Right Girl - Right Family ... How do you know when you have found them?

[canarysun]

She is the " Right Lady " when she never asks for money,she never accepts any money and you never have to give her any money. " 2 people should be together because they love each other "

Farang Jaidee ( " the romantic farang " )

[Greg Nixon]

I married my wife because of who she is. A government worker. A happy child. Lovely physique but there re better looking Thai ladies. She showed me everything about herself even her physical imperfections before I even came to Thailand. She showed me her ID, her bank account, her passport. She took me live with her air card to work . to her friends homes, to her fathers farm, to her daughters school. She drove me in her truck. She told me of her ex-husband. She undoubtedly edited a bit but nothing serious.

She told me of the property she owned.

I reciprocated revealing all.

So what has been the result. I have been here three years. I have totally transformed her properties and drove off the squatters. When the daughter is asked has life changed for you since papa came, the answer is Yes everything. Is everything better ? the answer yes.

Her family is slowly warming to me as I help them out. Harvest rice, pay for labor, help niece attend school. I was presented at her father's temple and the monk even gave a sermon on a foreign man arriving in a strange country.I would say that is quite rare.

We have many friends in my wife's home village and in the city which we live in 40 minutes away.

Is everything perfect? Not yet but I am working on it.

[pgrahmm]

Very nice story.....

I am also lucky to have a "farm family" on my wife's side......never ask for anything and when out and about Papa is usually the first to offer to pay - and he's farmer tight fisted.....when we are there or they are visitng us we do everything as a family with me having an equal or deciding vote and I don't abuse the privilege or respect they give to me...I am the 1st farang anyone/everyone in the family has known but I'm also just one of the family - but I am a curiousity at the local markets, temple, etc - I smile my way through it and actually have fun with it......we are in CM - they're 700 k south but if we are down that way - at the beach we'll spend 4 - 8 days there and they will drive down for one of those days - spend a nice beach day with us to spend/have time with us - then go.....

Coincidentally - on one of our 1st trips down driving about an hour away from the farm ..... we hit passing gear to go around a vehicle and heard a cracking noise - looking out the back saw some small white pieces...I thought maybe I'd hit some styrofoam in the road that I'd not seen while clearing on all sides to pass......about 20 minutes later on a small road steam from the hood and temperature high on the gauge.....stopped to check out - the plastic fan had broken and wiped out the radiator.....Wife called Papa - in the meantime people stopped to offer help - he got there with his Hilux - used a piece of hose (like firehose) to tow us to the radiator place in where they sealed off the 8 leaks caused by the fan breaking ..... we drove further into town - bought another fan - radiator place installed - total cost for both 1200B & done in under 2 hours with Papa's help - gotta love Thailand for that.....

The Thai people generally like to please....when we (with our blunt western mores) take that away from them - that's where the troubles start - we are making them act/react in a way that is unsettling to them....I think this cause problems in a lot of Thai/western relationships.....

But I'm with you David - I was lucky and found genuinely good people as inlaws/family - in fact the only thing I have here in Thailand for family......someone wrote non-intrusive but friendly - (respectful & friendly) - good description.....

Edited September 5, 2014 by pgrahmm

[Thakkar]

Never get married. Ever. Best advise I can give any man

Marriage--What are you getting out of it? Here's what:

You get a live-in sex partner who will grow old with you, give you occasional joy and constant grief. She will want to know "where you go?", "what you do?" and "when you come home?" "And buy some khaw neaw gai yang on the way home, okhai, please?"

You get children who will worry you sick and annoy you when they're young, hate you when they're older and ignore you when they're off to college, except when they need money.

You get a house you never wanted that ties you to living in one place, requires constant upkeep, a lawn that needs mowing and a roof with a disgusting bat living in it.

You get dogs you never wanted who will sleep on your sofa, bark all night, insist on walks you don't want to go on, give you poop to clean up, cost you money, live too long and demand you throw that damn slobbery ball for them to bring right back for you to throw again.

