Is this a real relationship or have I bought a girlfriend?

[Patsycat]

Deary me, you got my little tear ducts going there,

In the end, what goes on behind closed doors stays there. If you and your girl are happy. That is all that counts.

Can she click?

[gamini]

At 55 if you could get a GF of 30 in your own country, then there might be hope, you already know the answer.

This is so true but I would add that if you could get an equally good looking and attractive girl of 30 in your own country then the relationship should be OK. You could then be sure that she is not marrying you for your money!

[kkup]

If your 55 I would make the most of it while you can, just play smart.. what's a few thousand baht here n there anyway? no different to having a chick back home, they all ending up getting our money one way or another... just have fun, life is short.

[KhnomKhnom]

You met a woman who was working and keeping herself, perhaps in meager circumstances but nevertheless she was independent.

You've encouraged her to become financially dependent upon you.

It will not end well and she will eventually despise you for the financial control you have over her.

"Independent" is a foreigner's idea. No Thai below HiSo is "independent." In fact, the idea is to BE dependent... on family and friends.... the people who share meals and trade hard times by borrowing a little.

My Thai wife philosophy is "you cook, clean, take care of me" and "I pay for everything." To me it is an even trade and also a loving exchange of loving care. If I could not pay for everything, including an allowance for her, I would not marry a Thai woman. I could not respect myself any other way.

If your woman thinks in terms of "financial control over her" then YOU man have the wrong mind-set and have not talked out your relationship. Put 30000THB in bank in her name... tell her the only way she can use that is to leave you. "Financial control" is over. If the love is right, she will spend that money on your cremation.

[seajae]

op, when you meet the right lady you will know, I met my wife totally by accident and we hit it off straight away, we are so much a like it isnt funny, I am still finding out things that we do the same years later. Compatability and being able to share everything is a big part of a couple, she obviously wants to be self supporting and earn her own money which is great for both of you. The big part is seeing just how well you can live together and get along with each others habits etc, give it a while yet, you havent been together all that long but if you are meant to be together it will happen.

Way to go mate, so far it sounds pretty good, best of luck.

[nanapong]

Thank you all for your contributions. It was much as I expected.

There are some posters here who will never ever see a Thai/Farang relationship as anything but a transaction and others who think it is all one sided. Bitter experience possibly or just bitter. I have met quite a few people like this in bars, they treat Thais like dirt and have nothing but contempt for them. I really feel sorry for them stuck in a country they hate so much.

There are others for whom the age gap is everything. No woman would want an older man yet the evidence to the contrary is overwhelming. As an aside my last gf in the UK was 19 years younger than me and beautiful. We met when I was 40. She was a graphic designer and earnt more than me so it wasn't a money thing. We stayed together for 7 years and only finished because she desperately wanted a child and I didn't. To those posters I would say, get over it. Age is a number. If you met me you would not guess my age correctly so why does it matter? With age comes many things, not just wrinkles. Wisdom, maturity and knowledge.

Because of my experiences I am able to behave in a way that my gf obviously likes. I treat her with respect, I am romantic. Last night as we sat on the balcony watching the sun go down I asked her why she was with me. She told me that she feels like we have been together a long time (in a good way) and that it keeps getting better. She feels loved. She also told me she is looking forward to going back to work when her course is finished.

I said in my OP that I knew the answer and I do. I have bought a gf. But not just with money but with love and kindness, respect and fidelity. If you believe that then good, if you don't I really don't care.

Oh dear , that's sort of a disappointment really. You'll probably end up being mugged off dude.

[choochoo]

• a uk girl wasted 7 years of her life by being with an older man. age difference does matter. she want family man only want sex..............lol.

[lapd]

Not every Thai woman who can speak some degree of English is out to scam a foreign man. C'mon people!

Reality Check!

We are talking about a 30 year old Thai woman sleeping with a 55 year old white foreigner in Pattaya.

No no it must be true love. I know because all the saps in this thread told me so. What a wonderful resource this place is.

