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Thoughts - Kids growing up in Thailand - advice to parents


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Posted

I had the choice to raise my family in NYC/Miami but decided to raise them here in Bangkok. For me, it was a very good decision.

I really appreciate the Thai and Asian values which are missing in the States. Whenever I go back, I'm amaze at how out of control the kids are there. I pity my brothers raising the kids there.

There are excellent schools and socials here as well. My teen boys are fit, driven and wants to make a difference in the world but still maintain compassion and manners for those around them.

They are about to leave for good universities overseas, so I have to say life here in Thailand with family can't be beat.

  • Like 1
Posted

Not all people have the luxury of being old and have the time to devote time to their children.

Education is paramount..

Experiencing the university of life is not mutually exclusive from having a good education. Both is better than just one or the other. The former actually will enhance the latter.

It is a fact peers have as big an influence as do parents.

It is not well said at all...education in Thailand is poor, that is one of the irrefutable truths of living here in Thailand.

A kid can be a good kid whatever his or her background.

If all you can afford is the local village school..you should be on a plane on the way home with the kids to the west.

To many farangs prioritize their own well being over those of their children"I like it here, so we stay and then justify why the education isn't too bad".

So you want your children's school to raise them for you? As was stated it's not all about education. My parents and grandparents dream was to send me to uni and I was sent to the best private schools in Sydney. Unfortunately I was never going to make uni. At age 16 I realised I wasn't that good at it and I begged to leave school to go to sea. They made me stay in school. I did my best received my H.S.C. but didn't do well enough to be admitted to uni for anything worth studying. I wasted 3 years of my life in which I could have been earning money and ended up with the job I originally wanted. Most of the men I went to sea with could barely read or write but have so much wisdom and worldiness it is extraordinary. I work in a job that requires very little formal education. I make more money than a doctor, have six months off a year and have travelled all over the world for free thanks to my occupation. It is your will and drive and ability that will move you forward not your schooling. So what was well said was, do what is best for your children not what you think is best for them. Be active in their lives and don't expect school and their friends to raise them. I would also add that if an expat living here can only afford to send their kids to the local school, I would say they are going struggle enormously to make ends meet back in the West free education or no.

Posted

What we have done and what we will do and why

The children are luk khreung. We have always taken the view that they should be able to have the best (and the worst!) of both their cultures. So they are fluently multilingual for a start. They went to Anuban 3 and P1 and P4,5+6 in Thailand. Anuban 3 and P1 and P4 and in an international school here; P5+6 in the local government school. They went to school in the UK the other years. It is not as mad as it sounds because what we have tried and I think managed to do is simply live in 2 communities 1 here and 1 in the UK. So they have their friends and relations constantly in both places. They prefer the UK schools, but they prefer Thai life! We are not particularly impressed by schools anywhere, international, private or whatever. I am very unsure about the quality of IB and iGCSE courses here.We can't see the point of international schools and the one or two we have looked at contained a strange assortment of drug cultures. For them the critical influence has been their peers and I think that is true of any school, posh or poor.We are pretty clear that the purpose of going to school in Thailand is not to learn much but to learn to 'Be Thai'. When asked about school here they say" Oh you know, usual day, stand up, sit down, sing songs, salute, copy some stuff from the board" My wife is of the view that no luk khreung, however hi-so can ever be 100% integrated into Thai society and the Thai workplace, never mind they are fluent and know all the rules and dress codes. The only area of thai life, she says, where they can overcome this is by being a 'star'.

So, for the next few years, we are going back to the UK!

The central point is that they should be happy, imaginative, companionable, tough, emotionally competent,know how to work and have a choice of where to live their lives. I think our view is that to have UK qualifications and a means to live and work in Thailand is the best outcome; but that is our view. We look forward to seeing what they choose.

Posted
belg, on 18 Sept 2014 - 22:08, said:

just a tought ... western countries are getting invaded by moslims

looking down on your daughters, wifes, mothers

spitting on them and calling them whores if they do not answer their refined invitations for self sexual gratification

at least that is the case in belgium ...

don't see that quiet yet in thailand ...

Don't know where you come from, but I haven't experienced it in Australia, perhaps "generalisations" aren't the way to go, unless you have live, for extended periods, in ALL countries. Before anyone brings up isolated incidents...DON'T. There are these types of people from ALL races in ALL countries.

Posted

Any Thai that can afford it has their child schooled overseas. That should tell you something.

Like... they like to show their friends they have money or want the kids out of the house!

