In 10 Years I Have Never Had A Conversation With A Thai

[Neeranam]

Agree with the op,i can speak enough to understand a fair bit of what they are talking about,mostly 1 money,2 food and 3 strangely ab nam seems to come up an awful lot,i also know when they are gossiping as they all talk in whispers,and of course when i am around always falang this falang that,only once have i ever heard them discuss politics,sport never,the outside world? to most village Thai's there is none outside the local area,of course this is mainly due to the poor education system,but the language from what i see is a simple one so maybe this stymies conversation .

Thai is certainly not a simple language IMHO. I don't think the OP lives in a village anyway.

[marko kok prong]

Agree with the op,i can speak enough to understand a fair bit of what they are talking about,mostly 1 money,2 food and 3 strangely ab nam seems to come up an awful lot,i also know when they are gossiping as they all talk in whispers,and of course when i am around always falang this falang that,only once have i ever heard them discuss politics,sport never,the outside world? to most village Thai's there is none outside the local area,of course this is mainly due to the poor education system,but the language from what i see is a simple one so maybe this stymies conversation .

Thai is certainly not a simple language IMHO. I don't think the OP lives in a village anyway.

I am no expert,was only my opinion,and your right the op lives in Bangkok from what i can gather,so probably not a great comparison,just my humble experience.

[benalibina]

I suggest OP starts to get an interest in food, soaps and learn thai language. Problem solved for him.

[Neeranam]

You are right about villagers saying "ap naam" a lot! Whenever there is a gap in the conversation they say, "ap nam"

[Neeranam]

I suggest OP starts to get an interest in food, soaps and learn thai language. Problem solved for him.

Or change his non BG , educated wife that can't talk to him.

[benalibina]

I suggest OP starts to get an interest in food, soaps and learn thai language. Problem solved for him.

Or change his non BG , educated wife that can't talk to him.

Hmmm...he has a kid and one on the way i read in an other topic. So i stand by my above suggestion. Sorry !

[bonobo]

Hmmmmmmmmmmm...amazing how after 10 years here i have never seen anything even remotely close to this...what is your line of work and I assume these people are your work colleagues?....if you are a professor at Chula or similar and the people you are lunching with are other professors or similar then it is feasible.if you work in a regular office and these are regular office workers then I definitely am calling BS!

I have not experienced the same lack of conversations as the OP. I regularly, as in every day, have meaningful conversations over lunch at a minimum, and usually many more times as well (but lunch is almost an appointment.) We discuss politics, the stock market, the world economy, the future of Thailand, the future of other parts of the world . . . in other words, the same thing I might be discussing with other westerners.

People are people.

I work in a Thai manufacturing company. I eat with two to three other people regularly, others as they are there. We also eat with visitors when they are at the factory, usually Germans or Austrians, and the conversation is not different if they are there, except possibly that we do not discuss the stock market as much. .

That fact that you can "call BS" is remarkable to me as to the best of my recollection, you have not had lunch with me even once.

It is not only at work, either. I have a number of Thai friends, and we get together for Sunday lunch or other occasions. Two Sundays ago, I did a rib meal, and if I remember correctly, we sat around for about three hours after eating, doing what? Talking. Chatting. Having a conversation. We did talk about the political situation, but we also talked about holsters, building a fish pond, Chicago, salami, exercise and sauna after (whether someone should sauna after working out), and I am sure quite a few other things which has since slipped my mind.

[JesseFrank]

I have not experienced the same lack of conversations as the OP. I regularly, as in every day, have meaningful conversations over lunch at a minimum, and usually many more times as well (but lunch is almost an appointment.) We discuss politics, the stock market, the world economy, the future of Thailand, the future of other parts of the world . . . in other words, the same thing I might be discussing with other westerners.

People are people.

Is it possible that you forgot to mention in your post that the people you have lunch with isn't the average Somchai, but are actually higher level educated Thais ?

[bowerboy]

I guess one question I have for the "apologists" (for want of a better term) is how often do you get out of Thailand? If all you do is stay here then you really have nothing to compare to...if you people stay here for a long time without ever leaving and nothing to compare to (in new cultures not your own) then it seems it is all too easy to become the proverbial "frog in a slowly boiling pan of water"

Maybe time to leave the village and reassess??

Going local is a real danger here...we have all seen it.........the Colonel Kurtz's of Thailand so to speak..

I hope I never make that mistake...and it IS a mistake.