[Don Aleman]

Her English, read this carefully, will NEVER get any better than it is right now. Why should it when you shower her with money without any words at all ? My 10 year " Rent A Wife" uses my remaining few bucks as" shopping fuel" and her family see me as a liberating Yank entering Italy during WW 2,in an open convertible, tossing tons of Lira in the air. I am positive she is not with you for her " great mind" so enjoy those parts of her you like and, throw her away when she gets too expensive -- she will toss you the moment you say " I don't have any more " !

[Thakkar]

"She is 30 and I am 55."

Unless she is also fat and ugly, or, alternatively, you have movie start looks and charisma, this attraction of her to you is more than about love. It's also (or mainlyonly time will tell) about her security and future.

There is nothing wrong with that. Just remember not to delude yourself too much. All love is, to varying degrees, delusional. What you have isn't yet a proper relationship. You'll have one when you build one. And you build one through shared experiences, compromises, compassion, sacrificesfrom both sides.

Good luck, but keep your eyes open.

T

[circusman]

55 and 30. That says it all.

[itsuptome]

Some weird comments have been posted. The age difference is not a big deal. There are many amazing women in their 30s who are single for years here because they're always working, never meet anyone new, etc.

The thing to keep in mind is that people change their behavior based on how you relate to them.

By giving her money, you are introducing a dynamic in the relationship where she sees you as a source of income.

If she asks for more in the future, does that mean she's secretly been in this for the money all along?

Doubtful, more likely it will be because you've conditioned her to expect money from you. And if you say no or get angry or accuse her of being a gold digger it might even hurt her feelings.

This is why I'm very cautious about giving girlfriends money, and have been since long before I discovered Thailand. It introduces a new (potentially expensive) dynamic to a relationship where her affection depends on your wallet.

But hey, if you're loaded and have nothing else to do with the cash...

Edited September 5, 2014 by itsuptome

[Alan653]

Here's to you my friend. I, just like you have the same relationship with my g/f. I'm 60 and she is 30. Nothing wrong with helping out someone you love/care about. Be happy and enjoy.

[JAFO]

Thank you all for your contributions. It was much as I expected.

There are some posters here who will never ever see a Thai/Farang relationship as anything but a transaction and others who think it is all one sided. Bitter experience possibly or just bitter. I have met quite a few people like this in bars, they treat Thais like dirt and have nothing but contempt for them. I really feel sorry for them stuck in a country they hate so much.

There are others for whom the age gap is everything. No woman would want an older man yet the evidence to the contrary is overwhelming. As an aside my last gf in the UK was 19 years younger than me and beautiful. We met when I was 40. She was a graphic designer and earnt more than me so it wasn't a money thing. We stayed together for 7 years and only finished because she desperately wanted a child and I didn't. To those posters I would say, get over it. Age is a number. If you met me you would not guess my age correctly so why does it matter? With age comes many things, not just wrinkles. Wisdom, maturity and knowledge.

Because of my experiences I am able to behave in a way that my gf obviously likes. I treat her with respect, I am romantic. Last night as we sat on the balcony watching the sun go down I asked her why she was with me. She told me that she feels like we have been together a long time (in a good way) and that it keeps getting better. She feels loved. She also told me she is looking forward to going back to work when her course is finished.

I said in my OP that I knew the answer and I do. I have bought a gf. But not just with money but with love and kindness, respect and fidelity. If you believe that then good, if you don't I really don't care.

Uh Oh.....here it comes....wait on it....wait on it.... The above response should start a wave of "Nutting but Love" for the OP

@ the OP. I usually stay out of the age gap debates because there really is no point. The guys with the huge age gap relationships will always find a way to justify it out. Its how these threads go. I am always surprised people even pose the question to an audience. I have always felt that if you were truly comfortable with your relationship and decision that it would never be posted on an internet forum at any level.

Regardless they do and when the questions are posed its always a split. Guys will come out and call you a creep, pedo and think you are a delusional loser and could only make a run of it in TL because you were a loser in your home country. The other half come on and support it with guns a blazing, flags a waving claiming they have the perfect gal and so much in common.

