What's the funniest thing your spouse has ever said?

[shaggy851]

When on holiday with my ex girlfriend in chiang mai, were walking back to the hotel and these Aussie guys were just being loud and obnoxious and one guy walking by is rubbing his crotch while looking at her.

She just goes "Crabs, right?"

Made him look like a tool in front of all his mates.

[AnotherOneAmerican]

When on holiday with my ex girlfriend in chiang mai, were walking back to the hotel and these Aussie guys were just being loud and obnoxious and one guy walking by is rubbing his crotch while looking at her.

She just goes "Crabs, right?"

Made him look like a tool in front of all his mates.

Not 'Clabs light'?

[shaggy851]

When on holiday with my ex girlfriend in chiang mai, were walking back to the hotel and these Aussie guys were just being loud and obnoxious and one guy walking by is rubbing his crotch while looking at her.

She just goes "Crabs, right?"

Made him look like a tool in front of all his mates.

Not 'Clabs light'?

Haha nah,

She pronounced that one pretty well

Put him in his place

[AnotherOneAmerican]

My gf puzzled me for a long time, always looking for her 'bar clothes'.

I was beginning to think she had an evening job.

Took me ages to work out that she meant 'bra'.

[German Viking]

I ask her where are you going ? and she replys ' I am going for erection (election} '

What are you eating and she says ' I am eating lice (rice) '

Not only your wife, the whole country is eating lice

Your are wrong all the Khmer in Thailand over 1 Million speaking a very proper "R" they are used to.

...if you leplied seliously to such a post no ploblem I am wlong, lule number one never contledict a Viking

So apologise to the 1 million Khmers...and the few other millions Thais also capable of prononcing the R properly Pfffff

My post was not meant to serious, but I like the truth and stick to facts.

Recommandation: (contradict) better use more simple words it's easier, also for me.

I'm in a way old fashion(Dinosaur), maybe I have to apologize for this

Carpe Diem

[teatree]

A girl I knew was preparing to study in Canada and I was telling her what to expect. One of the things I mentioned was longer days in the summer.

Her response was 'you mean like 25 hours or something?'

[HeijoshinCool]

We were in Chiang Mai for a vacation. There was a guy air-brushing T-shirts on the sidewalk. He had lived in the States a long time, and spoke English well. My wife and I were hungry and looking for a place to eat. The artist was air-brushing a taco.

At first glance, just an ordinary taco, like the ones I have fixed for my wife.

But having lived in the States, on closer examination, this artist had included some, uh, embellishments.

To break the ice, my wife told him he did beautiful work. He smiled. Then she said, "So, you probably know a good place to eat?"

The poor guy almost fell off his stool.

[PhuketAmerican]

In the middle of a crowd of various farangs on Phi Phi island my otherwise well spoken girlfriend blurts out: "Honey you can buy paper to my pussy? Blood come" .... still working on polite language. Also hit the steering wheel one time and said "Boooonng Sheesh".... she meant "Bullshit!" from hearing my road rage before.

[Gecko123]

In the middle of a crowd of various farangs on Phi Phi island my otherwise well spoken girlfriend blurts out: "Honey you can buy paper to my pussy? Blood come" .... still working on polite language. Also hit the steering wheel one time and said "Boooonng Sheesh".... she meant "Bullshit!" from hearing my road rage before.

I could have lived without hearing that first story.

[Moonlover]

We're going to a family wedding shortly, so wifey decided to teach me how to Wa properly so as not to cause any embarrassment. It went like this:

Put your hands together like you are praying. Make a shape like a lotus flower with them. (So far, so good) Bring your hands up under your chin and then put your fingers up your nose.

That should impress them!

[jacksam]

Taking gf to Melbourne soon. Told her it summer there so nice and warm. Right now on TV she sees melb temp 20 degrees. She complains <deleted>. You tell me summer there now.
I say ...yes one day 20 next day can be 34.
She say ......not possible, no bulls.. T me

[socksy01]

My Thai stepson and his Thai girlfriend who lives in Holland were here on holiday last year when they overheard a conversation between a Thai lady and her foreign boyfriend/husband at a market when she asked the bloke "Do you eat feet"? (fish). My stepson and his girl were pissing themselves laughing at her misdemeanour.

[TheWizardofRnR]

She told me not to criticize her judgement , while she was picking out something that just made no sense and I told her so .

I asked her why I should not , she just smiled and said , look who I pick to fall in love with !

