Your First Time In Thailand

[chonabot]

yes, perhaps i was a bit out of order.

i couldn't help winding Bkkmadness up once he offered the bait

I do enjoy a good wind up...

[leftcross]

the poor lad has even started his poll thread up too!!!!

i'm feeling a little guilty .....

[bkkmadness]

the poor lad has even started his poll thread up too!!!!

i'm feeling a little guilty .....

well u did ask!

I have to agree with whoever said it a few posts back, usually I love a leftcross post as much as the next man, but today you kinda bugged me. (crap pun intended.)

[Cpt_M0ney_Sh0t]

Wow I don't feel so bad now, I didn't do any of thouse dumb ass mistakes. However, I did pay 5,000baht for a soapy massage in a Bangkok massage parlor that some taxi lead me to on my first night in the city. AND I had Kuwaiti Dinar, which were tought to exchange there back in 2001, and I lost about 2000baht in exchange fees from some shadey shop in BKK. Hmm I went to Pattaya after being in BKK for 3 days then I paid 1200 baht nightly for a cheasy hotel for 2 weeks untill I got my own appartment. Umm what else, lemme see......Thats about it really I was fortunet to come up in the city (Philadelphia) so I spotted most of the scams right away. A scam is a scam, anywere in the world.

[thaiknot]

Philly may have its scams,but I've seen every possible imaginative one on the streets of Manhattan.But still no place comes close to Egypt for scams.l love ancient Egyptian history,and the last time I was there,2 elderly ladies wanted their pictures taken while sitting on a camel,and the camel just took off running with them screaming on it.The camel operator then asked them for $50 for the "ride".

[sua yai]

A bigger bunch of idiots, I've never seen.

You all make me laugh.

[Cpt_M0ney_Sh0t]

Philly may have its scams,but I've seen every possible imaginative one on the streets of Manhattan.But still no place comes close to Egypt for scams.l love ancient Egyptian history,and the last time I was there,2 elderly ladies wanted their pictures taken while sitting on a camel,and the camel just took off running with them screaming on it.The camel operator then asked them for $50 for the "ride".

Yes yes, very true, I have heard this about Egypt ever since I started working in the Gulf, even other Arabs are scared of Egyptian scams....no one is spared.

[Lacoste]

no place comes close to Egypt for scams.

Hmm The City of Lagos, Nigeria springs to mind.

[fireman]

5 out of 6,, i dont like bars, finally wised up when she asked to pay off her <uncle> for her car loan

i handed her a paper and pencil and said write down name address and phone # of youre uncle and ill take care of it,,,, never heard another word about <car loan>

[Donz]

Some of you guys are full of it, come on.

How the hel_l did you ever think about doing all that stuff for a girl?

getting scamed from a taxi etc i can understand, but some of you got 4-6/6?

what the hel_l were you thinking

[tourleadersi]

Some of you guys are full of it, come on.

How the hel_l did you ever think about doing all that stuff for a girl?

getting scamed from a taxi etc i can understand, but some of you got 4-6/6?

what the hel_l were you thinking

Donz mate its not always the brain that is doing the thinking....

[whynot?]

I think that if you are going to have some sort of committed relationship then you have to accept the fact that financial support is going to be part of it-the gold thing is of course required but sensible limits need to be imposed-phone, monthly tithe,clothes-again I feel it is required but again and this is critical-within reason-the big ticket items(bar-new house-etc) hey man if you feel like rolling the dice up to you-accept that anything that goes out aint comin back-drew the line at family support and businesses and got the gold back in the breakup after she assaulted me but thats a tired story here that nobody wants to hear again-even a poor farang is rich by Thai standards and the family in the province really has nothing better to do than think of ways to separate cash and foriegner-as evidenced on this forum there are many success stories but a disproportionate amount of horror stories-and there is a reason cliches are cliches(has something to do with being true)

[Donz]

I think that if you are going to have some sort of committed relationship then you have to accept the fact that financial support is going to be part of it-the gold thing is of course required but sensible limits need to be imposed-phone, monthly tithe,clothes-again I feel it is required but again and this is critical-within reason-the big ticket items(bar-new house-etc) hey man if you feel like rolling the dice up to you-accept that anything that goes out aint comin back-drew the line at family support and businesses and got the gold back in the breakup after she assaulted me but thats a tired story here that nobody wants to hear again-even a poor farang is rich by Thai standards and the family in the province really has nothing better to do than think of ways to separate cash and foriegner-as evidenced on this forum there are many success stories but a disproportionate amount of horror stories-and there is a reason cliches are cliches(has something to do with being true)

what did she assault you with ?

what did you do?

