Am I being cheap?

[transam]

Somebody should alert Jingthing, he needs to know he has competition.

OP: Do you have a frequent baht bus users card?

And wear a black eye.....

[Sam Gold]

Hmm, the OP is trying to teach his girlfriend of three weeks, financial responsibility and budgeting, some of us having been trying to teach our wives such things for fifteen years or more and still we're not there yet!

The other striking point about what was written is the OP's complete lack of understanding of Thai culture, you're going to her mums house for the first time, sure you need to buy her a gift.

The part about the car and driver for 3.5k, silly girlfriend for doing that but doubtless she wanted to show an association to farang wealth, the issue there is 90% about "face", the 10% is likely that she wanted you to have a relaxed trip in comfort.

Good luck, you've got a way to go yet,

You've pretty much summed it up.

If her boyfriend was Thai, they would have chipped in 100 baht for gas, assuming the friend is using GPL as most Thais, otherwise 300 at most.

If you want to lead a stress-free life with the GF and her family, you need to understand face.

And always remain in charge: relying on Thai people to drive you around is a very bad idea and it's better to have your own car.

[benj005]

@ATF,

I was alone when I met this girl and I have no problems being alone again. I'm kinda of an introvert. If I need sex while I'm in Thailand the nearest soapie is only a 10 minute taxi ride.

Edited July 12, 2014 by benj005

[ATF]

@ATF,

I was alone when I met this girl and I have no problems being alone again. I'm kinda of an introvert. If I need sex while I'm in Thailand the nearest soapie is only a 10 minute taxi ride.

How much does that cost? Sounds like you don't really love this girl, if not find one you do love. You are not just cheating on her but you're cheating on yourself too.

[Naam]

What is $1000 baht?

a typical ElCheapo expression

[NoshowJones]

Farang boyfriend or husband = ATM

The main reason MOST Thai girls want a farang relationship is for the money. "No money, no honey"

Yep, 3,500 for gas is inflated, but I'm sure she was hoping for spending money.

If you are hooked up with a Thai girl, then you are committing to paying for her and her families' expenses.

good luck, be generous, or count on needing to find a new Thai girl every few months.

Any Farang who pays for his wife/gfs families expenses or anything else is off their head, no matter how rich the Farang is. Though it is nice to give a little help now and again according to your financial circumstances.

[Naam]

OP: tell your gf to get .

You already paid a trip of 3500 at your gf request which was more likely than not a favour to help her friend with money problems (via you), rather than take the bus like everyone else, which would have saved you a packet. Then she has the cheek to demand you buy her mum an imported gift from America ontop of that. Why should you buy her mum anything, it's not your mum it's hers!! More than likely you're taking care of her daughter and some day funds will be filtered through to her way if not already, so why does she deserve anything from you?

If my wife wants to buy presents for mum then that's up to her, and it's normally little odds and sods, not a hamper from harrods. Nothing to do with me. And I buy my own mum presents

Get rid of your selfish and greedy thai gf who gradually will make her way into your wallet and try control it, and make you feel guilty for not spending everything you have on her and her family so she can bank her own money. she is showing all of the negative signs already

She didn't ask me to pay $3,500 baht. She just wanted help paying half.

Getting something for mom is a cultural thing. When I was in Korea and I visited someone's home I was told to bring a small gift.

I'm going to keep an eye on the situation. If it gets out of control I am out of here.

Thanks for the input.

in Korea you spent $Won?

[wvavin]

Thailand is already a very low cost place so don't live your life so pathetic as not even paying the expenses for the journey to meet her mother.

[Toscano]

Having a Thai girlfriend is all about money . You can expect to do all the spending , " It's up to you " is always the answer , wives included .

Where did you meet your girlfriend , in a bar ? If you are on a limited budget , beware , you may not afford having a regular girlfriend .

Love is not for free in Thailand , even for a married man , it can prove very expensive , you have to pay for everything .

[llso]

Benj, Was browsing TV and came across your post. Don't really have time to go through 150 + replies. I thougt I would give you my take. Having lived and worked in Thailand for more than 7 years,speaking Thai rather fluently, and another 7 years travelling back and forth. Married to an Issan Lady for 14 . technically for only 11 , but you know what I mean , have a beautiful 12 year old daughter. I have this to say about your situation.

First travelling upcountry , Korat take the Bus or the Train. Get someone from the village to pick you up and bring you there, tip them accordingly. . Once you get there spring for a couple of boxes of beer, a bottle or 2 of Lao Khao whisky. spend a couple of hundred Bahyt for some food . It will be the biggest event of the year.

s for a gift for Mama , slip the old bird some Bahts', "up to you". It is the preferred gift, Cash! Smile buy some Kanoms (sweets, snacks ) for the kids. Get plenty of small money (20 baht bills and coins ) and be generous with the kids and oldies , Be polite , laugh and have a good time.

