Confrontation at Work

[elVagabundo]

Hello all,
I don't want to or mean to start a Thai bashing post, I'm really hoping someone can help me better understand Thai culture/society since I'm going to be here for a while.

I was talking with a close friend and they told me about a situation they are having at work. It should be known upfront that their office is entirely Thai and my friend is the only foreigner. They have a co-worker (let's call them May) that they are supposed to work with closely. May is ALL smiles and has always come off as very friendly.

However, after working with May for a few months, my friend's direct supervisor arrives and let's it be known (privately) that May is not happy and has MANY problems with my friend. Apparently May went to my friends boss and complained at length about them, who in turn went and talked to the direct supervisor who in turn talked to my friend.

After receiving the complaint my friend was quite concerned, but the next day at work May was still VERY friendly and did not let on that anything was amiss, so they just let it go.... Until a week later when May again talked to the boss, who talked to the supervisor who talked to my friend and let them know, once again, that May was still very unhappy with them.

1) How do you try to fix a situation with a Thai co-worker if they won't talk about it with you?

2) My friend believes that the May-boss-supervisor-friend pipeline is all about saving face... But why would it be such a bad thing to let your co-worker know that there are some things you need to work out? Coming from the West this is really odd to me (and in my old job would be seen as a sign of weakness)... But I genuinely would like to understand their thought process/mentality.

Thanks!

[ATF]

It called being two faced not peculiar to Thais.

I assume May is female? She probably wants a good <deleted> or at least told that's she's the most beautiful girl in the office.

[DP25]

What are the complaints?

[DLock]

More details required to determine who is in the wrong.

Maybe your friend sucks at his job.

[kannot]

More details required to determine who is in the wrong.

Maybe your friend sucks at his job.

hahahahahahahh, the last line

[neverdie]

It called being two faced not peculiar to Thais.

I assume May is female? She probably wants a good shag or at least told that's she's the most beautiful girl in the office.

There's a Thai saying,

"Bird with two heads."

I too wonder what the complaints are....

Can u shed more light OP ?

[Sirpia]

Simple solution.

Ask the boss what they would like you to change/alter/do differently.

Then do that. Stay smiley and friendly with May, but don't give too much personal info. Stay friendly but distant.

[rak sa_ngop]

May sounds like a kipper:- two-faced and no guts!

[lannarebirth]

In your culture this would probably seem cowardly, but this is not your culture. Thais, never wishing to offend, either to save your face, or because they are two faced schemers, almost always express their grievances through intermediaries. Sometimes this helps the situation but often it does not. I would encourage your friend to take the information that his supervisors say "May" said and confront him/her with it in as benign a setting as can be managed. Do not be confrontational but seek understanding. Find common ground. Good luck to you and/or your friend.

[Sirpia]

May sounds like a kipper:- two-faced and no guts!

Simply a different culture my friend.

These personal traits are to be admired, they cut out nasty-wasty personal confrontation and loss of face.

[NE1]

MaybeMay has never complained , maybe the boss is jealous that May might have taken a shine to you and he is making up a story to keep you away from May.

[DLock]

More details required to determine who is in the wrong.

Maybe your friend sucks at his job.

hahahahahahahh, the last line

In hindsight that didn't come out right...

Damn, I did it again.

[ATF]

DLock, on 06 Jan 2015 - 13:26, said:

kannot, on 06 Jan 2015 - 11:29, said:

DLock, on 06 Jan 2015 - 11:02, said:

More details required to determine who is in the wrong.

Maybe your friend sucks at his job.

hahahahahahahh, the last line

In hindsight that didn't come out right...

Damn, I did it again.

Maybe he's not sucking enough. May is doing the sucking.

[inzman]

I experience this frequently in the schools here. I believe they really don't like us and constantly gossip, but I see them do this to their fellow Thais also. It's their way, it fills an otherwise bored existence.

[cooked]

May is probably following the correct procedure by complaining to her superior. However when these complaints do eventually trickle back down to your friend, he should demand a mmeting with his immediate superior and May. If he doesn't know what's broke, he can't fix it.

[Berkshire]

Really need to know the nature of the complaint. In my company awhile back, we had a young farang guy who stank from here to high heaven. His female co-workers didn't want to confront him about it. So they asked me to do it.

[craighj]

Working with Thais' can be difficult especially Thais' who have not worked with many farang before. Most cultures have different perceptions of other cultures and that is very true of Thais' in the work place.

In my opinion it is important that your friend does not confront "May", however finds out what her concerns are then acts to rectify those concerns. Whether they are only perceived or real.

At the end of the day your friend is the only farang in a Thai office, he will have to make certain changes if he wants to fit in.

Craighj

[Kaalle]

How do you resolve a conflict in Thailand? The answer is you dont.

[Sirpia]

Does your friend happen to make 3 times May's salary?

[CharlieH]

You cant fix that which you dont know is broken.

Ask "May" what the problem is and why she is telling others and not you. How can you learn or progress, or fix an issue that you are not made aware of.

[Beetlejuice]

It called being two faced not peculiar to Thais.

I assume May is female? She probably wants a good <deleted> or at least told that's she's the most beautiful girl in the office.

Total crapola.

Thais are no more 2 faced than anyone else. Just another Thai bashing post. Give people like you half a chance and you can`t resist getting one in.

