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Queries about divorce....my 'wife' turned out to be a total crackpot


Rob180

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Rob180, and you're surprised because???? Sending money home is normal practice & so is the speed with which they spend, unless they've been born into money it doesn't appear to last long in their hands & if your girlfriend /wife was working as " hairdresser" masseuse " bar maid" money doesn't seem to last long, old adage , eat come easy go, really applies here. I have Thai friends who've married Falangs & they're not sending money back to the "familiy" chances are it's her " real" husband she's sending it to. Aside from everything else, just as Thailand can cause culture shock to Falangs, so to does the western world have massive culture shock on Thais or anyone else. My suggestion to anyone marrying a Thai is to research research & learn about the culture.

No the transfers were from me to her father's bank account which I verified when I was in Thailand. Trust me, her family need the money, she's the only 1 in the home able to work and I've also been at their home several times. I know what you're getting at though, they can tell us any bull****. Strangely with her though, she doesn't fit the scammer profile, in the 16 months I've known her she's never asked me for unusually high sums of money or come up with any buffalo, motorbike, hospital, new roof stories. In some ways it would be easier to work her out if she had by just writing her off as another scammer. What's in her head goes way deeper than 'send me 20,000 my motorbike have accident'.

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No translation needed for a divorce. I did a divorce at the amphor and not problem Just sign the papers .

As for you wife pulling a nutter on you. My guess is she just wanted to get the sin sod from you and that is that

Sorry but that is how is sounds .

Good luck with your divorce

That's good about the Amphur, did you go recently? Luckily there was no sinsod because it would have been discussed before the Thai wedding at a later date. Although it's rather clear now if I had paid sinsod already she would still be away 555. That's another weird thing about it. She didn't even wait a few months to try and get sinsod before clearing off. Really, nothing she's done has made any sense. The only thing that explains it I think is what Another One American said, and because of that she chose to give it all up and ditch any ideas of getting money or sinsod or anything else.

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No translation needed for a divorce. I did a divorce at the amphor and not problem Just sign the papers .

As for you wife pulling a nutter on you. My guess is she just wanted to get the sin sod from you and that is that

Sorry but that is how is sounds .

Good luck with your divorce

That's good about the Amphur, did you go recently? Luckily there was no sinsod because it would have been discussed before the Thai wedding at a later date. Although it's rather clear now if I had paid sinsod already she would still be away 555. That's another weird thing about it. She didn't even wait a few months to try and get sinsod before clearing off. Really, nothing she's done has made any sense. The only thing that explains it I think is what All One American said, and because of that she chose to give it all up and ditch any ideas of getting money or sinsod or anything else.

The sudden and insistent departure could indicate another foreign customer (husband?) has returned with a fist full of money.

They often have two or three on the go at the same time.

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Western countries tend to have that effect on normal people, especially when living on a budget - they come to Western countries expecting total bliss, but they see the reality is that everything is either forbidden or too expensive and shops offer no service in addition of being closed most of the time...

I wish it had been that simple Manarak, but really she had ample of everything, without necessarily spending a lot of money, including sending money home every month which was not far from double what she made from her job before she came here.... albeit sent to a family who got rid of money faster than you and I could on a roulette wheel. Whilst there were numerous factors involved, one which didn't help at all was them telling her almost daily down the phone they've no money. With hindsight I would disconnect my cheap Skype phone package so these type of calls couldn't be made except maybe once a week. The sensible thing for them to do would have been to lay off her and give her 6 months to find a job to reduce the pressure on her, but firstly they appeared to have zero common sense to think past tomorrow and secondly their budgeting skills were on a par with a chimpanzee with learning difficulties. Example: when we left Thailand to come to UK in March, I gave them 12,000 thinking that will at least keep them out her face to give her 2 or 3 weeks to settle in the UK. Outcome? Day 7 after our plane landed.......NO MONEY. I explained to her that 12k is £250 and that people here where everything costs about double or more than what it does in Issan could eat and pay minimum bills off that for longer than they managed. She didn't seem able to explain why they shipped money like a casino gambler apart from repaying debt to other people, but it stressed her out and she'd been here only 1 week.

I certainly blame them partly for what happened, unfortunately I think there were more problems inside her head as well as these ridiculous money demands. I've been to her home and village 3 times, nobody was sitting on wooden boxes in threadbare clothes with nothing to eat alt=biggrin.png> . One local guy around 40 who was lying in a hammock told me he didn't bother working apart from helping out on a farm 1 or 2 days a week, because the city was too far from the village alt=biggrin.png> . It's actually about 40 minutes away and 30 baht each way on the bus. It takes me more than 40 minutes to get to work in the UK some days. It's laughable.

