, the phone wins out and you can sit like a dummy for 10 - 15 minutes while they discuss......BS that could wait for later?

Even when I meet with my 20somethings at work, I have to tell them, every time, to leave their phones alone, look at me and listen. There are more of their age group that 'ours', so I've taken the pragmatic approach and, away from the workplace, only interact with those that can offer a real exchange which seems to be coming more and more rare.

It's a changing world and one man's meat.....

Absolutely agree. I've lost some friends coz when I told them I will only meet with them if they turn off their phones, which they constantly text on in company. No loss to me.

[OmegaRacer]

I always enjoyed being alone, or in solitude. I often am very emphatic. That means I 'absorb' other people's energy/mood quite easily. So I need time to get rid of that stuff, and being alone does miracles for me.

But you're right, in my case, getting older (40) increased the need for solitude.

[soalbundy]

I saw a notice on the wall of an office i was working in in Germany,translated it said,'With every passing day the number of people who can lick my a*se grows exponentially ''

[lovelomsak]

I found the older I got that most people had done nothing with their lives and were boring as hell. If I tried to relate what I had done they just plainly thought I was a bullsheeter or ignored me because they couldnot relate. I also found out that many arenot worth my time they lie so much. Why give someone your time in conversation when there is no substance to the conversation is how I feel about it. When I go back to Canada I tell people if I was a book you would read me.till they finished the book. But because I tell you to your face you consider me weird. Why bother is all I can say.

[BadBouy]

As long as you don't start asking yourself questions and then answering them, no problem

Things I overheard while talking to myself - Alan Alda

Talking to yourself is OK, it;s the arguing that drives me crazy!