Im having pre-marriage jitters

[realenglish1]

Go for it

Sounds like a good start to a good relationship

Good luck

[Bluetongue]

OP says she is calm and reserved. Still waters run deep.

[steven100]

yeah .... !! go for it ..... what have you got to loose ..... !!!

where is the wedding and when .... do I get an invite ?

[ronthai]

You must be very lonely, to consider marriage as a "business deal", because that is what it sounds to me like.

But then I am old fashion and thought marriage was about love

[lucifer666]

It's not Pre Marriage Jitters, it's your brain informing your heart that this isn't a good idea.

[Toscano]

Your reasons for getting married are only for convenience , perhaps for getting a visa for her to go to the US .

Marriage is a huge compromise and married to a Thai can risk losing your all .

Thai culture is very different , Thais are very unemotional in a relationship , they do not seem to have the passion of Farangs .

You could always have a Thai style marriage , from which you can walk away from at any time .

If you are happy enough as you are , stay that way .

If you have the slightest doubt about getting married , no matter to whom , Don't Do It !!!

Edited January 22, 2015 by metisdead
Bold font removed.

[ggt]

Your brain has finally woke up and is asking your heart...what the hell are doing...causing your nervous system to go bonkers...thus the jitters...

You absolutely do not have to be married to have a wonderful relationship with a Thai...marriage will likely reduce your financial holdings considerably...and if you should run low on funds...do not expect you unemotional bride to stay with you...

Be honest with her...tell her you are not ready to take the plunge...now or ever...(you may want to hold off on the ever part)

You can still take care of her financial needs without being married...

Good Luck!

[Lockheed]

A womanizer friend would say as soon as you smell a hint of trouble, get out of there but I reckon marry her, it's not like the West where she can take everything you own, but be careful of the long con.

[ExPratt]

I couldn't sign the certificate probably when I got married to my second wife last year. I wrecked the first one much to my wifes annoyance , I then had to practice it and go for a piss to calm down. the second one wasn't great but I got away with it. I have a very squiggly signature and usually I dont have to think about it , but I just froze , it was like I couldn't remember how to do it, Never happened to me before or since. Great timing

[recycler]

Just don't marry (yet) some bags will be unpacked later in a relation and they may not be good.

Antisocial, commanding and never been married should ring some bells. Check for personality disorders that are more common in Thailand than in western Europe. If she has one like BPD or anxiety disorder this could turn life in to a living hell for you. People with personality disorders, certainly the more intelligent ones, tend to be able to hide them for quite some time and the relation starts off like the best thing, but later when you think it should be stable they loose their cover and things start turning really different.

[canarysun]

I would strongly advise you to spend a long time on your own! You have been married for 20 years ( a disaster ) and now you want to go " back into the fire " ??? Why are there so many Guys that have to be in a constant relationship? I have lived in Thailand for almost four years,i have never been in a relationship or had a Thai Girlfriend.( my last relationship was 15 years ago! ) I just enjoy doing my own thing ( " a free spirit " ) Many of you could do with a few years on your own to " discover yourself " before getting involved and ending up in " an absolute bloody disaster " ....

F.J ( " as free as a nok " )

[redandyellow]

2 years of university is odd for a Thai. The obvious qualification this points to is Por Wor Sor in Accounting. This is a vocational diploma. It is actually 2 years in a commercial college but equates to the first 2 years of a university degree.

Accounting students are the only ones with half a brain in commercial colleges. It is seen as the hard course.

And she actually works in accounting.

If this is the case, this is good.

Proceed with the marriage.

You have higher odds of success than most.

I strongly disagree. This sounds like my ex.

Highly educated, smart, nice but unemotional. Hard working, never left a thing undone, dependable...

It's the unemotional thing, almost like a programmed machine.

OP, why do you feel you have to get married? You mentioned that if you don't marry this one you'd have to come back and start all over. Why?

You've already said in effect the relationship would be cold other than physically. I guarantee you, you won't be happy.

Run, don't walk, and then go deal with the reasons you feel you have to get married to someone.

I think you described dogmatic to a D, or even a T

[redandyellow]

I would strongly advise you to spend a long time on your own! You have been married for 20 years ( a disaster ) and now you want to go " back into the fire " ??? Why are there so many Guys that have to be in a constant relationship? I have lived in Thailand for almost four years,i have never been in a relationship or had a Thai Girlfriend.( my last relationship was 15 years ago! ) I just enjoy doing my own thing ( " a free spirit " ) Many of you could do with a few years on your own to " discover yourself " before getting involved and ending up in " an absolute bloody disaster " ....

F.J ( " as free as a nok " )

Not too many guys can use their big heads for a week, never mind for fifteen consecutive years..

signed,

taking the situation into hand..

[dragonfly94]

'She is a little bit commandeering and does not talk to me sweetly as other Thai gf's I have had.

She is condescending sometimes, as if I should have known about something even if I had no experience with it before'.

would turn into out right nagging and moaning within a year, would have little respect and end up making your life hell

[Friendly Stranger]

Not trying to be funny but why ruin a good relationship with marriage?

[maximillian]

Not trying to be funny but why ruin a good relationship with marriage?

