Queries about divorce....my 'wife' turned out to be a total crackpot

[choochoo]

I dont get how one just gives money to villagers and then gets upset when they want more.

If one really cared he would teach the villagers how to fish ...so to speak..............lol. Godd luck this!!!!!!!!! hahahaha!

[choochoo]

True that. One of the issues here, is that so many men come here from emotionally turbulent backgrounds, to say the least. They are so used to having to jump over such high hurdles to maintain a relationship in the west, that they kind of lose their minds once they arrive here. Some do not realize how different the world is here, and allow the woman to start dominating them from day one. Others do not make that grievous error, but do not set their sights high enough. Still others, who have little to no self esteem, allow themselves to get involved with extremely poor choices, that are carrying around heavy amounts of emotional baggage, and are very needy both emotionally, and financially. The reality is, that if we come from an emotionally healthy background, have good self esteem, are intelligent, have some wisdom, and have some vision, and are willing to take out time, we can find really exceptional gals here to devote ourselves to. If not, well what can one say?

There are no great girls 30+ available in Thailand (or anywhere else).

If they are single at that age, there is something already horribly damaged/used/wrong about them.

I would go so far as to say, if you haven't met the right girl by (her) age 25, it ain't gonna happen.

lets be more specific-in esan there are NO great girls past 20s................lol.

Lots of great girls over 30 available-in many places. Who actually want a good life to share, with a nice man. who isnt 30 years their senoir.

Edited September 14, 2014 by choochoo

[spidermike007]

True that. One of the issues here, is that so many men come here from emotionally turbulent backgrounds, to say the least. They are so used to having to jump over such high hurdles to maintain a relationship in the west, that they kind of lose their minds once they arrive here. Some do not realize how different the world is here, and allow the woman to start dominating them from day one. Others do not make that grievous error, but do not set their sights high enough. Still others, who have little to no self esteem, allow themselves to get involved with extremely poor choices, that are carrying around heavy amounts of emotional baggage, and are very needy both emotionally, and financially. The reality is, that if we come from an emotionally healthy background, have good self esteem, are intelligent, have some wisdom, and have some vision, and are willing to take out time, we can find really exceptional gals here to devote ourselves to. If not, well what can one say?

There are no great girls 30+ available in Thailand (or anywhere else).

If they are single at that age, there is something already horribly damaged/used/wrong about them.

I would go so far as to say, if you haven't met the right girl by (her) age 25, it ain't gonna happen.

You could have have possibly been further off the mark. I know a dozen amazing women who have chosen NOT to get married, for at least a dozen different reasons. There are thousands of women in their 30's that would be exceptionally good choices. Some have never been married, some are divorced. Who cares? As long as they are emotionally healthy, beautiful, smart, fun, creative, visionary, and exceptional. You are lost, if you think what you said is true.

[AnotherOneAmerican]

You could have have possibly been further off the mark. I know a dozen amazing women who have chosen NOT to get married, for at least a dozen different reasons.

The usual reason is nobody (with enough money) asked them.

(Or the guy cleared off after finding out they were nutters)

If it makes you happy, we can agree the ones you meet are different (555).

Edited September 14, 2014 by AnotherOneAmerican

[Grindting]

Gotta love these.

My marriage is perfect. My lovely isn't like the rest.

All the other fallang are stupid but me

I don't give money.

Posts.

The guy is asking about divorce in Thailand.

He don't want to hear your life story. Be it real or not.

As for the ' guys act like teenagers when in Thailand' comments.

Most act like there in kindergarten on here

agreed. They are pathetic. No one gives a crap about you and how you procured / keep your cheap issan wife. Might not be helpful on the legal front but id like to share my experience with the OP, as it should make him feel better to know he's not alone!

Back to the OP: considering you don't ever need to visit Thailand again (plenty of other places in SEasia if Thailand do your thing). If you can get hold of her, tell her you want a divorce, at zero cost. You will fly over, sign all the paperwork, and then that's it. If she wants money, say you'll cut off all communication and never hear of her again. As others have said, divorce her in the UK after 2 years apart, if you feel you have to. Remember to highlight to her that she walked out on YOU! She's the bad party in this and the home wrecker. You should be compensated but you're willing to let it go for a quick ending. Highlight that it's important for her as she will have problems re-marrying in the future if she doesn't agree. Highlight that you will never marry again so you don't care. You hold all the Aces now.

At this time, if I were you, I would look for some closure on the whole thing and IMO that is the way to do it, draw a line in the sand. Don't let her back into your heart no matter what!!! A clean break

It is a beautiful thing that she's fvked off back to Thailand, you couldn't have hoped for a better outcome after she showed her true colours. She could have played a long con and taken you for everything. It is a blessing. Just think, now you're a free man, you've learned from your mistakes, you're no longer having to shell out for this inconsiderate woman and her horrible family, YOU ARE FREE!! Let that sense of freedom come over you like a cool breeze. Forget all about it for a while, she's out of sight and out of mind, you have your cash, pension and your home in tact, you didn't get her pregnant which is another blessing, go to the pub and have a few pints with your mates or a close family member, tell them the story or as much of it as you want, they'll give you a slap on the back and tell you how well rid of her you are. You'll feel better, you should be feeling like the king right now. A big blood sucking leach has just been removed from your body, go celebrate that.

I know because I've been there before. My ex had every opportunity in the world to have a great life in london, a fantastic situation for her to develop herself and utilise all of the opportunities around her, and I was as loving and giving as a husband could be, I was only 23/24 at the time and everything I did was for her, I worshiped the found she walked on. she was a couple of years older (27) and was basically just bleeding me dry, as in I worked, paid the bills and gave everything I could to her and her family, but after after 9 months in the UK I could not sustain this existence as I was left with a negative sum each month.

