Serious And Disturbing Email

[migrant]

And there's one important item I would not want to disappear - my business computer. That would put me out of work. I can't take chances here, folks.

I'll be back in BKK in approx. three weeks.

That would scare me. Can you perhaps arrive a little earlier than expected? Or some excuse for a friend, or family member to take out the computer (or back it up?). If she is computer illiterate, perhaps you could come up with some excuse.

A computer is too portable, and the perceived value to one who is not versed in computers (and makes Thai wages) would lead them to take it.

Good Luck

[Beavis and Butthead]

I never thought for a second that this was a sick joke as it sounded all too real and commonplace. There was never need for a PI as the informant filled that role. It'll be a breath of fresh air for Tipperoo when this nitemare is behind him

[taxexile]

The truth has been confirmed. End game.

sorry to hear that.

you seem to have found out all you need to know within a couple of days. well done.

now that you know for sure , you can start dealing with it mentally , and prepare for your trip back.

i hope you manage to retrieve your computer intact and before you confront her with your knowledge of her affair.

if it was me , i would ensure i was in a public place when i presented her with the facts , that way , if either of you were driven to do anything out of character , there would be witnesses and people to intervene.

sometimes the most rational of people can behave in the most irrational of ways at times like this.

once again , good luck.

[mr_hippo]

As any book reviewer would say "This thread is an interesting, riveting read!"

How long were you with her before you went back to the States? I know you came here in 2001 and that your 2nd trip was in May 2002.

I think you wrote that your wife does not drive - does anybody start the engine on a regular basis and possibly take the pick-up for a short spin or or is it just parked gathering dust and cobwebs?

If your 'business computer' is in Bangkok, how are you running your business?

I take it that you are a mature, adult, so what do you want from us? Sympathy, a shoulder to cry on?

Edited August 26, 2006 by Jai Dee

[taxexile]

so what do you want from us? Sympathy, a shoulder to cry on?

he originally asked for advice in how to deal with this problem.

as well as advice he received unasked for support and sympathy.

most of us need a shoulder to cry on at some time or other.

Edited August 26, 2006 by Jai Dee

[meloncoly]

It's not really an issue, would you prefer you didn't know something like this was going on with your Thai wife? and lose even more money.

Edited August 26, 2006 by Jai Dee

[Sing_Sling]

Your business computer . . .

You spend 90% of your time overseas and your business computer is in Bangkok? Would't your business computer be your laptop, the one you carry with you?

How can you carry on your business if you don't have access to your business computer.

Ti - sounds like a bit of a cop-out. Take a long week-end and come back to clear this up, especially if your business computer needs saving.

Sadly, you sound a bit like my father - work takes precedence, to the detriment of all else.

[LoveDaBlues]

Tip - sorry to hear that mate. I'm glad you will resolve this in a few weeks time face to face. No I never intended that you do so over the phone. Obviously that wouldnt be wise for the reasons you already indicated.

Curious have you chatted with her at all since this has happened???? I know personally I would find it strange if I didnt have daily contact with my gf.

I guess the bigger question what was she going to do when you are over there for good? Is it a possibility she won't be there when you arrive and the place be cleared out prior to your arrival???

Anyways I'm going to stay the eternal optimist and hope this is one sick joke. The alternative option really saddens me.

brit - this is a hard thread to read because it's so long. Like you, I was leaning toward the mystery email being a wind-up.....UNTIL.......Tip talked on the phone to his wife AFTER the email that disclosed the wreck.....his wife DID NOT relate this information on the phone......this is when I started to lean toward the story being true.....the mystery emailer IMO would never talk about ANYTHING (such as a wrecked vehicle) that could easily be verified; even from another country.

So I assumed the truck was wrecked and the wife hid that fact.....not looking good at that point..............

[kudroz]

I just read through all the post in this thread (2+ hours)...

I am so very sad about your situation Tip, and it must drive you nuts to be far away and feel like you cannot do anything.

You have now several reasons to believe the claims in the emails are genuine. I would contact a P.I. right away and be over with it within a few days.

