Problem with Thai wife, maybe wanting a divorce, advice please!

[loonodingle]

Ahhhh...the wife pulled the "long term " plan on you ...the 10 year plan ........before she obtained what she wanted first...and now she wants to separate.

I suggest you hire a private detective and learn if she is having an affair with an old flame or a new flame and learn if the boyfriend / lover is coercing her to separate with you while professing his undying love for her........... all for capital gain of course.

Those are my thoughts....having existed in a far from trustworthy environment for 25 years now.

Cheers and good luck.

A wife/gf always have someone else to be with before she goes on with the seperation. If she is cheating you can sue that man...

Yes...often enough there is a Thai guy in the background and ...the women often claims the lover is a police officer...or the guy himself claims he is a police officer ...or better yet ...Thai mafia...as that usually has an effect on the naïve foreigner and makes him think twice about pushing the limits.

Also.....all too often, the woman's family members have a lot to do with why she is acting the way she is acting while they are manipulating the events so they all benefit someway, directly or indirectly, when the women rids them of the foreign buffalo who has out lived his usefulness.

Cheers

There speaks a man with experience..... I was thinking I was being cynical.

Most Thai/Falang marriages have a lot of love and lust.. we love them and lust after them. They love the house and car and bike and gold and indefinite leave to remain, but very little else.

If they are young the family has more influence I think but they will always have that duty to provide. Sometimes I think that's not a bad thing as long as its reasonable. Most marriages are a business relationship sealed in the bedroom. Thai or falang its not different.

I remember when I married my first Thai wife I was back in England and out for the evening. A guy I know who was out with his wife was drinking with us and he said to me.. You've got one of those Thai wives...hahahaha....( I was 27 by the way, no beer belly at that point and not a pug dog either) they just marry and s# ag you for the money. I turned and said to him in front of his wife. Nick you have a nice house, I have seen the new boat you have in the marina in Torquay. Your wife drives around in that red sl500 while you are at work. I have seen her with her new handbags (you could see his face changing) and in and out the salon with her new blonde hair every few weeks. Stop giving her those things and send her to work.. See how long she shares your bed with you.. She laughed first.. and then the rest of us.. . That's a leveller...and one he will never ever forget.

Life's a business. Treat it that way.

[CapeThai]

Your making me think twice.....as I'm about to get married to my Thai lady soon.

I think I'll just buy a foreign freehold condo the size of a house in MY name BEFORE getting married. Would she have any right to 50% of this should we get divorced?

Why is there a NEED TO GET MARRIED? Why?

No real need to get married no, but she is a keeper and I really do love her. She's got a professional job and her own money and never asked me for anything. So has her family told me they don't anything from me when we get married and I'm really accepted in her family and her by her friends.

[loonodingle]

Your making me think twice.....as I'm about to get married to my Thai lady soon.

I think I'll just buy a foreign freehold condo the size of a house in MY name BEFORE getting married. Would she have any right to 50% of this should we get divorced?

Don't you think some people are wise to this.??? really come on... perhaps you haven't been in Thailand for long.

When u accidently fall of the balcony she gets 100%. I know an American guy who brought one on the 1st floor at View Talay (one of them on the left as you go down to Jomtien) He said I have a good survival rate if I slip one night. Now that's a guy with his head screwed on.

Then the first floor it will be.... Why will she get 100% if I made it out in my Will to go to someone ells should something happen to me ?

Of course she will. You signed a new one just before you croaked.

C'mon man read up on these things

A very wise friend of mine said to me just before I got married the 2nd time. Why are you doing it?? don't do it m8, just rent them. a lot less hassle. now I wish I took his advice..

[loonodingle]

Your making me think twice.....as I'm about to get married to my Thai lady soon.

I think I'll just buy a foreign freehold condo the size of a house in MY name BEFORE getting married. Would she have any right to 50% of this should we get divorced?

Why is there a NEED TO GET MARRIED? Why?

No real need to get married no, but she is a keeper and I really do love her. She's got a professional job and her own money and never asked me for anything. So has her family told me they don't anything from me when we get married and I'm really accepted in her family and her by her friends.

In that case just do the Thai wedding then. That's the important thing. The party and music. A big show job done without the need for that pesky bit of paper.

[peter48]

'Your making me think twice.....as I'm about to get married to my Thai lady soon.'