[bonobo]

I have not experienced the same lack of conversations as the OP. I regularly, as in every day, have meaningful conversations over lunch at a minimum, and usually many more times as well (but lunch is almost an appointment.) We discuss politics, the stock market, the world economy, the future of Thailand, the future of other parts of the world . . . in other words, the same thing I might be discussing with other westerners.

People are people.

Is it possible that you forgot to mention in your post that the people you have lunch with isn't the average Somchai, but are actually higher level educated Thais ?

The friends who I had over for ribs are in fact highly educated. In fact, I met them while earning my own Ph.D. However, the lunch group is not particularly educated.

I am not sure why that should matter, though. The OP wrote that "Thais" don't hold meaningful conversations, not that lower-educated Thais don't hold meaningful conversations.

[bowerboy]

Checkout this dudes post about the wedding...he invited 250 people and 3 turned up and only 6 even responded (including the 3 that came)..those statistics would suggest he is a little removed from the reality of his interpersonal relationships.....i am betting his Thai friends interpretation of their deep and meaningful daily lunches are somewhat different that his..

I am referring in my post to real conversation..not talking at people while they feign interest...

The stats do give my argument some credence in this case..

I have not experienced the same lack of conversations as the OP. I regularly, as in every day, have meaningful conversations over lunch at a minimum, and usually many more times as well (but lunch is almost an appointment.) We discuss politics, the stock market, the world economy, the future of Thailand, the future of other parts of the world . . . in other words, the same thing I might be discussing with other westerners.

People are people.

Is it possible that you forgot to mention in your post that the people you have lunch with isn't the average Somchai, but are actually higher level educated Thais ?

[benalibina]

I guess one question I have for the "apologists" (for want of a better term) is how often do you get out of Thailand? If all you do is stay here then you really have nothing to compare to...if you people stay here for a long time without ever leaving and nothing to compare to (in new cultures not your own) then it seems it is all too easy to become the proverbial "frog in a slowly boiling pan of water"

Maybe time to leave the village and reassess??

Going local is a real danger here...we have all seen it.........the Colonel Kurtz's of Thailand so to speak..

I hope I never make that mistake...and it IS a mistake.

I can really relate to where you are coming from. I am far from an "apologist" but i sincerely think you need to do some introspection. Sorry to say. Many drops can overflow the bucket. That seems to be the problem in your stories.

[bonobo]

I guess one question I have for the "apologists" (for want of a better term) is how often do you get out of Thailand? If all you do is stay here then you really have nothing to compare to...if you people stay here for a long time without ever leaving and nothing to compare to (in new cultures not your own) then it seems it is all too easy to become the proverbial "frog in a slowly boiling pan of water"

Maybe time to leave the village and reassess??

Going local is a real danger here...we have all seen it.........the Colonel Kurtz's of Thailand so to speak..

I hope I never make that mistake...and it IS a mistake.

Your use of the term "apologists" reeks of elitism. Just because someone doesn't agree with you or has had other experiences does not mean one thing or the other. It means they have not had the same experiences.

As for this "apologist," over the last six months, I have been back to the US twice, Germany, Austria, and Italy once, the Philippines once, and China once. I am leaving for Cambodia in the morning, and I will be in China the week of the 7th. I will be back in the US in August. If that isn't enough, I spent last week at a convention for American veterans. Oddly enough, the stories we told each other were not that different than stories I've told Thais.

[bonobo]

Checkout this dudes post about the wedding...he invited 250 people and 3 turned up and only 6 even responded (including the 3 that came)..those statistics would suggest he is a little removed from the reality of his interpersonal relationships.....i am betting his Thai friends interpretation of their deep and meaningful daily lunches are somewhat different that his..

I am referring in my post to real conversation..not talking at people while they feign interest...

The stats do give my argument some credence in this case..

I have not experienced the same lack of conversations as the OP. I regularly, as in every day, have meaningful conversations over lunch at a minimum, and usually many more times as well (but lunch is almost an appointment.) We discuss politics, the stock market, the world economy, the future of Thailand, the future of other parts of the world . . . in other words, the same thing I might be discussing with other westerners.

People are people.

Is it possible that you forgot to mention in your post that the people you have lunch with isn't the average Somchai, but are actually higher level educated Thais ?

