Im having pre-marriage jitters

[Loptr]

If the OP cannot think of overwhelming convincing reasons to get married, then don't do it... IMHO, the only reason to get married in this day and age is if you plan on having kids... If not, then why, other than showing commitment to someone you obviously have doubts about... Why else are you here asking the peanut gallery?

[Southerndrawl]

If the OP cannot think of overwhelming convincing reasons to get married, then don't do it... IMHO, the only reason to get married in this day and age is if you plan on having kids... If not, then why, other than showing commitment to someone you obviously have doubts about... Why else are you here asking the peanut gallery?

Impossible to get her a Visa without intent to marry or actual marriage.

[Southerndrawl]

I change my mind. An old guy found a girl with half a brain. You have my blessing!

Wait Raj. you are my contrarian, so anything you suggest Im going to do the exact opposite. Maybe I wont get married after all... lol joking

BTW Yes I found a girl with half a brain. Between she and I we make a complete brain. Oh the possibilities!

[transam]

[ttthailand]

Serious questions ....

How is the sex ? Is she someone you can't wait to get home and jump ?

Will she want kids after you marry ?

Will she sign a prenup so your assets are protected ?

Is she planning to keep working ?

You planning to live your country or Thailand ? Are you American ?

[Rajhulmaheesh]

PLease. Op is an older man........................we dont need to know specifics about his sex life. He already said there isnt much.

[Southerndrawl]

Serious questions ....

How is the sex ? Is she someone you can't wait to get home and jump ?

YES 100%

Will she want kids after you marry ?

Yes but she is not sure she can have them for physical reasons

Will she sign a prenup so your assets are protected ?

Yes we already talked about it. No sin sot and prenup. But she will send half of her earnings home. I am ok with that.

Is she planning to keep working ?

Yes after she is legal over there.

You planning to live your country or Thailand?

My country for a while.

Are you American?

Originally from Hungary, naturalized.

[Southerndrawl]

PLease. Op is an older man........................we dont need to know specifics about his sex life. He already said there isnt much.

If over 40 is older, then I am older. Probably not much older than you Raj.

I never said there wasnt much sex, but I prefer not to share those details with you, my friend.

[Pheat123]

Getting married so that she can have the visa and go back with you? Understand the bit about being tired of this place, but sounds a bit drastic. IMO, I would heed these 'jitters', intuition or whatever you want to call it. They are trying to tell you something. I would definitely recommend more time before committing.

Yes youre right, it might be a bit drastic. But given the alternative of staying here, trying to find a more perfect woman, and then starting the whole process again, it seems like not such a bad choice.

Why do you need to get married?

What is wrong with being single?

[Southerndrawl]

Getting married so that she can have the visa and go back with you? Understand the bit about being tired of this place, but sounds a bit drastic. IMO, I would heed these 'jitters', intuition or whatever you want to call it. They are trying to tell you something. I would definitely recommend more time before committing.

Yes youre right, it might be a bit drastic. But given the alternative of staying here, trying to find a more perfect woman, and then starting the whole process again, it seems like not such a bad choice.

Why do you need to get married?

What is wrong with being single?

Cant get her a visa if single and no intent to marry.

[Pheat123]

Getting married so that she can have the visa and go back with you? Understand the bit about being tired of this place, but sounds a bit drastic. IMO, I would heed these 'jitters', intuition or whatever you want to call it. They are trying to tell you something. I would definitely recommend more time before committing.

Yes youre right, it might be a bit drastic. But given the alternative of staying here, trying to find a more perfect woman, and then starting the whole process again, it seems like not such a bad choice.

Why do you need to get married?

What is wrong with being single?

Cant get her a visa if single and no intent to marry.

What is the point in getting married to a women who clearly does not love you

Just to get a visa?

Unbelievable you have to one lonely geezer

[ttthailand]

After reading everything you have posted I would say she sounds ok. If you are looking for a wife she could be the one. My advise is to slow down a little. Give her an engagement ring as they do in most farang countries and set a date for one year. If you are American you can get a fiancé visa in about 9 months from now and then go to America and get married after a month or two. That visa is good for three months. If you make it through the next 9 months here and the month or two in your country then hopefully it will be fine....

Nothing is ever 100%

[Southerndrawl]

After reading everything you have posted I would say she sounds ok. If you are looking for a wife she could be the one. My advise is to slow down a little. Give her an engagement ring as they do in most farang countries and set a date for one year. If you are American you can get a fiancé visa in about 9 months from now and then go to America and get married after a month or two. That visa is good for three months. If you make it through the next 9 months here and the month or two in your country then hopefully it will be fine....

Nothing is ever 100%

Sound advice. Thank you! That would give us some more time to get to know eachother, even though we have known eachother over a year and spent most of that time together.

