During regular commuting on the Bangkok BTS I've had the chance to observe hundreds of tourists - and based on this wealth of experience I've prepared a beginners guide for visitors to Bangkok?

1. Prepare - you need to start your preparations well in advance - avoid taking a shower or using deodorant for at least a week before travel.

2. Equipment - find the biggest ruck-sack available and stuff it with everything you own. Under no circumstances remove the rucksack whilst on the train.

3. Buying the ticket - ignore the queue of regular travelers and go straight to the kiosk and demand a ticket to MBK. When the BTS official hands you some change for the ticket machine - demand a ticket and don't move until she gives you a ticket - it's your right!

4. Entry Barrier - ignore everyone successfully using the barrier in front of you and try to put the ticket in the slot the wrong way around - then stand your ground in the barrier making random hand signs to the person in the ticket booth who refused to give you a ticket earlier. The commuters queuing behind you will wait patiently so there's no rush.

5. Riding the train - stand in the doorway as this enables you to meet hundreds of friendly locals as they try to squeeze past your vast rucksack. Place both hands on the overhead handrail to give the commuters the benefit of your double-barreled aromatic arm pits. Talk loudly to your friends in the next carriage as everyone will enjoy your observations on Bangkok sightseeing.

6. Exit barrier - please carry any shopping bags in front of you as you exit the automatic barrier - you've earned the hip crushing you'll receive from the gates as you exit the station.

You forgot to mention they should eat their 7/11 hotdog whilst on the journey....no one would want them to eat it cold!

Don't forget your baby and stroller 555

If the train is crowded, and you see any children, then give up your seat for them.

When there are some attractive ladies on the train, play with yourself, but try to hide it with your laptop bag.

Expats - be sure and look down on tourists in order to underline your sense of superiority. Remember - you belong here more than they do.

Expats - be sure and look down on tourists in order to underline your sense of superiority. Remember - you belong here more than they do.

I guess you don't use the BTS daily. Or have a sense of humor.

Related to Rangsitreppin?

I enjoy the BTS myself.It's easy.I don't have any problems.And it beats the traffic jams.Maybe before putting it down maybe you should ride A a few taxi's during rush hour.I think the BTS is great.

And if you think the handful of tourists you find on it are annoying, you should trying getting the tube through Leicester Square and Covent Garden some time.

I enjoy the BTS myself.It's easy.I don't have any problems.And it beats the traffic jams.Maybe before putting it down maybe you should ride A a few taxi's during rush hour.I think the BTS is great.

He's not having a go at the BTS, he's having a go at tourists - particularly back-packers, because he's running out of people over whom he can feel superior.

SC

Expats - be sure and look down on tourists in order to underline your sense of superiority. Remember - you belong here more than they do.

I guess you don't use the BTS daily. Or have a sense of humor.

I do believe he sayeth in jest, good job SB....