[Charma]

I think that if you are going to have some sort of committed relationship then you have to accept the fact that financial support is going to be part of it-the gold thing is of course required but sensible limits need to be imposed-phone, monthly tithe,clothes-again I feel it is required but again and this is critical-within reason-the big ticket items(bar-new house-etc) hey man if you feel like rolling the dice up to you-accept that anything that goes out aint comin back-drew the line at family support and businesses and got the gold back in the breakup after she assaulted me but thats a tired story here that nobody wants to hear again-even a poor farang is rich by Thai standards and the family in the province really has nothing better to do than think of ways to separate cash and foriegner-as evidenced on this forum there are many success stories but a disproportionate amount of horror stories-and there is a reason cliches are cliches(has something to do with being true)

Interesting post but has your keyboard got a full stop key?

There have been a few recent threads that have been about the success stories and have provided a bit of balance to the "horror" stories. Ultimately, don't give away anything that you are not prepared to lose!

[Martin]

This thread could be called "Did you try to bridge a culture gap? And did you (and she) fall in?".

Over the years we have had a few threads that touched on the misconceptions that the farang man and the Thai woman can start with.

And on the misinformation they are likely to be fed by others.

It is a wonder that the gap ever gets bridged, even shakily.

Today I have been to a family gathering in a nearby village. Yesterday evening, the 16-year-old son of one of my wife's brothers crashed his motorbike and was killed. So today has been spent at the crematorium and his parents' house.

I was contrasting it with a similar occasion in England, when one of my students ended his life.

Totally different; but both sets of rituals totally understandable, with some understanding of where the folk were 'coming from'.

As are the 6 points in the original posting.

[leftcross]

it should be said that the vast majority of the points raised by the OP apply only when dealing with certain parts of Thai society.

[bkkmadness]

it should be said that the vast majority of the points raised by the OP apply only when dealing with certain parts of Thai society.

[farangsay]

Some of you guys are full of it, come on.

How the hel_l did you ever think about doing all that stuff for a girl?

getting scamed from a taxi etc i can understand, but some of you got 4-6/6?

what the hel_l were you thinking

Did I read it in the signature of somebody on this forum or was it in a post ?

"A man has a brain and a penis but he doesn't have enough blood to make

both function at the same time" or something along those lines.

If my balls had been "neutralised" at birth I would probably be fairly rich now ,

but I would have had a boring life.

I'll stick with what I've got , thank you very much.

This thread has had a lot of good humour in it , despite BKKM and leftcross

hi-jacking it for their slag-fest.

Leftcross reminds me of my brother. He is a chartered accountant. My sister and

I both agree he is a pain in the arse.

[leftcross]

i toned it down especially for you Bkkmadness

it is, however, a valid point, no?

[Donz]

Ive noticed BKK and leftcross follow eachother around, they st be brothers I think, there slagging match is funny

[Martin]

For 'farangsay', re #108:

The line was mine, in a posting. But thanks for giving me the idea of adding it to my signature!

[simon43]

As the OP of this thread, at least I have the last laugh. Despite making all these 'classic mistakes', we are very happily married, with a new baby and some good businesses here in Thailand.

Let's just recap on those mistakes and an update on the answers:

Did you buy her a new mobile phone?

(Yes, I am not tight-fisted and can afford this expense. If I am prepared to buy myself a new phone, then I should be prepared to do the same for my GF/wife)

Did you buy her some gold?

(Yes, I gave about 10 baht of gold as part of the sin-sot. This has a lot to do with the 'face' concept in Thailand and besides, I was only marrying one Thai girl, not several!)

Did you send her money every month?

(Absolutely, although give rather than send since I was living in Thailand. I used to give my wife in the UK money every month and I never got slated for that!)

Did you go and visit her family and eat dead frogs and bugs?

(My original answer still stands. It was important that I tried to understand her background and make her family feel at ease. When I visited, the word went round their Moobahn about the English guy who not only sat on the ground with everyone else, but eat the same food as them. It helped to break down barriers between us)

OK, what about building a house for her mum cos the old one was falling down?

(Yes, after a suitable time-frame, I suggested this as a way of providing a means of security for her parents. Whenever I visit the family, I check to make sure that they have the means to lead a reaonably comfortable lifestyle. Eg - I bought them a fridge when I realised that they had none and just left fresh food in a cupboard...)

OK, the classic one. DID YOU BUY HER A BAR?

(Yes, and never regretted this! It was a 'stepping-stone' to allow her to move away from working in the bar scene, to being her own boss. When this bar had served it's purpose - and she was physically and mentally completely removed from the bar-scene, we closed the bar.)