Why marry if she is not pregnant and you have no joint kids. Enjoy the relationship, help her ..., but once you are married you are co-joined legally, financially and morally and you are in her big extended family ( parents etc need a nice house darling)... Incidentally if she has been a bar girl it does not dam her for life and maybe she had to do it...but be weary frequent sex with foreigners probably has been part of her culture. Live, love, enjoy but marry I would never again if only because the culture thing is so difficult.

Edited January 24, 2015 by peter48

[gemguy]

Ahhhh...the wife pulled the "long term " plan on you ...the 10 year plan ........before she obtained what she wanted first...and now she wants to separate.

I suggest you hire a private detective and learn if she is having an affair with an old flame or a new flame and learn if the boyfriend / lover is coercing her to separate with you while professing his undying love for her........... all for capital gain of course.

Those are my thoughts....having existed in a far from trustworthy environment for 25 years now.

Cheers and good luck.

A wife/gf always have someone else to be with before she goes on with the seperation. If she is cheating you can sue that man...

Yes...often enough there is a Thai guy in the background and ...the women often claims the lover is a police officer...or the guy himself claims he is a police officer ...or better yet ...Thai mafia...as that usually has an effect on the naïve foreigner and makes him think twice about pushing the limits.

Also.....all too often, the woman's family members have a lot to do with why she is acting the way she is acting while they are manipulating the events so they all benefit someway, directly or indirectly, when the women rids them of the foreign buffalo who has out lived his usefulness.

Cheers

There speaks a man with experience..... I was thinking I was being cynical.

Most Thai/Falang marriages have a lot of love and lust.. we love them and lust after them. They love the house and car and bike and gold and indefinite leave to remain, but very little else.

If they are young the family has more influence I think but they will always have that duty to provide. Sometimes I think that's not a bad thing as long as its reasonable. Most marriages are a business relationship sealed in the bedroom. Thai or falang its not different.

I remember when I married my first Thai wife I was back in England and out for the evening. A guy I know who was out with his wife was drinking with us and he said to me.. You've got one of those Thai wives...hahahaha....( I was 27 by the way, no beer belly at that point and not a pug dog either) they just marry and s# ag you for the money. I turned and said to him in front of his wife. Nick you have a nice house, I have seen the new boat you have in the marina in Torquay. Your wife drives around in that red sl500 while you are at work. I have seen her with her new handbags (you could see his face changing) and in and out the salon with her new blonde hair every few weeks. Stop giving her those things and send her to work.. See how long she shares your bed with you.. She laughed first.. and then the rest of us.. . That's a leveller...and one he will never ever forget.

Life's a business. Treat it that way.

Personally....25 years in Thailand and I never had the urge or desire to marry any of them.

Personally I find all Thai women to have too many Thai women idiosyncrasies such that I could not live with their mentality, their habits, their way of thinking and their moody personalities, amongst many other factors.

I had plenty of opportunities and not sounding like I am bragging but there was several of them, in years past, that were so good looking and so sexy looking sometimes at restaurants and public places the people would stare at the girl and then someone would come over and ask for her autograph because they believed she was one of the actors they had seen on TV...........truthfully.

It was actually embarrassing going out with them as people would stare and gawk and be whispering and gossiping when we were together while other men would be hitting on them when I was not around...naturally...but who needs that sort of headache...at least I was thinking that way.

Lucky me you may think....but sooner or later they all revealed themselves as having to many small minded personality traits and or irritating Thai Woman idiosyncrasies that would turn me off....while the drama was never ending...always some issue they make a larger than life drama about.

Long story short.....I have never further subjected myself to all the more nonsense that all too often inevitably occurs with all the many other foreigners who marry Thai women and live to regret it......and or all those that are second guessing their choices and decision, long ago, because it is not what they had hoped for or planned for ...but... they really do not know what they can do to change their situation...short of walking away from the marriage and everything entailed...which of course is not easy and complicated for most men to do so.

Cheers

[CapeThai]

Your making me think twice.....as I'm about to get married to my Thai lady soon.

I think I'll just buy a foreign freehold condo the size of a house in MY name BEFORE getting married. Would she have any right to 50% of this should we get divorced?

Why is there a NEED TO GET MARRIED? Why?

No real need to get married no, but she is a keeper and I really do love her. She's got a professional job and her own money and never asked me for anything. So has her family told me they don't anything from me when we get married and I'm really accepted in her family and her by her friends.

