Process to divorce Thai wife (who has left Thailand)

[brit1984]

I have been married (official marriage in Thailand) with Thai wife for ~4 years and we had 2 kids together.

She left me and moved abroad 6 months ago. The kids stayed with me here in Thailand.

She would now like to divorce officially (and is willing to give me official custody of the kids in return).

She also wants an "additional agreement" that I must pay her cash sums if I remarry and/or have more kids later.

She can sign any documents needed but cannot visit Thailand to attend any meetings/court.

In this context, what is the process for getting a divorce?

And how can I secure custody of the kids?

And is the "additional agreement" she wants legally enforceable? (and how would this be done?)

Any help/advice much appreciated.

[Seizhin]

Step 1) To divorce, just go to the municipal (Amphur) and ask the officers to let you both sign a divorce paper. - End

Now to secure the right to take care of the children is tricky, usually you must talk with your ex wife first and see how she agreed.

If she agrees to do what you want without complain and you feel ok with verbal agreement, then go to step 1)

Now if your ex agrees with what you want but you still want written arguement, go to a trusted lawyer, have him write an agreement in English and Thai, or if the lawyer is incapable if writing in English, then have the lawyer write an agreement in Thai and you take it to translate. I think your lawyer will take care at this point and you can go to step 1) again.

Whatever you do, you will always end with step 1)

[Seizhin]

Sorry for the double post.

Since I dont know your situation, I'm just going to recommend you to go to your lawyer.

If it is verbal agreement, she can one day take her word back and drag the case to the court. It'll be lengthy case.
Make sure the lawyer set up a secure agreement as secure as possible, payment to your ex will be done under the observation of the lawyer, of course, you will need to pay a certain % to the lawyer as comission.

Also, "She also wants an "additional agreement" that I must pay her cash sums if I remarry and/or have more kids later" is ridiculous, once divorced, she have completely no control over you, so I think she just wants to extort money from you. I think you both should get an "agreement" on how much to pay to your ex.

The additiona agreement will never be legally enforced, no law state such thing.

From my point of view, its just a trick to earn more money. Its up to you to negotiate how much she wants.

[Farma]

First I would recommend you use a lawyer

There are children involved and you need to clarify custody.

I can see the court being involved.Her being unable to visit Thailand could delay matters as the courts want both parties to attend at least once.

Your lawyer should advise on how to proceed regarding any agreements and child custody matters.

There may be a way for her to complete paperwork through the Thai embassy in the country she is currently living.

Whatever you decide at least get legal assistance to at least cover yourself and the children to avoid hassles in the future.

As for her additional demands I personally would tell her where to stick it. She left the kidss with you and still wants to control your life.

[brit1984]

thanks for the replies

she agrees to me having custody and she will sign anything to that effect; she just can't come to thailand as she has made too many enemies here (including some dangerous people)

she didn't request any payment for the divorce as she knows i have no money (because of her) but she just had the idea about the payments triggered by certain potential future events (i think it wouldn't be a deal-breaker if i can't do such an agreement as the whole reason she wants the divorce is to marry a rich guy so she should have plenty of money)

does anyone know if i can get the papers from the local office, then courier to her to sign (maybe at the thai embassy where she lives)?

also any idea how much a thai lawyer would cost for this? thai would be fine as i can have any official documents checked over by thai friends but i'm very poor now so need to minimize cost

[ttthailand]

She wants the divorce so let her handle it. She runs off and now has a new boyfriend she should pay you money. I think you are holding the cards....

Typical Thai thinking " want your cake and eat it too"!

Tell her to come to Thailand, get the agreement for you having the kids without her ever seeing them again. Tell her it needs to be in english and Thai or you will not sign. Don't let her see the kids or even say good bye.

[RecklessRon]

How about getting a reciprocal agreement? If she marries a rich guy or has kids she gives you the same amount of money that she wants you to give to her. I'll bet if you hold firm to 'equal' payments that she'll want the amount to be zero!

[Nemesis7]

Are you serious? You have to pay her if you get married to some one else?????

Im speechless man...

[Illuminator]

I think you should get all agreements documented by a lawyer in Thai and in English and get the divorce completed at the amphur.

After the divorce is completed she has no right on what you then intend to do with your life as she has obviously done whatever she wanted to.

Infact you have all the cards in your hand as the way I see it she needs the divorce more than you do.

[bino]

I think you should get all agreements documented by a lawyer in Thai and in English and get the divorce completed at the amphur.

After the divorce is completed she has no right on what you then intend to do with your life as she has obviously done whatever she wanted to.

Infact you have all the cards in your hand as the way I see it she needs the divorce more than you do.

Indeed. I would never agree to what she is asking you... to pay her if you get remarried. Unbelievable. I would not accept this in any way shape or form, and be engineering this to my advantage and that of my children if I was you.