So, was I the fool to do all this. That's your decision.

Simon

[leftcross]

no, you sound like a good bloke who has made things work for you in a situation that was fraught with potential pitfalls.

it's hard not to have a lot of respect for that.

Edited July 16, 2006 by leftcross

[bkkmadness]

i toned it down especially for you Bkkmadness

it is, however, a valid point, no?

I'd say that by making that generalisation you're making a mistake.

The buying a mobile phone and buying gold thing are nothing to speak of really, they're gifts. I'm sure though your gf might not like gold she likes a good mobile phone, and it'd make a pleasant gift on a birthday no? Some girls like gold, even from middle class families, thats a nice present also.

So I can't agree that someone who has a mobile bought for them or some gold can only come from one level of Thai society.

Despite the silliness of the insect poll that also proved that people from all walks of Thailand society eat bugs so I can't agree with you there either.

Sending money every month? My gf was working with a girl at the airport, she studied well, came from a good family and worked everyday and her bf sent her 50 k every month and had bought her a brand new Toyota. It wasn't because she was from a certain level of Thai society, it was just a fact that her bf was completely loaded and the money was nothing to him.

I know of another girl who works for a real estate firm and earns a lot of money in comissions, shes just had a 10 million baht condo bought in her name. She didn't ask for it, but again her bf is so cashed up that it was nothing for him to buy it for her.

I'm sure if you talk to your gf about the people she works with, you'd hear similar stories too of people from the 'higher' levels of Thai society getting houses built and money sent to them on a regular basis from farang boyfriends. Not as much as if you was chatting to a bunch of girls at Nana disco I grant you that, but believe me it's there.

Theres a ton of people (and many on this board no doubt) that believe a Thai girl will only be dating or married to a farang because they are from a poor level of Thai society. But you know yourself this isn't right as you're happily married to a middle class girl whos expecting soon (congrats).

You know that often the broad generalisations made against yourself are not true, so it seems to follow that you should question your own broad generalisations of others.

I think the problem is a little in the title of the thread 'mistakes you have made' could almost read like 'ripped off for'.

Thai women from all levels have suckered the loved up farang into buying mobiles/gold and whatever else for them. Its not something that is only the poorer sector of Thai society do, in fact some farangs get caught out for a lot of money precisely because they think like this. Believing their middle class girlfriend would never rip them off as that's the domain of only the poor or the bargirl they let their guard down and before you know it a house or car is bought, study fees and mobile phones are paid for etc.

I suppose what I want to say is:

Any girl from any level of society could rip their boyfriend off.

Any girl from any level of society could be gifted a house/mobile/gold.

Any girl from any level of society could also be a loyal and loving partner.

So respectfully I have to say I think your point is not valid.

[Donz]

As the OP of this thread, at least I have the last laugh. Despite making all these 'classic mistakes', we are very happily married, with a new baby and some good businesses here in Thailand.

Let's just recap on those mistakes and an update on the answers:

Did you buy her a new mobile phone?

(Yes, I am not tight-fisted and can afford this expense. If I am prepared to buy myself a new phone, then I should be prepared to do the same for my GF/wife)

Did you buy her some gold?

(Yes, I gave about 10 baht of gold as part of the sin-sot. This has a lot to do with the 'face' concept in Thailand and besides, I was only marrying one Thai girl, not several!)

Did you send her money every month?

(Absolutely, although give rather than send since I was living in Thailand. I used to give my wife in the UK money every month and I never got slated for that!)

Did you go and visit her family and eat dead frogs and bugs?

(My original answer still stands. It was important that I tried to understand her background and make her family feel at ease. When I visited, the word went round their Moobahn about the English guy who not only sat on the ground with everyone else, but eat the same food as them. It helped to break down barriers between us)

OK, what about building a house for her mum cos the old one was falling down?

(Yes, after a suitable time-frame, I suggested this as a way of providing a means of security for her parents. Whenever I visit the family, I check to make sure that they have the means to lead a reaonably comfortable lifestyle. Eg - I bought them a fridge when I realised that they had none and just left fresh food in a cupboard...)

OK, the classic one. DID YOU BUY HER A BAR?

(Yes, and never regretted this! It was a 'stepping-stone' to allow her to move away from working in the bar scene, to being her own boss. When this bar had served it's purpose - and she was physically and mentally completely removed from the bar-scene, we closed the bar.)

So, was I the fool to do all this. That's your decision.

Simon

if its your wife or long term gf i understand, I like how you bought the fridge for them which was nice. Also depends if you are well off or not.

I was replying to people who just went to thailand first time on holidays, pick up, buy phone, gold, send her money etc

My fiancee has quiet a bit of money and im the broke ass. So thats my excuse.

