Thai Wife

[wisher15]

I been married 7 years and have son to my Thai wife , I have provided everything for them including many trips back to Thailand, Previous to my marriage to her she had 10 year Lesbian relatiionship with another Thai lady.She still has contact with her even though this lady broke her heart and left her with debt which I ended paying off...

Her family say it is normal to keep in touch with past partners because they forgive easily..

Problem my wife lie about how she keeps in contact. At times I feel my wife still fancies woman as are love making in bed isnt very passionate or romantic it feels like she is just doing a choir to make sure I not go find another woman for sex..and off course lose her financial stability with me if i left her ..

She is great mum, housewife good cook etc and not a spender on fancy stuff and we rarely argue ..

But deep down I feel something missing in the marriage and not getting my needs fullfilled on the love emotion and affection and in bedroom.

I am 53 with good libido and passionate guy, she is 43 ,anyone had this experience before or is it just married life after 5 years lose excitement and she lost her hormones when had son ,,,

Thanks

[A1Str8]

I think your wife does what she's supposed to do as a wife in her opinion, cook, take care of the kids etc but she's never truly loved you otherwise she wouldn't lie, make stories etc. And wouldn't consider having sex with the man she allegedly loves a choir, but would look forward to it.

On the other side, her family is telling you their own version of the truth as well, because it is simply not true that it's normal for thais to keep in touch with a past partner. It's not. Thais are a jealous bunch, the last thing she would want you to do is to keep in touch with your ex. Saying that they forgive easily is even a more outrageous lie since thais do not forgive easily. Otherwise they wouldn't be so addicted to taking revenge.

[Costas2008]

A very difficult situation here.

Not for you or your wife but for your kid.

What I would suggest talk to her and try to convince her to change her habits.

It will not be easy, but if you both love your child you should be able to both compromise.

I wish you every luck and I hope things change and this child has a mother and a father to look up to.

[Roadman]

You could propose that the past lesbian lover move in with the two of you...buy a King size bed so you have room for the three of you...seriously a lot of Thai women are bisexual and they are more comfortable with the cuddling, caressing and sharing with their girl friend than they are with fulfilling the needs of a dick. What have you got to lose? You already feel like she is going through the motions so nothing ventured nothing gained from your current perceived lost status...who knows the availability of a dick now and then in place of a dildo for the lesbian girls may work out in your favor... plus Thai society is very accommodating to sleeping arrangements

[curtklay]

Thai women most certainly do not forgive easily, or keep in contact with former lovers. The former lovers are lucky if they're still alive.

If your wife is "doing a choir", no wonder she isn't passionate with you. She must be exhausted.

[krisb]

Spice it up in bed!

[zeichen]

Leon phelps the ladies man says "do it in the but" usually works to change the atmosphere.

First of all, I don't understand why none of these issues were adressed before you had a kid. You have been married 7 years and are now just thinking that your wife's lesbian past is an issue.

Do you think that you turned her back from the dark side? you don't argue, because she doesn't give a rats ass. There is no way that a woman passionate about her partner and her life doesn't argue. Since you both are older, you really should have had some discussions on what marriage is and what love is before dating.

You sound like a typical prehistoric male. Tell her that you are not satisified, that you know that she prefers women and that you want relationships with other women since she still has a relationship with her ex.

It is not Thai custom to continue relationships with exes. Also if her parents know that she was a lesbian, I am surprised that they are so calm about it.

[AnotherOneAmerican]

Many women 40+ no longer want much (or any) sex.

In the west, married men learn to do without.

Luckily for you, Thai ladies will often do it for your enjoyment, even though they don't really want to.

Accept that it's the best deal you're gonna get.

She's just finished with sex (lesbian or not).

It's normal married life with a 40+ wife.

Edited January 14, 2015 by AnotherOneAmerican

[cms22]

My wife also had a lesbian relationships before me. In some ways though it has added spark to our relationship and I certainly don't feel any jealousy if she 'fancies' another girl. I know people are joking on here about 'three in a bed' scenarios but there is scope to have fun with this to make sure every one is happy.

Please remember that even if your wife has lesbian tendencies (as indeed my wife does) it does not mean that you cannot have a happy life together. Look for positives.