Any Thai! Get real.

When I posted that I wondered if someone would reply that it was for show or face, but then thought that such a poster would essentially be calling Thais petty and vain instead of just poor educators. By the way, I don't disagree, so thanks for making my point.

Yes, 'any Thai.' Ask them. Ask everyone. Let us know what they say.

Posted

If you are wealthy or better still a wealthy Thai, Thailand can enrich your family. I know of a Thai family with 3 lawyers and a judge who seem to be worldly and responsible. There are many great doctors and nurses in Thailand as well as other professionals. . So it cannot be all bad. The problem for foreigners is they are often left out of the social network which with a good education is less important in other parts of the world. Children with the right education abroad can develop their own social network. My Thai wife who has a responsible job here in Thailand has also developed her own social network which she developed by traveling extensively in Thailand for work.

Although she struggled to get a good University Education, her struggles have made her strong and she has invested her meagre funds wisely. Had she made the same effort in a foreign country with a foreign education I think she would have done remarkably well. She has many skills which she has developed to enrich her life and the lives of her family.

Mae kekeat.

  • Like 1
Posted

I grew up in Canada got a very good education but know I could have done better had I been more focused. I had a great job often making double what the average Canadian made. i invested in my Canadian wife's Education - she has a Doctorate, my son and daughters education - they both have degrees and property. I did very well.

I have always said , " What choice did I have (with my parents good example and exhortations) ? " Just be sure you do the same for your children - be a good example for them.

Posted (edited)

If Thailand was the worst place in the world to raise children, which it isn't, the country would still need doctors, nurses, scientists, lawyers and judges. Someone would be in those positions - the fact that Thailand has such jobs and people in them is not evidence that it has a fine education system or is a good place to raise children. Though it is a good place to raise a glass. burp.gif.pagespeed.ce.RBpw6FUyRR.gif

Edited by BudRight
  • Like 1
Posted

We are all living under different circumstances and therefore we all have our different preferences. There is no "better" or "worse" country.

If the choice of country will affect the harmony of the family, then go for max harmony.

This sounds kind of Pollyanna'ish and "it's all good" to me. There may be some things about Thailand that still make it preferable for some, and some will stick to their favored Thai vacation spots almost no matter what, but I honestly can't see anything about it any longer that lends itself to raising a family as a foreigner. In that context, of course there are "better" & "worse" countries! The country is in a downward spiral. Its traditions & values have decayed and taken on a very mercenary pallor, greed & self-interest are ascendant, foreigners are more & more the punching bag for all that goes wrong domestically (and are less and less secure), and the society as a whole seems to be determined to preserve the worst about itself rather than the best. Those with the nation's best interests at heart do not seem to be the ones at the top of the food chain. IOW, all the things in an environment I definitely would NOT want for my kids!

OK, you don't find harmony in Thailand so you choose education outside Thailand. Fair enough. I respect that even if my conclusion is different.

We farangs are fortunate that normally we have the chance to choose between various alternatives.

Posted

If you are wealthy or better still a wealthy Thai, Thailand can enrich your family. I know of a Thai family with 3 lawyers and a judge who seem to be worldly and responsible. There are many great doctors and nurses in Thailand as well as other professionals. . So it cannot be all bad. The problem for foreigners is they are often left out of the social network which with a good education is less important in other parts of the world. Children with the right education abroad can develop their own social network. My Thai wife who has a responsible job here in Thailand has also developed her own social network which she developed by traveling extensively in Thailand for work.

Although she struggled to get a good University Education, her struggles have made her strong and she has invested her meagre funds wisely. Had she made the same effort in a foreign country with a foreign education I think she would have done remarkably well. She has many skills which she has developed to enrich her life and the lives of her family.

Mae kekeat.

I wonder how many of the worthies you mention (and some very prominent figures you didn't!) actually received some or most of their education abroad... Why do you suppose that is?

I actually agree with those pointing out that it's not all about education. OTOH, education can't be ignored either. And more importantly, Thailand seems to be in a serious and sustained decline in so many other areas as well; areas relevant to any discussion of raising children. But those emotionally and otherwise invested in Thailand are understandably challenged in wanting to acknowledge that.