Rob, I feel for you..., really I do. But I've heard the story 100 times or more in the 16 years since I started coming and now having lived here the last 4. There's a book you should try to pick up called Jungle Fever. Might help.

Agree with a couple other posts..., regardless of her level headed approach here..., if she's never been directly exposed to western culture before it's a great deal to take in. Homesick is inevitable and some handle it better than others.

Regarding the family and 12,000THB..., even 100,000 handed out would likely have still ended with a call in the same time frame saying "all gone".

Good luck.

The book is Thailand Fever.

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Thais can flip quick, not all but some. I guess I was not keeping the best company but in CM picked up a kitty at a bar and she said "No bar fine" we go eat Som Tam stupid me thinking I am saving money. We go to this place not far from the bar its some rooftop place I buy the food and hope we can get going soon and I see the Mammasan coming to join us. I ask if we can get going soon and kitty says: "She my mother, why you like this??" in an angry tone, at that point I just want to pay the bill and leave. In the end I got nothing, waste of time. Seems I still have not learnt.

most never learn thats why its such a good earner there

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The CrAcKpoT is the op. Who marries a thai girl after knowung her 3 months and then takes her out of her environment?

This is teechable momento for those who care to learn.

My reading slills are a bit off. the time frame may not apply.

But rarely do people change overnight. I bet op just didnt want to notice the red flaggs. Common problem with those foreign men.

Edited by choochoo
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No translation needed for a divorce. I did a divorce at the amphor and not problem Just sign the papers .

As for you wife pulling a nutter on you. My guess is she just wanted to get the sin sod from you and that is that

Sorry but that is how is sounds .

Good luck with your divorce

That's good about the Amphur, did you go recently? Luckily there was no sinsod because it would have been discussed before the Thai wedding at a later date. Although it's rather clear now if I had paid sinsod already she would still be away 555. That's another weird thing about it. She didn't even wait a few months to try and get sinsod before clearing off. Really, nothing she's done has made any sense. The only thing that explains it I think is what All One American said, and because of that she chose to give it all up and ditch any ideas of getting money or sinsod or anything else.

The sudden and insistent departure could indicate another foreign customer (husband?) has returned with a fist full of money.

They often have two or three on the go at the same time.

No, not that. I returned to Thailand 4 weeks ago and she definitely had no or very little money. Also, I didn't originally meet her in a bar. I think your first reply about being unable to fake for more than 3 months is most probably the true answer, particularly as she more or less told me before she left she had faked most of everything because she thought it was a good idea to come to the UK. She said when I was over that she might come back, but I doubt it and if she did I think if I allowed it I would end up in a straightjacket.

Edited by Rob180
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Western countries tend to have that effect on normal people, especially when living on a budget - they come to Western countries expecting total bliss, but they see the reality is that everything is either forbidden or too expensive and shops offer no service in addition of being closed most of the time...

I wish it had been that simple Manarak, but really she had ample of everything, without necessarily spending a lot of money, including sending money home every month which was not far from double what she made from her job before she came here.... albeit sent to a family who got rid of money faster than you and I could on a roulette wheel. Whilst there were numerous factors involved, one which didn't help at all was them telling her almost daily down the phone they've no money. With hindsight I would disconnect my cheap Skype phone package so these type of calls couldn't be made except maybe once a week. The sensible thing for them to do would have been to lay off her and give her 6 months to find a job to reduce the pressure on her, but firstly they appeared to have zero common sense to think past tomorrow and secondly their budgeting skills were on a par with a chimpanzee with learning difficulties. Example: when we left Thailand to come to UK in March, I gave them 12,000 thinking that will at least keep them out her face to give her 2 or 3 weeks to settle in the UK. Outcome? Day 7 after our plane landed.......NO MONEY. I explained to her that 12k is £250 and that people here where everything costs about double or more than what it does in Issan could eat and pay minimum bills off that for longer than they managed. She didn't seem able to explain why they shipped money like a casino gambler apart from repaying debt to other people, but it stressed her out and she'd been here only 1 week.