I tried to explain to her that we need to cut back on certain things in order for us to pay the rent and bills but the demands kept coming and eventually the pressure from her family probably got to her, they were gunning for the likes of 15,000 to 20,000 baht a month, which is £400, basically my entire disposable income at my age at the time of 24. She wasn't working but still wanted her own luxuries and after a while I said no, when you get a new job then you can buy whatever you want (stupid things she didn't need)

We had an argument about money the same morning I used the word 'no', and that was it, her typical thai irrational nature took over, and she was on a plane literally 5 hours later! Booked her a cab which picked her up and she was on a one way Ethihad plane straight out of heathrow. I was on a good career path and the plan was we'd work as a team and grow our future together, as I was always on the rise salary wise. But no, she wanted it all NOW NOW NOW, if I couldn't afford it, credit card or loans.. I just wanted prepared to do it. Funnily enough 3 months after she left and we agreed to divorce I got a new position abroad which was 3.5x my salary and tax free. If only she wasn't so selfish, greedy and impatient she could have been a part of it.

I was absolutely broken, all of that time and money and emotion i'd put into this 'relationship' and taking her all over different parts of the UK to get a taste of the history and culture, all to waste. I was a broken young boy for the next couple of days. Luckily my best friend and my father was there to pick me up. And as it happens The flight which went on the credit card was the best £500 I'd ever spent, and on day 3 after she left (a Saturday) my dad took me out to my favourite pub in covent garden for mussels and a few pints. After our talk i was filled with excitement about what the future held, since I moved back in with my parents I could clear my dept within a couple of months, I could go to America with my best mate, I could go out to the pub after work without her having a fit and getting abusive, I could see my friends whenever I wanted, I could eat whatever I wanted for lunch without worrying about the cost, as all the money I earned was for me now! Now for her and her lazy shitkicking scumbag family.

It was the best feeling in my life on that day, knowing that I was truly free.

I'm not going to go into too much detail about where I am now, but I went to work in Indonesia a couple of years ago, turned 30 and married the woman of my dreams, we have our own home in london now and her family are the absolute best, and my parents love her to bits. Good things can happen

For now though OP just focus on yourself and be happy that you've got rid of her without having kids and with your assets in tact

Edited September 14, 2014 by Grindting

[Straight8]

Gotta love these.

My marriage is perfect. My lovely isn't like the rest.

All the other fallang are stupid but me

I don't give money.

Posts.

The guy is asking about divorce in Thailand.

He don't want to hear your life story. Be it real or not.

As for the ' guys act like teenagers when in Thailand' comments.

Most act like there in kindergarten on here

agreed. They are pathetic. No one gives a crap about you and how you procured / keep your cheap issan wife. Might not be helpful on the legal front but id like to share my experience with the OP, as it should make him feel better to know he's not alone!

Back to the OP: considering you don't ever need to visit Thailand again (plenty of other places in SEasia if Thailand do your thing). If you can get hold of her, tell her you want a divorce, at zero cost. You will fly over, sign all the paperwork, and then that's it. If she wants money, say you'll cut off all communication and never hear of her again. As others have said, divorce her in the UK after 2 years apart, if you feel you have to. Remember to highlight to her that she walked out on YOU! She's the bad party in this and the home wrecker. You should be compensated but you're willing to let it go for a quick ending. Highlight that it's important for her as she will have problems re-marrying in the future if she doesn't agree. Highlight that you will never marry again so you don't care. You hold all the Aces now.

At this time, if I were you, I would look for some closure on the whole thing and IMO that is the way to do it, draw a line in the sand. Don't let her back into your heart no matter what!!! A clean break

It is a beautiful thing that she's fvked off back to Thailand, you couldn't have hoped for a better outcome after she showed her true colours. She could have played a long con and taken you for everything. It is a blessing. Just think, now you're a free man, you've learned from your mistakes, you're no longer having to shell out for this inconsiderate woman and her horrible family, YOU ARE FREE!! Let that sense of freedom come over you like a cool breeze. Forget all about it for a while, she's out of sight and out of mind, you have your cash, pension and your home in tact, you didn't get her pregnant which is another blessing, go to the pub and have a few pints with your mates or a close family member, tell them the story or as much of it as you want, they'll give you a slap on the back and tell you how well rid of her you are. You'll feel better, you should be feeling like the king right now. A big blood sucking leach has just been removed from your body, go celebrate that.

I know because I've been there before. My ex had every opportunity in the world to have a great life in london, a fantastic situation for her to develop herself and utilise all of the opportunities around her, and I was as loving and giving as a husband could be, I was only 23/24 at the time and everything I did was for her, I worshiped the found she walked on. she was a couple of years older (27) and was basically just bleeding me dry, as in I worked, paid the bills and gave everything I could to her and her family, but after after 9 months in the UK I could not sustain this existence as I was left with a negative sum each month.

I tried to explain to her that we need to cut back on certain things in order for us to pay the rent and bills but the demands kept coming and eventually the pressure from her family probably got to her, they were gunning for the likes of 15,000 to 20,000 baht a month, which is £400, basically my entire disposable income at my age at the time of 24. She wasn't working but still wanted her own luxuries and after a while I said no, when you get a new job then you can buy whatever you want (stupid things she didn't need)

We had an argument about money the same morning I used the word 'no', and that was it, her typical thai irrational nature took over, and she was on a plane literally 5 hours later! Booked her a cab which picked her up and she was on a one way Ethihad plane straight out of heathrow. I was on a good career path and the plan was we'd work as a team and grow our future together, as I was always on the rise salary wise. But no, she wanted it all NOW NOW NOW, if I couldn't afford it, credit card or loans.. I just wanted prepared to do it. Funnily enough 3 months after she left and we agreed to divorce I got a new position abroad which was 3.5x my salary and tax free. If only she wasn't so selfish, greedy and impatient she could have been a part of it.

I was absolutely broken, all of that time and money and emotion i'd put into this 'relationship' and taking her all over different parts of the UK to get a taste of the history and culture, all to waste. I was a broken young boy for the next couple of days. Luckily my best friend and my father was there to pick me up. And as it happens The flight which went on the credit card was the best £500 I'd ever spent, and on day 3 after she left (a Saturday) my dad took me out to my favourite pub in covent garden for mussels and a few pints. After our talk i was filled with excitement about what the future held, since I moved back in with my parents I could clear my dept within a couple of months, I could go to America with my best mate, I could go out to the pub after work without her having a fit and getting abusive, I could see my friends whenever I wanted, I could eat whatever I wanted for lunch without worrying about the cost, as all the money I earned was for me now! Now for her and her lazy shitkicking scumbag family.

