New farang noi on the way. Wife wants baby to sleep in our room

[davidst01]

As the title suggests, we have a baby coming soon. The wife is suggesting that the baby should sleep in our room ie the cot inside our room.

Im a new father and dont have any idea what other couples do in the LOS but my first thoughts are that I dont think its a good idea. I will have to work all day whilst the wife stays at home on holidays with the youngster.

We have a 3 b/r house and the baby should sleep in its own room. We can set up baby monitor etc so that we can hear it crying etc.

My concern is that .... at what stage do we move the cot back into the babies room. Will the baby catch on and not settle in the new room. I think we are better to do it right from the start.

I appreciate any comments from experienced parents!

thanks

[SpokaneAl]

I think that you maybe be worrying about a non issue. If it makes your wife happy to have the baby sleep in your room, do it. Children are adaptable and can be moved to their own room later. You wife is happy that the baby is close by initially. And hey, you will loose a lot of sleep with a new baby, no matter where he/she sleeps - that comes with the territory.

Welcome to fatherhood. Loosen up a bit and things will be just fine. Congratulations!

[Halfie]

Just so you know, taking care of a newborn is nowhere near a holiday. Having the baby cot in your room is not an issue you can move it into another room when the baby gets bigger.

[Newguy70]

Let me start by saying congratulations and wishing you the best. My girlfriend and I were both on the same page by wanting our little one in the same room so it wasn't an issue. The pros in my opinion outweighed the cons. Our little guy wasn't a cryer and we didn't have to travel far if he had an issue or needed attending. For us it was a win win!

[krisb]

Not uncommon for Thai girls wanting baby in even the same bed. Here in the west its not recommended btw.

Answer to your question is whatever mum wants.

Ours slept in the same room, no issue at all, and if anythin I think it was better.

Btw, those baby monitors are a waste of money. Unless your house is a manchion, you guys will hear the baby cry.

Congratulations, and just remember the first 6 weeks are the hardest part finding some type of routine.

[krisb]

Just to add, if you have to work, set up a bed in a spare room. You will reach new levels of tiredness never thought possible before.

[Thai at Heart]

Hahaha.

I know several couples where the wife expected the baby to sleep in the same bed.

If u push the baby out to another room, expect your missus to go with it.

[Bulldozer Dawn]

Children are adaptable

They are also adoptable...

[Eliot Rosewater]

Hahaha.

I know several couples where the wife expected the baby to sleep in the same bed.

If u push the baby out to another room, expect your missus to go with it.

That sounds like a good idea

[tifino]

yeah!, pushing the bub out, instead of simply creating the spare room as your escape for rest at times, can work against you:

Eventually bub gets bigger and louder, and your big mummy/daddy bed will be without mummy...as she keeps running out/in to respond.

She'll just stay there, and when you eventually coax her back in, she'll have bub on her chest anyway.

... and then the bub, getting bigger still, eventually takes on the role as a bunting pillow, when wifey continues her payback on you

just do what mum wants in the first place...

[malcoml]

Yep and our 4 year old still sleeps in my wife's room so I sleep alone in another room.

[CTO]

I went the Thai route, thinking it didn't matter,

I now have at times 4 -5 children sleeping in our bed, I actually sleep on the floor beside the bed, which doesn't work, as some of them migrate to my bed during the night, depending on who'd wetting the bed.

Sigh,

[Suradit69]

...whilst the wife stays at home on holidays with the youngster.

"On holidays," hmm? You are new to this, aren't you. With that line of thinking, the wife & kid may sleep in the same bedroom and you'll be left to your own devices on the sofa.

Edited August 25, 2014 by Suradit69

[ScottFtr]

A newborn should be in the same room as the parents 100% IMO.

[GBK]

Ours did. Great idea. Fosters a closer relationship IMO.

Ours are 7 and 8 now and they still want to sleep with us, which can be, er, awkward. ?

They have their own room and sleep there whenever we can persuade them to.

Yes, I can shout and bawl and put my foot down, but I don't believe in that with kids, unless I consider it to be REALLY necessary.

We need a bigger bed.

Good luck!

[yankee99]

mine are in the same room but not in the bed. Thinking when they are 4 they're gonna move out. btw its not a holiday lol.

[smotherb]

I just do not understand anyone who insists on having the children sleep in the same room with them--heaven forbid, in the same bed even.

The only possible reason is if you have no other bed or bedroom.

Now, a newborn is the exception; however, after three or four months, the baby room is the place for the kid.

[orosee]

Ours is 7 weeks now and has been sleeping in our bed since day one. It's queen size and after 2 weeks I was sure I could sleep on a tree branch without falling off. If your lucky then mommy has the milk supply attached to her and nobody needs to get up. But while on bed I've never slept more than 2-3 hours in a row and usually 6 hours or less at night.