One question that I'm wondering - are you going to keep on calling her like you are supposed to? If you are, be careful not to get overwhelmed and tell her everything you know if that is not the course of actions you intend to take.

Good luck Tip.

[keda]

Far easier with hindsight, though it seemed and was mentioned by several boardies early on that the emails were not a malicious windup, simply because there were so many verifiable events offered.

Also, common sense should lead anybody familiar with how this country operates to question, even without the trigger from an anonymous informant, what is happening at the farm during such a long separation.

Sorry it turned out as it has, but better to know however late than to compound the situation through ignorance.

Now is the time to salvage what you can without her knowing you know, then stand up, dust yourself off, and strut into their sunset. Good Luck.

keda

[jing jing]

Divulging your arrival date is a big mistake IMO Tip. If possible, tell the wife you're coming at least a month or two later than you actually are, or not at all. It's time to switch from martyr to Machiavelli, toot sweet.

I also wonder about the rationale for leaving a computer with critical business information behind while going on an 8 month business trip, but at this point in the thread nothing should surprise me anymore.

[LoveDaBlues]

Divulging your arrival date is a big mistake IMO Tip. If possible, tell the wife you're coming at least a month or two later than you actually are, or not at all. It's time to switch from martyr to Machiavelli, toot sweet.

I also wonder about the rationale for leaving a computer with critical business information behind while going on an 8 month business trip, but at this point in the thread nothing should surprise me anymore.

Could be he has multiple computers depending on which business location he travels to. I'm sure it's something simple and he will probably reply.

[Lacoste]

What was she going to do when you moved there permanently???

She probably hoped a house had been payed for by then.

[toptuan]

That email looks like it was writen by an English speaker pretending to write Tinglish to me.

When my girlfriend emails me she doesn't use capitals for place names as an English speaker would and the sentences start with a capital, looks fishy.

I disagree. As an English professor who reads hundreds of Thai student papers, it looks very much like a native Thai speaker to me, trying to communicate in not-very-familiar English. So typical to use "you" when "your" was meant, and other little common idiosyncracies.

[Blake7]

I think Tip should get over here asap. It seems that now several of their common acquiantances have got wind that he knows of the infidelity and I am sure this info will get back to his "wife'. People do like to gossip...

My advice is get over here on next flight and secure your possessions.

[qualtrough]

I think Tip should get over here asap. It seems that now several of their common acquiantances have got wind that he knows of the infidelity and I am sure this info will get back to his "wife'. People do like to gossip...

My advice is get over here on next flight and secure your possessions.

Agreed. In fact, I think Tip should tell his wife that his friend will be coming over soon, very soon, to 'borrow' the pickup truck so he can move his things, and he will be picking up the computer so that he can install some new software for Tip's return. That way he will have those two important items out of the way in the event things do not go swimmingly when they actually meet up. If handled carefully he may be able to get all the things he wants/needs back before the **** hits the fan (pun not intended).

Edited August 26, 2006 by qualtrough

[britmaveric]

What was she going to do when you moved there permanently???

She probably hoped a house had been payed for by then.

Rented condo - so not a problem.

[Lacoste]

What was she going to do when you moved there permanently???

She probably hoped a house had been payed for by then.

Rented condo - so not a problem.

Whats that have to do with building a house for pappa in the provinces?

[britmaveric]

Perhaps someone should do a summary of all the facts - seems as time goes on we are losing them???

[Old Croc]

What does it matter if she was from a bar? She married and has been with him for over 5 years, that is the only relevant fact.

It matters very much.

if any of you silly bastards are willing to marry a bar girl, then serves you right.

Having sdaid that i am still on page 23, she might be something else entirely.

Troll!

[britmaveric]

What does it matter if she was from a bar? She married and has been with him for over 5 years, that is the only relevant fact.

It matters very much.

if any of you silly bastards are willing to marry a bar girl, then serves you right.

Having sdaid that i am still on page 23, she might be something else entirely.

Troll!

Don't think it was mentioned that she was a bg, but in the end I don't think that has any relevance here.

[lamphun]

What does it matter if she was from a bar? She married and has been with him for over 5 years, that is the only relevant fact.