The thing is at the end of the day for these girls, vacations, shopping sprees , dining , dentist visits, etc. doesn't put csah in their pockets. Farangs generally have a hard time understanding this.

Hope this helps,

LL

[NoshowJones]

@oneday,

My gf does have the book Thailand Fever. We will read it together. I've only briefly looked at the book and I noticed there is a Thai page and an English page.

The money was not just for gas. I don't believe gas cost $3,500 baht. That's close to $100 USD. No way. The trip was 4 hours one way, 8 hours total. Probably wasn't cheap. She bought lunch on Sunday when we were driving home as well. It was a Thai lunch so it wasn't too expensive.

I gave her $1k baht. I guess that was appropriate. I'm trying to do things the correct way, and I'd like to do it without spending a wad of cash every time we go out. I will get her mom a nice little gift and fix the situation. I should have picked something when I was in the states. I blew it. Lesson learned.

To be honest your talking to a guy who normally didn't buy his parents anything on Christmas or mothers/fathers day. I just don't buy presents . I know it doesn't sound right, and I know I'm going to get hell for that statement. I'm just being honest. I don't like it. Its just how I am.

But I believe that people can change.

Mothers and Fathers days is just the capitalist way of making themselves richer at the ordinary persons expense. I think you know what I mean.

[arjunadawn]

Brother, the fact that you've got the balls to write this post suggests your incaAble of seeing that, yes, you are cheap! Had I written this OP, and reviewed it, the answer to my post question would have jumped off the page.

If you like this woman enough to come to her country, and she is poor, and you sleep with her, live with her, yet think it's somehow manly to argue about splitting little pieces of baht, your a clown! A fool would have brought a gift to the parent. Even in the west we do this when going for dinner. She should dump you ASAP. A man like you will never become gracious because you can't see. If your not embarrassed by your post, you prove...

[saroq]

Don't worry if money is a tight as you describe then you won't have to worry about having a girlfriend for long.

[BWPattaya]

So tight that even a TGAU would not be enough.

OK Khun Tony ... I Googled TGAU ... and no obvious answers.

I have no idea.

Call me Dumb ... what does that mean?

Yeah coon tony, do explain !

TGAU stands for Tystysgrif Gyffredinol Addysg Uwchradd (Welsh: General Certificate of Secondary Education; UK).

Only saying, that is all. Otherwise I have no idea either.

[bushwacker]

The Thai expression ..."up to you" ... means that you can decide but there are consequences to your decision. If you paid for it all and put in a bit extra then you would be seen by your lady as a very generous and kind man. If you paid only half, then you would be considered cheap but possibly able to learn to be a good man. If you give less then half, then your are insulting and the full weight of crap will come your way. So, up to you!

Regarding the paying for gas. I would have thought that you were in the car when it was pulled into the gas station for a fill up. This is the time to say .... here, let me get this one. Maybe even do this twice and then you are finished with your obligation.

But lets face it, you come from a rich country and you are enjoying the culture of a relatively poor society. Why would you think that they should foot the bill for your little holiday. After all, you did stay at mum's house for a couple of days.

[fullcave]

Cheapo mak mak. I spend that much on dinner and a few drinks...

[NoshowJones]

Having a Thai girlfriend is all about money . You can expect to do all the spending , " It's up to you " is always the answer , wives included .

Where did you meet your girlfriend , in a bar ? If you are on a limited budget , beware , you may not afford having a regular girlfriend .

Love is not for free in Thailand , even for a married man , it can prove very expensive , you have to pay for everything .

Your last sentence is not necessary true. Mrs Possum works and has her own money and I have mine, and I don't pay for anything I don't want to pay for, although I do give her a bit of help from time to time as she does me.

[Greg Nixon]

The two most important factors in a relationship are sex and money. If both are good then the relationship will last. You have to have a discussion with your girlfriend about your philosophy of money. Savings, emergency fund travel funds etc. think it all through and sit down and calmly outline your needs. Then ask her to think about it for a few days and then do the same.

I have come upon a strategy to save relationships. If there is a disagreement, there should be no heated argument, rather one partner can say meet you in bed we will settle it there. If the man gives the lady two orgasms then he wins the argument. However if the lady can get the man to ejaculate on two separate occasions in one evening or one bed session , then she wins the argument regardless of her two orgasms.

[Kabula]

With the world financial retreat, I believe most women seek financial security today.

It is all about money to share with their family, especially here.

If they are not sending money to aging parents, there will be Hell to pay!

I've been retired here for 9 years and seen the financial pain and worry in the villages and cities.

If you are on a budget, your relationship will not last long, unless someone else is sending her money, which is not uncommon.

The best way to break up with a woman today is when they ask for money, simply say, 'I can't. You will be free soon after.

Rent everything!!

Edited July 12, 2014 by Kabula

[mrtoad]

So tight that even a TGAU would not be enough.