I certainly blame them partly for what happened, unfortunately I think there were more problems inside her head as well as these ridiculous money demands. I've been to her home and village 3 times, nobody was sitting on wooden boxes in threadbare clothes with nothing to eatbiggrin.png . One local guy around 40 who was lying in a hammock told me he didn't bother working apart from helping out on a farm 1 or 2 days a week, because the city was too far from the villagebiggrin.png . It's actually about 40 minutes away and 30 baht each way on the bus. It takes me more than 40 minutes to get to work in the UK some days. It's laughable.

Obvious she only married you for you GENEROSITY(show her the munney AND BY GOLLY you did.. wake up MAN!'

Theres a RumoUr in the AIR that 1000s if not 10s of 1000s hi so thai chines women are looking for kind farangs to marry. Why you pick an old lady from issan with 2 almost teenagers in tow?

I read the whole thread and i must conclude this is a troll. Sends 15,000 a month to family coz they need it................lol.

Edited by choochoo
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It's amazing reading these stories how grown (and usually well educamated) men melt and become silly spotty teenagers again and again if a pretty lady even says hello to them. And then complain when the tropical honeymoon is over.

Really? Most of your mothers would be spinning in their graves.

What happened to good old - meet a nice woman, wine and dine and romance them, fall in love, move in together, get married, have kids.

Nowadays it's like a &lt;deleted&gt; business deal. And always concerns money. I find it sad.

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Welcome to southeast Asia. It is interesting that the most famous book in Vietnamese literature is The Tale of Kieu which is the story of a young woman who prostitutes herself to pay for her father's release from debtors' prison. Do you see any parallels with your tale?

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"Laughably enough, at the moment she's sending texts suggesting she might want to come back to the UK. Crazy?"

Not crazy at all. When she was there her family got money every 7 days now how much are you sending? Her "wanting to come back" can best be translated as "wanting for the weekly baht infusion to continue". Her family just doesn't want the money spigot to stop and they'll send her back to beg from you in person because that's more effective.

Understand you are dealing with Thais. How do they think? A little history... so it's medieval Europe and you decide to sell your seed for next years harvest in exchange for mead/whiskey/hooch or whatever will you get you drunk - what happens? You DIE. You don't plant and decide to be lazy? Death. It's hot/cold/rainy/foggy and you don't want to work in the fields? Death. Now what was life in Thailand like in comparison? Nobody plants anything. Harvest season is all year round and the last time someone froze to death it was the last ice age. You walk around in the hot sun all year round and when you are hungry you kick a tree and food falls out. Your biggest concern is getting killed by criminals or being impressed into some army. Future planning? What the hell is that? If you have something EAT IT NOW USE IT NOW as tomorrow isn't important. In Europe if you thought this way you died and such people were quickly culled out of the population but in Thailand those that saved were simply objects of begging, taxing, raiding, criminal theft, etc. and nobody cares about starving in winter because it doesn't exist.

So you get idiotic stories like this with Thais demanding way too much way too quickly and their lack of patience kills the golden goose after a single egg. Its stupid to us because the people we grew up with have a future mind set - the Thais DON'T. Drop them in Europe circa 1000 B.C. and subject them to 3,000 years of pummeling by nature and maybe they'll think differently (or die). Her family is acting as a spoiled child acts - everything must be NOW NOW NOW NOW. The only thing a person can do is make it very clear that there will be a set amount of money at a set point and this will not increase nor will you be moved by whatever fake emergency they come up with. The sun sets and will not come up until morning - all the screaming, shrieking, guilt, manipulative attempts, and lies will not change this. Be as immovable as the heavens, there is no other way when dealing with this.

Well what do you know--an anthropology crash course. Thanks!

Now I understand the origins of "Thainess"

T

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No, not that. I returned to Thailand 4 weeks ago and she definitely had no or very little money. Also, I didn't originally meet her in a bar. I think your first reply about being unable to fake for more than 3 months is most probably the true answer, particularly as she more or less told me before she left she had faked most of everything because she thought it was a good idea to come to the UK. She said when I was over that she might come back, but I doubt it and if she did I think if I allowed it I would end up in a straightjacket.

Nothing she ever said or did was real.

Nothing you ever saw or were shown was real.

The relatives you saw, may not have been real (or may have been her Thai husband's family), the house they lived in might have been phoney.

You can't imagine the lies these girls are prepared to commit, and everyone around them is in on it.

I think I'll stick to your first post which was the nearest to the truth. What I saw of her family was real as was their home. I know this because I have Thai friends who had to visit her home for something when I was in the UK. Nothing was any different from when I was there. She herself faked things as you said, and she even said that to me, but this is all about her not her family, in this instance anyway.

