Thai girls and their obsession with supporting their parents

[Tmymaimee]

Does anyone else get the feeling that poor Thai parents almost in a sense brainwash their daughters at a young age? They seem to instil this sense of eternal personal debt that is forever open, can never be fully repaid and only upon death does it finish. I've had Thais explain that its called milk money in that your mother breast fed you and supported you as an infant so now you must repay her (but its not an actual fixed amount).

I don't see the same brainwashing from normal parents that are smart enough to hold down a professional job....its mostly the poor families that try to enrichen themselves by placing this mental debt on their daughters.

<<<< Snip! >>>>

And it so often seems to be reserved for the lower educated parents. I don't know if they consciously plan the brainwashing when the child is born but I've never seen a more effective life-long mental abuse than what these parents can place on their children.

In the west, so often if the parents are too stupid to work hard in school and drop out, but their kid becomes a success, the kid is smart enough to analyze the truth about why his parents are poor and too bad for them.

And does it really help the family when the daughter sends money home every month? With their limited grasp of money management, the money is squandered anyways and might just as well have never been sent.

[Seastallion]

Why do you persist?

[bonobo]

Frankly, while I can see the point of view offered by the OP, I also would rather see error by going too far in the Thai way than on the way it can go too far in the West with parents abandoned to the nursing homes.

[AnotherOneAmerican]

Deja vu?

Edited June 16, 2014 by AnotherOneAmerican

[rgs2001uk]

Frankly, while I can see the point of view offered by the OP, I also would rather see error by going too far in the Thai way than on the way it can go too far in the West with parents abandoned to the nursing homes.

If you think it doesnt happen in Thailand you are sadly mistaken.

Just up the road from me there is a "nursing home" full of old people all Thai, costs about 18k per month per person.

Staffed by Burmese.

Someone somewhere (Thai) stumbled to the fact there is a need for this type of service.

[laolover88]

In the poorer parts of LOS child nurturing is physically and emotionally brutal. 2 consequences: 1. the children seek to be independent, assertive and free. 2. Like all victims they are imprisoned in a subservient relationship with their tormentors. Simple really

[laolover88]

Why is this type of posting by the OP allowed to continue?

Why not? It a really interesting aspect of Thai culture and value systems. It implies no criticism..it asks ...what is going on here? The whole issue of respect and obeisance and devotion and love and duty in Thai culture is so different from that in the west it deserves airing..no?

[Seastallion]

Why is this type of posting by the OP allowed to continue?

Maybe he is a sponsor.

In his previous same thread, I responded with a question, and then an answer to his OP question. I'll do it the other way around this time.

In answer to the OP, the citizens of any state that does not have a social welfare system need to create their own retirement security.

In my previous post, I also added words to the effect that any idiot would realise this, but I won't do that this time in case I break forum rules.

My question in the previous thread, which I'll not ask now, just report on, was "No mention of dark-skinned women in your derogatory thread? No insults aimed at HD or SG" or words to that effect.

[EyesWideOpen]

I had a Thai girl ask me one time if daughters in America send money

to their parents. After falling to the floor laughing, I was finally able to pick

myself up and tell her in America parents in America help out their grown

children with money. She looked at me in disbelief, and was sure I was lying.

I have a three year old daughter here. And I have made it abundantly clear

to my wife that when our daughter grows up, her mission in life will NOT be
to send her earnings back to her family. It is a sad system of servitude that

I truly dislike.When she is older , I will tell it to her as well.

The sons from Isan seem to be little light in the sending of money, somehow

this burden has fallen upon the girls. Which is why they are prized more,

since they are seen a future income source.......

[snottgoblin]

Why is this type of posting by the OP allowed to continue?

Why not? It a really interesting aspect of Thai culture and value systems. It implies no criticism..it asks ...what is going on here? The whole issue of respect and obeisance and devotion and love and duty in Thai culture is so different from that in the west it deserves airing..no?

Not really, given the posting history which leads me to suspect that it is aimed and generating criticism of Thai people again.

The over generalisations here at times are overwhelming

[muchogra]

"In the west, so often if the parents are too stupid to work hard in school and drop out, but their kid becomes a success, the kid is smart enough to analyze the truth about why his parents are poor and too bad for them."

I feel really sorry for your parents for bringing you up!

[marko kok prong]

Hey,whereyoustay,good topic,i was annoyed today again by the lazy Thai men,we had to go into town,so my Mrs had to close the shop,i asked why her Father could not sit in there for an hour",oh,he does not know the price for everything,"i told her hang on you have price labels on just about everything,"no he cannot" ,she said again,then i got it ,it was beneath him to sit in his daughters shop,and also he would have to stop lounging in his hammock,my step daughter usually run's the shop with my wife,but she is away,i asked what about your son when he comes home from school,she just shook her head,the little git never does anything,but toss litter around,so i have two fine examples of typical Thai men,too lazy to get of their &lt;deleted&gt; arse to even help the daughter,and mother ,that through me provides for them,i hold nothing but utter contempt for them

[samran]

You are suffering a case of success bias. You think cause you can do it, everyone else should or can be able to do it too. News flash, life doesn't work that way for everyone. Good for you that you've made it, but never demean others in the process. It cheapens your achievement.