I just want to get back home and stay there for a while, at least a few months, preferably longer. Im afraid that if I apply for a fiancee visa for her now, and then dont return to Thailand for a few months, it might be harder to get the papers done, not being in Thailand. If I did not have to come back to Thailand for a long time, that would be fine but I think applying for a visa would require me to be back here before the visa gets finalized. Thats why i was considering marriage before going back.

Thanks for all the informative replies, and also to you naysayers and trolls. You keep things interesting.

[transam]

After reading everything you have posted I would say she sounds ok. If you are looking for a wife she could be the one. My advise is to slow down a little. Give her an engagement ring as they do in most farang countries and set a date for one year. If you are American you can get a fiancé visa in about 9 months from now and then go to America and get married after a month or two. That visa is good for three months. If you make it through the next 9 months here and the month or two in your country then hopefully it will be fine....

Nothing is ever 100%

Sound advice. Thank you! That would give us some more time to get to know eachother, even though we have known eachother over a year and spent most of that time together.

I just want to get back home and stay there for a while, at least a few months, preferably longer. Im afraid that if I apply for a fiancee visa for her now, and then dont return to Thailand for a few months, it might be harder to get the papers done, not being in Thailand. If I did not have to come back to Thailand for a long time, that would be fine but I think applying for a visa would require me to be back here before the visa gets finalized. Thats why i was considering marriage before going back.

Thanks for all the informative replies, and also to you naysayers and trolls. You keep things interesting.

You want to ignore or naysay posts.........great.............. .........Eyes wide open eh..

[Southerndrawl]

What is the point in getting married to a women who clearly does not love you

Just to get a visa?

Unbelievable you have to one lonely geezer

Im just looking for happiness and companionship in this life. Not so much to ask.

[ttthailand]

After reading everything you have posted I would say she sounds ok. If you are looking for a wife she could be the one. My advise is to slow down a little. Give her an engagement ring as they do in most farang countries and set a date for one year. If you are American you can get a fiancé visa in about 9 months from now and then go to America and get married after a month or two. That visa is good for three months. If you make it through the next 9 months here and the month or two in your country then hopefully it will be fine....

Nothing is ever 100%

Sound advice. Thank you! That would give us some more time to get to know eachother, even though we have known eachother over a year and spent most of that time together.

I just want to get back home and stay there for a while, at least a few months, preferably longer. Im afraid that if I apply for a fiancee visa for her now, and then dont return to Thailand for a few months, it might be harder to get the papers done, not being in Thailand. If I did not have to come back to Thailand for a long time, that would be fine but I think applying for a visa would require me to be back here before the visa gets finalized. Thats why i was considering marriage before going back.

Thanks for all the informative replies, and also to you naysayers and trolls. You keep things interesting.

You can be in the States and her here and get a fiancée visa, no problem! The entire process takes about 6 months if I remember correctly. I did it but never used the visa. That would also be a great test for both of you. Go back home and be apart for a few months and see if things hold together.

[Southerndrawl]

After reading everything you have posted I would say she sounds ok. If you are looking for a wife she could be the one. My advise is to slow down a little. Give her an engagement ring as they do in most farang countries and set a date for one year. If you are American you can get a fiancé visa in about 9 months from now and then go to America and get married after a month or two. That visa is good for three months. If you make it through the next 9 months here and the month or two in your country then hopefully it will be fine....

Nothing is ever 100%

Sound advice. Thank you! That would give us some more time to get to know eachother, even though we have known eachother over a year and spent most of that time together.

I just want to get back home and stay there for a while, at least a few months, preferably longer. Im afraid that if I apply for a fiancee visa for her now, and then dont return to Thailand for a few months, it might be harder to get the papers done, not being in Thailand. If I did not have to come back to Thailand for a long time, that would be fine but I think applying for a visa would require me to be back here before the visa gets finalized. Thats why i was considering marriage before going back.

Thanks for all the informative replies, and also to you naysayers and trolls. You keep things interesting.

You want to ignore or naysay posts.........great.............. .........Eyes wide open eh..

I read all the responses because even if they are nasty or dont say something that I agree with, they took the time to respond and their opinion might be valid. I just try to decrypt the nasty jargon to try and figure out what they are really trying to say.

[Southerndrawl]

After reading everything you have posted I would say she sounds ok. If you are looking for a wife she could be the one. My advise is to slow down a little. Give her an engagement ring as they do in most farang countries and set a date for one year. If you are American you can get a fiancé visa in about 9 months from now and then go to America and get married after a month or two. That visa is good for three months. If you make it through the next 9 months here and the month or two in your country then hopefully it will be fine....

Nothing is ever 100%

Sound advice. Thank you! That would give us some more time to get to know eachother, even though we have known eachother over a year and spent most of that time together.