You should really get things in perspective, there. The people who didn't show up were westerners, not Thais. All my Thai friends managed to show, not that that is pertinent to the question here. Whether my foreign friends are good friends or not, whether I am a complete jerk in my personal relations or not is irrelevant to the case. You posed a specific statement, one in which your "meaningful" conversations could be considered rather light. I have had different experiences, and I have them every work day, at least. Whether the Thais with me think it is meaningful or not is another question, but the fact of the matter is that they participate in them. And that fits the definition as you stated.

Until you sit in at a conversation at our lunch, for example, I would suggest that quit making specious assumptions for which you have no basis. And I really would suggest that you do not call another poster a liar, especially without grounds to do so (yes, "calling BS" is calling that person a liar.)

[JesseFrank]

I have not experienced the same lack of conversations as the OP. I regularly, as in every day, have meaningful conversations over lunch at a minimum, and usually many more times as well (but lunch is almost an appointment.) We discuss politics, the stock market, the world economy, the future of Thailand, the future of other parts of the world . . . in other words, the same thing I might be discussing with other westerners.

People are people.

Is it possible that you forgot to mention in your post that the people you have lunch with isn't the average Somchai, but are actually higher level educated Thais ?

The friends who I had over for ribs are in fact highly educated. In fact, I met them while earning my own Ph.D. However, the lunch group is not particularly educated.

I am not sure why that should matter, though. The OP wrote that "Thais" don't hold meaningful conversations, not that lower-educated Thais don't hold meaningful conversations.

It should matter because 90% of the Thai population is low or uneducated, so the chance is that the OP does not meet people with a Ph.D. Actually there is a small chance that any foreigner regularly meets highly educated Thai people .

[thailiketoo]

I have not experienced the same lack of conversations as the OP. I regularly, as in every day, have meaningful conversations over lunch at a minimum, and usually many more times as well (but lunch is almost an appointment.) We discuss politics, the stock market, the world economy, the future of Thailand, the future of other parts of the world . . . in other words, the same thing I might be discussing with other westerners.

People are people.

Is it possible that you forgot to mention in your post that the people you have lunch with isn't the average Somchai, but are actually higher level educated Thais ?

The friends who I had over for ribs are in fact highly educated. In fact, I met them while earning my own Ph.D. However, the lunch group is not particularly educated.

I am not sure why that should matter, though. The OP wrote that "Thais" don't hold meaningful conversations, not that lower-educated Thais don't hold meaningful conversations.

It should matter because 90% of the Thai population is low or uneducated, so the chance is that the OP does not meet people with a Ph.D. Actually there is a small chance that any foreigner regularly meets highly educated Thai people .

Higher education in public and private institutes in Thailand has 197. Of these, 76 are public (excluding universities for the religious training of monks). These 76 institutes can be categorized as 16 well established public universities, 2 open universities, 41 rajabhat universities, 9 universities of technology, 8 antonomous universities, 58 university extension campuses, 32 private universities, and 31 private colleges that offer bachelor programs. I also anticipate that more institutes of higher education will open in the future....resulting in between 300,000 to 400,000 new graduates per annum.

http://blog.nationmultimedia.com/print.php?id=2435

Scuse me Mr Frank but you don't know what you are talking about.

[benalibina]

I have not experienced the same lack of conversations as the OP. I regularly, as in every day, have meaningful conversations over lunch at a minimum, and usually many more times as well (but lunch is almost an appointment.) We discuss politics, the stock market, the world economy, the future of Thailand, the future of other parts of the world . . . in other words, the same thing I might be discussing with other westerners.

People are people.

Is it possible that you forgot to mention in your post that the people you have lunch with isn't the average Somchai, but are actually higher level educated Thais ?

The friends who I had over for ribs are in fact highly educated. In fact, I met them while earning my own Ph.D. However, the lunch group is not particularly educated.

I am not sure why that should matter, though. The OP wrote that "Thais" don't hold meaningful conversations, not that lower-educated Thais don't hold meaningful conversations.

It should matter because 90% of the Thai population is low or uneducated, so the chance is that the OP does not meet people with a Ph.D. Actually there is a small chance that any foreigner regularly meets highly educated Thai people .

Higher education in public and private institutes in Thailand has 197. Of these, 76 are public (excluding universities for the religious training of monks). These 76 institutes can be categorized as 16 well established public universities, 2 open universities, 41 rajabhat universities, 9 universities of technology, 8 antonomous universities, 58 university extension campuses, 32 private universities, and 31 private colleges that offer bachelor programs. I also anticipate that more institutes of higher education will open in the future....resulting in between 300,000 to 400,000 new graduates per annum.

http://blog.nationmultimedia.com/print.php?id=2435

Scuse me Mr Frank but you don't know what you are talking about.

