What's the funniest thing your spouse has ever said?

[Gecko123]

I was telling my wife how the collard greens in the garden were getting infested with caterpillars, and how I was outwitting them by thinning out the infested plants in order to interupt their life cycle.

My wife gave me a big smile, reached out and patted the back of my hand, and said, "I'm so proud to have a husband who's smarter than a caterpillar."

I thought that was pretty funny.

So what's the funniest thing that your spouse has ever said to you?

Edited December 10, 2014 by Gecko123

[cornishcarlos]

My wife asked me once, before we got married, if I loved her ?

I told her "unconditionally"..

She said, "under a Christmas tree?"

We had that in our wedding vows

[Costas2008]

My wife is very funny.

She keeps asking me.

My love, give me some money.

I do admire her sense of humour..........

[Crazy chef 1]

i want another one...

[hugocnx]

Lost count, she is sooo funny........................

Well actually, when I drive the car she is so funny distracting my attention with her very witty stories.

I then start yelling at bad driving Thais; she stops fantasycing (?) and tells me not to be so rude.

When she is driving once in a while, she yells at every stupid move others (of course) make.

So then I confront her with what she says about me and she smiles her teeth white. That's funny NOT.

[evadgib]

My wife is absolutely hilarious, as these footballing examples explain:

1. (Champions league match some years ago): Wife: "Who are they playing?" Me: "Marselles" (pause) "Ahh I know" she says "Mar-sell-on-a!"

2. (Someone scored while I was in the loo): Me: "Who scored?". Wife: "Mr Roy". Me: "Roy Kean?" Wife: "No, Not 'f*cking a*sehole', Mister Roy" (Ruud Van Nistleroy!)

Priceless

Edited December 10, 2014 by evadgib

[sipi]

We had just got off the plane on my wifes first trip to Australia. We caught the train from the international terminal to the domestic. Opposite, and facing us was a man with arms as big as my chest; and lots of tattoos. My wife pointed to his tattoos and said "Nice cartoons". He thanked her.

Some time later we went to a basketball match at Brisbane entertainment centre. Brisbane verses Townsville. Neither of us support either team, so I took Brisbane and wife took Townsville. As soon as the game started she was on her feet screaming at them like a hard loyal fan. We watched the replay on national television, and the cameras were zoomed right on her.

[Gecko123]

i want another one...

I didn't get this at first, but it later dawned on me...

She wants another child, right?

By the way, congratulations and best wishes.

[jacksam]

Not so much funny but I put some music on video.and the gf said...who tat.....I said mick Jagger. She asked...who he...

I said ...you know..the rolling stones.

Had no idea who they were.

You can imagine how far I got with pink Floyd.

And yes she is tad younger

[sanuk711]

So Basically they all sound very funny & cute ---because --(sometimes with very basic education)--they are struggling with a foreign language, because although living here we are making no real attempt to learn theirs ......................

[Crazy chef 1]

i want another one...

I didn't get this at first, but it later dawned on me...

She wants another child, right?

By the way, congratulations and best wishes.

got it...but i will invest 16500 THB(vasectomie) and we will try many times...555

[Emster23]

"I wanted us to get married so you could trust me"

[anon467367354]

not spouse but best friend...

"is the 'N-O' or 'K-N-O-W?'

[hocuspocus]

While driving into Chiang Mai one day my wife told me her Brudder is getting a job with Doichybar, I replied that I know many bars in Chiang Mai but I never heard of one called Doichy Bar after about 10 minutes of her giving me grief because I could not understand her we passed a sign for Toshiba and it turns out Doichybar is Toshiba. After all that it turns out it was not Toshiba but Hitachi.

[Oryx816]

We had just got off the plane on my wifes first trip to Australia. We caught the train from the international terminal to the domestic. Opposite, and facing us was a man with arms as big as my chest; and lots of tattoos. My wife pointed to his tattoos and said "Nice cartoons". He thanked her.

Some time later we went to a basketball match at Brisbane entertainment centre. Brisbane verses Townsville. Neither of us support either team, so I took Brisbane and wife took Townsville. As soon as the game started she was on her feet screaming at them like a hard loyal fan. We watched the replay on national television, and the cameras were zoomed right on her.

I love your story about the tattoos. Reminded me of when my daughter was 3 or 4 years old, we saw a woman with tattoos all over her legs and my daughter said, "Lady, I like your stickers". Edited December 11, 2014 by Oryx816

[pizzachang]

My wife has a good command of English but I did have to let her know that saying butthole instead of buttonhole could result in award silences among my English-speaking friends & family.

[1FinickyOne]

She would fall asleep in front of the tv and if I asked if she was watching - she would say the tv is watching her sleep… and many others...

but nice to have a post that brings out the Thai style humor we enjoy here...

[LNKDES1]

After 3 yrs together, I turned to my g/f & said how lucky we were to have found each other from half a world apart. She replied, "It not like I win lottery".

[SamuiRes]

Driving home one night I had Robbie Williams singing "Straighten up and Fly Right" on the CD.

She listened to this for a while and then asked "Why he sing about fried rice?"

I had to stop the car until I stopped laughing. She did see the funny side though once I explained it.

[Gecko123]

During my first year of teaching, whenever I took attendance this one heavy-set mischievous 7th grade girl would call out in an unusually loud voice, "I here!"

It wasn't almost till the end of the year that it dawned on me that she was actually making a play on words, and shouting out the obscenity, "Ai hia!"

[jaywalker]

She once told me there was kitchen in the chicken (she'd cooked chicken & it was in the kitchen).

Another time we were driving by Foodland & she told we needed to stop & get some kidnap???? She meant to say napkin.

[bluebluewater]

One night the lady I was living with came down stairs after her evening shower - little white tank top, short shorts. You get the picture I'm sure. Comes over to where I am sitting and announces "Look, no Tupperware!" I said "Honey, are you trying to say 'No underwear'?"

[CMCMANGOMAN]

"Honey, you can trust me; I am Thai."

I laughed so hard I cried...

[gamini]

On our first trip to UK I took my wife to watch polo in the UK and she kept remarking that the man sitting two seats away looked just like Prince Philip. You should have seen the look on her face when I told her "He is Prince Philip"

[razer]

One of my favorites and very common pronunciation ... L'OREO for L'OREAL.

[maidee]

my wife is not funny with english

she is educated

but boring

[Bkungbank]

I ask her where are you going ? and she replys ' I am going for erection (election} '

What are you eating and she says ' I am eating lice (rice) '

[Tchooptip]

I ask her where are you going ? and she replys ' I am going for erection (election} '

What are you eating and she says ' I am eating lice (rice) '

Not only your wife, the whole country is eating lice

[Tony125]

Honey can we buy a woe woe = Volvo.

[NoshowJones]

Mrs Possum was driving on the way home from Mae sot one night and when we reached the 117 highway, I noticed the traffic slowing down, and moving to the second lane, there was a body spattered over the inside lane, so I said "you have to tell police" she said "no, too late he dead".