I just want to get back home and stay there for a while, at least a few months, preferably longer. Im afraid that if I apply for a fiancee visa for her now, and then dont return to Thailand for a few months, it might be harder to get the papers done, not being in Thailand. If I did not have to come back to Thailand for a long time, that would be fine but I think applying for a visa would require me to be back here before the visa gets finalized. Thats why i was considering marriage before going back.

Thanks for all the informative replies, and also to you naysayers and trolls. You keep things interesting.

You can be in the States and her here and get a fiancée visa, no problem! The entire process takes about 6 months if I remember correctly. I did it but never used the visa. That would also be a great test for both of you. Go back home and be apart for a few months and see if things hold together.

Yes it would be a good test for sure. But I dont look forward to going home and being a "lonely geezer" again for an extended period of time. I am a faithful boyfriend to her, no other girls or flings so its a little tough to be away from her. Ok I will stop crying in my soup now.

Thanks agin.

[faraday]

I also went through a nasty divorce many years ago, & now I cannot trust implicitly as I did before.

If I had been analytical prior to getting married & weighed up the pros & cons, I don't think I would have got married to her.

[arunsakda]

Marry her perhaps, but stay with her in Thailand. Once you take her abroad the dynamic of your relationship will change, perhaps for the worse. Whatever you do do NOT bring her to the USA. Make that clear to her and see how she reacts. This woman has absolutely nothing to lose from marriage and moving to the States. Her status and desirability will immediately be elevated. Whilst settling in her eyes will be open for something with more passion (perhaps more money). She will meet plenty of Thai women there with advice for her. If she finds something "more suitable", she soon will chose adultery and once she gets the green card she will be gone and you will be left alone. Sorry but I have seen this situation play out more than once. The visa sponsor never wins. If you want a Thai, Vietnamese, or any other Asian woman in America find one there who already has a green card. There's plenty of them.

Edited January 21, 2015 by arunsakda

[ginglee]

Actually she has some very nice qualities....but you need love to marry...you don't marry for a visa !

Don't understand why she can't go back with you on a holiday visa?

[Suradit69]

Im just trying to be more careful this time around, and trying not to make another bad decision.

Yes, nothing says "bad decision" like baring your soul on Thai Visa, especially when it comes to marrying a Thai. Why not ask for some support from people you randomly meet on the street or strangers who are glued to a bar stool at a pub nearby? They'll probably be less cruel.

"Just here for some advice guys."

Edited January 21, 2015 by Suradit69

[Southerndrawl]

Im just trying to be more careful this time around, and trying not to make another bad decision.

Yes, nothing says "bad decision" like baring your soul on Thai Visa, especially when it comes to marrying a Thai. Why not ask for some support from people you randomly meet on the street or strangers who are glued to a bar stool at a pub nearby? They'll probably be less cruel.

"Just here for some advice guys."

I have learned to take the good with the bad here on good ole TV.

[Rajhulmaheesh]

given ops description of girl would anyone marry her......................hahahaha!

[NeverSure]

2 years of university is odd for a Thai. The obvious qualification this points to is Por Wor Sor in Accounting. This is a vocational diploma. It is actually 2 years in a commercial college but equates to the first 2 years of a university degree.

Accounting students are the only ones with half a brain in commercial colleges. It is seen as the hard course.

And she actually works in accounting.

If this is the case, this is good.

Proceed with the marriage.

You have higher odds of success than most.

I strongly disagree. This sounds like my ex.

Highly educated, smart, nice but unemotional. Hard working, never left a thing undone, dependable...

It's the unemotional thing, almost like a programmed machine.

OP, why do you feel you have to get married? You mentioned that if you don't marry this one you'd have to come back and start all over. Why?

You've already said in effect the relationship would be cold other than physically. I guarantee you, you won't be happy.

Run, don't walk, and then go deal with the reasons you feel you have to get married to someone.

[puukao]

I'll bite on this one.....It's not an ideal relationship, according to what we see in the movies. But, in reality, it's like some older couples I know. Two people in their 60's or something. Best friends, no real interest in sex, but company is fine and boring at times. I'm sure you both have feelings for each other. I'm sure this lack of emotional roller coaster is good, but .......

OK, I might as well give my advice. I say don't marry her, but stay best friends (if possible) and maybe take some time off ("business trip" or something). Then, once you find the girl who gives you that good gut feeling, see if spending time with her fills this "void" that we all have but all deal with differently.

If you are marrying out of boredom.......then i hope she has tens of millions......

[RandomSand]

RE OP: Trust your gut feeling.

[JMWPACIFIC]

She's right---don't waste her time or yours. Neither of you sound like you are really in love.

[jacko45k]

She sounds like a good catch, but I wonder why you are considering marriage.

Your idea, her idea?

No problems just living together.

I see you may be planning to go home, but are you sure your home would suit her?

I am a little concerned this woman would turn out to be a different person back in the USA.

[Ianatlarge]

Bail. Head to soi 6 for a long weekend. Cheaper and more fun, in the short and long run.