It was the best feeling in my life on that day, knowing that I was truly free.

I'm not going to go into too much detail about where I am now, but I went to work in Indonesia a couple of years ago, turned 30 and married the woman of my dreams, we have our own home in london now and her family are the absolute best, and my parents love her to bits. Good things can happen

For now though OP just focus on yourself and be happy that you've got rid of her without having kids and with your assets in tact

Well done, believe every word you say.

Amazingly show this snippet to 1000 guys and you'd still get 999 making this mistake. Not seeing the RED FLAGS before, during and after.. until there is nothing left!!

I set myself a few rules dating Thai woman and stuck to them like Tarzan grip!!

Never date a woman who has kids from a previous relationship

Never date a woman who is on a low income or worst still no job

Never date a woman who sends money back to her parents

Never date a woman who 'expects' to be taken care of. Usually means her and her family of 15

Never date a woman who only takes but never gives. When a Thai woman really loves you from the heart, I find they are very giving.

Guess there are a few more, but that's probably my top 5. Most would disagree but I could care less, to each his own... it works for me.

[GOLDBUGGY]

Your Wife may have experienced "Culture Shock: A very real mental experience causing many negative side effects. Read up on it and you may see things that apply to her.

It is basically caused by many chances and different things all taken place at once, all of which the mind is not used to handling in the past. There are many symptoms including a rapid change in moods and personality. Sleepless night. Unclear thinking. Great joy and depression within the same hour, for no reason. And so on. .

[kinmaew]

Rob180, and you're surprised because???? Sending money home is normal practice & so is the speed with which they spend, unless they've been born into money it doesn't appear to last long in their hands & if your girlfriend /wife was working as " hairdresser" masseuse " bar maid" money doesn't seem to last long, old adage , eat come easy go, really applies here. I have Thai friends who've married Falangs & they're not sending money back to the "familiy" chances are it's her " real" husband she's sending it to. Aside from everything else, just as Thailand can cause culture shock to Falangs, so to does the western world have massive culture shock on Thais or anyone else. My suggestion to anyone marrying a Thai is to research research & learn about the culture.

bloody good advice.

[AlexRRR]

Rob180, and you're surprised because???? Sending money home is normal practice & so is the speed with which they spend, unless they've been born into money it doesn't appear to last long in their hands & if your girlfriend /wife was working as " hairdresser" masseuse " bar maid" money doesn't seem to last long, old adage , eat come easy go, really applies here. I have Thai friends who've married Falangs & they're not sending money back to the "familiy" chances are it's her " real" husband she's sending it to. Aside from everything else, just as Thailand can cause culture shock to Falangs, so to does the western world have massive culture shock on Thais or anyone else. My suggestion to anyone marrying a Thai is to research research & learn about the culture.

No the transfers were from me to her father's bank account which I verified when I was in Thailand. Trust me, her family need the money, she's the only 1 in the home able to work and I've also been at their home several times. I know what you're getting at though, they can tell us any bull****. Strangely with her though, she doesn't fit the scammer profile, in the 16 months I've known her she's never asked me for unusually high sums of money or come up with any buffalo, motorbike, hospital, new roof stories. In some ways it would be easier to work her out if she had by just writing her off as another scammer. What's in her head goes way deeper than 'send me 20,000 my motorbike have accident'.

Why do guys like you hook up with women that need you to contribute financially to them and there family?

Why do guys like you agree to do it?

Cant you guys see once you start sending cash you cant ever stop, and it also sends out a clear message that your a dam cash cow to the end of days.

Sorry that it ended badly for you she may just not been that much into you or the shock of a new culture and English weather might have been just a bit to much for her, away from her family as well.

As someone said here divorce is more for her than you is total crap, the 3 TGS ive had never married there long term bfs, the TGuy is smarter than the farang lot, they get them at there best age no sin sod and the family of the women arnt complaing either.

Or you can do what i did...i got my exTW to pay for the divorce and she did.

[wolfmanjack]

Rob. I went thru a divorce here in LOS some years back, my x-wife had an attorney and she ask for 5 million baht before she would agree to the divorce, we settled at 750,000. If your wife gets a Thai attorney be prepared to be Royally Screwed, but with a smile of course. And yes our divorce after I agreed to the amount took about 10 minutes. If your going to do it, try and do it quickly before any of her friends get to her or you'll be hung out to dry. She claimed I deserted her, and was abusive, and her family witnessed all of her claims, which were total bullsh@t, She walked out on me, and I have never touched a woman that way ever. But as her sister told me,, "if I say you did, the court will believe us, before they believe you"!!!! She was soo right. LESSONS LEARNED

No the kids stayed in Thailand, they're age 9 and 10, but as is normal in Thailand she didn't see much of them, but I take your point about actually being so far away from them and family. As for travelled before.....no, so it would have been a culture shock but she appeared to really like it here, that's the strangest thing. There was nothing in her behaviour for 3 months to suggest there was anything bothering her to such an extent that she would soon go into meltdown and have to go home, although due to the way it happened so suddenly she had obviously been bottling something up for weeks maybe even longer.

In Thailand she worries constantly about money as her family as I've said, get rid of cash quicker than burning it on a barbecue. The money problem was considerably alleviated when she came here, but she has gone back to have to deal with the same impossible situation. Makes zero sense that aspect, but it is understandable any person may feel they need to be near home and not 7000 miles away. Having said that, how many Thai women come to UK or Europe on marriage visas and go home within 3 months? Maybe it's 1 in 1000 or maybe its not as uncommon as I think !?

How do you know she was right if you never went to court?

my wife called the police on me twice and told them I het her. There was no evidence no bruises etc so they just left. My MIL told me the police would not do anything even if the husband does hit his wife unless he puts her in the hospital.