[wisher15]

My wife also had a lesbian relationships before me. In some ways though it has added spark to our relationship and I certainly don't feel any jealousy if she 'fancies' another girl. I know people are joking on here about 'three in a bed' scenarios but there is scope to have fun with this to make sure every one is happy.

Please remember that even if your wife has lesbian tendencies (as indeed my wife does) it does not mean that you cannot have a happy life together. Look for positives.

Funny thing that mystery (Lesbian relationship) was thing that attracted me to my wife amongst other things , maybe I am overeacting and there are other reasons her passion not there with me. Maybe I am just to over sexed , and thank you for advice , true there are many positives she is great person , maybe i am one with problem

[gopis108]

First and biggest mistake you made was knowing her past and still giving her a child and marrying her.THais are so addicted to sex and is not easy to change or try to control that.Obviously you are simple a provider as you say, so now let her lover pay her bills and stop being a sap and begin looking elsewhere ,why would you put up with that non-sense-just now they will be plotting your murder............................

[technologybytes]

I suspect you may be overreacting. Maybe she lies about this contact because you make her feel uncomfortable about her desire to maintain contact.

Assuming she isn't going to up and leave you and your kid, would it actually matter if she has a lesbian lover on the side ?

As her husband, and knowing that she had a lesbian affair for a long time previously, you should really learn to understand your wife and her needs a little better. Did you think that the moment she fell into bed with you that her desire for lesbian sex would vanish overnight, of course not.

I'd see it as a bonus, and learn to live with it.

[falang07]

First and biggest mistake you made was knowing her past and still giving her a child and marrying her.THais are so addicted to sex and is not easy to change or try to control that.Obviously you are simple a provider as you say, so now let her lover pay her bills and stop being a sap and begin looking elsewhere ,why would you put up with that non-sense-just now they will be plotting your murder............................

Thais are so addicted to sex? Well, I am, too, and I am not Thai. Reading this forum one might come to a conclusion that Thais are some special breed, they are addicted to sex like no other, they lie more than others, they hate more than others, they never forget (unlike others), etc.

Edited January 16, 2015 by falang07

[mebkk]

I think your wife does what she's supposed to do as a wife in her opinion, cook, take care of the kids etc but she's never truly loved you otherwise she wouldn't lie, make stories etc. And wouldn't consider having sex with the man she allegedly loves a choir, but would look forward to it.

On the other side, her family is telling you their own version of the truth as well, because it is simply not true that it's normal for thais to keep in touch with a past partner. It's not. Thais are a jealous bunch, the last thing she would want you to do is to keep in touch with your ex. Saying that they forgive easily is even a more outrageous lie since thais do not forgive easily. Otherwise they wouldn't be so addicted to taking revenge.

Not always true. I still keep in touch with some of my ex-lovers on a friendly basis, even though they already moved on and are in new relationships (some of them with Thai guys). We talk on the phone and sometimes meet for a meal just like friends do. Of course their current partner doesn't know about it and the 1 that knows (sometimes he picks the phone when I call) doesn't know we were in a relationship in the past. It's all innocent, no fooling around.

However, as some1 mentioned already, adding another woman to your bed might be interesting

[ggt]

I feel your pain bro...enjoy the moment...do not try to read too much into the continued contact...all marriage have different degrees of emotional attachment...you obviously care deeply about her...get on with your marriage and do not fret on what ifs...

[SOTIRIOS]

...you answered all your questions already....

...and of course...there is no love....there never was....

..the only difference is....you wanted to believe otherwise....

...for her....she knew from the beginning what she was after all along....

...the problem is that you are expendable now...and she will have no qualms about dropping you and cleaning you out....

....sorry to say this is a racket that has been going on too long....

...then she will claim 'cultural differences'.....

[bendywire]

So you married a lesbian and knowingly so and you're suprised that she still harbours these feelings. Sorry but you let your little head rule your big head. Gay people don't just stop being gay. It's part of who they are. All you did was offer her something that her real love couldn't. A child and financial security. This is the reality and how you deal with it will ultimately make or break you. I wouldn't give her any option other than a plane ticket back to her lover. If you tell her to stop speaking to her lover do you think she will? What if her lover was a man? How would your reaction compare to this situation. In my eyes there is no difference. Cheating is ultimately cheating.

