What Do You Think When You See A Western Man And A Thai Woman?

[PuaSai]

as not many farang women have actually answered your question, i will start the ball rolling.

i have been here for nearly 7 years. when i first came over, i guess i was very naive (as we ALL are at some stage) and used to think exactly what you have stated above. i dont like to admit it, but i did.

after being here for some time, i realised that there are so many genuine loving relationships here that it is not fair to judge people on appearances alone. each relationship has its own story.

one man i know married a bar girl. she is a great woman. i really like her. she did not go back 'on the game' after she was with him, and they live a very happy life and a successful business together.

my ex boss married a thai woman he met in australia. she is one of the coolest grand mothers i know (and she is just a few years older than me!) and i have so much respect for her. their relationship is one of the stongest i have seen here and they are still so much in love after 10 or more years.

but the funny thing is that when my ex boss and his wife are out and about, its the THAI women who ask her 'what bar do you work in?'. she has never been a bar girl, but its just assumed.

as for me - what do i think? not much really! its not any of my business what you do with your life. admittedly, sometimes when i see a much older man with a very young looking woman, i have seeds of doubt in my mind as to how genuine the relationship is, but then, i slap myself out of it and tell myself that this is none of my business.

if you are lucky enough to find a true love just one time in your life, you are very lucky indeed. dont worry about what other people think.

but please dont think it is only farang women who are making these assumptions. its not. maybe we just dont hide it as well as other people can. right or wrong, its just the way people are. thai, farang, male, female.

ultimately its YOUR life. you should not care what other people think.

life is too short for that.

I like what you wrote here Donna. I met my Thai woman by chance after being in a miserable marriage for 5.5 years. I met my true love finally and I just wish I could be with her more than I can right now. We will marry for sure and her parents are great. Never met a woman like her in my life. We get the looks when in Bangkok walking down the street, but I don't care. I know what we are about. All I know is I miss her sooo much when I am in this sandpit called Iraq. She is my peace and serenity. I thank God I chose going to Thailand over Turkey for a vacation...

[PuaSai]

My boyfriend is a foreigner, a very nice person, secure, well-spoken, intelligent, and treats me right. I feel special and positive everytime I'm around him because he exudes confidence and a very positive aura.

But are seen in public together, I always have an uneasy feeling because I and/or We always get dirty looks from a lot of people. Some would even remark harsly that "I am a prositute or a bad girl." And for what reason???? Simply because I'm seen with a foreigner.

I've gotten used to the killing and accusing stares, dirty looks and looks of contempt that I've been getting. And as of now, I couldn't be bothered!!!! But it took awhile to shake that nasty taste off my mouth!

I've realized that in as much as I don't like it, there's nothing I can do to fix it. I have no control of other people's actions. Therefore, I decided to just ignore and forget the dirty looks and focused my energies to more positive things instead.

I am a white farang who was happily married to a lovely lady from a decidedly middle class family.

When we were beginning (courting sounds so ancient) our relationship I often wondered why many people, not stared but glanced at us. I thought maybe they were happy to see two people enjoying each others company and having a good time, carefree and bulletproof. As time went on and I learnt more about the country and the culture it dawned on me that maybe these people were looking at my wife as a low class girl. Of course you can't say anything to all these people so I let it pass.

In the old days, (even now, but more so in the past), it took a special kind of lady with a special kind of disposition to be seen going out with a farang. Sounds like nothing has changed, although with so many foreigners now living and working in Thailand it is more of a common sight. The lady must be confident in herself and in her relationship. Luckily we both were back then. As time went on she grew into a woman of substance and class and then for her the anxiety and self consciousness left.

Many friends asked me what do you do when people stare or look at you and you just know what they are thinking. My reply to them was, I don't think anything, I am proud to be with this lady, I am proud and a little bemused as to why she chose me. I know her history, I know her background and if you can find someone like her then you too can be content.

Awesome post. I feel the same way about my Thai woman. Never felt so proud in my life and shame on those who try to make it something else. The important thing is I know and she knows who and what we are. lol I sometimes too wonder why she loves me so much and chose me...

Edited September 16, 2006 by PuaSai

[GracelessFawn]

My boyfriend is a foreigner, a very nice person, secure, well-spoken, intelligent, and treats me right. I feel special and positive everytime I'm around him because he exudes confidence and a very positive aura.

But are seen in public together, I always have an uneasy feeling because I and/or We always get dirty looks from a lot of people. Some would even remark harsly that "I am a prositute or a bad girl." And for what reason???? Simply because I'm seen with a foreigner.

I've gotten used to the killing and accusing stares, dirty looks and looks of contempt that I've been getting. And as of now, I couldn't be bothered!!!! But it took awhile to shake that nasty taste off my mouth!