Where do I stand on the debate..... Actually I don't see how it works long term IMO but it appears some do. I worked in a plant with over 2500 Thai mfg personnel. Most of them were aged between 20 to 30. I interacted with all segments of the business and having worked closely with a very large number of Thai girls and a few woman. I have to say(generally speaking) the maturity level of the woman at 30 or so left a lot to be desired if I was looking for a relationship. They are too easily impressed and find foreigners more as a novelty. The biggest challenges for me were the constant food pics for FB and check ins, Hello kitty phone covers, texting their friends, most had stuffed animal pillows at their desk to take naps, they had fuzzy bunny slippers under their desk so they could take their high heels off and relax, they were always looking in pocket mirrors to check for acne and adding make up.

As they say I could have had the "pick of the litter" but I just felt I would have to step back mentally to what I would say is an early college age to be able to understand and relate to them and even that might be a stretch. I always thought it would be weird to meet their parents at some point and I would be the same age as her Dad and Mom. I am glad I experienced that as I knew at that point I needed an older woman to converse with. Someone with some maturity and life experience living on her own not a gal that batted a cute eye and told me I am a "Hansum" man and that she loves me. I also did not want to contend with a gal that would most certainly want a child from me and would some how convince me it was a good thing. There was no way I was dropping a seed at 50.

But as it is said, what ever works and good luck.

[jacksam]

You really sound like a cheap charlie. Take care of her properly. You suggest giving her 8000 baht a month and expect love and the creature comforts that go with it.

I give my live in gf of 2 years 1000baht per day. We travel a lot together. In return she treats me like a king. I take very good care of her and in return she takes good care of me.

[thailiketoo]

Her English, read this carefully, will NEVER get any better than it is right now. Why should it when you shower her with money without any words at all ? My 10 year " Rent A Wife" uses my remaining few bucks as" shopping fuel" and her family see me as a liberating Yank entering Italy during WW 2,in an open convertible, tossing tons of Lira in the air. I am positive she is not with you for her " great mind" so enjoy those parts of her you like and, throw her away when she gets too expensive -- she will toss you the moment you say " I don't have any more " !

Boy we are getting a lot of the, "golly gee ma I seen a bar girl." Posts today. What do you think is the difference between the average bar girl and a Hollywood actress? They both act and for the right price will let you take pictures of them without knickers. Heck, give em a break at least they are working and supporting either their family or the drug dealers family.

Edited September 5, 2014 by thailiketoo

[palaver]

Sounds good. You better her for a good future. Just ensure rules are set about money and all should be fine.

[ttthailand]

The problem with giving money every month is that if you take it away you are looked at as a bad guy. They never say ok ... Thank you for what you have given and it is ok to remove it now. They will feel entitled.

Better to have them work for their spending money or if need be slip them a little money now and then. Avoid the paycheck !

Things change if you are married and kids come along. Then you will be taking out of the same pot.

[flyingdoc]

Lovely to see so many positive comments! I was surprised too !

Good luck!

I agree that perhaps it was unwise to offer money to her parents so early on, It might have been better to wait until and if you were asked,, then you could judge it in context.

[fabphil]

Should have left her in the job......

[spidermike007]

Sounds like a healthy arrangement. She sounds like a hard working gal, who is responsible. All relationships, anywhere in the world require a man to have some financial stability. Why not help your woman? What is wrong with that? Nothing. Do not even consider listening to the naysayers. There are alot of guys over here who find younger women, and presume these women are with them because they are handsome, smart, and that it has nothing to do with financial stability. I seriously doubt that is true, unless the gal is Hi-So, and then there are 50 other issues you are wrestling with. So, just enjoy your gal, live your life, enjoy each day, and listen to your inner voice. You know what is right.