[uptheos]

Follow Quentin Crisps discovery, "sex is no substitute for masturbation".

Find yourself a good porn site and fulfill your fantasies, whilst enjoying all the wifey/mumsy things your wife offers.

All that sex stuff tends to get a bit messy anyway.

[chicowoodduck]

Well, turn a round is fair play....you need to get a boyfriend.....?

[kovaltech]

keyword passion

[kkup]

I'm gettin turned on.. Wish my wife was a lesbian.

[bender92]

Sounds like you need a threesome! Everybody will be happy.

[csabo]

Life is short. Identify what makes you happy. Tell you partner what that is. If she helps you fulfill that then no problem if not get it somewhere else. Done.

[davejones76]

I am in a similar recognizable relationship for about 2 years. Same story counts, except for the lying. Maybe I didn't find out the truth yet. She is warm, loving, caring, bed is a nightmare, so I told her that if she doesn't take care about Charlie than she must accept the consequences. Sometimes the libido flies up and she wants it a few times/day. Other days are frozen and an emotional wall for tenderness so thick I cannot break through it.

It is hard to track as well. If you see your wife watching photos or videos of some guys that you find out, you can get angry, solve it and move on. This is more complicated. When they chat with a girl or looking at pictures, what do you do. Really no clue as it can be not more than interest, friendship, or it might be even more....

I stay very cautious about any signal though and definitely will confront her. Yesterday she showed me a mega sized photo of her and her TOM in her parents house. I saw the happiness, joy and blossoming all over her face. I told her that she might like to hang the picture on the wall behind the sofa to see how she responded. She told me that what happened in the past, stays in the past and she is happy to move forward with me alone and her daughter. She previously told me that for the sake of her daughter it was not good to be a lesbian as our kid needs a father. However, deep underneath I keep a suspicious and strange feeling.

In general Thai relationships are about care and stability. The majority follows what is "normal" in majority within the society and that is work, income, education, husband and kids. Her parents told her once that if she wants to stay alone or become one individual in a lesbian relationship, than she should find a guy to love. A Thai man was not an option for common known reasons, so a foreigner for future investment is the best option. Love on the first sight doesn't exist here;; it is about goodness.

Your wife's heart was broken. I believe it is hard for them to forget and forgive and move on. They get dumped, ego gets hurt and they lose face and as a result of losing face they take revenge or hurt people. But hey! Most guys never forget the girls who dumped them too. The only difference is that we do not hang in the past, but choose -how hard it might be - to move on with our lives and find within some sort of happiness.

Best test I can recommend is to organize her birthday party and invite some lesbians or bring them to an unknown lesbian spot for a good evening out. Give them some drinks and see where the excitement starts. You see quickly enough how honest they are and in which direction the passion flows. You might even consider to make an arrangement with a beauty lesbian girl and discover who she really is. Might be an option to join the party and make her feel complete as from the start I told mine that if she wants it, she can openly speak to me so we can cater to her, but in return also for my needs. Another option might be to put your wife and my wife together and see where that goes without telling them to see the surprises that they might bring. Success!

[mike324]

You could propose that the past lesbian lover move in with the two of you...buy a King size bed so you have room for the three of you...seriously a lot of Thai women are bisexual and they are more comfortable with the cuddling, caressing and sharing with their girl friend than they are with fulfilling the needs of a dick. What have you got to lose? You already feel like she is going through the motions so nothing ventured nothing gained from your current perceived lost status...who knows the availability of a dick now and then in place of a dildo for the lesbian girls may work out in your favor... plus Thai society is very accommodating to sleeping arrangements

not if the other half is a butch who dresses, acts, and talks like a man, stop dreaming!

[redandyellow]

I feel your pain bro...enjoy the moment...do not try to read too much into the continued contact...all marriage have different degrees of emotional attachment...you obviously care deeply about her...get on with your marriage and do not fret,

Count the Pluses and the Minuses in your relationship - with the blinders off, it seems she has more Pluses,

It ain't always greener on the other side.