As for the OP, family is important here. It isn't rocket science. If it isn't sending money for the parents in the poorer demographic, it is the child's obligation to spend time with the parents in richer circles. Ever gone to a restaurant on a weekend to see three generations of a family eating with the parents. Week in. Week out.

[marko kok prong]

You are suffering a case of success bias. You think cause you can do it, everyone else should or can be able to do it too. News flash, life doesn't work that way for everyone. Good for you that you've made it, but never demean others in the process. It cheapens your achievement.

As for the OP, family is important here. It isn't rocket science. If it isn't sending money for the parents in the poorer demographic, it is the child's obligation to spend time with the parents in richer circles. Ever gone to a restaurant on a weekend to see three generations of a family eating with the parents. Week in. Week out.

I don't know if your refering to my post but if you are,that's nonsense,lazy git's are lazy git's,and for me get zero &lt;deleted&gt; respect.

[rgs2001uk]

^^^^, from what I have observed in Bkk, it would appear the kids are free loading off the parents.

Live rent free, have mom n pop guarantee your loans, take care of your kids, pay their school fees, etc etc.

The kids may be smarter than the parents, why turn your nose up at a free inheritance.

Everybody pays someday.

[kurnell]

Perhaps this is why my missus can't understand why I am packing money away in the bank and that she believes that my 5 and 7 year old should take care of us in our old age??

[sdanielmcev]

Just to play devil's advocate, why not? And who's to say it is abuse? It is their form of retirement.

Personally, I haven't seen it yet. So cannot have an opinion. My gf, and her siblings don't do this, nor have I seen others haranguing their daughters. Not to say it doesn't exist.

[snottgoblin]

It's another overgeneralisation based on a small demographic that The OP may have met

[samran]

You are suffering a case of success bias. You think cause you can do it, everyone else should or can be able to do it too. News flash, life doesn't work that way for everyone. Good for you that you've made it, but never demean others in the process. It cheapens your achievement.

As for the OP, family is important here. It isn't rocket science. If it isn't sending money for the parents in the poorer demographic, it is the child's obligation to spend time with the parents in richer circles. Ever gone to a restaurant on a weekend to see three generations of a family eating with the parents. Week in. Week out.

I don't know if your refering to my post but if you are,that's nonsense,lazy git's are lazy git's,and for me get zero &lt;deleted&gt; respect.

Lazy is lazy. But was talking to the OP. Just noticed this was a new thread? What happened to the old one? I was kind of replying to something he said which I read before which is now gone!

[snottgoblin]

You are suffering a case of success bias. You think cause you can do it, everyone else should or can be able to do it too. News flash, life doesn't work that way for everyone. Good for you that you've made it, but never demean others in the process. It cheapens your achievement.

As for the OP, family is important here. It isn't rocket science. If it isn't sending money for the parents in the poorer demographic, it is the child's obligation to spend time with the parents in richer circles. Ever gone to a restaurant on a weekend to see three generations of a family eating with the parents. Week in. Week out.

I don't know if your refering to my post but if you are,that's nonsense,lazy git's are lazy git's,and for me get zero <deleted> respect.

Lazy is lazy. But was talking to the OP. Just noticed this was a new thread? What happened to the old one? I was kind of replying to something he said which I read before which is now gone!

This thread has changed again, weird stuff going on.

[star kicker]

i have a female thai friend, she is a medical professional and earns in excess of 120,000 baht a month.

when she was young her parents didn't want/couldnt be bothered to raise her so she was raised by her grandmother. it was also her grandmother who realised her potential and paid for her to attend a top university.

her parents both worked but did not supprt her financially at all.

guess what... now she has a good job and salary the parents and other of the rmembers of the family are constantly begging for money. the parents and siblings are all able to work and do a little work but prefer the easy life of scrounging from the daughter.

fortunately i advised her not to let on exactly how much she earns so the family have no idea and their demends are not too excessive. (my friend wants to study an MA in the states so needs to save - her family would not supprt her in this)

my friend has always been treated badly by her mother who only comes to visit when she wants money. the father gambles away what she gives him.

... and the grandmother, my friend would be more than happy to help out her grandmother but she never asks for anything except a visit every couple of months.

the way my friend is expolioted by her family and the fact she cant tell them what she really thinks about them becasaue of 'thai culture' is very depressing, if not just plain wrong.

[rgs2001uk]

Whereyoustay needs to hook up with his nemisis, ultimate warrior.

The Chinese dont seem to have this problem.