In that case just do the Thai wedding then. That's the important thing. The party and music. A big show job done without the need for that pesky bit of paper.

Thanks for that mate, sound like a good plan....??

[loonodingle]

In that case just do the Thai wedding then. That's the important thing. The party and music. A big show job done without the need for that pesky bit of paper.

Thanks for that mate, sound like a good plan....??

And remember this.... I was told it by a very smart French man a few years ago.

"Once they get to 30 they start to go crazy"

Cant help but think, I had met a few in their 20's who had gone already but my current wife is in her 30's now and his words are ringing in my ears. Every time I hear her shouting and cussing in Thai.

Sometimes I wish my life was like my sons X Box One. When you make a mistake and crash you hit the rewind button and don't do it again. Its great. Sadly life is not the same.

[loonodingle]

Remember this joke below. Its very true.

One day a father gets out of work and on his way home he suddenly remembers that it's his daughter's birthday.

He pulls over to a Toy Shop and asks the
sales person, "How much for one of those Barbie's in the display window?"

The salesperson answers, "Which one do you mean, Sir?

We have: Work Out Barbie for $19.95, Shopping Barbie for $19.95, Beach Barbie for $19.95, Disco Barbie for $19.95, Ballerina Barbie for $19.95, Astronaut Barbie
for $19.95, Skater Barbie for $19.95, and Divorced Barbie for $265.95".

The amazed father asks: "It's what?! Why is the
Divorced Barbie $265.95 and the others only $19.95?"

The annoyed salesperson rolls her eyes, sighs, and answers: "Sir..., Divorced Barbie comes with: Ken's Car, Ken's House, Ken's Boat, Ken's Furniture, Ken's Computer, one of Ken's Friends, and a key chain made with Ken's balls.

[snowyy73]

all i can say is your better off getting divorced in thailand.four year" marriage" cost me £50,000 in the UK

[longstebe]

Oh dear........I'm coming up to the 10 year anniversary.....

Good luck to the OP.

[CapeThai]

In that case just do the Thai wedding then. That's the important thing. The party and music. A big show job done without the need for that pesky bit of paper.

Thanks for that mate, sound like a good plan....??

And remember this.... I was told it by a very smart French man a few years ago.

"Once they get to 30 they start to go crazy"

Cant help but think, I had met a few in their 20's who had gone already but my current wife is in her 30's now and his words are ringing in my ears. Every time I hear her shouting and cussing in Thai.

Sometimes I wish my life was like my sons X Box One. When you make a mistake and crash you hit the rewind button and don't do it again. Its great. Sadly life is not the same.

??? Mine is 34 now and never been married before with no kids and I find her very relaxed and quite normal

[RT555]

Your making me think twice.....as I'm about to get married to my Thai lady soon.

I think I'll just buy a foreign freehold condo the size of a house in MY name BEFORE getting married. Would she have any right to 50% of this should we get divorced?

Sell it when you think it's gone awry. The farang is a walking ATM that soon expires.

[bobthomas]

Before I married my wife she had separated from her Thai hubby who left her, he refused when she asked him, she went to her lawyer he took it to court for her and she was granted the divorce he charged her 10,000baht.

He died 1 yr after in his sleep mid 40s. My wife had a word with her brother about him being difficult big monk,

She thinks he had a word with the spirits not the whisky ones. So be carefull.

But it is true you are by law entitled to 50% of all assets. See a lawyer. As far as I know the court will issue a notice she has to sell the assets. You could do a deal with the 2 cars you have one and she has one. Where are you based, I have a very good female lawyer and good friend she has done very good for a few Falang up here in KHon KAEN. I do not think it matters where you are she can do from here. If you want details send message to me.

Kiwi Kenny

I will sleep much better tonight, knowing the Thai woman after being asked to pay her 50% would rush straight out, sell the property and give the ex his half.

Oh wait! I just remembered, unless you are willing to be an enforcer here- nothing will be enforced.

Bobby G

[SantiSuk]

all i can say is your better off getting divorced in thailand.four year" marriage" cost me £50,000 in the UK

GBP 35,000 ($50k) per annum maintenance and a straight half of all assets for my English wife in the UK, now deceased (no children). GBP 38,000 over the course of 3 years in legal fees - she had been a legal sec and knew where to get one of the the best and most expensive London lawyers.

OK - I may be mad getting married again 10 years later, but got a lovely Thaiglish daughter out of it and divorce here sounds a breeze financially in comparison! Got pre-nups this time round of course.