[SGD]

Rob180, I feel for you. You seen a genuine guy who has been seduced by a woman whose motive was to give out a bit of companionship and put up with a bit of sex in return for a lifetime meal ticket. Once in the UK, she found she couldn't keep up her end of the bargain.

As for divorce, you could find she is totally amicable and will agree. Most likely she'll want a pay off and if she thinks you'll pay up because (in her eyes) you want to marry another girl, then her (read the family's) demands will rise.

However, before considering divorce, you need to sort out the UK legal position. At the moment you are her sponsor until she has ILR. You need to go to the police station (used to be the police station in any case) and report that you are no longer sponsoring her, that she is no longer living with you and that you are no longer responsible for her.

If you do not, then she can simply turn up when she wants and if she does, then the do gooder legal aid lawyers in the UK will milk you dry. Head her off at the pass and essentially have her visa revoked, as it relies upon your support.

I would also belt and braces make a statement saying that she has fled and abandoned you after (insert reason). DO not get fooled into thinking all is well when the jungle telegraph will easily inform her that if she turns up and says you hit her, then she will be supported by the state, get free lawyers and go after you for half or more of what you have. You won't see change from £20/30k in legal costs alone.

For this reason, many advise divorcing in Thailand and I concur. I would not think of paying more than Bt30/50k to be honest but even if you have to go quite some way above this, it will still be a fraction of what a blood sucking lawyer in the UK will charge.

[Rob180]

The single biggest mistake you made was marrying her after knowing her only 3 months! Why were you in such a hurry? You have the rest of your life to work with. You cannot get to know someone in three months. Remember these words of wisdom I was told many years ago, when it comes to marriage.

Time is your ally. Use it. It the relationship is good, it is only going to get better. If there are problems and issues, they are going to manifest themselves over time. So, take you time getting to know someone, prior to committing yourself to them.

It is a great system. One year minimum. I guarantee that within a year you would have discovered these issues, and you would have walked.

No, she was in the UK for 3 months. I actually met her about a year before she came here. However, much of that year she was in Thailand and I was in UK, so your point holds as the total time I'd actually spent with her prior to the 3 months in UK was also only about 3 months. And yes your last point is so true, with more time all these problems would have shown themselves. Too late now, all I can do is try and put it behind me and not do something so stupid ever again. At least my main loss was only emotional and I didn't build her a house and send her thousands of pounds and end up sleeping on Beach Road.

The way things have turned out, the person I thought I knew doesn't actually exist, it was an illusion created by her. Just to show what I am dealing with and what this person is really about....................today I got a text asking if I could send her 20,000 baht tomorrow and have a Thai wedding in 6 months with SINSOD of 1 MILLION BAHT........... and if I can do these things she will come back to the UK. That sums it all up really.

My initial post was about divorce, but I didn't mind going into some more detail and I would like to thank all of you (1 or 2 standard idiots excepted) for your support, thoughts and advice.

Edited September 14, 2014 by Rob180

[Rob180]

Gotta love these.

My marriage is perfect. My lovely isn't like the rest.

All the other fallang are stupid but me

I don't give money.

Posts.

The guy is asking about divorce in Thailand.

He don't want to hear your life story. Be it real or not.

As for the ' guys act like teenagers when in Thailand' comments.

Most act like there in kindergarten on here

agreed. They are pathetic. No one gives a crap about you and how you procured / keep your cheap issan wife. Might not be helpful on the legal front but id like to share my experience with the OP, as it should make him feel better to know he's not alone!

Back to the OP: considering you don't ever need to visit Thailand again (plenty of other places in SEasia if Thailand do your thing). If you can get hold of her, tell her you want a divorce, at zero cost. You will fly over, sign all the paperwork, and then that's it. If she wants money, say you'll cut off all communication and never hear of her again. As others have said, divorce her in the UK after 2 years apart, if you feel you have to. Remember to highlight to her that she walked out on YOU! She's the bad party in this and the home wrecker. You should be compensated but you're willing to let it go for a quick ending. Highlight that it's important for her as she will have problems re-marrying in the future if she doesn't agree. Highlight that you will never marry again so you don't care. You hold all the Aces now.

At this time, if I were you, I would look for some closure on the whole thing and IMO that is the way to do it, draw a line in the sand. Don't let her back into your heart no matter what!!! A clean break

It is a beautiful thing that she's fvked off back to Thailand, you couldn't have hoped for a better outcome after she showed her true colours. She could have played a long con and taken you for everything. It is a blessing. Just think, now you're a free man, you've learned from your mistakes, you're no longer having to shell out for this inconsiderate woman and her horrible family, YOU ARE FREE!! Let that sense of freedom come over you like a cool breeze. Forget all about it for a while, she's out of sight and out of mind, you have your cash, pension and your home in tact, you didn't get her pregnant which is another blessing, go to the pub and have a few pints with your mates or a close family member, tell them the story or as much of it as you want, they'll give you a slap on the back and tell you how well rid of her you are. You'll feel better, you should be feeling like the king right now. A big blood sucking leach has just been removed from your body, go celebrate that.

I know because I've been there before. My ex had every opportunity in the world to have a great life in london, a fantastic situation for her to develop herself and utilise all of the opportunities around her, and I was as loving and giving as a husband could be, I was only 23/24 at the time and everything I did was for her, I worshiped the found she walked on. she was a couple of years older (27) and was basically just bleeding me dry, as in I worked, paid the bills and gave everything I could to her and her family, but after after 9 months in the UK I could not sustain this existence as I was left with a negative sum each month.

I tried to explain to her that we need to cut back on certain things in order for us to pay the rent and bills but the demands kept coming and eventually the pressure from her family probably got to her, they were gunning for the likes of 15,000 to 20,000 baht a month, which is £400, basically my entire disposable income at my age at the time of 24. She wasn't working but still wanted her own luxuries and after a while I said no, when you get a new job then you can buy whatever you want (stupid things she didn't need)

We had an argument about money the same morning I used the word 'no', and that was it, her typical thai irrational nature took over, and she was on a plane literally 5 hours later! Booked her a cab which picked her up and she was on a one way Ethihad plane straight out of heathrow. I was on a good career path and the plan was we'd work as a team and grow our future together, as I was always on the rise salary wise. But no, she wanted it all NOW NOW NOW, if I couldn't afford it, credit card or loans.. I just wanted prepared to do it. Funnily enough 3 months after she left and we agreed to divorce I got a new position abroad which was 3.5x my salary and tax free. If only she wasn't so selfish, greedy and impatient she could have been a part of it.