Edited by Rob180
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Rob180, and you're surprised because???? Sending money home is normal practice & so is the speed with which they spend, unless they've been born into money it doesn't appear to last long in their hands & if your girlfriend /wife was working as " hairdresser" masseuse " bar maid" money doesn't seem to last long, old adage , eat come easy go, really applies here. I have Thai friends who've married Falangs & they're not sending money back to the "familiy" chances are it's her " real" husband she's sending it to. Aside from everything else, just as Thailand can cause culture shock to Falangs, so to does the western world have massive culture shock on Thais or anyone else. My suggestion to anyone marrying a Thai is to research research & learn about the culture.

No the transfers were from me to her father's bank account which I verified when I was in Thailand. Trust me, her family need the money, she's the only 1 in the home able to work and I've also been at their home several times. I know what you're getting at though, they can tell us any bull****. Strangely with her though, she doesn't fit the scammer profile, in the 16 months I've known her she's never asked me for unusually high sums of money or come up with any buffalo, motorbike, hospital, new roof stories. In some ways it would be easier to work her out if she had by just writing her off as another scammer. What's in her head goes way deeper than 'send me 20,000 my motorbike have accident'.

When you visited the village I am sure that each time you were there you noticed one person, always in the background, alone drinking Leo or Chang. That was either her boyfriend or husband. Usually they stand out because they are always there and always in the background.

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The CrAcKpoT is the op. Who marries a thai girl after knowung her 3 months and then takes her out of her environment?

This is teechable momento for those who care to learn.

My reading slills are a bit off. the time frame may not apply.

But rarely do people change overnight. I bet op just didnt want to notice the red flaggs. Common problem with those foreign men.

She stayed in UK for 3 months. I met her 18 months ago. Please refrain from making negative comments without knowing the facts. Thank you.

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It's amazing reading these stories how grown (and usually well educamated) men melt and become silly spotty teenagers again and again if a pretty lady even says hello to them. And then complain when the tropical honeymoon is over.

Really? Most of your mothers would be spinning in their graves.

What happened to good old - meet a nice woman, wine and dine and romance them, fall in love, move in together, get married, have kids.

Nowadays it's like a <deleted> business deal. And always concerns money. I find it sad.

you might want to think that over again.

Marriage has almost always been mostly a business deal except during the hippie after war period.

And money is an ever growing concern because of the rising economic pressure put on everyone, not least by and because of women.

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The fact that you pointed out the flight was "At my expense" kind of indicates that you believe that your money is all yours to dish out as you see fit... That is not what marriage is about and perhaps your "crackpot" felt caged by you

Being a crackpot is one thing

Being a cheap charlie is another!

Oh c'mon! Really? Cheap Charlie because she has no respect for him and the effort it took him to EARN that money? I'm sorry, sir. You are just wrong on this one... marriage is all about BOTH parties loving, honoring and cherishing each other. The rest of the posters understand the dynamic here. She is USING him, he is TRYING to love her, but she is breaking down every boundary of decency. If she really loved and cared for him, she would never ABUSE him financially like that. Furthermore, she would take the initiative and FIGHT her greedy family on behalf of her beloved husband. Put HIM first. I know - what a concept!

He will do well to say goodbye to her and cut off all communications. As we all know, there are plenty of other fish in the sea. This one is "a total crackpot." He deserves better. I hope the OP respects himself enough to cut her and her moocher family off. Don't worry about them though. She will find another sucker - like YOU perhaps - in the near future. Captain Save-a-Hoe!

Thanks for that Risky11. Yes she has abused me financially and emotionally unfortunately. I just have to deal with it and move on, there is no other option.

Edited by Rob180
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The fact that you pointed out the flight was "At my expense" kind of indicates that you believe that your money is all yours to dish out as you see fit... That is not what marriage is about and perhaps your "crackpot" felt caged by you

Being a crackpot is one thing

Being a cheap charlie is another!

Oh c'mon! Really? Cheap Charlie because she has no respect for him and the effort it took him to EARN that money? I'm sorry, sir. You are just wrong on this one... marriage is all about BOTH parties loving, honoring and cherishing each other. The rest of the posters understand the dynamic here. She is USING him, he is TRYING to love her, but she is breaking down every boundary of decency. If she really loved and cared for him, she would never ABUSE him financially like that. Furthermore, she would take the initiative and FIGHT her greedy family on behalf of her beloved husband. Put HIM first. I know - what a concept!