Posted (edited)
The weird thing about importance of education – a good paper form a good school – does not mean a happy life or financial success. Most of the people, who have done well and became filthy rich, among the richest in the World, did not complete their education, some even had none and failed the basis tests in school; their success is purely based on motivation and commitment, and in some – if not many – cases that the person is able to see things from another view than the educated person with all his “luggage”… whistling.gif


School and education are good, sure, but in my opinion what you learn from family (parents) and experience from life are much more important for future happiness and success… smile.png

Edited by khunPer
  • Like 1
Posted

No is my answer. Myself, Thai wife and daughther are on the brink of moving back to the UK. Thailand is good for a holiday, even an extended one but we don't want to spend the rest of our life here. I don't want my daughter thinking what goes on here (and there is a lot of crazy stuff) is by any means normal. The schools aren't up to scratch, the culture has moral issues, the standard of driving is appalling and the climate so oppressive it's almost impossible to do anything enjoyabe outside during the bulk of the day. All things considered we reckon we'll be happier and healthier (physically and mentally) elsewhere. Each to their own though.

Each to there own? That's open-minded! I have three thai children aged 25, 21 and 17. They were recently at the beach wearing bikinis! It seems like we can't even make any money in our business anymore because it's so hot that all the customers go to the hospital while waiting in line! And don't even get me started on the quality of hospitals here! We might as well be back in the UK! I mean I understand we are all losers that couldn't make it back home and then come here with this bizarre sense of superiority. It amazes me that failing at life hasn't made us more humble. But I get so angry about how many times someone is not following the driving rules--oh wait, silly me I forgot there are no rules! Typical thais.

Posted

I lived in Thailand for 17 years, and my kids (now 10 and 6) were born there. We moved to the UK 3 months ago, and the kids have just started in the local school here. They are visibly more relaxed, more engaged in learning, and definitely happy. I hope to spend regular holidays in Thailand to keep them in touch with all that is lovely about the place, but sadly, there's just not enough that's lovely to LIVE there any more. No regrets about my move!

Posted

Not all people have the luxury of being old and have the time to devote time to their children.

Education is paramount..

Experiencing the university of life is not mutually exclusive from having a good education. Both is better than just one or the other. The former actually will enhance the latter.

It is a fact peers have as big an influence as do parents.

It is not well said at all...education in Thailand is poor, that is one of the irrefutable truths of living here in Thailand.

A kid can be a good kid whatever his or her background.

If all you can afford is the local village school..you should be on a plane on the way home with the kids to the west.

To many farangs prioritize their own well being over those of their children"I like it here, so we stay and then justify why the education isn't too bad".

So you want your children's school to raise them for you? As was stated it's not all about education. My parents and grandparents dream was to send me to uni and I was sent to the best private schools in Sydney. Unfortunately I was never going to make uni. At age 16 I realised I wasn't that good at it and I begged to leave school to go to sea. They made me stay in school. I did my best received my H.S.C. but didn't do well enough to be admitted to uni for anything worth studying. I wasted 3 years of my life in which I could have been earning money and ended up with the job I originally wanted. Most of the men I went to sea with could barely read or write but have so much wisdom and worldiness it is extraordinary. I work in a job that requires very little formal education. I make more money than a doctor, have six months off a year and have travelled all over the world for free thanks to my occupation. It is your will and drive and ability that will move you forward not your schooling. So what was well said was, do what is best for your children not what you think is best for them. Be active in their lives and don't expect school and their friends to raise them. I would also add that if an expat living here can only afford to send their kids to the local school, I would say they are going struggle enormously to make ends meet back in the West free education or no.

Wonderful reply. I agree with everything you said in the context of what opportunities were available to you at that time. I feel the world has changed plus we are talking about Thailand not oz.

Indeed motivation is paramount, will or desire without which the best education in the world

Is wasted.Educated people can be inept, unworldly...but in general they are not. They know their rights, they have confidence and most want to succeed.

Again not all parents can be fully engaged I for example am a one parent family ( not through choice but through circumstances) I also need to work to pay the school fees and also was to engaged in my own life.The school the tutoring the pastoral care were brilliant, fortunately I could afford it..

You really do underestimate the influence of schools and peers.Out of the door at 6.30am not back till maybe 4pm.

Education is not all about school but in today's society in asian countries in particular it is deemed very important.

Maybe you are an example of intelligence that is not reflected through exam results. My best mate who is a taxi driver is the same I am sometimes astonished at his factual knowledge and recollection of facts. You are to be admired but your parents knew what education can achieve..it is not to be found in the village school.