[SamuiRes]

We sadly lost a friend recently and his wife talking to my wife said "He work too hard".

In relating this to me she added "You not work hard".

Apparently this was meant as an instruction not a statement! I think.

[A1Str8]

I love you.

[1BADDAT]

We were in Chiang Mai for a vacation. There was a guy air-brushing T-shirts on the sidewalk. He had lived in the States a long time, and spoke English well. My wife and I were hungry and looking for a place to eat. The artist was air-brushing a taco.

At first glance, just an ordinary taco, like the ones I have fixed for my wife.

But having lived in the States, on closer examination, this artist had included some, uh, embellishments.

To break the ice, my wife told him he did beautiful work. He smiled. Then she said, "So, you probably know a good place to eat?"

The poor guy almost fell off his stool.

Does anyone understand this story?

[waza46]

Yes

Google hairy taco and it will become clear!

Edited December 19, 2014 by waza46

[wow64]

Not my wife but at work we had a guy over from the US for a week. At lunch one of ladies asked him to show her his big c0ck as she wanted to buy her Husband a big c0ck. She then pointed to his wrist... Oh big clock/watch. He is now known at the guy with the big clock.

Sent from my c64

[redandyellow]

..that I could go have a short time girl when she was on her period.. you did say funnest? oh funniest.. I'll give that a thought..

[redandyellow]

"Why you smoke?" When she first came to Canada she was surprised that the air coming out of my mouth looked like smoke - it was 2 degrees Celsius..

[EmptyHead]

Her: "So Christmas is New Year for farang?"

Me: "No dear"

Her: "Oh, i think New Year."

Me: "Sigh"

Edited December 25, 2014 by EmptyHead

[pgrahmm]

Well....the other day I used our downstairs bathroom and unfortunately she went in to use it right away....out she marches and comes back with cleaning brush and cleaners and air freshener....."you make a bomb in toilet"....

[F4UCorsair]

I'm leaving.

Probably already been said a dozen times.

[MrTee]

Stinky rice.
Sticky rice & Mango is always called Stinky Rice.

I've tried many times to explain the difference between sticky and stinky.. still we have stinky rice..

[Gecko123]

This from a Thai woman the other day really tickled my funny bone.

 

She: Why'd you get divorced?

He:  I couldn't trust her.

She: That's no reason to get a divorce. My husband doesn't trust me one bit, and we've been married 25 years!

Edited January 12, 2018 by Gecko123

[thaibeachlovers]

"I'll pay you back"

[klauskunkel]

On 12/14/2014 at 3:27 AM, HeijoshinCool said:

We were in Chiang Mai for a vacation. There was a guy air-brushing T-shirts on the sidewalk. He had lived in the States a long time, and spoke English well. My wife and I were hungry and looking for a place to eat. The artist was air-brushing a taco.

At first glance, just an ordinary taco, like the ones I have fixed for my wife.

But having lived in the States, on closer examination, this artist had included some, uh, embellishments.

To break the ice, my wife told him he did beautiful work. He smiled. Then she said, "So, you probably know a good place to eat?"

The poor guy almost fell off his stool.

...and from memory too, must have been an unforgettable taco. 

this story made me hungry

[tutsiwarrior]

we were in a macdonalds in Abu Dhabi and my wife orders the kids meal...'why do you do that darling?' 'because I want special gift' (the kids meal came with a toy included)...

 

and we sat with our food and she fished out the toy...it was a wind up monkey holding a string with a ball attached that twirled...and wound it up and then watched as it twirled with the delight of a child...she was 32 years old...

 

and I began to weep wondering how I was so blessed...but I hid my tears so as not to distract her...

 

later she almost singlehandedly turned our unfinished shell of a shophouse into a mansion while I was away at work...demonstrating a formidable ability in design and construction supervision...

 

 

[Puwa]

On 12/10/2014 at 9:14 PM, Gecko123 said:

During my first year of teaching, whenever I took attendance this one heavy-set mischievous 7th grade girl would call out in an unusually loud voice, "I here!"

It wasn't almost till the end of the year that it dawned on me that she was actually making a play on words, and shouting out the obscenity, "Ai hia!"

3

Yeah, she wasn't just "shouting out the obscenity," she was calling you a "f*cking as*hole" to your face and the other kids were laughing about it. There's no doubt about this, given that it is her reply to your calling her name. 

[isaanbanhou]

mine told me she likes to put money sideways.  she meant aside.