Bluecat Posted March 21, 2004 Share Posted March 21, 2004 I have a few reliable Thai friends but they are from the company I work for or anyway related to people I am close to. And it took me a very, very long time for me and for them to call ourselves friends,... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest IT Manager Posted March 21, 2004 Share Posted March 21, 2004 Yes. Most definitely. My wife and I ahev about 10 friends who are Thai. Our kids spend time with their kids and we all spend time together in the village. I am constantly amused by the concept of no acceptance, of foreigners, by Thais. It isn't true, at least for us, and I don't think we are anything different. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bluecat Posted March 21, 2004 Author Share Posted March 21, 2004 My wife and I have about 10 friends who are Thai. Our kids spend time with their kids and we all spend time together in the village. Agree IT. But having friends through children do not count. Too easy,... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Boo Posted March 21, 2004 Share Posted March 21, 2004 I have a lot of thai friends, met during my first few weeks in LOS & 6yrs & a lot of personal changes later are still close & some have even been to London & met my family. When we met we were all of a similar age (early to mid 20's) single, party people but over the last 6 years have all settled into relationships & our partners have all become mates too. Strangly, most of them were thai men as I found them easier to get along with & with none of them has there ever been anything sexual. Even living away from Samui our friendships are still strong & a couple of them even made the effort to visit me & hubby in Khon Kaen for a day or two Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tutsiwarrior Posted March 21, 2004 Share Posted March 21, 2004 most of the time you got to stick to family and their friends...you have a built-in structure and no one has a hidden agenda...the wife stands guard like a stone wall to deflect unwelcome proposals... some years ago in Indonesia some bule (falang) associates made an effort to develop friendships with local people. Unfortunately, the locals had rupiah signs in their eyes and every attempt culminated with a request for a 'loan' to the consternation of the bules who had the best intentions. This was after confidences were exchanged and etc. and a refusal then was awkward. The above simply reflects the perception, mostly true that falangs command huge salaries compared with locals and that a few thousand baht here and there should not be anything between 'friends'...they don't understand that it has to be repaid... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
natee1 Posted March 21, 2004 Share Posted March 21, 2004 Yeah, Thais seem to be much more private concerning their innermost feelings/convictions... Also where would you draw the line between a friend and an acquaintance? In Thai there is the distinction between "puan gin" and "puan tai", as I understand it, puan gin is there for fun, puan gin will still be there in crisis-time. It takes a long time sometimes to find out who is who, like in other parts of the world, too. What am I trying to say?-Concept of friendship is different here, and yes, it takes long time to make friends here. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
joinme2leave Posted March 21, 2004 Share Posted March 21, 2004 i guess, REAL GOOD (deep, reliable and honest) friendship always need quite long time, no matter if farang-farang or farang-asian. As for me I can say there is a handful thai ppl I do respect and vice-versa but I am still working on to build up that real friendship. Of course one important point to find out what is "real" should be more than average knowledge of (thai) language. So called friends might be soooo nice to you in personal discussion but what do they talk about you when you show your back? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest IT Manager Posted March 21, 2004 Share Posted March 21, 2004 My wife and I have about 10 friends who are Thai. Our kids spend time with their kids and we all spend time together in the village. Agree IT. But having friends through children do not count. Too easy,... What about those of them who don't have kids? Not all are in one category. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest IT Manager Posted March 21, 2004 Share Posted March 21, 2004 i guess, REAL GOOD (deep, reliable and honest) friendship always need quite long time, no matter if farang-farang or farang-asian. As for me I can say there is a handful thai ppl I do respect and vice-versa but I am still working on to build up that real friendship. Of course one important point to find out what is "real" should be more than average knowledge of (thai) language. So called friends might be soooo nice to you in personal discussion but what do they talk about you when you show your back? What do you say about them when they turn their back? Friendship is as friendship is offered, in my opinion. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Yohan Posted March 21, 2004 Share Posted March 21, 2004 Yes, we have some Thai friends, also visiting us here in Tokyo already. They are all between 30 and 50 years old and are accustomed to communicate with foreigners due to their jobs. In no way sexual related. I am European with Japanese wife. Thai and Japanese people have some similarity, as people in Japan and Thailand are very homogeneous, so it takes time to find confidence and trust and to be accepted as a foreigner, it is not so easy as maybe somewhere in Europe or America. I think, it is even more difficult here in Japan compared to Thailand. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