As others said, tending the baby is no holiday. You'll be better off at work, unless your job is kindergarten teacher. On occasion I fell asleep on the couch only to wake up there 10 hours later. You gotta catch up with sleep. A biz trip with hotel stay is a godsend!

All my preconceptions were wrong. At the start, you can never - never ever - have too many diapers or milk bottles. Get a sterilizer unless you want to boil huge amounts of water twice a day.

If you survive the first 6-8 weeks, things turn better though not back to normal. You'll change, too. Lots of patience and try to agree with mommy as much as possible.

[yankee99]

I just do not understand anyone who insists on having the children sleep in the same room with them--heaven forbid, in the same bed even.

The only possible reason is if you have no other bed or bedroom.

Now, a newborn is the exception; however, after three or four months, the baby room is the place for the kid.

This is the way it is in Thailand.

[sgtsabai]

A newborn needs to be with his/her parents. Even back in the states my daughter stayed in the same room with us for what seemed like an eternity. I was at the breaking point when she finally started sleeping nights. Literally, if she had not slept through that night I was moving out. Believe me, no sleep and being a USDA Forest firefighter isn't a good thing. I was hoping with all my heart for a long project fire out of state. The worse part of it all was it seemed I was the only one who could get her back to sleep. Walk the floor with her, try the little baby swing, desperation-in the car seat and around the block, worked every time. Have fun my friend. Thai children are raised much different that western. They sleep with the family, and that never ends, never. I had to lie down with the wife and kids at her parents' house more than once until they were asleep. Then we could boogie back to the hotel. When we got our own house the pallet for the kids went right in our bedroom. Not no, but HELL NO! They were old enough, had their own room and I'll be damned if I'm doing what we liked to do with kids sleeping on the floor next to our bed. I paid a bribe, bought air-con for kids room and bye-bye. Wife still sleeps with them from time to time and I expect will for time eternal. Welcome to married with children in Thailand. Oh yea, and the family will be there to "help"...lol.

[sgtsabai]

Just to clarify my last post. Two wives, one farang and long ago divorced, the other Thai, married now for 6 yrs.

[NCFC]

OK for a few weeks, but as others have mentioned if the wife gets attached to the idea of bub in the same room, you will find yourself in the spare room. And your relationship will never be the same after

[rtco]

No problem. My little'un is 2 1/2 years old and still sleeps in the same room/bed. It's the Thai way.

[jonesthebaker]

it is a new baby. not a new pet hamster. the way you pose the question seems to lack basic empathy. very odd indeed!

[Chicken George]

Its only because in the West we have children in their own room by about 6 weeks. Felt the same myself but the wife had both ours in with us. Saves on aircon and fans. Difficult and worrying for us if we could not hear the baby/child when in the next room because of aircon noise. The kids sleep better so we sleep better yes even in the same room. Moved to new house and my wife still gets the kids off to sleep in with her then can come in with me. Often just a guys worry that he won't get his nuptials if the child is in the same room. When they want to they will ask for their own room. Now I think its better they were in with us.

Congratulations as well. Best thing you will ever do is have kids. .

Edited August 25, 2014 by Chicken George

[slipperx]

I agree with having your new one on your own room but not in the same bed except transition ally between feeds and changes which may seem more permanent than transitionary anyway. I appreciate there are people who feel different but I felt much happier that way until 3 - 4 months anyhow. It's not the end of the world but it is the end of feeling refreshed for a while :-)

It's all worth it - for me anyway

[recycler]

I presume you don't have tits and if you have there won't be milk in them, so you shouldn't worry about it. Your wife will have the heavy job and you might consider helping her a bit!

[StaffsShot]

Congrats on the soon to be addition to your family :-)

You should have the baby in its cot by your bed for the first 6 months. Our health visitor told us that..

However in true Thai style, our now 4 week old sleeps in our bed, albeit it a king size..

I actually sleep well and finding wifey, as a first time mum and only child too is a natural

I was surprised the Heath visitor said it was ok for baby in bed but be said to be careful obviously

[charliebadenhop]

Not sure of all the countries in Asia, but young children in Japan and Hong Kong, who invariably sleep in between their parents, have a much lower incidence of crib death. This is well documented.

The reason given is that sleeping in close proximity to the parents helps the child's nervous system to develop more robustly.

In Japan they even have a special term for this arrangement of father-baby-mother.

To me it very definitely makes the most sense, and that is what I did when I lived in Japan.

[AnotherOneAmerican]

Normally they want the baby in bed WITH THEM until 5 or 6 years old.

The cot won't be used.

That's the way it is, nobody will pay attention to what you want.