Just remembered - it wasn't even a divorce, just legal separation. Adding divorce on top could have cost me half my pension and another legal snout in the trough as well. Luckily my ex-wife thought she was being cute and vengeful (she had cause, but twas not sex) not 'letting me have' a divorce. I had no intentions of remarrying, same as many of the posters on here.

So far back now I'd forgotten about the stress. Hope you can make it a fair and balanced agreed settlement OP. Life is great once you've got your first marital relationship behind you!

Don't get married if you are living in the UK or intending to return there with your TW.

Edited January 24, 2015 by SantiSuk

[AnotherOneAmerican]

Don't get married if you are living in the UK or intending to return there with your TW.

Or the USA, or Australia, or Germany ..........

[Rhys]

Consider all factor, make the best choice... for you...

[bobthomas]

Don't get married if you are living in the UK or intending to return there with your TW.

Or the USA, or Australia, or Germany ..........

It's a negotiation. We were on my mates boat back in Oz. I was going through a divorce and so was he. I was scared as hell! Then he told me his story. He agreed to give her half but she wanted it all and more, got herself a high powered attorney. He tells her flat out. "Listen here love! I will disappear for a few years, crawl inside a wiskey bottle and when I come out on the other side I may be broke. You and your attorney (and yes she was having sex with the attorney) can have a go at me then, or..................... you can have half as previously agreed upon"

case closed

b

[ggt]

I would not talk too much to the wife...as to my plans to get a lawyer and retrieve 50% of the bounty...your best bet is to keep a low profile until this thing is over with...be careful so that her "Thainess" does not cause you bodily harm...

[StasD]

Some Thai woman can hire a killer from Burma, Cambodia or even next house. It costs here from 5 000 bath. I think it is the simplest and most profitable way to divorce.

[connda]

Have you talked with your wife yet? Be calm, but find out exactly what she wants. I'd also talk to her about how generous you have been as a husband. Ask her how her life would have been without your financial support. Ask her to think about how your financial situation is going to be after you have spent so much money and shown her so much generosity. Bring up the word generosity a lot. If she is Buddhist, ask her how she thinks her next life will be if she hurts you financially, if she doesn't return the generosity that you have shown her.

Understand these two concepts which are core drivers in Thai culture:

Gadtanyuu
To be thankful for benefits received and reciprocates them

Tuangbunkun
Calling in a favor or reciprocation of a debt

She owes you for all the good you have done for her. You should really look into using Gadtanyuu and Tuangbunkun. Be calm, gentle, and persistent and emphasis what you have done for her and how it's changed her life. Ask her to tell you all the things that changed due to your financial generosity. Slow down for awhile and stop thinking like a farang, and instead think like a Thai. And act like a Thai. Unless she caught you bonking her best friend, if she has just got tired of you, then you need to really talk about the debt of gratitude she owes you. And she owes you big. If she has any sense of obligation, especially if she is Buddhist, she'll know she owes you, and that though will start working its way into her subconscious. (Advanced technique: Most Thais are animists. Do you have a 'spirit house' at home? If you do, with her watching, offer flowers, a lit candle, and incense. If you have one large spirit house on a single pedestal, offer 9 lit incense sticks, 2 candles, and 4 bunches of flowers attached to ribbons. If you also have a spirit house on four legs, offer 5 lit incense sticks, 2 candles, and 4 bunches of flowers attached to ribbons. The spirit house on a single pedestal is for spirits overlooking the land and house. The spirit house on four legs is the family spirit house for deceased ancestors. After you place the offering, put your hands together in a wai and stay still for a minute. Then tell her that you've asked the spirits for their help to open her heart and remind her of her indebtedness to you for your generosity. Now, you don't have to believe in anything. If the spirit houses are there, she believes. Welcome to Psyops 101 Thai Style. You are pushing the buttons of her core belief system. She knows that whatever she does to you now, is going to come back to haunt her -- literally!!!).

By the way, I'm speaking from experience. My wife and I came really close to divorce. Now? We've settled our differences, accept each others cultural oddities, and are committed to a life together. Neither one of us is Spring Chickens and I personally don't want to go though another divorce. Separation is water under the bridge. She herself has expressed the debt she owe me. Once we got to that point, reconciliation was the easiest path forward.

If you can't do this, or if she is unresponsive to Gadtanyuu and Tuangbunkun, then "Lawyer up".