joinme2leave Posted March 21, 2004 Share Posted March 21, 2004 well it is a question of trust. (as for me) it takes real long time to build up friendship. if confident about seriousity I shall never say something bad about this person and our relation....but s t i l l there is that little door open that we both do not speak the same language and e.g. (bad) influence from other (so called neutral) person(s) can destroy alot... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Opl Posted March 21, 2004 Share Posted March 21, 2004 Maybe people who don't look forward to take profit from you and keep amical regular relations with you belong to the comfortable affect support everyone needs in everyday life. As far , I do not think it's possible to call this "friendship". Out of childhood times or teens ages friendship does not come so easy, and friendship being a reciprocity link, I'd ask you if you, personnally consider yourself as a friend for these thai persons you mentioned , and to which extend ? I'm not talking of limitations due to different backgrounds but about elective relationships based on shared human values, not just hobbies. Sorry if I'm not clear, Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest IT Manager Posted March 21, 2004 Share Posted March 21, 2004 The other point, that sort of occured to me, is that I speak Thai with my friends. It isn't very good, but it works very well when discussing politics and such like. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
morphic Posted March 21, 2004 Share Posted March 21, 2004 I have 47 good Thai friends, 38 medium quality friendships, and about 20 aquaintances. This compares to about 93 good Falang friends, and about 180 medium quality aquaintances. So I have to conclude, statistically, that it is relaively hard for Falangs to develop friendships with Thai's. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Nam Kao Posted March 21, 2004 Share Posted March 21, 2004 Thias will accept you as a friend if there is something they can get out of you - Especially the Thai-Chinese. Otherwise you'll always be secretly despised as the rich falang, Thias are very jealous of money. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
taxexile Posted March 21, 2004 Share Posted March 21, 2004 Thias will accept you as a friend if there is something they can get out of you -Especially the Thai-Chinese. Otherwise you'll always be secretly despised as the rich falang, Thias are very jealous of money. those are sweeping generalisations and from my experience way off the mark. if that has been your experience then perhaps you should be a bit more choosy of the company you keep. people usually end up with the friends that they deserve. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ASIC Posted March 21, 2004 Share Posted March 21, 2004 I never had any problem making friends in Thailand. Much easier than e.g. in China or among Singapore-chinese. I think it depends on the culture. Thai people are generally so friendly and smiling. But you need to spend some time chit-chatting and gossiping. I don't understand about the money problems you guys always talk about. My friends know I am not rich. I have borrowed money from Thai friends and they from me. They always pay back as soon as then can, and so do I. Maybe it's also climate related. In cold contries, like, e.g. Scandinavia, it's better to stay home than to meet someplace in town. I remember in France I hung out with the same guys at the bistro almost every day after work for 3-4 years before I got invited to their home. In Singapore I rarely got invited to any Chinese peoples homes, but to a lot of Malay homes. Depends I guess ASIC Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Nam Kao Posted March 21, 2004 Share Posted March 21, 2004 Tax, this isnt my experience, this what Thais tell / warn me. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Yohan Posted March 21, 2004 Share Posted March 21, 2004 .......... But you need to spend some time chit-chatting and gossiping..............I don't understand about the money problems you guys always talk about. My friends know I am not rich........... Your posting is very true...... You need some time to know each other.....takes longer in Thailand, at least this is my impression..... Then, stay modest, and do not make yourself richer than you are.... some friends might disappear, but just those friends you really do not need ......... Money: This is not a question between foreigner and Thai, it is a question between rich and poor people in Thailand. Some postings are written like if every Thai is poor and is asking every foreigner for money, this is not true at all... There are many Thais, who are financially remarkable good off....Better off than my family here in Japan. One of our Thai friends has a monthly stable income of baht 200.000,- and another one well over baht 80.000,- - Both of them are single women around 45 years old. They always tell us, that all their relatives are coming to ask for money, and never pay back.... but these are relatives....true family members.... difficult to refuse....about 20 - 25 percent of the income is spent for family relations...... Thai people do not only ask for money, they