You get in-laws that think you don't deserve their daughter, yak incessantly about you, think you're an idiot, keep mentioning "that doctor" she could've married and how he's just got this award and bought this great house/car/yacht.

You get a sister-in-law who you keep thinking is the one you *should've* married but who's now married to a silver-tongued idiot the parents just lurve. And another rotund sister-in-law who thinks you should've married *her* and keeps giving you the eye.

You get a brother-in-law who also keeps giving you the eye. And another brother-in-law who keeps introducing you to his revolving posse of friends like you were some kind of novelty display.

In other words, you get a fking pain-in-the-arse family.

Hypothetically speaking, of course.

T

[Swiss1960]

Nice story, David

For your question: I think in the western culture, right girl with wrong family CAN work, since children are much more independent from their parents and much more independent in creating their own lifes. It is possible in the West that a girl tells their parents "if you don't like my friend, then that is your problem only. don't complain when you will not see me so often anymore".

In an Asian culture... I have never met such a girl 'till now and I doubt that many exist. Family values are so important that you must understand and accept that the girl will ultimately choose the family over you. Happened to me, happened to people I know. Not complaining or criticizing, just matter of fact.

[Don Aleman]

Worse odds than Las Vegas or the race track ! Odds at Vegas on Blackjack are 51.5 % to the player - divorce rate, globally, 58 % in favor of the bride taking the kids and most of the goodies ! Settle for a girlfriend and keep your safe locked.

[ukguyinthai]

If you don't speak Thai Its so hard to know what everyone is thinking. The only interpretation is your gf version.If you cannot have a conversation with her family they are never going to know you,or understand you.

I think you need to learn Thai language before you start trying to play happy families.For your safety and your happiness.

Will your gf and her family help you with learning,or would they prefer you not to learn.

Without clear communication,you are living in a bubble.

[kurnell]

Never get married. Ever. Best advise I can give any man

Marriage--What are you getting out of it? Here's what:

You get a live-in sex partner who will grow old with you, give you occasional joy and constant grief. She will want to know "where you go?", "what you do?" and "when you come home?" "And buy some khaw neaw gai yang on the way home, okhai, please?"

You get children who will worry you sick and annoy you when they're young, hate you when they're older and ignore you when they're off to college, except when they need money.

You get a house you never wanted that ties you to living in one place, requires constant upkeep, a lawn that needs mowing and a roof with a disgusting bat living in it.

You get dogs you never wanted who will sleep on your sofa, bark all night, insist on walks you don't want to go on, give you poop to clean up, cost you money, live too long and demand you throw that damn slobbery ball for them to bring right back for you to throw again.

You get in-laws that think you don't deserve their daughter, yak incessantly about you, think you're an idiot, keep mentioning "that doctor" she could've married and how he's just got this award and bought this great house/car/yacht.

You get a sister-in-law who you keep thinking is the one you *should've* married but who's now married to a silver-tongued idiot the parents just lurve. And another rotund sister-in-law who thinks you should've married *her* and keeps giving you the eye.

You get a brother-in-law who also keeps giving you the eye. And another brother-in-law who keeps introducing you to his revolving posse of friends like you were some kind of novelty display.

In other words, you get a fking pain-in-the-arse family.

Hypothetically speaking, of course.

T

You're trying to reinforce my opinion yes?

[zeichen]

"

To the OP...................Nice account of your thai family.Let me paint a completely opposite picture.Really a sad one.

I was very new to thailand,met a lady,after 2 years got married,after 2 years we separated.

During that 4 year period....FIL died of cancer age 66. stepmother hung herself,step daughter killed in a motorbike accident.One uncle shot and killed another uncle.."

Get therapy not derail a nice thread

[Songlaw]

So....when you go back to OZ.....how much you selling the old bomb for?

I've sort of grown fond of the 'old bomb'.