[ukguyinthai]

Your question “did I buy a gf”

Yes you did, but you didn’t pay much. Much less than any relationship costs back home,and you wouldn’t get a 30 year old. Or the attention and sex you’re enjoying. So what’s the alternative?

Enjoy it while you can, and if you are lucky she may begin to appreciate you and need you just for you.

Good luck I hope it works out for you both

[choochoo]

Here's to you my friend. I, just like you have the same relationship with my g/f. I'm 60 and she is 30. Nothing wrong with helping out someone you love/care about. Be happy and enjoy.

hahahahahahaha! Stop calling them gfs and all will be COOL!

[choochoo]

Your question “did I buy a gf”

Yes you did, but you didn’t pay much. Much less than any relationship costs back home,and you wouldn’t get a 30 year old. Or the attention and sex you’re enjoying. So what’s the alternative?

Enjoy it while you can, and if you are lucky she may begin to appreciate you and need you just for you.

Good luck I hope it works out for you both

without photos we dont know if he overpaid or underpaid............lol.

a 30 year old girl who accepts so little in upkeep must be dirt kind of like in looks. Looks does affect how much one needs to pay.

[USNret]

I read the OP, and none of the other comments. So perhaps I'm duplicating other advice...

Encourage her career & ambitions. Reduce her dependence on you. Sounds like she wants a successful career; don't take that away from her. If she is able to pay her minor expenses & support her family from her own salary, then you'll never have to ask the question that you have asked. If you push her to rely on you, you have become the Walking ATM and everyone's motivation will forever be in question.

[rotary]

As long as you do not make a habit of sending her parents money, and she gets a job once she improves her english, then you stop the allowance you are ok with more common sense than the average farang

Edited September 5, 2014 by rotary

[kennypowers]

I think the key question(s) is to ask yourself "why does she want to be with me/why is she attracted to me?"

This will give you an insight into what the future might hold.

Do you share similar interests - fine wine, dogs, fashion, a certain type of music?

Do you have similar morals / ethics?

Do you share great conversation?

Do you have similar hobbies – fitness, golf, trekking, whatever?

Do you have a similar sense of humour?

Are you charming, good looking, etc, etc...

If the only foundation the relationship has is transactional, e.g. she wants financial security for her and her family in the long term, and you want a pretty, young thing to slobber over and a maid to take care of you in your twilight years, then yes, essentially you have bought a girlfriend. I don't think such a foundation holds much hope for long-term happiness.

Another thing to do is consider is whether you would act this way in your home country. For example: back home, would you seek to date a 30-year-old immigrant (25 years younger than yourself), with no money, who barely speaks English, probably barely finished high school and has no worldly experience to share?

[shirtless]

Mate she sounds like an exception, to the rule , I think the rewards will certainly be worth the effort.

[hellohello123]

You met a woman who was working and keeping herself, perhaps in meager circumstances but nevertheless she was independent.

You've encouraged her to become financially dependent upon you.

It will not end well and she will eventually despise you for the financial control you have over her.

My Thai wife philosophy is "you cook, clean, take care of me" and "I pay for everything." To me it is an even trade and also a loving exchange of loving care. If I could not pay for everything, including an allowance for her, I would not marry a Thai woman. I could not respect myself any other way.

If your woman thinks in terms of "financial control over her" then YOU man have the wrong mind-set and have not talked out your relationship. Put 30000THB in bank in her name... tell her the only way she can use that is to leave you. "Financial control" is over. If the love is right, she will spend that money on your cremation.

you can get a cook and a cleaner for 8000baht a month or whatever teh market rate is,

as for sex, you could get it from a BG no strings attached, or you could get it for free since everyone on TV is a Hansum man

seriously, if thats what love is (regardless of nationality or age) I weep for society

if my GF/wife said that to me, id feel pretty disappointed and like a commodity

that means that if you suddenly became unable to work or you lost your savings to a scam or a sick relative, she'd be out the door

very sad

Edited September 5, 2014 by hellohello123

[seancbk]

It sounds like you have found a genuinely nice woman.

I wish you both a long a happy time together.