I was absolutely broken, all of that time and money and emotion i'd put into this 'relationship' and taking her all over different parts of the UK to get a taste of the history and culture, all to waste. I was a broken young boy for the next couple of days. Luckily my best friend and my father was there to pick me up. And as it happens The flight which went on the credit card was the best £500 I'd ever spent, and on day 3 after she left (a Saturday) my dad took me out to my favourite pub in covent garden for mussels and a few pints. After our talk i was filled with excitement about what the future held, since I moved back in with my parents I could clear my dept within a couple of months, I could go to America with my best mate, I could go out to the pub after work without her having a fit and getting abusive, I could see my friends whenever I wanted, I could eat whatever I wanted for lunch without worrying about the cost, as all the money I earned was for me now! Now for her and her lazy shitkicking scumbag family.

It was the best feeling in my life on that day, knowing that I was truly free.

I'm not going to go into too much detail about where I am now, but I went to work in Indonesia a couple of years ago, turned 30 and married the woman of my dreams, we have our own home in london now and her family are the absolute best, and my parents love her to bits. Good things can happen

For now though OP just focus on yourself and be happy that you've got rid of her without having kids and with your assets in tact

Thanks Grindting, interesting story, sounds similar to mine. Glad things worked out for you in the end, good luck.

[Rob180]

Gotta love these.

My marriage is perfect. My lovely isn't like the rest.

All the other fallang are stupid but me

I don't give money.

Posts.

The guy is asking about divorce in Thailand.

He don't want to hear your life story. Be it real or not.

As for the ' guys act like teenagers when in Thailand' comments.

Most act like there in kindergarten on here

agreed. They are pathetic. No one gives a crap about you and how you procured / keep your cheap issan wife. Might not be helpful on the legal front but id like to share my experience with the OP, as it should make him feel better to know he's not alone!

Back to the OP: considering you don't ever need to visit Thailand again (plenty of other places in SEasia if Thailand do your thing). If you can get hold of her, tell her you want a divorce, at zero cost. You will fly over, sign all the paperwork, and then that's it. If she wants money, say you'll cut off all communication and never hear of her again. As others have said, divorce her in the UK after 2 years apart, if you feel you have to. Remember to highlight to her that she walked out on YOU! She's the bad party in this and the home wrecker. You should be compensated but you're willing to let it go for a quick ending. Highlight that it's important for her as she will have problems re-marrying in the future if she doesn't agree. Highlight that you will never marry again so you don't care. You hold all the Aces now.

At this time, if I were you, I would look for some closure on the whole thing and IMO that is the way to do it, draw a line in the sand. Don't let her back into your heart no matter what!!! A clean break

It is a beautiful thing that she's fvked off back to Thailand, you couldn't have hoped for a better outcome after she showed her true colours. She could have played a long con and taken you for everything. It is a blessing. Just think, now you're a free man, you've learned from your mistakes, you're no longer having to shell out for this inconsiderate woman and her horrible family, YOU ARE FREE!! Let that sense of freedom come over you like a cool breeze. Forget all about it for a while, she's out of sight and out of mind, you have your cash, pension and your home in tact, you didn't get her pregnant which is another blessing, go to the pub and have a few pints with your mates or a close family member, tell them the story or as much of it as you want, they'll give you a slap on the back and tell you how well rid of her you are. You'll feel better, you should be feeling like the king right now. A big blood sucking leach has just been removed from your body, go celebrate that.

I know because I've been there before. My ex had every opportunity in the world to have a great life in london, a fantastic situation for her to develop herself and utilise all of the opportunities around her, and I was as loving and giving as a husband could be, I was only 23/24 at the time and everything I did was for her, I worshiped the found she walked on. she was a couple of years older (27) and was basically just bleeding me dry, as in I worked, paid the bills and gave everything I could to her and her family, but after after 9 months in the UK I could not sustain this existence as I was left with a negative sum each month.

I tried to explain to her that we need to cut back on certain things in order for us to pay the rent and bills but the demands kept coming and eventually the pressure from her family probably got to her, they were gunning for the likes of 15,000 to 20,000 baht a month, which is £400, basically my entire disposable income at my age at the time of 24. She wasn't working but still wanted her own luxuries and after a while I said no, when you get a new job then you can buy whatever you want (stupid things she didn't need)

We had an argument about money the same morning I used the word 'no', and that was it, her typical thai irrational nature took over, and she was on a plane literally 5 hours later! Booked her a cab which picked her up and she was on a one way Ethihad plane straight out of heathrow. I was on a good career path and the plan was we'd work as a team and grow our future together, as I was always on the rise salary wise. But no, she wanted it all NOW NOW NOW, if I couldn't afford it, credit card or loans.. I just wanted prepared to do it. Funnily enough 3 months after she left and we agreed to divorce I got a new position abroad which was 3.5x my salary and tax free. If only she wasn't so selfish, greedy and impatient she could have been a part of it.

I was absolutely broken, all of that time and money and emotion i'd put into this 'relationship' and taking her all over different parts of the UK to get a taste of the history and culture, all to waste. I was a broken young boy for the next couple of days. Luckily my best friend and my father was there to pick me up. And as it happens The flight which went on the credit card was the best £500 I'd ever spent, and on day 3 after she left (a Saturday) my dad took me out to my favourite pub in covent garden for mussels and a few pints. After our talk i was filled with excitement about what the future held, since I moved back in with my parents I could clear my dept within a couple of months, I could go to America with my best mate, I could go out to the pub after work without her having a fit and getting abusive, I could see my friends whenever I wanted, I could eat whatever I wanted for lunch without worrying about the cost, as all the money I earned was for me now! Now for her and her lazy shitkicking scumbag family.