I've realized that in as much as I don't like it, there's nothing I can do to fix it. I have no control of other people's actions. Therefore, I decided to just ignore and forget the dirty looks and focused my energies to more positive things instead.

Correction! Not bf but Xbf! (And it used to happen to me! We've split since 2 years ago!)

[StevenCalifornia]

That's good to know

Correction! Not bf but Xbf! (And it used to happen to me! We've split since 2 years ago!)

[GracelessFawn]

That's good to know

Correction! Not bf but Xbf! (And it used to happen to me! We've split since 2 years ago!)

Hey Steven, how are you doin?

[StevenCalifornia]

I'm doing fine, how are you doing ? Just got home from surfing, kicking back, watching college football and saturdays baseball game...(picture was taken in Death Valley)

That's good to know

Correction! Not bf but Xbf! (And it used to happen to me! We've split since 2 years ago!)

Hey Steven, how are you doin?

[Jersey_UK]

Interesting thread. I wish I had not found it...........meant to be doing something else!!

FWIW, my experiances in Thailand are pretty much the same as the world over, the ignorant tend to be ignorant (although the Thais are a little better at hiding their feelings)...........and their ARE a lot of ignorant folk in the world who think that anything different to their own little world is strange / wrong..........and requires to be justified / explained to them for their "approval"...........including folk on the internet.

I wouldn't sweat any funny looks / comments you get, in fact if the circumstances are right, just play up to their assumptions.

[Gnarpjohan]

I'm a 60 year old...

Wow, that sounds to me like the raw manuscript for a great movie. Seriously!

With plenty of drama and a happy and unexpected ending.

[Archie Bunker]

Being 46, I wouldn't know how to start getting a 21 y/o super smoking hot gf (would be great but). Here I have one and we've been living together for 3 years! Every day is like having a dream come true. I do not care what anyone thinks or how people look at us. It just don't matter

[GracelessFawn]

darker skinned ladies are uneducated and not beautiful????

What about me? (I'm a teacher!!! And hey, I don't think I look that bad!)

Yes you are quite lovely!!

Thank you, BritMaveric!

[joskydive]

What is it that Western women are thinking when they see me with my Thai girlfriend? I know one person can't speak for everyone, but some insight would be appreciated.

I'm not here trying to troll or incite comparisons of this-and-that. I'm sure I'm not the first guy to think, "what is she thinking?" when such awkward glances (or worse) are received. I respect this forum and am hoping that my own curiousity will be at least partially satiated.

Both my girlfriend of a couple of years and I are both ~30, well-dressed, fairly attractive, and friendly. But for some reason, we often get awkward, sometimes 'impolite' looks from Western women as though we were to be some kind of evil force. Usually it's when we're in an elevator or on the BTS. While I realize that women naturally tend to scrutinize one-another, I have observed people enough to know the difference between a curious stare (or even envious) and a look of disdain, and am observant enough to know it is not paranoia.

We've met some women with whom we've become friends with but have not, unfortunately, been willing to ask them directly about what they were thinking when they first saw us. None of them are from the US or Europe, which is where I hope some of the insight will come from.

Why does it bother me? Sure.. everyone has their own opinion and it's usually none of my concern. But with this, it feels like some kind of unknown rejection from people (strangers, basically) that you feel a kinship with.

I've often heard it said (back in the US, before I realized I was also attracted to Asian women) that men are usually interested in Asian women because they are passive. While we know, generally speaking, this oversimplification isn't true I think there is still the common belief that, in a pairing of Western male/Asian female, the male has the upper hand in the relationship and is not on equal footing with the female. (e.g., "how could they possibly have anything in common when she can't even speak good English", and other assumptions). Along with the typical prostitute/sex-tourist/sugar-daddy conjectures, this is my wanting explanation for some of the looks.

Any ideas?

I'm a western lady and have been here for about 8 years now. To be honest, when I see a old guy with a young lady, I think good for him! He had the balls to change an unsatisfactory lifestyle. In the UK when you get past 40 you are classed as an old letch when you look at a young lady and don't even dare to talk to one, she'd probably hit you or at least call you a pervert. When you get older than that they get even more aggressive. When you get to 65 a lot of families then put you in an old peoples home, sell your house and ignore you. You then stay there until you die and the highlight of your day is to watch a programme on the TV that is not of your choosing! You are told when to eat, what to eat, when to go to the bathroom, when to shower and when to go to sleep. Please don't think I'm guessing, I'm not, I've been a Nurse for 35 years now and I've seen it, it's sad and sometimes heartbreaking to see, many times I've gone to work and come home crying because of I couldn't stand the way people have been treated. Many times I have been questioned on why I talk to the patients so much. The only reply I can make is that 'if you take the time to check, these individuals have all have a past, they are not numbers!