Also if and when a member of staff approaches the boss with a problem or regarding disputes, than any boss of worth should be able to sort out the problem without bothering the supervisor. This is why they are paid higher wages than the staff under them to take the load off the management, it`s what they are paid to do. I think the problem actually lies with the boss who it appears is unable to control his staff and the smooth running at the field of business.

[Thongkorn]

In your culture this would probably seem cowardly, but this is not your culture. Thais, never wishing to offend, either to save your face, or because they are two faced schemers, almost always express their grievances through intermediaries. Sometimes this helps the situation but often it does not. I would encourage your friend to take the information that his supervisors say "May" said and confront him/her with it in as benign a setting as can be managed. Do not be confrontational but seek understanding. Find common ground. Good luck to you and/or your friend.

I would find understanding and tell fer to do one. I am not surprised that both of you have not been called into the office together and discus the grevence, But Thais never going against a Thai a Foreinger/falang is easier.

whats Thai bashing got to do with it, Is it because some times falang has to speak the truth, a thing Thailand and Thai people should learn.

Edited January 6, 2015 by Thongkorn

[AnotherOneAmerican]

It called being two faced not peculiar to Thais.

I assume May is female? She probably wants a good <deleted> or at least told that's she's the most beautiful girl in the office.

Total crapola.

Thais are no more 2 faced than anyone else.

Yeh, they (we) are.

[willyumiii]

Move on.

Right or wrong, you can not win.

You are not Thai.

You lose!

[Oceanbat]

I've recently been in this position. It's tough if your boss is in say HK, singapore or nyc and expects results and you aren't allowed to openly confront people even though you have be brought in to sort out a mess. My advice is to get them into a room and talk about the issues quietly. Unfortunately yelling sets off all this behind the scenes gossiping that you described. In my biz if they can't handle being yelled at then they shouldn't be in this job...however it seems it doesn't apply to thai.

OB

[rijb]

You cant fix that which you dont know is broken.

Ask "May" what the problem is and why she is telling others and not you. How can you learn or progress, or fix an issue that you are not made aware of.

That's silly western logic. It's useless here, most of the time.

May sees him as the problem and/or stumbling block. He won't learn anything by confronting her directly. She'll deny everything.

He should talk to May's friends, or co-workers, to find out what she really wants. And also watch what May does, not what she says.

He'll be surprised when he finds out the truth. My guess would be jealousy, an accidental slight, or a loss of face.

[rgs2001uk]

who talked to the supervisor who talked to my friend and let them know, once again, that May was still very unhappy with them.

The problem aint May or the supervisor, the problem is your "friend"

Why didnt the friend ask what the problem was and what the supv suggests be done to resolve it?

As for May, he should have told the supv to tell May to do her job and keep her nose out of your friends job.

Jeez, imagine putting up with this crapola, tell your friend to grow a pair and tell them to stick their poxy job up their jacksy.

How desperate are some people to stay here for a pittance and put up with such petulant behaviour?

Edited January 6, 2015 by rgs2001uk

[Oceanbat]

who talked to the supervisor who talked to my friend and let them know, once again, that May was still very unhappy with them.

The problem aint May or the supervisor, the problem is your "friend"

Why didnt the friend ask what the problem was and what the supv suggests be done to resolve it?

As for May, he should have told the supv to tell May to do her job and keep her nose out of your friends job.

Jeez, imagine putting up with this crapola, tell your friend to grow a pair and tell them to stick their poxy job up their jacksy.

How desperate are some people to stay here for a pittance and put up with such petulant behaviour?

You make a lot of assumptions about his career. These days if you want to progress in your career especially in an large multinational you are actually expected to work through these kinds of issues and come up with some sort of a solution instead of just quitting. In my experience anyway.

OB

[rgs2001uk]

^^^^, OB you are correct of course, been there done that.

The difference is, in a large MNC, HR would be involved, councelling would be offered, advice given etc etc.

I doubt thats the case here.

There is also the other little problem of "personality conflict", I gave up a perfectly good job with excellent pay and prospects because no one would do anything.

After handing in my notice the shyt hit the fan, the incompetants were hauled over the coals and I was invited to reconsider, too late, thankfully having skills, qualifications, knowledge and experience, I dont need to subject myself to some sort of masochism.

What made me laugh after I had left, the pryck actually phoned me and said he couldnd find my notes to allow him to do the job, I told him everything I knew was in my head, and if he has spent more time in the office learning how to do the job instead of brown nosing elsewhere he would have know how to do the job.

Pryck did me a favour, I went onto a better job elsewhere, that I already had lined up before handing in my notice.

I doubt the OPs "friend" is working for a large MNC upcountry.

Sometimes you can gain more satisfaction from quitting and dropping them in it, I would wager Little May is replaceabe, is the farang?

Always negotiate from a position of strength.

[Berkshire]

This thread doesn't make any sense. No supervisor will tell an employee about a complaint unless he knows the nature of the complaint. Was the guy sexually harassing the co-worker? Is he late all the time? Does he prevent her from doing her work? Does he have body odor? It could be a number of reasons. But if the supervisor wants the situation rectified, he HAS to tell the guy the nature of the problem.

Where are you OP? Or is it just another troll thread....again.