We'll be keeping it for a few years yet as there are many stays planned for Thailand and the Farm, while close to Bangkok is quite remote, plus the access road is not suitable for Taxi's

For those interested ... It's a SEAT Cordoba. Basically a French body, hung over the VW Polo Chassis and engine.

The old man is a tough nut. Ex-Navy, had his lower leg blown off by an IED in southern Thailand.

Been chipping away to win the battle with him over the years ... now there is respect on both sides.

.

Brother, as unusual as it may be, seems like you scored on all counts in LOS. May your blessings continue. As for your question, if a potential wife has strong ties with the family, you had best make certain that character issues are sorted out on all sides well before you marry. The alternative is to move a suitable bride as far as geographically possible from the less-than-suitable family, which will keep visits to a minimum by design. And if a potential mate isn't willing to go along with this, then a word to the wise would be to cut your losses and bail. You only learn what "lonely" is, when stuck in a bad marriage here. It is one thing to be "farang" in Thailand. It is quite another to be "farang" within your own family. Trust me.

Edited September 5, 2014 by Songlaw

[Suradit69]

I think I've been lucky

Some people deserve the "luck" they have. Congratulations to you and your extended family. I'm sure they feel they've been lucky too.

Nice to hear your positive tale. I'm sure there are many others like you, but too often we only hear from people when they have something to complain about ... real or imagined.

[fabphil]

Ive got tears in my eyes...such a lovely story..tales like this just keep me going in life........er not about the family but about the car

[krisb]

Never get married. Ever. Best advise I can give any man

Get married. Best advice I can give any man.

You will live longer, proven.

[Morakot]

A good story!

A story beyond crazy consumerism that also highlights family and community spirit.

[thejcb]

Another very stupid post.

I never heard anyone debating this in my country, but as soon as "we" go to LieLand we ask these stupid questions.

[thejcb]

Never get married. Ever. Best advise I can give any man

Get married. Best advice I can give any man.

You will live longer, proven.

Yes, correct, live a much longer BORING waste of time life, PROVEN !

[NoshowJones]

I married my wife cause I loved her - not her family.

Very true, but the majority of the time here in Thailand, the wifes family will come before you, that you may have to accept.

[NoshowJones]

An only child with both parents deceased.

Perfect.

What about the brothers, sisters, cousins etc, etc?

[Aussieroaming]

Good post.....David buys lemon by mistake trying to save money. Thai family in laws etc go the extra mile to keep the wreck going. I don't doubt the story and I do think the OP will be around a while longer.

[transam]

Not sure in my mind if anything is ever going to stay perfect. Sorry if I sound negative but I have in my own country been a 3 times marriage loser , my last wife of being together for over 20 happy years decided to do her own thing and tried to stitch me up.

One of the reasons I came to LOS was to try something different, so far Mrs.Trans is but her family, the whole lot are .

But I am hopeful this time around I have cracked it..

PS. I have now learned the hard way to never trust anyone...

[NoshowJones]

However... My best advise is to find a girl who lost her entire family in a plane or bus crash.

Gees, no way are there going to be all the sons, daughters, brothers, sisters, aunts, uncles, cousins, in laws etc etc on the same plane or bus.

[Loles]

Amigo, you have a great story and a specially good family. You are really lucky, and congratulation for your decision and happiness.

My experiences are same, if you are in need Thais are willing to help you easily and don't wait anything against their help.

(of course not in Phuket)

Many time happened to me I was by foot, walked out from Moo Baan to the big road for taxi (my car was in service) or had to pick up the left outside motorbike (forgotten before), and some-one stopped by car and offered me a drive.

This is good feeling, cause in West this is not so familiar.

Of course I took their precedents and if I drive and see some-one to walking out I pick up them.

The silly Falang has learned something from TH neighbors. ))) I like TH.

[USNret]

This seems to be a story abt a wrong car… if you are going to be here only a short time, try renting, the car, not the Gf.

If you think the story is about a car, you didn't understand the story. It is about character. And very well-told.