OK Khun Tony ... I Googled TGAU ... and no obvious answers.

I have no idea.

Call me Dumb ... what does that mean?

Yeah coon tony, do explain !

TGAU stands for Tystysgrif Gyffredinol Addysg Uwchradd (Welsh: General Certificate of Secondary Education; UK).

Only saying, that is all. Otherwise I have no idea either.

You should PM Tony, he now has accreditation from the TGA to offer TGAUs in Thailand.

[dotpoom]

You make Scrooge look like Santa Clause...........You can write, but seemingly not much good at arithmetical. A calculator would have told you what the half of 3,500 Baht is. She asked for half and your response was "How much do you want?" Where I come from you never visit a house empty handed but having said that I have discovered Thailand is full of tight a - - foreigners.

[soihok]

Cheap.. why.. I mean I let my wife pay her share too. I don't understand guys paying it all for their wives g/f.

Then again I would not go for a woman / girl without her own income and independence. I would feel I would be buying the girl by paying it all for her.

Then again I am of a different generation of most of the guys here, guys like my dad would consider it normal as they were the breadwinner and the wife the cleaner.

So kinda depends on the kind of girl. I would not mind paying for an 18yo Coyote dancer to be my mia noi

How much are you paying?

I can be an 18y.o. coyote dancer if you like? I am assuming that you only want someone to dance for you

I can bring my HandyCam and we can make a movie.

[smotherb]

Dont expect her to change anytime soon.Thai women think you are made of money,

Surely you mean ignorant Thai women think you are made of money. There are Thai women who could buy and sell any of us, and they certainly know we are not made of money. I would venture to say any educated Thai woman knows that too.

[mrtoad]

I bet the OP doesn't pay for wifi either, probably sat in a cafe for the whole day based on the purchase of one bottle of water

[Pormax]

I agree this could well be a Troll.

However if not I agree with the majority, you are a cheap skate.

But there again it may have something to do with your age.

Why did you not ask about costs and what was expected of you before you visited the family.

Mature men pay their fair share and take care of their women.

Says a lot about you when you admit you have never bought presents for your immediate family for their birthdays.

There is a difference in being prudent and a cheap skate.

[Baerboxer]

3500B for gas to Korat???

Get a bus.

I can get from Khon Kaen to Bkk in my car for 900 Baht.

Any woman that says, "up to you" more than one a year is a money-grabbing ex pro. - dump her before she dumps you.

Does she have a job?

Agree with you on the price of the fuel for the distance.

Disagree about the connection between saying "up to you" and being a current or former prostitute. All Thais, when negotiating use that expression IME. Wives in particular use it when pissed off at how mean and insensitive their husband/bf/partner is being.

The OP is tight as a duck's arse. No present for his girlfriends mum, doesn't offer lunch or nice dinner and treats the relationship as if its an accounting exercise.

Women are not likely to appreciate this - Thai, Asian or from anywhere.

OP - you asked the question. Yes you are being cheap and petty. Women, all over the world, like to be treated as special and made to feel loved. You create the impression you treat it as a financial arrangement for services rendered. Guess how that makes her feel?

[David48]

I'm split between this ...

Troll comes to my mind.

And this ...

Hmm, the OP is trying to teach his girlfriend of three weeks, financial responsibility and budgeting, some of us having been trying to teach our wives such things for fifteen years or more and still we're not there yet!

The other striking point about what was written is the OP's complete lack of understanding of Thai culture, you're going to her mums house for the first time, sure you need to buy her a gift.

The part about the car and driver for 3.5k, silly girlfriend for doing that but doubtless she wanted to show an association to farang wealth, the issue there is 90% about "face", the 10% is likely that she wanted you to have a relaxed trip in comfort.

Good luck, you've got a way to go yet,

chiang mai is usually on the money ... always worth a read ...

[donmuang37]

Cheap??? You're pathetic. Stop whining about chump change. Man up and pay the girl!

[KhnomKhnom]

Your relationship with this woman is doomed. You doomed it when you did not take her Mother a present nor a present for her home, meaning extended family. "Your" woman is already looking for an escape and or a better situation. If she is paying for anything, half or whatever, she has enough money to just leave you without having to clean out any shared money, so you are both stupid and lucky.

How does the woman earn her money?

If you are living with a Thai woman who has an above-ground job, she is earning peanuts. You should let her keep all her earned money and you should pay for all rent, all joint food, and for all joint trips. As soon as you do that, very likely she will check if you have enough money and give you some of hers.... of her own free will, not a part of a deal. You are not allowing her to be generous.

If you can not afford my plan given herein, you will have to date a woman who works at night and, thus, not think about anything permanent with her. These are facts and there is no compromise possible. TIT.

In a few months I will be giving away my researched booklet on how to "stay married/living with" a Thai woman. Get it.

[chuang]

OP, you are hilarious...