[simon43]

Thanks for the comments Donz. Re the fridge, I thought it was typical 'face' that everyone has a big colour TV and forget the fact that the food is going bad:)

(Actually, buying them a fridge also meant that I was less likely to go down with food poisoning as well...)

[bkkmadness]

Thanks for the comments Donz. Re the fridge, I thought it was typical 'face' that everyone has a big colour TV and forget the fact that the food is going bad:)

(Actually, buying them a fridge also meant that I was less likely to go down with food poisoning as well...)

And nothing to do with having a large number of cold beers at hand of course.

[leftcross]

mr bkkmadness, you specialise in taking general statements and giving specific reasons why you think they are not true. it's an admirable skill but also one that means you often lose the essence of what is being said. you 'think too much'

i could counter your post with experience from my own personal life which would also question your arguments. i can only offer my experiences with my wife (i know this bores you, but what other point of reference can i give??). yes i have had experiences like the ones mentioned in your posts and in the OP before i was married, but i have always told the girl to f*** off as soon as she made any unsolicited demands on my wallet. family needs cash? do one. want a new mobile phone? best get saving then. want to be treated with respect and like a lady? i can do that.

yes i do hear stories of westerners paying ridiculous 'retainers' to their thai girlfriends. i believe these people to be rather foolish however. they are setting themselves up to be ripped off.

i do, naturally, agree with your generalisations at the end of your post

suppose what I want to say is:

Any girl from any level of society could rip their boyfriend off.

Any girl from any level of society could be gifted a house/mobile/gold.

Any girl from any level of society could also be a loyal and loving partner.

when you stick to the generalisations you do ok, but you flounder with the nuts and bolts.

Grade: C- bkkmadness is an able student but he is capable of much better and would do well to concentrate during discussions.

Edited July 16, 2006 by leftcross

[simon43]

Leftcross, come on! - this post is meant to be light-hearted. BKKMadness was pulling my leg with his comments, (although I've yet to see a cold beer in said fridge...)

Simon

[bkkmadness]

Grade: C- bkkmadness is an able student but he is capable of much better and would do well to concentrate during discussions.

That was just about what every report card said for me at school.

mr bkkmadness, you specialise in taking general statements and giving specific reasons why you think they are not true. it's an admirable skill but also one that means you often lose the essence of what is being said. you 'think too much'

Its a science really no? First you take a theory/statement, then you question it, find out that theory is either true or false and come to your conclusion. To keep repeating that statement after you know its false is wrong, to change the statement is better. Is that not logical thinking?

yes i have had experiences like the ones mentioned in your posts and in the OP before i was married, but i have always told the girl to f*** off as soon as she made any unsolicited demands on my wallet. family needs cash? do one. want a new mobile phone? best get saving then. want to be treated with respect and like a lady? i can do that.

yes i do hear stories of westerners paying ridiculous 'retainers' to their thai girlfriends. i believe these people to be rather foolish however. they are setting themselves up to be ripped off.

Ok, this is where you get a D- for concentration mr leftcross since now you are not talking about what levels of Thai society accept the mobiles, houses and gold etc. but what levels of farang society give them.

You are now talking about a point we haven't even touched on before, and definately not the point you made earlier.

anyway, to mention this new point you brought up.....

I totally agree if I started to date a girl and she asks me to buy her a phone then shes gonna be told to start saving, just as you would. I'm not going to start dishing out cash coz I'm a farang, I'd like to think I'm still young enough at 29 to get a girl without having to pay out for it.

I wouldn't mind buying my gf a phone but we've been together for years now and I know that she wouldn't mind buying me a phone either. Neither of us are rich, but what money we have we spend on shared pleasures whether it be a dinner and a movie or whatever. I expect you wouldn't mind buying your wife one either should occaision arise and vice versa. I mean really thats a gift that comes from a mutual respect, nothing that could be described as a 'mistake'.

You are too right that if you start dishing out cash at the start it does seem to make you look like a sucker I always thought. My girlfriend would tell you a funny story of our first date when I gave her the tab for her drinks at the end of the night! I was totally brassic at the time and she had more cash than me since she run a small business so why should I get the tab was my thinking. She's lucky she didnt get my tab as well really.

We've never had a problem about money and I think its was that kind of start that got us there. It also means that I knew there was never the classic problem that so many people seem to worry about 'Is she with me for my money?' coz I never had none at the time, and even when I have been cashed up a lot more, I don't start dishing it out to all and sundry. I worked for it, you want cash, you better get working too!

I firmly believe that you get what you work for in this life, and getting a farang boyfriend shouldn't be considered work.