It was the best feeling in my life on that day, knowing that I was truly free.

I'm not going to go into too much detail about where I am now, but I went to work in Indonesia a couple of years ago, turned 30 and married the woman of my dreams, we have our own home in london now and her family are the absolute best, and my parents love her to bits. Good things can happen

For now though OP just focus on yourself and be happy that you've got rid of her without having kids and with your assets in tact

Well done, believe every word you say.

Amazingly show this snippet to 1000 guys and you'd still get 999 making this mistake. Not seeing the RED FLAGS before, during and after.. until there is nothing left!!

I set myself a few rules dating Thai woman and stuck to them like Tarzan grip!!

Never date a woman who has kids from a previous relationship

Never date a woman who is on a low income or worst still no job

Never date a woman who sends money back to her parents

Never date a woman who 'expects' to be taken care of. Usually means her and her family of 15

Never date a woman who only takes but never gives. When a Thai woman really loves you from the heart, I find they are very giving.

Guess there are a few more, but that's probably my top 5. Most would disagree but I could care less, to each his own... it works for me.

These rules should apply to all countries mate not just Thailand! 555

[benalibina]

The single biggest mistake you made was marrying her after knowing her only 3 months! Why were you in such a hurry? You have the rest of your life to work with. You cannot get to know someone in three months. Remember these words of wisdom I was told many years ago, when it comes to marriage.

Time is your ally. Use it. It the relationship is good, it is only going to get better. If there are problems and issues, they are going to manifest themselves over time. So, take you time getting to know someone, prior to committing yourself to them.

It is a great system. One year minimum. I guarantee that within a year you would have discovered these issues, and you would have walked.

No, she was in the UK for 3 months. I actually met her about a year before she came here. However, much of that year she was in Thailand and I was in UK, so your point holds as the total time I'd actually spent with her prior to the 3 months in UK was also only about 3 months. And yes your last point is so true, with more time all these problems would have shown themselves. Too late now, all I can do is try and put it behind me and not do something so stupid ever again. At least my main loss was only emotional and I didn't build her a house and send her thousands of pounds and end up sleeping on Beach Road.

The way things have turned out, the person I thought I knew doesn't actually exist, it was an illusion created by her. Just to show what I am dealing with and what this person is really about....................today I got a text asking if I could send her 20,000 baht tomorrow and have a Thai wedding in 6 months with SINSOD of 1 MILLION BAHT........... and if I can do these things she will come back to the UK. That sums it all up really.

My initial post was about divorce, but I didn't mind going into some more detail and I would like to thank all of you (1 or 2 standard idiots excepted) for your support, thoughts and advice.

Btw.....she did not create an illusion about herself.....you created that for yourself. Thats were most of us go wrong in case of a problematic relationship like yours.

[Rob180]

Rob180, I feel for you. You seen a genuine guy who has been seduced by a woman whose motive was to give out a bit of companionship and put up with a bit of sex in return for a lifetime meal ticket. Once in the UK, she found she couldn't keep up her end of the bargain.

As for divorce, you could find she is totally amicable and will agree. Most likely she'll want a pay off and if she thinks you'll pay up because (in her eyes) you want to marry another girl, then her (read the family's) demands will rise.

However, before considering divorce, you need to sort out the UK legal position. At the moment you are her sponsor until she has ILR. You need to go to the police station (used to be the police station in any case) and report that you are no longer sponsoring her, that she is no longer living with you and that you are no longer responsible for her.

If you do not, then she can simply turn up when she wants and if she does, then the do gooder legal aid lawyers in the UK will milk you dry. Head her off at the pass and essentially have her visa revoked, as it relies upon your support.

I would also belt and braces make a statement saying that she has fled and abandoned you after (insert reason). DO not get fooled into thinking all is well when the jungle telegraph will easily inform her that if she turns up and says you hit her, then she will be supported by the state, get free lawyers and go after you for half or more of what you have. You won't see change from £20/30k in legal costs alone.

For this reason, many advise divorcing in Thailand and I concur. I would not think of paying more than Bt30/50k to be honest but even if you have to go quite some way above this, it will still be a fraction of what a blood sucking lawyer in the UK will charge.

Thanks for that info SGD. I think I'll maybe contact the Embassy here to seek advice about what I should do or need to do about having the Visa revoked. Her behaviour has been so erratic, irrational and impulsive that I cannot imagine her turning up in the UK or even going to a lawyer in Thailand, you're right though, I should take action re Visa etc now........just in case. A lawyer in UK told me that in 2 years I can get a divorce easily from here and it will only cost about £300 in fees. I should probably get an appointment to get everything recorded at this point though as you said, especially regarding what you said about her turning up here and getting legal aid. However remote that chance is, I need to protect myself against that, so many thanks for your help and advice.

[MAZ3]

I got divorced in the UK for about £300,the prenup saved my bacon(it was in English and Thai,signed at a real Lawyers in Bangkok). No court appearance,last year she went to the Ampore and we are still Married under Thai law. Her and her new boyfriend wouldn't wait 2 days for us to sign the Divorce paperwork at the Ampore office,later she asked for 6,000 Baht to pay for our Divorce here. I checked and NO divorce was applied for,we,re still Married here. She was still trying to con me,but the nice Registrar Lady suggested I got my Degree Absolute copied(certified) at the British Embassy, cost about 3,000 and that was Legal enough for me to remarry if I want and if I did she would be in Trouble with the Government,as a Thai its her responsibility to inform them. Not a reason to get married again,but it would bring an extra smile to my face if I did!.

As advised stop her visa and sit the 2 years out,she also wanted to come back. But not after all the crap she put me thru,sounds like it could have been a lot worse(financially).

Good luck for the future.

P.S I've not given up on Thai Ladies yet!

[choochoo]

these guys just deny deny deny( Wont accept resoponsibility) to the end! no wonder the girls are adept at taking them on a road to nowhere!

i really think these guys are asking for it. they stick out their ugly mug and wonder what happened when the girl gives them punches till the bitter end.