Honest communication is the most important component in any relationship, so focus on that.

Without honest communication with your Thai wife, it's a dysfunctional relationship, hence highly at-risk..

Even the best farang - Thai wife relationships take work bro.

When stressed avoid alcohol

[poweratradio]

Wow (Wisher> You just described my 30 year old Thai wife who told me she had Bi relationships in University after I caught her with one of her visiting former University mates. I began wondering why they stayed in the bathroom so long together but wrote it off to believing it was like western women playing make up. They came out finally looked flushed and then i wondered what made them look like they just came home from the gym. It was later in the week that I forgot that I had been relegated to the other bedroom while they slept together which at the time I thought somewhat normal and walked in on them in the throws of very passionate love making. I backed out quietly and pursued all the imagined conversations with my wife the next day. Yes she is open to a 3some if the other lady is but I don't think I am. Would not mind being a voyeur and then take my wild one after she is done with her friend.

Lucky I do not have the financial or lack of passion problems that your wife seems to be having because I have a wild one here.

Good luck

[Sydebolle]

Menage a trois then

[Katipo]

I think your wife does what she's supposed to do as a wife in her opinion, cook, take care of the kids etc but she's never truly loved you otherwise she wouldn't lie, make stories etc. And wouldn't consider having sex with the man she allegedly loves a choir, but would look forward to it.

On the other side, her family is telling you their own version of the truth as well, because it is simply not true that it's normal for thais to keep in touch with a past partner. It's not. Thais are a jealous bunch, the last thing she would want you to do is to keep in touch with your ex. Saying that they forgive easily is even a more outrageous lie since thais do not forgive easily. Otherwise they wouldn't be so addicted to taking revenge.

This sums it up very well. +1

[poweratradio]

I am in a similar recognizable relationship for about 2 years. Same story counts, except for the lying. Maybe I didn't find out the truth yet. She is warm, loving, caring, bed is a nightmare, so I told her that if she doesn't take care about Charlie than she must accept the consequences. Sometimes the libido flies up and she wants it a few times/day. Other days are frozen and an emotional wall for tenderness so thick I cannot break through it.

It is hard to track as well. If you see your wife watching photos or videos of some guys that you find out, you can get angry, solve it and move on. This is more complicated. When they chat with a girl or looking at pictures, what do you do. Really no clue as it can be not more than interest, friendship, or it might be even more....

I stay very cautious about any signal though and definitely will confront her. Yesterday she showed me a mega sized photo of her and her TOM in her parents house. I saw the happiness, joy and blossoming all over her face. I told her that she might like to hang the picture on the wall behind the sofa to see how she responded. She told me that what happened in the past, stays in the past and she is happy to move forward with me alone and her daughter. She previously told me that for the sake of her daughter it was not good to be a lesbian as our kid needs a father. However, deep underneath I keep a suspicious and strange feeling.

In general Thai relationships are about care and stability. The majority follows what is "normal" in majority within the society and that is work, income, education, husband and kids. Her parents told her once that if she wants to stay alone or become one individual in a lesbian relationship, than she should find a guy to love. A Thai man was not an option for common known reasons, so a foreigner for future investment is the best option. Love on the first sight doesn't exist here;; it is about goodness.

Your wife's heart was broken. I believe it is hard for them to forget and forgive and move on. They get dumped, ego gets hurt and they lose face and as a result of losing face they take revenge or hurt people. But hey! Most guys never forget the girls who dumped them too. The only difference is that we do not hang in the past, but choose -how hard it might be - to move on with our lives and find within some sort of happiness.

Best test I can recommend is to organize her birthday party and invite some lesbians or bring them to an unknown lesbian spot for a good evening out. Give them some drinks and see where the excitement starts. You see quickly enough how honest they are and in which direction the passion flows. You might even consider to make an arrangement with a beauty lesbian girl and discover who she really is. Might be an option to join the party and make her feel complete as from the start I told mine that if she wants it, she can openly speak to me so we can cater to her, but in return also for my needs. Another option might be to put your wife and my wife together and see where that goes without telling them to see the surprises that they might bring. Success!

Total nonsense in the suggestion department. I believe I read that scenario in Penthouse forum!