spend and give a lot to their relatives and friends, for invitations, for gifts, for parties, for marriage, for funeral, for any reason you can imagine. This is the custom there. These 2 Thai friends will never show up at my home in Japan and ask me for money.... Why should they do so? I recommend you as foreigner, to look for Thai friends, who are financially somewhat equal to your living standards and have an educational good background. This might be a little bit difficult and time-consuming at the beginning - but this is truly better than some girls for friendship in a bar.... Foreigners have often the tendency to boast how rich Europe or America is, and how poor and primitive all here in Asia is around..... Of course, if you do that on Pattaya beach in evening with the girls around there....all will come and beg money from you and will let you know, how right you are and how rich you are, and how poor they are and how much they love you...... If you have Thai friends, who are well-educated and financially secure, they will never ask you for money....They will invite you to expensive restaurants, bring you around by their own car, will translate all for you, and will be always worried about your well-being during your stay in Thailand. They will pay for you, as you are the guest of the Thai family. You should accept the fact, that the difference between poor and rich is considerable higher in Asia than in Europe or America, as there is no good operating social network existing. To ask money from the rich, and to give money to the poor is a daily duty in Thailand, and it is not unusual, and not only between foreigner and Thai, but in most cases it is between rich Thai and poor Thai. Johann Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tutsiwarrior Posted March 21, 2004 Share Posted March 21, 2004 Goodness 3 Changs is my limit.. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
brownsugar Posted March 21, 2004 Share Posted March 21, 2004 I don't care what any of you guys think...I don't make friends with exotic types with funny skin color...they are sneaky, untrustworthy and they eat strange food... dude! This is the funniest post this morning I thought you being a Tutsi , you would only have problems with the hutu chill out man! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
utapaortnab Posted March 21, 2004 Share Posted March 21, 2004 During my first trip to Thailand (1971-1972) while in the U.S. Army, I rented a room with common access to the living room, kitchen and front porch in a beautiful teak home off So. Pattaya Road in Pattaya. During the year that I was assigned there my three most valued friendships were with a Greek named Barbos that was owner/manager of the best Seafood Restaurant in Pattaya "back in the day", a Thai man and his kids named Boonwong, who built beautiful Chinese Junks and other "made to order" boats on a patch of land just off So. Pattaya Road, and an elderly Thai man who lives just a short walk through the tapioca fields from my house that I learned all that I know about the Thai Buddhist Religion from. As my tealok back then was multi-lingual, I was able to converse with Mr. Boonwong and the elderly teacher through her for hours at a time. Yes, in subsiquent visits, I have met other Thais that I have come to think of as friends as well but really miss my first two friends, both of which are dead now. My wife says I am very unusual in that I immediately accept everyone as a friend, a trait she has NOT seen in anyone else in the 30 years she has been on this planet. I couldn't see myself as being anyone else but that person. Ken Bower San Antonio Texas Visiting Thailand since 1971 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Padkapow Guy Posted March 21, 2004 Share Posted March 21, 2004 Where my wife and I live their are about 12 thai women and 2 thai men. I must say none of them are what I consider true friends. The thai men are ok but it seems to me that the thai women are all jealous of each other ( in cluding my wife ) They act like they are best friends when they are with each other but the minute one of them leaves the others start talking about them. All of the women are that way. I keep yelling at my wife telling her not to talk about anyone. but someone will say somthing about her and the whole vicious cycle starts again. Now these are thai women who live in the states. Is it the same with the thai women in Thailand? As far as a thai beening a true friend to a falang I think the thai men I know could be but the don't like to be a bother to us so they don't visit enough to get that good friendship going.( It also could be the communication gap ) just one man's perspective Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dr_Pat_Pong Posted March 21, 2004 Share Posted March 21, 2004 Thias will accept you as a friend if there is something they can get out of you -Especially the Thai-Chinese. Otherwise you'll always be secretly despised as the rich falang, Thias are very jealous of money. Only Thai's ? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Boon Mee Posted March 22, 2004 Share Posted March 22, 2004 [Money: This is not a question between foreigner and Thai, it is a question between rich and poor people in Thailand.Thai people do not only ask for money, they spend and give a lot to their relatives and friends, for invitations, for gifts, for parties, for marriage, for funeral, for any reason you can imagine. This is the custom there. I recommend you as foreigner, to look for Thai friends, who are financially somewhat equal to your living standards and have an educational good background. This might be a little bit difficult and time-consuming at the beginning - but this is truly better than some girls for friendship in a bar.... If you have Thai friends, who are well-educated and financially secure, they will never ask you for money....They will invite you to expensive restaurants, bring you around by their own car, will translate all for you, and will be always worried about your well-being during your stay in Thailand. They will pay for you, as you are the guest of the Thai family. You should accept the fact, that the difference between poor and rich is considerable higher in Asia than in Europe or America, as there is no good operating social network existing. To ask money from the rich, and to give money to the poor is a daily duty in Thailand, and it is not unusual, and not only between foreigner and Thai, but in most cases it is between rich Thai and poor Thai. Johann Excellent points, Johann. Been my experience too. What the Westener has to get through to himself (or herself) is the concept of money IS different to the Thai culture as it's different to say, the Singaporean culture. Many new arrivals to LOS are put-off by what they perceive as being just "walking ATMs". Basically, what it takes is what I'd refer to as "cultural immersion" and patience to understand where the Thai mind-set is coming from. Buddha plays a strong role in this money issue... Boon Mee Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
winle Posted March 22, 2004 Share Posted March 22, 2004 Boon mee, what do you mean about budda plays a strong roll, i thought the idea of buddisum was to be happy with out material things, i dont think is was ever ment for solid gold budda images to be worn round necks?? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Boon Mee Posted March 22, 2004 Share Posted March 22, 2004 Boon mee, what do you mean about budda plays a strong roll, i thought the idea of buddisum was to be happy with out material things, i dont think is was ever ment for solid gold budda images to be worn round necks?? Winle~ It can get a little deep but since 90% of Thais are Buddhist and are thus more inclined to "giving" as opposed to other religions, the attitude is less "selfish"? Just because Thais (and farangs too) wear gold Buddhas does not mean they value them in material terms. The spiritual aspect is much stronger than the intrinsic worth of the chain and Buddha. Boon Mee Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
khunphilip Posted March 22, 2004 Share Posted March 22, 2004 A good friend is hard to find in any culture I do have one good thai friend a female know for 12 years more like a sister whenever in Bangkok look her up I once heard if you find one good friend in life your rich whatever their culture . Phil Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
joinme2leave Posted March 22, 2004 Share Posted March 22, 2004 !!! YOHAN !!! D E F I N I T E L Y A G R E E . And very good point, especially regarding ...try to find "friends" who are approx same rich or poor than you are. That is what I primary try to do. And - agree once more - it takes time but it is worth the effort. About the jealousy prob between thai woman I believe this could be true too. I try to start a friendship between my thai g/f (Nakhon Si Tammarat, 30 yrs, beautiful body, medium rich but poor education and very poor english) and a thai woman who communicates with me frequently (Bkk, 35 yrs, not so pretty, rather poor but satisfied with her government jobs income, very good education and sensational english) ..... but it looks like to be real difficult to succeed. The Bkk one does not want to be 3rd person in between relationship and the N.S.T. one is jealous about the Bkk one bcoz she thinks I could stop being in love. IT seems to be true: european/american relations between women are different... or what ???? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
megashox Posted March 22, 2004 Share Posted March 22, 2004 The rhetoric of this topic teethers on the verge of gross generalization. Of course some people are sure to have made real friends in Thailand. Thailand is not the only place - good friends are difficult to find everywhere in a materialistic world. It's only relatively easier to make good friends back home, because we tend to meet so many people (outside of work) with similar tastes, language and style. One can meet as many people in other places, who would try to size you up at the 1st meeting by checking your clothes or other external features of your persona. So, I should never be surprised if when shaking hands for the 1st time with people in Thailand, some try to check which brand watch I'm wearing or whether the pen sticking out of my pocket is a (real) Mont Blanc or a Dupont! If I'm a good person and my friendship is rejected because I don't wear trendy clothes or drive a luxury car, the loss is certainly not mine. I know from experience that if one makes good friends in Thailand, they would be some of the best you could ever have! Have you tried? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
.png.3b3332cc2256ad0edbc2fe9404feeef0.png)
Recommended Posts
Create an account or sign in to comment
You need to be a member in order to leave a comment
Create an account
Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!
Register a new accountSign in
Already have an account? Sign in here.
Sign In Now