Posted (edited)

We have two daughters with us in New Zealand the oldest an A grade student in uni. We fortunately have the choice to educate them in either country. Watching them develop in a challenging, free thinking and more importantly a society where women are valued and treated as equals we know we have them in the best environment that they could be in. Thailand at best is a holiday destination and catch up with old friends place only. And both of them choose the western world freely over Thailand where they both were til 14 and 12 and where they had heaps of friends. Perhaps having two parents that love them to bits might sway them a lot. And perhaps lots of food thai and western

We are all here in Thailand again now and are working through our eight year old nephew coming to live with us in two years to be educated both in schooling and life.

The concern his parents have is not only the poor level of thai education but also the whole lack of morals and values on thai society and thai teenagers in general. Their thoughts not mine but reflective of the same thoughts I see with other thai teenagers sent to New Zealand for their teenage education and equally importantly their general development.

Edited by Roadman
Posted

Pardon me for being late to this thread, but the OP's question is right up my alley. I will soon have this dilemma: the US or Thailand for my kids to grow up?

My wife is Thai; we have 2 kids 8 and 11; born in Singapore but lived in Thailand their early elementary school years. 5 years ago when my job in Thailand crapped out, we moved back here to midwest U.S. In one or 2 years, we will be in the situation to have the option of staying here or moving back to Thailand.

There are some very excellent comments on this thread. Here's some of mine:

1. My wife is not deep down happy here. Yes, she hangs out with Thais who work at the local Thai restaurant. Yes, she wants the best for our children. But, deep down, she is not happy here. She's gets more depressed every year. The weather is colder, the culture is different, and she is away from her family Thailand. I worry about her.

2. As some posters here have commented about Europe, the US is converging with Thailand in living standards. It's becoming a 3rd world country. I lived outside of the U.S. for the most of 30 years before moving back here 5 years ago, and the difference is startling and mind-boggling. What kind of university degree and future will be there for my kids here in the US in 7 or 10 years? Will it be that different than Thailand?

3. What is education? My children go to the best public school here in my city. Big whup. They wouldn't miss much in education not going to school... I would say that my children would be just as happy and well off - or more - growing up in Thailand if either: (a) I was working full time and I could afford private or semi-private school with at least a minor education in English, or - more preferable: (B) be part-time or retired, and "home school" my children in English and in the sciences in English while living in Thailand.

For me now, it's up in the air. It's great to have options and choices, which I am building.

  • Like 1
Posted

You make a good point about the decline of American public education. Schools become more & more political indoctrination centers with each passing year, turning out absolutely bone-headed - but well & truly indoctrinated - students. And the system positively tramples any measure that might improve the situation (vouchers, home schooling, teacher testing, etc.). I believe parents who're well-educated themselves and really want the best for their kids can easily and dramatically outdo the majority of public school systems now in the U.S. (but, sadly, such parents are becoming more & more rare...).

Posted

We've been here with two kids in primary school for 14 months.I feel that my sons are missing out on quality friends and community values. In addition:

Schools - thumbsdown

Safety/Driving - thumbsdown

Water Quality - thumbsdown (the tap water upcountry is drained from agricultural areas and untreated)

Food - take your chances, have you seen what happens when you boil a hot dog here?

An afterthought: The "cuteness" of Thailand has dissolved for me during the past 15 years or so. I have become quite fluent and my understanding of daily situations in my community is clear. As such, let me share an example of something that happened here last month:

A school teacher on her motorcycle was struck by a careless driver and thrown into a drainage ditch unconscious where she drowned. Much of the problem on that busy street is that it lacks a curb and sand covers a great deal of the paved surface, congesting traffic. I use that road daily and expected some kind of immediate response such as a curb but that has not happened. They have yet to even sweep the excess sand from the roadway. This is not a community of people who protect each other and I have yet to see an official impose a fine on anyone knowingly breaking a law (except for an occasional "helmet campaign.") No level of affluence can shield your kids from the effect of your community's careless indifference. "Mai nah yoo laew" We'll be back in Texas by spring.

Posted

I have a 3 yr. old girl and am 3 1/2 yrs from retiring and staying full time in Thailand. We have spoken of living in the US but I can't see the wife being happy there. We all want the best for our kids. I'm still leaning towards staying in thailand and looking for a decent priced school.

Happiness is more than a piece of paper from a proper school. I don't think the village way of life is great but I know successful people in the US who aren't nearly as happy. Noon time som tam with friends is a usual thing in the village. Gossip and laughter can't be all bad. Besides we all know our little girls will grow up to be "Movie Stars" That's what I'm banking on.................

Posted

I have a 3 yr. old girl and am 3 1/2 yrs from retiring and staying full time in Thailand. We have spoken of living in the US but I can't see the wife being happy there. We all want the best for our kids. I'm still leaning towards staying in thailand and looking for a decent priced school.

