Long Distance Relationships

[sylvafern]

As I just said in the 'successful relationships' thread, my b/f just left this afternoon to go and work in Dubai. It was a decision that was made after a lot of careful thought. The main reason he went to work overseas was that it was proving very difficult to get a good, well paying job in his field (hotel and tourism) at the junior level without a degree (he just has a diploma) or contacts in the industry. The main reason we went through with it is so he can gain good experience in the hope that it will lead to better jobs in the future (either here in Thailand or in New Zealand). We also decided now was the best time to do it while our son is too young to remember (in the long term) that his daddy was absent when he was little.

Has anyone got some good advice on keeping long distance relationships alive, plus has anyone had experience being in this situation with young children and how they cope with it (especially making sure they feel like their absentee parent is still part of their life). We'll be in email contact, plus text messages and phone calls and I thought I could send him 'survival' packs about once a month with Thai magazines, movies and packets of mama, etc. Hopefully he will be able to set his laptop up with internet in his apartment and get a web cam so our son can see his daddy and he can see him. (Have thought of other uses of a web cam as well .... but not sure if I'm brave enough, if you know what I mean! )

Anyhow, any positive suggestions and accounts of other long distance relationships would really help right now as I'm feeling a little down ....

[billd766]

As I just said in the 'successful relationships' thread, my b/f just left this afternoon to go and work in Dubai. It was a decision that was made after a lot of careful thought. The main reason he went to work overseas was that it was proving very difficult to get a good, well paying job in his field (hotel and tourism) at the junior level without a degree (he just has a diploma) or contacts in the industry. The main reason we went through with it is so he can gain good experience in the hope that it will lead to better jobs in the future (either here in Thailand or in New Zealand). We also decided now was the best time to do it while our son is too young to remember (in the long term) that his daddy was absent when he was little.

Has anyone got some good advice on keeping long distance relationships alive, plus has anyone had experience being in this situation with young children and how they cope with it (especially making sure they feel like their absentee parent is still part of their life). We'll be in email contact, plus text messages and phone calls and I thought I could send him 'survival' packs about once a month with Thai magazines, movies and packets of mama, etc. Hopefully he will be able to set his laptop up with internet in his apartment and get a web cam so our son can see his daddy and he can see him. (Have thought of other uses of a web cam as well .... but not sure if I'm brave enough, if you know what I mean! )

Anyhow, any positive suggestions and accounts of other long distance relationships would really help right now as I'm feeling a little down ....

It is very difficult to keep a relationship alive at a distance,

I worked in Pakistan for 7 months last year and my wife is Thai but has no computer skills plus we have no land line so I used to call a couple of times a week. Fortunately I came back every 2 or 3 months for a week or 10 days.

When I left the first time our son was only 6 months old and he had learnt how to roll over one way but not how to roll back. When I came home the first time he had learnt that trick but it took him a couple of days to remember dada. 3 months later he was crawling but still took a couple of days to remember me again and honestly no matter what they do it hurts a bit when children don't remember.

After the 7 months was up I came home but missed his 1st birthday which is not a big problem when they are that young.

I have just come back from a couple of months in Bangladesh and according to my wife he kept looking for me for a couple of weeks. I tried to speak to him during the calls to my wife be though he didn't say anything to me he kept talking about dada.

I saw him today for the first time in 2 months and after a couple of minutes he was OK.

He has been in hospital for a week and when I asked my wife what the problem was she couldn't tell me as she doesn't know the English for hight temperature and a sore throat and I don't know it in Thai either.

This will probably be the hardest part of the long term relationship.

I have been working internationally since I met my wife 13 years ago so she is used to it.

You have good ideas with the survival kit but I think he will be able to get that sort of stuff there as there a fair number of Thais working in the Gulf region. However coming from you it will mean a lot more and don't forget to send photos of your son as that means a lot as well.

You may need a good Thai friend if you have a problem explaining something to your husband as I did when you just can't find the right words in each others language.

Other than that you are both doing the right thing but your son will surely miss his dada even though he is only young.