[GuestHouse]

Frankly, while I can see the point of view offered by the OP, I also would rather see error by going too far in the Thai way than on the way it can go too far in the West with parents abandoned to the nursing homes.

I'm not sure which part of the west you are referring to, certainly in the UK the myth that most families abandon their parents has been exposed as just that myth.

Far from it, multi generational and extended family households have become far more common in the UK (amongst white British Families). Much of that has, like in Thailand, come about by economic pressures, but nevertheless social research on the place of the elderly within British families has revealed that levels of contact with between the aged and their children/grandchildren never ceased to the extent that we were told.

[marko kok prong]

You are suffering a case of success bias. You think cause you can do it, everyone else should or can be able to do it too. News flash, life doesn't work that way for everyone. Good for you that you've made it, but never demean others in the process. It cheapens your achievement.

As for the OP, family is important here. It isn't rocket science. If it isn't sending money for the parents in the poorer demographic, it is the child's obligation to spend time with the parents in richer circles. Ever gone to a restaurant on a weekend to see three generations of a family eating with the parents. Week in. Week out.

I don't know if your refering to my post but if you are,that's nonsense,lazy git's are lazy git's,and for me get zero <deleted> respect.

Lazy is lazy. But was talking to the OP. Just noticed this was a new thread? What happened to the old one? I was kind of replying to something he said which I read before which is now gone!

yeah,no prob's Samran,i don't really know which one i am on either,sorry mate,i would go back and read them but the footie is about to start,no offence intended.

[bina]

interesting that some people only notice lazy thai men... i personally see many many many thai men (foreign labour) here slaving away and sending money to: meh. or paw. or former wife. or paying for their kids' schooling. and definately not lazy: 12 hour days in 50 celsius heat in a hothouse picking cucumbers. or catching chickens. or planting peppers. with no vacation leave. half day off on saturday (the only day off for all of us). about 22000 thai men only in israel doing this. more in portugal, canada, singapore. taiwan. all working in conditons not a single 'westerner' would accept even for a day. so maybe your defination of lazy is wrong. a friend of ours got back to thailand for two month long vacation after working in flowers industry in portugal. so he doesnt do much around the house, he hangs out a lot. but that is after working for 7 days a week in agriculture in a foreign country. so a two month vacation is fine as far as i can see...

and i dont see a real problem with children supporting their parents in old age. here, parents support children but are expected to help clean/shop/take mom/dad to doctors etc as parents age. people are horrified that i live so far from my own parents (an ocean away)...

just because u were raised a certain way doesnt make it more right or more wrong. it just is. thats the way the person was raised. any large family here gathers every single friday night and saturday lunch ... its expected and required. three generations or more even. americans in particular are seen as 'family-less' poeple that have no concern for elderly relatives, and no respect. (and we are a first world country here but family oriented 100%).

when you are ill and decrepit and no one comes to help, you might then sing a different tune...

becareful with the statements of 'lazy thai male' as that is bordering on racism in my book.

[rgs2001uk]

Must admit, I am somewhat slightly peeved our regular Thai expert Sandman hasnt yet chimed it.

[Skint]

Must admit, I am somewhat slightly peeved our regular Thai expert Sandman hasnt yet chimed it.

He will be on TV after his mrs has gave him a beating

Sent from my iPad using Thaivisa Connect Thailand

[Patron]

My mother and my wife's mother are the same age (80). My mother

has it all thanks to my father and all kinds of investments.

My wife's mother has a paid for home and that's it. No income.

My wife and her 2 sisters take care of mum, the sons do nothing.

Every month wife sends Mum Bt2000. My wife is in America now as

a Thai chef, she made over Bt1,000,000 last year.

I ask'd her if this was enuf money for Mum, she said all she needs is food.

Then she smiles,and said mum never have to worry money,she have ME.

Priceless!

[AYJAYDEE]

Why is this type of posting by the OP allowed to continue?

Why not? It a really interesting aspect of Thai culture and value systems. It implies no criticism..it asks ...what is going on here? The whole issue of respect and obeisance and devotion and love and duty in Thai culture is so different from that in the west it deserves airing..no?

iimplies no critcism? read it again

[AYJAYDEE]

Hey,whereyoustay,good topic,i was annoyed today again by the lazy Thai men,we had to go into town,so my Mrs had to close the shop,i asked why her Father could not sit in there for an hour",oh,he does not know the price for everything,"i told her hang on you have price labels on just about everything,"no he cannot" ,she said again,then i got it ,it was beneath him to sit in his daughters shop,and also he would have to stop lounging in his hammock,my step daughter usually run's the shop with my wife,but she is away,i asked what about your son when he comes home from school,she just shook her head,the little git never does anything,but toss litter around,so i have two fine examples of typical Thai men,too lazy to get of their <deleted> arse to even help the daughter,and mother ,that through me provides for them,i hold nothing but utter contempt for them

typical thai men in YOUR FAMILY!!! the men in mine work damn hard