Unless you are as desperate to be divorced as she is, I would be inclined to wait her out and make her agree to your terms: she returns to Thailand and goes to the Amphur office with you. Since she doesn't want to do that, then go to get the divorce and custody without her based on abandonment in a year's time.

I would even go a step further and increase my level of evil, since she is the one who is desperate and seems to be dictating the conditions here. Tell her that the new man must come to Thailand with her when she comes to do the divorce at the Amphur. Since she is still a married woman, you could have the new man done for cheating with your wife. Your payday from the rich guy to drop the charges and let him go back to his life would be considerable.

[realenglish1]

Just let her come back to Thailand and the other people she made enemies with will "look after your divorce for you"

Problem Solved

Real easy File with the courts abandonment and left you with the kids They will grant you this divorce because she is no were to be seen and cannot come back So this is the easiest way

[hellohello123]

haha,talk about taking the piss out of someone, thai or farang

you pay if you get married !!!! ludicrous

she should be paying you from TODAY, she left you!, she left the kids

the balls of some people I cannt comprehend

[harrry]

Of course she could take you to court in England in a year or two. But you can today take her to the child support office there.

[TallGuyJohninBKK]

You should indeed talk with a reputable Thai family law attorney.

Normally, to obtain at divorce at the Amphur office, both parties have to be in agreement and normally both have to be present.

But, if she's not going to come to Thailand, there is grounds for unilateral divorce in Thailand based on abandonment. Someone above said after one year. But if you go that route, I believe, it has to be done via Thai family court, not the Amphur route.

I don't believe the OP has said what country's she's residing in now. But from his perspective, it's probably going to be best to have the divorce occur here -- one way or the other -- as opposed to her filing for divorce in whatever country she's in. Perhaps, she doesn't even know she can file for divorce outside of Thailand. Best you keep it that way.

[atyclb]

haha,talk about taking the piss out of someone, thai or farang

you pay if you get married !!!! ludicrous

she should be paying you from TODAY, she left you!, she left the kids

the balls of some people I cannt comprehend

I wouldn't call it balls or nerve. IMO she has sought consultation with girlfriends that are graduates of nana university school of law. these girls (already at cambridge / harvard level) have likely instructed her on the sophisticated way to handle it.

I know someone that was in a similar situation, wife abandoned him and was in another country. her friend / relative could just say "how much you pay for finish?" Typically such individuals never show in court as they believe they are well beyond the intellect of any judge or attorney.

I have sympathy for the OP and sympathy for the future BF.

[brit1984]

thanks for all the really helpful feedback

unfortunately today she seems to have changed her mind

i guess things aren't going so well with the "rich guy"

anyway this info will be helpful when she changes her mind again

cheers

[Thomas Hannah]

Play her at her own games,,You were married,so your children are under thai law equaly yours,,You have your children in your care,,so you have all the cards,,Go to a lawyer,,She has abandoned her children,,The court will give you sole custody of your children,,Do not divorce her,,If she wants to marry and scam another farrang,,She will have to pay you big money for a divorce,,Your costs should be no more than 40,000 baht, for the lawyer,The prodedure is ,,,Forms are put in to a court,,one week later you go to another form of official office,,Were a lady types out your reasons for why ,,you should have sole custody,YOU need an interpreter for this,,It can just be a freind ,who speaks good thai,,,,then you go to court on the date specified for you,,this date is given you,,before you start to fill any forms in,,For the court side,,You will have to sign the lawyers forms first,,so as they can reprecent you,,Your wife ,,will have been sent the final court date,to were she is registerd as living in thailand by the court,,,I very much doubt,,she will turn up..Even if she does,,,you will win,,

[JesseFrank]

OP, I remember from your other thread that she has ripped you off big time, now it's your turn.

Take the advice from Thomas Hannah above my post, and let her bleed.

[Saradoc1972]

does anyone know if i can get the papers from the local office, then courier to her to sign (maybe at the thai embassy where she lives)?

also any idea how much a thai lawyer would cost for this? thai would be fine as i can have any official documents checked over by thai friends but i'm very poor now so need to minimize cost

I know. Your trusted lawyer. Read: lawyer, NOW!

I'm not blaming you for even putting this up on the forum, but however helpful anyone here is trying to be, you'll not get your answers. Everyone here is out of their depth, you can possibly put this through to ThaiVisa's "ask the lawyer" feature for some free general advice. Be precise in how you present the facts and what questions you have, you cannot amend your post with that.

After a German saying, "it's always cheaper doing things with a lawyer", so at least get a quote now and try to form an opinion about that lawyer and possibly 2 others. Try a British lawyer practicing in Thailand, as you will need advice on the legal situationin the UK, too. Like, whether she is in a position to move to the UK on grounds of being the mother of an unmarried under-age kid from a British father, whether and on what paperwork you might opt to take the kids to the UK at some point in time, etc. Foreign lawyers are not allowed to practice on their own in Thailand, so your guy will have Thai colleagues to back him up, he will be well versed in issues of visa, family law, getting paperwork certified and translating stuff. And you can be sure he'll understand you and all aspects of your problem languagewise.