Hmmmm....nice statistics, not bothered to open the link though to be honest but i know yiu so they are most likely to be correct, but its a little too easy. I have met, not extensively, people from universities etc but cultural differences, lack of time and common interests are not making it easy to get meaningfull conversations, leaving even out the quality of the education.Not to say that is impossible however.

[JesseFrank]

Higher education in public and private institutes in Thailand has 197. Of these, 76 are public (excluding universities for the religious training of monks). These 76 institutes can be categorized as 16 well established public universities, 2 open universities, 41 rajabhat universities, 9 universities of technology, 8 antonomous universities, 58 university extension campuses, 32 private universities, and 31 private colleges that offer bachelor programs. I also anticipate that more institutes of higher education will open in the future....resulting in between 300,000 to 400,000 new graduates per annum.

http://blog.nationmultimedia.com/print.php?id=2435

Scuse me Mr Frank but you don't know what you are talking about.

Sorry Kelly, tell us again about kilo sip in Sattahip.

[ATF]

I think the real problem here is no one wants to talk to you, including falungs. I associate and play golf with Thais of all social status up to Ministerial Level and they always have something interesting to talk about. Even stories about WWII and Vietnam from older Thais. I find it very insulting that you are basically calling Thais empty and vacuous but then I have never had an intellectual discussion with an Aussie or Kiwi but I would not criticize them for that. They prefer to talk about sport and drinking in my experience but I've had many a good laugh.

Taking a cheap shot at someone's wedding shows you are a TNUC.

[Gringogazzer]

Causcasion...181cms and 76kgs...work as a professional in oil and gas industry..dress well and drive a nice car as does wife...non BG wife, educated with nice family..never had an in depth conversation with wife and in over 4 years never detected or heard any conversation of any meaning between her family or friends..

Someone is living in a bubble and or dream world and i am pretty certain its not me

I can substantiate that claim that some posters on here are out of touch with reality

There's your issue.

181cm same as me, "falang so high cannot see the road"

[piersbeckett]

Firstly, pray tell, what was his job?

I've been based here, on and off for about ten year also and I couldn't agree with you more. The trouble with a yes or no answer from a person with a different first language from oneself is that one's never quite sure if one, they understood the question and moreover that the answer is true; after all, a lot of conversation is clarification to assure the contributors that they're all on the same page.

I've known I think only two Thai's I could talk to; both spoke English, one was a muay thai fighter turned headmaster of a school I taught at and the other was a neighbour who'd been a tour guide here and had lived and worked in Australia for two years. Both were blokes and both were interested in politics and the history of Thailand. My experience has been very similar to yours; other things I've noticed about Thais in conversation is their repeating the question prior to answering it, as if they were in a examination situation, seldom making comparisons and inability or unwillingness to discuss a particular text i.e. book, film, painting etc..

[DrTuner]

They've tried to have serious conversations with me, but I went all Thai and gave them a fake smile. I didn't come here for debates.

[bina]

when u say conversation, do you mean, daily living interaction discussions, or deep philosphical ' why am i here' discussions. thais dont seem to like the latter but defiantely babble about the former... im female, and had real conversations with: villagers. with one, we discussed her spinal problems, another, rabid dogs and house dogs, pure breds etc; another, breastfeeding vx. bottle feeding... with my sisters' in law we discussed alot about how we (hubby and i) live here and the differences in living (payments, how much is the cost of living, climate/plants, work problems/hours...)... same as what we talk about here for the most part with friends. i hate politics but found that many thai workers FROM ISSAN knew and were interested in israel's politcs, mcuh more then i was. and im certainly not going to discuss thai politics as i ahvent a clue.

to have a converstaion you have to listen as well as speak, and thais are often polite and not stop a flow of babble or they dont want to argue.

btw, i found that many thais taht ive met are very very opinionated. they just dont flaunt it when in groups as it could cause discord, which they dont usually like to do. so unlike living here wehn everyone rants and shouts about THE BALL or politics, they prefer politer conversations, wehreas in private they might be more willing to discuss more strongly felt topics.

ive had a harder time with thai women, but for some reason i become more reticent (as hard as that may seem ) when around them, as i dont want to discuss things that might not be considered polite when in groups, or whatever... although clothing and food is usually a good conversation starter.