Exactly my thoughts after reading the OP.

The Pros sound very good, though. Seems to be a nice lady. But things too often are not what they seem to be.

After four and a half happy years I found out that my lovely lady had two affairs while I trusted her 100 % until I found a USB stick with many fotos from her and her lovers. Clear proof.

My advise: Open your eyes wide. Keep a close control over your money. Try to follow her facebook account, take a close look at her family and friends, don't believe what you cannot verify.

They are great liars and skilled cheaters.

Good luck to you, whatever you decide to do.

[mike324]

If you both are not really head over heels for each other, whats the point of getting married when you are just having a good relationship, you can have good relationships with close friends too. On the other note, it sounds like you don't like that way she talks to you, do you think it will get any better? Probably not, I suggest you ditch the ship. You will get sick of the way she talks to you after marriage and the rest of your life especially when she start to have a chance at the cookie jar.

[Ruin]

No, don't do it....at this stage.

"I am not head over heels passionately in love with her, nor is she with me, but we have a good relationship" sounds like a business deal or at best a good basis for a live in girlfriend but not for a married couple.

[SunsetT]

Fink a "money" one way street.....................

????

Nooooooooo love, so what is the marriage thing about...............?

Economic security is the bottom line for women in most marriages, and so it should be. Since the beginning of time, they have been the ones left to raise the kids while the men have moved on to sow their wild oats! So yes, money, in this respect, is deeply ingrained in the female genes.

There are many forms of 'love'. Romantic love, is wonderful but it doesnt last. Maybe marriage, if it is to last, is better based on a different form of love which may take time to grow.

I believe that statistically, arranged marriages last longer than those based on based on romantic attraction.

[davidmann]

Don't do it, she doesn't like you much, and you don't like her much either.

Get a dog (not a wife), dogs are perfect company for the lonely.

Cant sleep with a dog ,

[wowfactor10]

MMm you looking for advice from us here about tyou need to marry or not ? hahahaaha

What are the pros of a marriage for you anyways ?

Good idea invite her to your country and up date us next year how it all has worked out...

[davidmann]

Can i have her phone number ,sounds great

[nottocus]

Don't do it.

[dragonfly94]

Thai women only marry falang for money, I know cos my wife told me!

[xylophone]

I read your post with much interest and of course the responses, and rather than go into it in too much detail, here are some outtakes which might give you a pointer or two..........

"This is probably the most unemotional relationship I have ever had".

"I am not head over heels passionately in love with her".

"I am just not 100% sure about her, and that's why I am getting the jitters as we are talking about marriage".

"and I have become tired of living in Thailand and want to go back home for a long stretch".

"Has anyone had these doubts and concerns before getting married?".

"Why do you need to get married?
What is wrong with being single?".

"Cant get her a visa if single and no intent to marry".

"But I don't look forward to going home and being a "lonely geezer" again for an extended period of time".

I think that your statements above should give you a great insight as to what you should do. And for what it's worth, you should trust your "gut feeling" or "gut instinct" as, "a gut feeling is actually a physical response to your subconscious mind weighing up all known factors and then making a decision. Your gut is signalling to you the best option”. Malcolm Gladwell (respected author of such books as "Tipping Point" and "Blink").

I know that before I got married way back in the late 70s I had the same feelings and the marriage proved to be a disaster. I have also had a longer-term relationship with a Thai lady here and although I liked her for many of the things which you mention, I really couldn't find the "passion" which I wanted in a relationship (perhaps my fault) and I thought that the type of "love" and relationship that we had would see us through, however that was not the case.

Not to throw too many quotes at you but one which I find quite intriguing is, "you accept the love you think you deserve".

Finally, there are many guys who just need to have a lady in their lives/get married/have a long-term live-in relationship and so on and perhaps you are one of these people, and for many of them it is a case of not wanting to be alone as they get older.

So it may prove fruitful if you asked yourself that very question, however IMO just getting married to someone who seems to suit you in some respects, because you don't want to be alone (or just to get a visa) is not a good basis for marriage.

Good luck with whatever you decide.

[mikiea]

Dont do it! You said it loud and clear. You both arent into each other. You want something dependable-get a dog.

Another pro:she has nothing to do with Pattaya...............hahahahaha!

run , run , run as fast as your feets can carry you, this girl has a lapdog in you. run , run run............ :-)

[maidee]

this must be a troll, right ...

seems like a business agreement or ultimatum

[kennypowers]

Sounds like a check list for a car purchase, not a positive step towards a happy marriage.

My advice; for what it's worth:

Find someone you have lots in common with; someone who has some similar interests (music, hobbies, etc), someone who you can have fun with, someone who accepts you for who you are at this point in your life, and will allow you the freedom within the relationship to keep growing and flourishing as an individual. You might have to accept that this person will be closer to your age.

[Jungle Jim]

My first question is. Where did you meet her ? #2. Can you speak Thai? #3 Can she speak English and where did she learn? #4 Has she had another foreigner before ? #5 If so where did she meet him ?

[Rajhulmaheesh]

op is a troll. He went from no attraction to he couldnt wait to get her nekkid.