Happiness is more than a piece of paper from a proper school. I don't think the village way of life is great but I know successful people in the US who aren't nearly as happy. Noon time som tam with friends is a usual thing in the village. Gossip and laughter can't be all bad. Besides we all know our little girls will grow up to be "Movie Stars" That's what I'm banking on.................

People tend to take great license with their use of the word "happiness", which is of course something entirely subjective and entirely in the eyes of the beholder, and that includes kids as they come of age, and can be something quite different from what made their parents "happy" But there's no getting around the fact that it's all and always a matter of choices, both the ones we make for ourselves and the ones we make for our children. One just has to be sure.that.the choices one claims to be making for one's kids really ARE for the kids, and not just rationalizations of choices actually made for oneself.

As a parent, do you really think you can honestly claim to be promoting the future happiness of your children by shortchanging them on education, trading it in on a quaint village upbringing? Maybe so, actually. Like I said; it's genuinely about choices. A parent's right and responsibility.

Posted

I have a 3 yr. old girl and am 3 1/2 yrs from retiring and staying full time in Thailand. We have spoken of living in the US but I can't see the wife being happy there. We all want the best for our kids. I'm still leaning towards staying in thailand and looking for a decent priced school.

Happiness is more than a piece of paper from a proper school. I don't think the village way of life is great but I know successful people in the US who aren't nearly as happy. Noon time som tam with friends is a usual thing in the village. Gossip and laughter can't be all bad. Besides we all know our little girls will grow up to be "Movie Stars" That's what I'm banking on.................

People tend to take great license with their use of the word "happiness", which is of course something entirely subjective and entirely in the eyes of the beholder, and that includes kids as they come of age, and can be something quite different from what made their parents "happy" But there's no getting around the fact that it's all and always a matter of choices, both the ones we make for ourselves and the ones we make for our children. One just has to be sure.that.the choices one claims to be making for one's kids really ARE for the kids, and not just rationalizations of choices actually made for oneself.

As a parent, do you really think you can honestly claim to be promoting the future happiness of your children by shortchanging them on education, trading it in on a quaint village upbringing? Maybe so, actually. Like I said; it's genuinely about choices. A parent's right and responsibility.

You're absolutely right. I'm not talking about attending a village gov. school. I will be moving away from village life in a few years, both for the sake of my 3 yr. old and for my own sake. But for now she is growing up in an environment filled with non stop play outdoors. At 2 1/2 yrs. she could recite abc's and count to 20 both english and thai. I would like a medium priced International school in the near future.

Posted

I spoke on the phone yesterday to my wife. Without needing to go into details in this problematic relationship, she told me when i referred to the kids present and future education, that it is way better overhere in Europe and that i can guide them through all levels of education, WHO CARES ABOUT THE FUTURE EDUCATION ! She even told me that if i would sent money for them she could go live with them in the village so she could be with them ??

On this or another topic a poster wrote something in the line of.......somebody who has never had an education does/can not see the importance of a good and broad education. In my familysituation ....this is correct....sadly enough.

Posted

I spoke on the phone yesterday to my wife. Without needing to go into details in this problematic relationship, she told me when i referred to the kids present and future education, that it is way better overhere in Europe and that i can guide them through all levels of education, WHO CARES ABOUT THE FUTURE EDUCATION ! She even told me that if i would sent money for them she could go live with them in the village so she could be with them ??

On this or another topic a poster wrote something in the line of.......somebody who has never had an education does/can not see the importance of a good and broad education. In my familysituation ....this is correct....sadly enough.

I find just the opposite. My lady wants the best for her son and our daughter. She thinks highly of the young ladies in the village who have achieved a good education.

  • 4 weeks later...
Posted

Some interesting comments here. I have a four year old daughter who has lived here all her

life. As someone noted , this is a great holiday place for us, but in fact the culture has some

serious flaws that I do not wish my daughter to be imbued with. And after fifteen years

here myself, I would have to say the Thai educational system is complete crap. That is

why all the rich Thais send their children abroad to be educated......

My daughter holds a US passport, and will have a bright future in America. She has little

no future here even if she went through the Thai uni system . So by next year I will be moving

my family to America purely for the education process. I will miss the mangoes here, but

that is a price I will have to pay. I find it interesting that I have a few friends in the same situation

as me with young children here, and they are also planning on moving back to their home

countries.

  • Like 1

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