If you have a problem and think that I can help just PM me.

I wish you both the best of luck.

Edited June 24, 2006 by billd766

[rcm]

As I just said in the 'successful relationships' thread, my b/f just left this afternoon to go and work in Dubai. It was a decision that was made after a lot of careful thought. The main reason he went to work overseas was that it was proving very difficult to get a good, well paying job in his field (hotel and tourism) at the junior level without a degree (he just has a diploma) or contacts in the industry. The main reason we went through with it is so he can gain good experience in the hope that it will lead to better jobs in the future (either here in Thailand or in New Zealand). We also decided now was the best time to do it while our son is too young to remember (in the long term) that his daddy was absent when he was little.

Has anyone got some good advice on keeping long distance relationships alive, plus has anyone had experience being in this situation with young children and how they cope with it (especially making sure they feel like their absentee parent is still part of their life). We'll be in email contact, plus text messages and phone calls and I thought I could send him 'survival' packs about once a month with Thai magazines, movies and packets of mama, etc. Hopefully he will be able to set his laptop up with internet in his apartment and get a web cam so our son can see his daddy and he can see him. (Have thought of other uses of a web cam as well .... but not sure if I'm brave enough, if you know what I mean! )

Anyhow, any positive suggestions and accounts of other long distance relationships would really help right now as I'm feeling a little down ....

Hi there,

You will be just fine . Seeing that you have Internet & Webcam that really helps a lot . I have had the same scenario a while back when i was on Cruise Vessels for 4-6month Terms. We used to send each other daily emails . I was able to have my webcam running on my Office PC so she could see me whenever she wanted - even while working . The first couple of days are the hardest but it becomes a bit better .

And it certainly helps if you send some presents each other by Mail...

Good luck and think of the day when you meet again....how happy you will be....

rcm

[Boo]

I never attempted to have LDR until I met my husband & then that was only a couple of months whilst I was in the UK. It wasn't easy but you have a solid, established family unit so should be able to handle the seperation better than a newly started couple (as we were).

With regards to your son, he is def. too young to know that daddy isn't around, how many people really remember anything before 4 or 5 y/o?

When I was travelling my sister had just had my only neice & she (sis) kept photos of me on a notice board in the kitchen & daily pointed me out to my neice & telling her who I was, this helped as I was away for most of the first 5 years of her life but she always knew who I was when I would come home for a visit.

I would also call regulary & once she hit around 10 months & started talking we would have chats on the phone. I have great memories of her at 18months singing Tom Jone's "Sex bomb" down the phone to me in Sydney AUS & the people in the hostel crowding round to hear this little baby singing nearly word perfect her (at the time) favorite song

Now she is 8 & doesn't even recall that I wasn't around & even though I only moved back to the Uk 2 years ago, she says she can't remeber me not being here

He is doing this for all the right reasons & if it nmeans he can come back with more expereince & provide for you all a better life, then the seperation & hard times will be worth it, right?

[Jasmine]

We spent 2 months apart when my daughter was 5-7 months old. I took a long holiday in the UK and we couldn't afford 2 flights after spending up on the birth in Samitivej!!!

The one thing I will warn you about is that child number 2 was conceived the night I arrived back in Thailand

Seriously, I'm sure it will be ok. Sometimes needs must and as Boo says you're doing this for all the right reasons

Edited June 25, 2006 by Jasmine

[Sheryl]

Keeping in regular contact and continuing to share and confide will keep your relationship strong. As other posters said, youyr child is young enough it won't be a big thing although you can expect it take to take a little time after your husband returns for him to re-bond.

The only point I'd add is the importance of having a frank discussion about mutual expectations regarding sex during this period. Both parties need to feel secure that neither is going to get into another relationship. And it is best if there is some clear understanding on the issue of the man having "one night stands"or going to prostitutes (which can be found even in Dubai). Either an understanding that it's OK but he must always use a condom, or an understanding that it's not OK and that he'll manage the problem himself (literally!), whichever works best for the two of you.