Edited September 14, 2014 by choochoo

[SilverBeast]

choochoo? Are you here looking to prey on Farang? So you can string them along?

Rob180, Revoke that visa Immediately.
String her along for a couple years, tell her you can't send money now but you'll get that sinsod together. Stretch this out as long as you can. Hopefully 2 years and then bam, easy divorce in the UK and disappear from her life.

[Rob180]

choochoo? Are you here looking to prey on Farang? So you can string them along?

Rob180, Revoke that visa Immediately.

String her along for a couple years, tell her you can't send money now but you'll get that sinsod together. Stretch this out as long as you can. Hopefully 2 years and then bam, easy divorce in the UK and disappear from her life.

Why do you recommend stringing it along Silverbeast? Do you see a benefit in telling her I'll get big sinsod together...and if so how could I drag that out for 2 years? If I revoke the Visa is that not enough given she only stayed 3 months and contributed zero financially to the marriage? Also who do I contact about revoking the Visa, would it be the UK Home Office?

Edited September 14, 2014 by Rob180

[sletraveler]

You can't take the Thai out of a Thai woman and often you can't take the Thai woman out of Thailand.

I wonder why you would want to take the Thai out of the woman. And replace the Thai with what? Or is just an expat cliche? Maybe an Americanized Thai? -- 185 lbs of donut chomping uselessness?

[SilverBeast]

<script type='text/javascript'>window.mod_pagespeed_start = Number(new Date());</script>

choochoo? Are you here looking to prey on Farang? So you can string them along?

Rob180, Revoke that visa Immediately.
String her along for a couple years, tell her you can't send money now but you'll get that sinsod together. Stretch this out as long as you can. Hopefully 2 years and then bam, easy divorce in the UK and disappear from her life.

Why do you recommend stringing it along Silverbeast? Do you see a benefit in telling her I'll get big sinsod together...and if so how could I drag that out for 2 years? If I revoke the Visa is that not enough given she only stayed 3 months and contributed zero financially to the marriage? Also who do I contact about revoking the Visa, would it be the UK Home Office?

She could still launch legal divorce separation proceedings even if she can't get into the UK or just on a UK tourist visa for example. By keeping her wondering she won't start those proceedings but then after the 2 years you can make that clean break and get your easy divorce in the UK. Did you actually register it in the UK?

Not sure who you would talk to about revoking the visa. Probably the same ones who granted it.

You can't take the Thai out of a Thai woman and often you can't take the Thai woman out of Thailand.

I wonder why you would want to take the Thai out of the woman. And replace the Thai with what? Or is just an expat cliche? Maybe an Americanized Thai? -- 185 lbs of donut chomping uselessness?

expat cliche.

You can take the Isaan girl out of Isaan but you can't take the Isaan out of the girl.
You can take the boy out of the country but you can't take the country out of the boy.

You can take the corrupt government official out of the government but you can't take the corruption out of him.

Despite the fact that you can move the people around the world doesn't mean that you can change the character of the girl. So a country boy in the city will still tend to act like a country boy...

[Maestro]

Removed a troll post and the reply to it.

[MAZ3]

I was told by the Registrar at the Ampore office,that I could divorce her thru the courts without her permission. However it would that ages and be expensive.

Try looking at Gov.co.UK for visas to the UK,there will be some contact information there. I assume you have her passport and visa number?,this will help them revoke her visa.

I wouldn't string her along,Tiger by the tail etc. My ex tried blackmailing and even threatened to say I raped her. I informed my Lawyer and it was logged by him.

They can be so dangerous and devious, be careful.

Edited September 14, 2014 by MAZ3

[Rob180]

No it wasn't registered in UK, not sure that matters or not? I think the chances of her ever coming back to UK for any reason are remote to say the least, but I'll go and see a lawyer and get everything logged just in case, cut contact with her (although at the moment all there is are occasional texts asking for sinsod and money) then wait 2 years and get a divorce from UK. It's all just about trying to grab money and disappear.....10 days ago she wanted 50,000 baht to sign a divorce paper, now it's 1 million baht for sinsod. She doesn't appear to know whether she wants a grandiose Thai wedding or a divorce in a salubrious Amphur !!!??? As I said at the start.............'crackpot'.

Her requests don't even approach sensible. Someone with 1 or 2 brain cells would have asked for 20,000 for the divorce and suggested sinsod of 100,000 to try and make the person bite. Her figures are just plain stupid beyond stupid.

Edited September 14, 2014 by Rob180

[choochoo]

Who is stupid? enough stupid on both sides......lol.

I not up 2 date on eu divorce laws. But he is where he is- why would he want to carry on for another 2 years?

[choochoo]

the simplest solution is to offer $5,000 to crackpot and tell her to get lost. $10,000 if need be.

What is so hard ? No need to play games once youve found out you were the pigeon.

Own up to your mistake and move on!

Edited September 15, 2014 by metisdead
Bold font removed again. Please stop using bold font when posting.

[AlexRRR]

the simplest solution is to offer $5,000 to crackpot and tell her to get lost. $10,000 if need be.

What is so hard ? No need to play games once youve found out you were the pigeon.

Own up to your mistake and move on!

Cray guy, pay nothing say nothing offer nothing, as if she could afford an airfare and hotel for a month trying to screw the ex in England plus lawyers fees.

All i offered my ex was her airfare home and we were on very good terms, she declined, and i got her to pay for the divorce as well its the least she could have done after my many trips to see her plus her visa etc in moving her to AU.

Some of you guys are basket cases, but it does make for amusing reading.

[choochoo]

the simplest solution is to offer $5,000 to crackpot and tell her to get lost. $10,000 if need be.

What is so hard ? No need to play games once youve found out you were the pigeon.

Own up to your mistake and move on!

Cray guy, pay nothing say nothing offer nothing, as if she could afford an airfare and hotel for a month trying to screw the ex in England plus lawyers fees.

All i offered my ex was her airfare home and we were on very good terms, she declined, and i got her to pay for the divorce as well its the least she could have done after my many trips to see her plus her visa etc in moving her to AU.