So good for you I hope you are very happy in whatever you do, You afterall only have one life, live it and don't worry about what others think.

[Donz]

actually before I came to this forum I actually used to look at them and think dicusting old men, why would they want girls younger then there daughters etc etc

But I guess chatting with alot of them on here has made me think there not really like that, most of them are good blokes. But I stress that I did say most, not all

[tk47]

Here, where I currently live in the UK there seem to be more and more Thai ladies out with English men in the pubs on a weekend and I live in a small seaside town in the North East.

You can also see the men thinkin .... Lucky devil even though the Thai ladies are not young.

The English women tend to vary in what they say. Some call them dirty old men. Others feel the men cannot get an English woman so go to Thailand for one. The women also tend - in many cases to look down their noses at the Thais.

But you can put a lot of the female reaction down to jealousy and b*tchiness if you watch their reactions and listen to the way they speak.

No offence intended at all to any women reading this. Simply the observations of myself and my friends.

Good luck to anyone who can find love and companionship and be happy no matter the age or race.

[StevenCalifornia]

darker skinned ladies are uneducated and not beautiful????

What about me? (I'm a teacher!!! And hey, I don't think I look that bad!)

Yes you are quite lovely!!

Thank you, BritMaveric!

fine fine be that way

[Matt1036]

Well..it has taken all day but I have read this thread from the beginning. Some thoughtful and honest posts in here. Some random thoughts from me, I'll try to stay on topic.

I was raised mostly by my grandparents. My Grandmother, she was 15 years younger than my grandfather. You see he came home from the First World War when so many didn't - not much choice for her - I guess he got funny looks too with his child bride - maybe not - "two arms two legs" as my aunt said, was explanation enough for the marriage. Some of the posts I have read today seem to sneer at Thai women for making the same choice - for settling for second best - for grabbing the best man they can at the time and making the most of it - sorry but sometimes second best is all there is, and all there ever will be, in this best of all possible worlds.

Early on in our relationship I remember asking my Thai wife if she was bothered by the fact that people might think we are bar girl and customer rather than a couple. Her reply was that she was not interested in the opinions of Thai people who could not tell the difference. It has been said on almost every one of the last 16 pages in some way or another - you can't go through life worrying about what stupid people think or thinking that you can please everyone. To all posters in this thread - thanks for a good read

[Maizefarmer]

Depends where you are and how long you've been in Thailand.

At risk of accused of stereotyping - if in Pattaya/Phuket - similar places chances I will think "guy & bargirl" - and after 20 years of living in Thailand - thats what I'll think, and 9 times out of 10 I'll be right. There are so many "indicators" (clothing, body language ect... of both the guy and the girl).

Okay, I'll "think" wrong ocassionaly , but as said, most times I'll be right - and so will you.

If I'm up North, and the guy is driving a car or a pickup, girl in passenger seat, vechicle dirty or dusty, good luck charms hanging form the mirror .......... you can go on and on, but again, they are "indicators" - fair chance its a guy and long term girlfriend. Is she a bargirl? - how is she dressed, how much gold has she got on, whats the reg plate on the car (maybe a Pattaya plate in Kalasin - suspect!), whats he wearing.........again "inidicators.

I keep an open mind - if I want to know just speak to the girl in Thai - if you've been here long enough and understand the language fleuntly and well (to the point that you can tell the differance in regional tones) then all it takes is 5 to 10 seconds of speech - either speaking to here or listening to her i.e. it'll stick out a mile.

You'll stop asking yourself that question when you've been here long enough - you lose interst in it and learn not to be judgemental.

Tim.

[a3]

If the Man and Lady are married , and she has a 'past' , at what point does she stop being a Bargirl in the eys of the interested observers?

[Sheryl]

I guess it depends on the biases of the observer. Personally, I consider a woman a wife or girlfriend and NOT a "bar girl" the moment she enters a serious relationship, especially if it is clear she wants to put the past behind her.... Past is past, and nobody else's business.

I've known farang-Thai couples where the wife was an ex bar girl. Ones that worked, although the poor woman often never really lived it down among her fellow Thais. I've also seen the ones that don't work but often these are because she wasn't really an "ex" bar girl, just taking a different tactic. It's pretty easy to tell the difference.

[LoveDaBlues]

If the Man and Lady are married , and she has a 'past' , at what point does she stop being a Bargirl in the eys of the interested observers?

If you're a shoe maker and change professions to boat builder; are you still a shoe maker? No, you're ex shoe maker current boat builder.

now married lady and ex bar girl

now wasn't that hard

[gisele]

If the Man and Lady are married , and she has a 'past' , at what point does she stop being a Bargirl in the eys of the interested observers?