[Soutpeel]

Causcasion...181cms and 76kgs...work as a professional in oil and gas industry..dress well and drive a nice car as does wife...non BG wife, educated with nice family..never had an in depth conversation with wife and in over 4 years never detected or heard any conversation of any meaning between her family or friends..

Someone is living in a bubble and or dream world and i am pretty certain its not me

I can substantiate that claim that some posters on here are out of touch with reality

Ah, the truth always comes out.

Why the need to say "non BG wife" and ;educated'? Why the need to state "professional"?

It's obvious that you are illiterate and can't hear what's being said around you, on the tv or in the newspapers.

You married a boring woman who can't communicate with you and are trying to feel better about yourself by criticizing the whole country

The only people who call themselves "professional's" in O&G are the safety numpties, maybe that's the reason no one wants to talk to him LOL

[bowerboy]

Bina, thanks for your normal, balanced and intelligent response. Its a shame it took until post 113 to get a sane opposing view! (The views in agreement all seemed sane and balanced I would point out).

Its a shame about the "I have daily discussions with the motocy taxi drivers at the end of my street about metaphysics, european fiscal policy, arbitrage on the international stock markets and other magnificent and lofty subjects which you as a retard seem incapable of and furthermore your wife is an ex prostitute and all Thai's hate you" type of posts which is what seems to be the modus operandi of TV posters!!

Yes come to think of it I have had some of the discussions you mention but as stated they are about more practical things rather than whimsical things where people relate their experiences and feelings about subjects.

[richard_smith237]

My best mate is a Thai guy I've known for a many years - we discuss, disagree, debate, argue and agree on many many topics...

However, I understand the Op's basic point: I too find that when compared to other neighbouring nations Thai's may be less forthcoming when it comes to open conversation and especially so when it comes to any open conversation which may in anyway be potentially controversial.

This is perhaps as a result of the general non-confrontational nature instilled in the Thai psyche when handling day to day interaction.

[ATF]

My best mate is a Thai guy I've known for a many years - we discuss, disagree, debate, argue and agree on many many topics...

However, I understand the Op's basic point: I too find that when compared to other neighbouring nations Thai's may be less forthcoming when it comes to open conversation and especially so when it comes to any open conversation which may in anyway be potentially controversial.

This is perhaps as a result of the general non-confrontational nature instilled in the Thai psyche when handling day to day interaction.

It's basically one of their forms of common sense. Why get into a discussion that there is no real answer too and how involving themselves in such a discussion will benefit them? If they beat you with their logic you will be offended and if you beat them they will be offended. No one wins.

They find it's better to talk about constructive things and their idea of constructive is different from yours. They would much rather talk about making money or things that are of general mutual interest. They don't want pointless discussions about things they cannot change. That's what the UN is for.

Edited June 16, 2014 by ATF

[Stradavarius37]

Thais might be on to something - Because after reading the OP's posts, I don't want to have a conversation with him either...

[srchino]

Thailand brings out things in most Farang that average Thais don't really want to associate with more than they are required to. If you really care to get to know Thais then I suggest:

1) completely stop hanging out with other foreigners/expats

2) do some activities different than your usual patterns (socializing in places other than alcohol establishments, etc)

3) meet some Thais outside of work circles. Even after you worked together it's hard to shed that professional rapport.

I've been here 12 years and I have only one foreigner friend, who lives in anther city and is more assimilated into Thai culture than I am. Despite my wholehearted attempt from the start to get to know Thais on a deeper level it took me years, maybe 8, to start seeing it happen. Once it got going it was like a tidal wave and many friends and their friends have adopted me as sort of the one outsider in their group- it's been fantastic to get to know them and yes, they think and talk about many things of substance, but it is very hard to get past that initial, cordial but politely unapproachable outer shell. It's not being elitist, but rather they mistakenly (or sometimes accurately) assume that foreigners are here for the traditional types of things that the somewhat conservative mainstream Thais don't want to associate with.

PS- nothing against drinking, my Thai friends and I go out a lot, but I was just thinking a change of place or circumstance might get you off to a different start. I have had just as many great times touring the temples in the provinces with friends' families as I have out partying the night before.

Get to know them, amazing people!

[Suradit69]

Do Thais have conversations among themselves that are of any real subtstance? As far as I can tell it is only ever about food or lottery numbers.

"As far as I can tell ..."

You realize it takes two people to have a conversation. Maybe you give the impression of being rather shallow.