From a tactical point of view: The enforceabilty of that re-marriage clause might be worthwhile investigating, you might be able to promise that gold digger anything she hopes for and pounce on here when she is in the mood to grant you custody of the kids and divorce. My gut-feeling here is that this is not enforceable, I've only seen this done in wills.

[puyaidon]

You should indeed talk with a reputable Thai family law attorney.

Normally, to obtain at divorce at the Amphur office, both parties have to be in agreement and normally both have to be present.

But, if she's not going to come to Thailand, there is grounds for unilateral divorce in Thailand based on abandonment. Someone above said after one year. But if you go that route, I believe, it has to be done via Thai family court, not the Amphur route.

I don't believe the OP has said what country's she's residing in now. But from his perspective, it's probably going to be best to have the divorce occur here -- one way or the other -- as opposed to her filing for divorce in whatever country she's in. Perhaps, she doesn't even know she can file for divorce outside of Thailand. Best you keep it that way.

I obtained a divorce here in Thailand in 2005 based on abandonment and had to go to family court. Mine was easy as my kid was over 35 years old. I had a Thai attorney and cost was under 50K. Took about four months and one court appearance.

It worked for me.

[hellohello123]

thanks for all the really helpful feedback

unfortunately today she seems to have changed her mind

i guess things aren't going so well with the "rich guy"

anyway this info will be helpful when she changes her mind again

cheers

so now what? she comes back to you cos her better ATM has shut down?

and you will continue to get ripped off until she finds another ATM?

and you take her back???? I sincerely hope you still have your balls intact!

[belg]

she wants more cash when you remarry & have more kids ?

sick puppy she is

once you are divorced, as she chose to do so, NONE OF HER FREAKING BUSINESS

[Rimbuman]

With all the helpful posts here i'd like to add that I'm sorry for you that you are in this situation (I've been married to a bitch too), just follow some of the best advice these guy's above me gave you and look forward as much as you can. Hang in there mate you'll get out ahead.

[transam]

Women NEVER change, their real self is always in the background, no matter what they say. I have the T-shirt. Trust me on that....

[Rimbuman]

thanks for all the really helpful feedback

unfortunately today she seems to have changed her mind

i guess things aren't going so well with the "rich guy"

anyway this info will be helpful when she changes her mind again

cheers

so now what? she comes back to you cos her better ATM has shut down?

and you will continue to get ripped off until she finds another ATM?

and you take her back???? I sincerely hope you still have your balls intact!

I didn't read this before my first post , if you are going to that you'll sink deeper in the shit and what about all these people who want her ass?

I don't understand this, you should walk away from this 'with or without the kids'. This is a extremely sick situation.

[brit1984]

thanks for all the really helpful feedback

unfortunately today she seems to have changed her mind

i guess things aren't going so well with the "rich guy"

anyway this info will be helpful when she changes her mind again

cheers

so now what? she comes back to you cos her better ATM has shut down?

and you will continue to get ripped off until she finds another ATM?

and you take her back???? I sincerely hope you still have your balls intact!

I didn't read this before my first post , if you are going to that you'll sink deeper in the shit and what about all these people who want her ass?

I don't understand this, you should walk away from this 'with or without the kids'. This is a extremely sick situation.

yes i agree

i think she (with her blood thirsty mind) realized i want a divorce (because i agreed to help her research how to do it)...and now that she knows i want a divorce, she is trying to use that against me...

i will be patient and keep divorce for abandonment (as mentioned by others) as an option without giving away too much information to her

...but obviously i hope she finds a new guy soon as that would make life easier... any takers??

[elzach]

Posts like this should be made into a "sticky", right up there for any "I think I found paradise-foreigner" to see.

edit: sorry OP, nothing personal, I'm sure you understand my intention/meaning. Good luck.

[hellohello123]

When I hear stories like this that end up me shaking my head in disbelief, I always ask myself, do these people seriously think they are entitled to something?? or do they just try it for the sake of it??? or do they seriously think they have been hard doned by it???

Ive never worked it out as I dont tend to associate with people like this, they are a cancer to me, they will eat at me until I sink to their lows

[transam]

When I hear stories like this that end up me shaking my head in disbelief, I always ask myself, do these people seriously think they are entitled to something?? or do they just try it for the sake of it??? or do they seriously think they have been hard doned by it???

Ive never worked it out as I dont tend to associate with people like this, they are a cancer to me, they will eat at me until I sink to their lows

There are those who think that shit will not happen, I am one, may I add it was not a Thai lady. I do know one Thai lady that took my chum to the cleaners, moved to UK (UK PP) cos folk in LOS are looking for their money. She is on benefits in the UK.....

[krisb]

Best of luck getting it sorted mate.

I have a good feeling you will do it right.