He will do well to say goodbye to her and cut off all communications. As we all know, there are plenty of other fish in the sea. This one is "a total crackpot." He deserves better. I hope the OP respects himself enough to cut her and her moocher family off. Don't worry about them though. She will find another sucker - like YOU perhaps - in the near future. Captain Save-a-Hoe!

Thanks for that Risky11. Yes she has abused me financially and emotionally unfortunately. I just have to deal with it and move on, there is no other option.

You abused yourself. Get a clue MAN!

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Thanks for that Risky11. Yes she has abused me financially and emotionally unfortunately. I just have to deal with it and move on, there is no other option.

You abused yourself. Get a clue MAN!

Bit unfair there CC, almost any man can become a victim of an unscrupulous woman.

I'm the first to admit I had a house, pension and 4 children taken off me.

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Thanks for that Risky11. Yes she has abused me financially and emotionally unfortunately. I just have to deal with it and move on, there is no other option.

You abused yourself. Get a clue MAN!

Bit unfair there CC, almost any man can become a victim of an unscrupulous woman.

I'm the first to admit I had a house, pension and 4 children taken off me.

im being kind. did you marry an issarn girl with 2 kids? an issan girl who is breadwinner for a poor family?

marrying villagers is not the same as hooking up with girls from your own country.

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after time and time again i read about these guys who marry some numb nut from northern thailand who has the brain of a donkey and proberly about 20 years there junior nothing in common yet they still fall for it hand over there hard earned money because this young girl says i love you in the uk would you give money to your new wife family or girlfriend family would you marry a prostitute i dont think so so why do it in thailand then bring that poor soul here to the uk where every thing is diffrent they dont understand what on tv the way we are just to show her off to your mates down the puib look what i got this beauty on my arm she a lost sheep and wants mummy and daddy bck home its a diffrent world to our and rarely works out unless they are well educated and come from say bangkok where they had the fast city life and had an education and good job knowing about the world more but then why would that women want to leave thailand 1 reason she really love the guy she wants to be with not the money she can get

What you say might be true of bargirls (some), but I didn't meet my ex-wife in a bar. I met her in her home city in Thailand where there are no 'falang beer bars'. I also find it rather warped that you appear to assume everyone who lives in Northern Thailand is a 'numb nut' and a 'prostitute'??? The population of Issan is over 21 millionbiggrin.png .

I would imagine your post may be extremely offensive to many people and may be removed.

Let me give you a hint Rob. Most Isaan ladies that chase farangs are not working in the bar but the results are the same and are even more conning.

I know of at least 10 girls from the age of 20-50's that are looking for a farang BF/Hubby that can take care for them and the family. Your one fits 100% the profile. Only once in 24 years did I fall for one girl but I never married her.

What you did is get yourself a bride by order. Come to Thailand, stay for a while and ship her over to the UK. I am sure one issue was great in the beginning. She banged you well and you feel in heaven and your big head stopped working.

When I committed to my Isaan lady I wanted to be near her family, learn everything about her and the family, analyze the situation including their finances and how they deal with it and then I decided to make a commitment which took 18 months. My lassie and I are very close and we have a 20 months old son now.

You broke every rule from the beginning. Paying 15k a month makes you a stupid farang from the beginning the relatiosnhip started. I have never paid my inlaws any money and they have always respected me. My Grandfather even once came and asked me to borrow him 2000 Baht to fix his roof and guess what, he came a week later back and wanted to return the money but I said to him keep it.

Their are many Isaan families that have a high morale of integrity but your lady was in for the kill. May be you talked to the family that you do well and will take care of the daughter but all I can see is that you send 15k to her family but what did your lady get besides getting banged up for free or you through her some bones.

A typical failure of many Farangs in Thailand that ignore common sense and now you blame your lady. Let me guess you don't speak Thai or Isaan.

Edited by MobileContent
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Thanks for that Risky11. Yes she has abused me financially and emotionally unfortunately. I just have to deal with it and move on, there is no other option.

You abused yourself. Get a clue MAN!

Bit unfair there CC, almost any man can become a victim of an unscrupulous woman.

I'm the first to admit I had a house, pension and 4 children taken off me.

im being kind. did you marry an issarn girl with 2 kids? an issan girl who is breadwinner for a poor family?

marrying villagers is not the same as hooking up with girls from your own country.

I agree, girls in the USA are generally far worse.

Edited by AnotherOneAmerican
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