Chokdii

Edited January 24, 2015 by connda

[otocheater]

Some Thai woman can hire a killer from Burma, Cambodia or even next house. It costs here from 5 000 bath. I think it is the simplest and most profitable way to divorce.

To kill foreigner is cost 500,000 not 5,000, if kill Thai is 1,000,000. Sorry farang not worths...Lol...

Gurantee!!

PS. I am kidding

?

[HughJass]

I know an Aussie guy who was married for several years ran a succesful restaurant bought a house condo and land all in her name

he went to the hospital for some tests and came home and told his wife he had throat cancer

she split with him the next day..devastaed he went back to aus and took two years to get sorted then returned to Thailand

went to see the wife to sort out the divorce and split of the assets and was threatened with murder if he tried to take the matter to court

nice people...wouldnt trust anyone here especially when the girl is old enough to be your daughter/grandaughter

[loonodingle]

I know an Aussie guy who was married for several years ran a succesful restaurant bought a house condo and land all in her name

he went to the hospital for some tests and came home and told his wife he had throat cancer

she split with him the next day..devastaed he went back to aus and took two years to get sorted then returned to Thailand

went to see the wife to sort out the divorce and split of the assets and was threatened with murder if he tried to take the matter to court

nice people...wouldnt trust anyone here especially when the girl is old enough to be your daughter/grandaughter

My Mate in Torquay (and he was only in his 40's) was in a hospice dieing of cancer. His Thai Tilac (Lek) had already moved a taxi driver into their home and he wasn't even dead. Nobody could bring themselves to tell him.

That's just one story and I could tell u dozens.

Don't be surprised on how they deal with their divorce settlement there.

[TheFishman1]

Sounds bad but think you should explain to wife not ask strangers advice on such matters like how old are you just weird asking stranger about your wife who you would know Bette than this group really

[KhnomKhnom]

This is a puzzle for me.... regarding property, I do not know how you can claim property that is entirely owned by her?

Anyway, you must know that you are needing reconciliation. Because you do not cite reasons for her feelings, it sounds like you have already decided to cut and run, regardless of how it may ruin you financially. It also definitely points to a clod, clueless man who can get this far in a failing relationship without seeing it coming and, more now, finding out what are the problems. You need a sympathetic Thai to go between you so you can find out what is wrong and then address it. Staying is nearly always better in your situation that splitting.

[poweratradio]

See a lawyer - you may be entitled to up to 50%

Can she prove she earned the funds for the purchases?

Did she pay tax on those earnings?

Etc etc.

There is no need for the paper proof regarding who bought what... After that long of a marriage it is as you say, he gets the 50% but he has to also as you say; see a lawyer and make this happen.

[peter48]

Sounds bad but think you should explain to wife not ask strangers advice on such matters like how old are you just weird asking stranger about your wife who you would know Bette than this group really

Not true as the members here have years and years of experience of the delights and tragedies of Thai life and together they give their experience of the vicissitudes of Thai relationships. Without doubt there is such a thing as Thai women being slightly mad at times be it the heat, family pressures, money pressures, work pressures whatever it comes out in different ways. Do not marry her but live with her is best advice. Also Never live in some remote rural village stay in a farang area with other options. Not all are problematic but many are and its best to know that and people here have not just got off the last cheap plane flight.

Edited January 24, 2015 by peter48

[loonodingle]

Sounds bad but think you should explain to wife not ask strangers advice on such matters like how old are you just weird asking stranger about your wife who you would know Bette than this group really

Not true as the members here have years and years of experience of the delights and tragedies of Thai life and together they give their experience of the vicissitudes of Thai relationships. Without doubt there is such a thing as Thai women being slightly mad at times be it the heat, family pressures, money pressures, work pressures whatever it comes out in different ways. Do not marry her but live with her is best advice. Also Never live in some remote rural village stay in a farang area with other options. Not all are problematic but many are and its best to know that and people here have not just got off the last cheap plane flight.

Another solution to keep your house. Buy her 1 Baht of gold every month. She may love you to bits. Do the sums and see if it works??

[mrfaroukh]

You must consult a lawyer and not listen to our advise. You must declare all details to the lawyer who can help you if you get half of everything, some or nothing. You have another solution too. Just tell your wife Oh my God I have inherited 2 million dollar and see what the reaction will be. Just say you have to wait for a year to get the money.