[USNret]

Another very stupid post.

I never heard anyone debating this in my country, but as soon as "we" go to LieLand we ask these stupid questions.

The dynamics are very different in your home country, unless you were raised in Vietnam or Cambodia. In Thailand, these are very relevant questions.

[NoshowJones]

Another very stupid post.

I never heard anyone debating this in my country, but as soon as "we" go to LieLand we ask these stupid questions.

May be a stupid post to you, but a very enjoyable post to me, and I'm sure to the majority of posters who read it.

[David48]

I find it strange the water pumped "seized" without warning, this throughs some doubt on your story. You would normally get weeks, if not months, of warning, the bearing makes a lot of noise. One thing about Thai "mechanics" many have no idea about belt tension, their way to adjust is to make it as tight as possible, this put to much pressure on any bearing resulting in premature wear.... but still giving considerable warning.

Really? This is what you got out of OP's post?

Mate, it's OK to be sceptical here as the BS does fly around a bit.

I've just been blessed with ...

A lovely Lassie who is also my best friend and Mother to our children

A future FiL and MiL who respect me ... even if they don't understand me ... it's a 2-way street on that issue

A Thai Family who, while I 'love' all of them ... only 'like' some of them, some of the time ...

It's not everyone's dream

It wasn't mine when I first landed in Thailand and ended up, propped up on a Bar Stool in NANA ... which still is occasionally fun to do.

My gf's Family is 'off the scale' with the Thai craziness with some things ... but that's a different story for a different day.

I don't want to shove the 'glass half full' down your throat ... I've just been lucky.

I do, however, want to give a shout out to the members who have posted their stories of their lives and adventures here and the potholes that have tripped them up along their journey.

Without their experiences, I might have been tripped up also.

I'm waffling on now.

Back to looking at the latest photo of my boys for me.

aveagoodweekend ...

.

[Tony125]

Its good to get both good wife and family. I gave sin sod but they have never asked for any money after that. When getting toether for dinners ect sometimes I have offered to pick up the tab but they will say no or allow me to chip in but not pay for all. REcently had a med emergency landed in hospital . Wife's brothers, sister, aunts, uncles , cousins,dad, neices all came down to see me in hospital. When I went to check out found out although my insurance covered the bill they would have to mail check to my homw address in USA.

Her family is fairly well off so her sis paid my bill and said repay her after my innsurace sent me the money. Good wife---good family.

[David48]

Not sure in my mind if anything is ever going to stay perfect. Sorry if I sound negative but I have in my own country been a 3 times marriage loser , my last wife of being together for over 20 happy years decided to do her own thing and tried to stitch me up.

One of the reasons I came to LOS was to try something different, so far Mrs.Trans is but her family, the whole lot are .

But I am hopeful this time around I have cracked it..

PS. I have now learned the hard way to never trust anyone...

Many here may not know, but Uncle Trans is a (cyber) mate of mine.

We talk about many issues, both on and off the field.

If you want to hear some spine chilling tales ... buy him a Leo or 4 and just sit back and listen.

transam, is representative of a man whose gone before me, made the odd mistake, been honest about it,

... from his experiences, I have learnt.

His experiences aren't mine ... but don't diss the long timers here ... they have a valid story to tell.

.

[petermik]

An only child with both parents deceased.

Perfect.

Mine just has one brother-and he,s OK

[Seastallion]

I find it strange the water pumped "seized" without warning, this throughs some doubt on your story. You would normally get weeks, if not months, of warning, the bearing makes a lot of noise. One thing about Thai "mechanics" many have no idea about belt tension, their way to adjust is to make it as tight as possible, this put to much pressure on any bearing resulting in premature wear.... but still giving considerable warning.

Poppycock.

It might be a VW thing. I was driving my mate's VW Sharan and the same thing happened, exactly the way David recounted.

The belt goes because the pump is seized; it wears out because the pulley is not turning.