If you're a shoe maker and change professions to boat builder; are you still a shoe maker? No, you're ex shoe maker current boat builder.

now married lady and ex bar girl

now wasn't that hard

"Pretty Woman" was fiction.

She was selling her body, then becomes the rich guy's girlfriend.

He saves her from her unfortunate life.

So say in a sequel to the orginal movie, about life when they go on together happily ever after, would he forget what she was before?

Would his friends talk behind his back ? (that's what the friend did in the movie)

[sbk]

If the Man and Lady are married , and she has a 'past' , at what point does she stop being a Bargirl in the eys of the interested observers?

When she stops dressing and acting like one?

I know plenty of relationships between farang men and Thai women and the ones that get the best treatment from Thais are the ones where the Thai woman dresses modestly and behaves politely. As far as I have ever seen with the Thai people I know, if the woman dresses and acts like a bar girl then it doesn't really matter if she is married or not.

[Unknown]

If the Man and Lady are married , and she has a 'past' , at what point does she stop being a Bargirl in the eys of the interested observers?

When she stops dressing and acting like one?

I know plenty of relationships between farang men and Thai women and the ones that get the best treatment from Thais are the ones where the Thai woman dresses modestly and behaves politely. As far as I have ever seen with the Thai people I know, if the woman dresses and acts like a bar girl then it doesn't really matter if she is married or not.

Thai girls are very shy and BGs are not.

They most probably were before being a BG but in that kind of business, you do not survive being shy.

And hence they do not behave as Thai girls anymore.

And the longer they stay as BGs, well, the more difficult it will be for them to be 'Thai girls' again...

[britmaveric]

Always thai girls I'm afraid - I know plenty you couldn't tell the difference - totally diff animal when not working at the bar. Remember acting is part of their trade. Once off the job they can certainly be who they are - so to answer your question, once a lady stops working the bar - they no longer are bar girls. However regardless what profession a person is - they all get equal respect.

[Unknown]

Always thai girls I'm afraid - I know plenty you couldn't tell the difference -

I agree, Brit, I also know plenty you could not tell the difference.

And well, I know plenty you could...

[gisele]

If the Man and Lady are married , and she has a 'past' , at what point does she stop being a Bargirl in the eys of the interested observers?

When she stops dressing and acting like one?

I know plenty of relationships between farang men and Thai women and the ones that get the best treatment from Thais are the ones where the Thai woman dresses modestly and behaves politely. As far as I have ever seen with the Thai people I know, if the woman dresses and acts like a bar girl then it doesn't really matter if she is married or not.

That's exactly right,

if the woman is not wearing modest clothes then she has obviously left her home town to explore life in a place like Samui, they are easy to spot.

If we see these girls here in Nakhon, my husband will always assume she is in it for the money, I guess I probably willthink the same too.

I will also think that they are adults and hopefully, they both know what they are getting into and that it is their business what they do, not my place to judge, so I never dwell on it, not important to me.

The wives of the local farangs dress modestly, at least the wives I have met.

therefore they project an image of someone who has never explored life in a place like Samui.

Edited October 1, 2006 by gisele

[Sheryl]

"Pretty Woman" was fiction.

She was selling her body, then becomes the rich guy's girlfriend.

He saves her from her unfortunate life.

So say in a sequel to the orginal movie, about life when they go on together happily ever after, would he forget what she was before?

Would his friends talk behind his back ? (that's what the friend did in the movie)

People who talk behind your back are not friends.

A friend accepts your spouse of lover and puts aside whatever negative thoughts or feelings they may have about that person out of respect for the fact that you have chosen them.

[Scaramanga]

^ Not if they have genuine concerns for your welfare, they don't.

[Nemo.]

my 2 satangs woerth....

The original post mentioned White male + Asian woman with little English spoken. Many Asian women are fluent in English from countries like Malaysia, Indonesia and Phillipines and most western men married or going out with girls from there have met normally (ie not via prostitution). Many of these girls come from highly educated and in some cases wealthy families. All the "asian" women I (as an example - and most men I know also did the same) dated spoke English as good as a native speaker and had good well paid jobs and even made a point of paying for things sometimes to say "hey I am independent"

Thailand is totally different as a girl is far more likely to be a hooker and the level of English in Thailand is very poor. Women/girls here are also treated as second classs citizens especially in the rural areas.

strange though that even in other SE Asian countries the locals especially still assume white man + asian girl = man + hooker! Even when I am with my female friends police just assume the nearest one must be on the game. As for white women though you get the term SPG outside of Thailand used to insult local girls with white men. Mostly from older wives/ex wives though!

[Donz]

a 60 year old with a teen or early 20's is sick IMO. Might not all agree but its sick

[bkkmadness]

a 60 year old with a teen or early 20's is sick IMO. Might not all agree but its sick

I never really get that, coz both consenting adults, its their business what they get up to surely?