Some of you guys are basket cases, but it does make for amusing reading.

i do see your point . just cut off all contact. PROBlem is i think op enjoys the drama!

is a marriage recorded at some amphur in the hicks of thailand going to show up in other country'S records? does it affect you if you wanted to marry a laos village girl?

Edited September 15, 2014 by choochoo

[Straight8]

Gotta love these.

My marriage is perfect. My lovely isn't like the rest.

All the other fallang are stupid but me

I don't give money.

Posts.

The guy is asking about divorce in Thailand.

He don't want to hear your life story. Be it real or not.

As for the ' guys act like teenagers when in Thailand' comments.

Most act like there in kindergarten on here

agreed. They are pathetic. No one gives a crap about you and how you procured / keep your cheap issan wife. Might not be helpful on the legal front but id like to share my experience with the OP, as it should make him feel better to know he's not alone!

Back to the OP: considering you don't ever need to visit Thailand again (plenty of other places in SEasia if Thailand do your thing). If you can get hold of her, tell her you want a divorce, at zero cost. You will fly over, sign all the paperwork, and then that's it. If she wants money, say you'll cut off all communication and never hear of her again. As others have said, divorce her in the UK after 2 years apart, if you feel you have to. Remember to highlight to her that she walked out on YOU! She's the bad party in this and the home wrecker. You should be compensated but you're willing to let it go for a quick ending. Highlight that it's important for her as she will have problems re-marrying in the future if she doesn't agree. Highlight that you will never marry again so you don't care. You hold all the Aces now.

At this time, if I were you, I would look for some closure on the whole thing and IMO that is the way to do it, draw a line in the sand. Don't let her back into your heart no matter what!!! A clean break

It is a beautiful thing that she's fvked off back to Thailand, you couldn't have hoped for a better outcome after she showed her true colours. She could have played a long con and taken you for everything. It is a blessing. Just think, now you're a free man, you've learned from your mistakes, you're no longer having to shell out for this inconsiderate woman and her horrible family, YOU ARE FREE!! Let that sense of freedom come over you like a cool breeze. Forget all about it for a while, she's out of sight and out of mind, you have your cash, pension and your home in tact, you didn't get her pregnant which is another blessing, go to the pub and have a few pints with your mates or a close family member, tell them the story or as much of it as you want, they'll give you a slap on the back and tell you how well rid of her you are. You'll feel better, you should be feeling like the king right now. A big blood sucking leach has just been removed from your body, go celebrate that.

I know because I've been there before. My ex had every opportunity in the world to have a great life in london, a fantastic situation for her to develop herself and utilise all of the opportunities around her, and I was as loving and giving as a husband could be, I was only 23/24 at the time and everything I did was for her, I worshiped the found she walked on. she was a couple of years older (27) and was basically just bleeding me dry, as in I worked, paid the bills and gave everything I could to her and her family, but after after 9 months in the UK I could not sustain this existence as I was left with a negative sum each month.

I tried to explain to her that we need to cut back on certain things in order for us to pay the rent and bills but the demands kept coming and eventually the pressure from her family probably got to her, they were gunning for the likes of 15,000 to 20,000 baht a month, which is £400, basically my entire disposable income at my age at the time of 24. She wasn't working but still wanted her own luxuries and after a while I said no, when you get a new job then you can buy whatever you want (stupid things she didn't need)

We had an argument about money the same morning I used the word 'no', and that was it, her typical thai irrational nature took over, and she was on a plane literally 5 hours later! Booked her a cab which picked her up and she was on a one way Ethihad plane straight out of heathrow. I was on a good career path and the plan was we'd work as a team and grow our future together, as I was always on the rise salary wise. But no, she wanted it all NOW NOW NOW, if I couldn't afford it, credit card or loans.. I just wanted prepared to do it. Funnily enough 3 months after she left and we agreed to divorce I got a new position abroad which was 3.5x my salary and tax free. If only she wasn't so selfish, greedy and impatient she could have been a part of it.

I was absolutely broken, all of that time and money and emotion i'd put into this 'relationship' and taking her all over different parts of the UK to get a taste of the history and culture, all to waste. I was a broken young boy for the next couple of days. Luckily my best friend and my father was there to pick me up. And as it happens The flight which went on the credit card was the best £500 I'd ever spent, and on day 3 after she left (a Saturday) my dad took me out to my favourite pub in covent garden for mussels and a few pints. After our talk i was filled with excitement about what the future held, since I moved back in with my parents I could clear my dept within a couple of months, I could go to America with my best mate, I could go out to the pub after work without her having a fit and getting abusive, I could see my friends whenever I wanted, I could eat whatever I wanted for lunch without worrying about the cost, as all the money I earned was for me now! Now for her and her lazy shitkicking scumbag family.

It was the best feeling in my life on that day, knowing that I was truly free.

I'm not going to go into too much detail about where I am now, but I went to work in Indonesia a couple of years ago, turned 30 and married the woman of my dreams, we have our own home in london now and her family are the absolute best, and my parents love her to bits. Good things can happen

For now though OP just focus on yourself and be happy that you've got rid of her without having kids and with your assets in tact

Well done, believe every word you say.

Amazingly show this snippet to 1000 guys and you'd still get 999 making this mistake. Not seeing the RED FLAGS before, during and after.. until there is nothing left!!

I set myself a few rules dating Thai woman and stuck to them like Tarzan grip!!

Never date a woman who has kids from a previous relationship

Never date a woman who is on a low income or worst still no job

Never date a woman who sends money back to her parents

Never date a woman who 'expects' to be taken care of. Usually means her and her family of 15

Never date a woman who only takes but never gives. When a Thai woman really loves you from the heart, I find they are very giving.

Guess there are a few more, but that's probably my top 5. Most would disagree but I could care less, to each his own... it works for me.

These rules should apply to all countries mate not just Thailand! 555

Some points yes, some definitely not, but since this is Thai/Thailand related.. It should apply to Farangs/Thai's & Thailand only.