It matters very much.

if any of you silly bastards are willing to marry a bar girl, then serves you right.

Having sdaid that i am still on page 23, she might be something else entirely.

Troll!

I think he said they weren't married.

Grumpy OC.

[Tippaporn]

Tip - sorry to hear that mate. I'm glad you will resolve this in a few weeks time face to face. No I never intended that you do so over the phone. Obviously that wouldnt be wise for the reasons you already indicated.

Curious have you chatted with her at all since this has happened???? I know personally I would find it strange if I didnt have daily contact with my gf.

I guess the bigger question what was she going to do when you are over there for good? Is it a possibility she won't be there when you arrive and the place be cleared out prior to your arrival???

Anyways I'm going to stay the eternal optimist and hope this is one sick joke. The alternative option really saddens me.

Wow, Brit. I'm deeply touched. To hear all and still have faith in her. Though I know the truth now, you have no idea how much I wish for a situation where she realizes the huge mistake she has made, that she truly does love me, and that this would serve as a final lesson to her of how much I love her and how much good has been and would be in our lives together. In other words, a tear jerking ending made for Hollywood that would serve as hope to all others in similar situations. How happy I would be to serve as an example to all others that there is always hope even when the doubt is staggeringly overwhelming.

Yes, I have spoken with her on the phone quite often the past week. My conversation has been about how much I miss her and that, once I'm back, I'm going to pick up on the marriage paperwork until it's finished. I never hear any sentiment of the kind in return. Nor do I hear any "I love yous" before we hang up. She's strangely aloof and doesn't really talk much about anything.

Nor, as I've mention before, does she ever call me. As I've said, she's set up with a prepaid Internet telephony account yet has always claimed problems with the Internet. Granted, I've had to replensih the account and this changes the account no. and password but she's not adept enough to change these herself on her end. I've suggested bringing someone over to help but I guess it's not important enough for her to find the motivation.

There's a part of me, Brit, that would love to still believe that our love could endure and be made stronger than ever by this. I'd be the last to aver that it's not possible; that it can't happen. I am, afterall, the eternal optimist myself, the stalwart of a belief in the intrinsic goodness of humankind, and possess an everlasting faith that people can overcome the greatest odds. This episode won't put a dent in these feelings of mine or I else would turn into the ultimate cynic of the human heart. I could only then imagine living life as an empty shell where hopes and dreams can never be believed. I would then suffer more than the greatest of any disappointment of the heart could have me do.

I know that my wife has internal problems, deep wounds from long past events of a terrible nature which she has not been able to resolve within herself. Oh, and doesn't the same hold true for so many of us? Don't I, myself, have my own issues that seemingly take a lifetime to resolve? I can only feel compassion for her that the pain within her would cause her to spurn the true and passionate love of another due to such a terrible and constant belief in her unworth. Her feelings of unworthiness cause her to disbelieve that she could possibly be deserving of so much good. She suffers a great deal more than I do. But whereas my pain will be short hers will continue for a long time to come.

And as she spurns my love so also does she resist my help. Perhaps our worlds don't match. Mine is for the greater part a joyful and happy one that contains within it endless dreams for an even happier one; and solid beliefs in the possiblity of the attainment of those dreams. Hers, I believe, is one in which life contains cruelty without end as she herself is damned to be tainted by so many flaws. And she has, therefore, lost so much hope for the existence of a happy, fruitful and abundant life. As much as I would give myself to lift her heart in the end I believe she will refuse.

She cries and she is deeply saddened despite this new life that she lives of constant partys and drunkness and shallow sanook. Surrounded by so many new people who are not her real friends but come only to join in the free festivities. Who amongst these people will call her once it all ends? When she is sober and alone she is far from happy. She looks only to the next party to mask her sadness and despair.

From all that I know I believe the above to be true. I will not be angry with her when we are together again for perhaps the last time. I can't. And neither will I attempt to intervene because I understand fully that it is not within my power to do so. For four years I've helped to bring out within her amazingly beautiful aspects that reflect her true nature. I can only, only influence her, yet my influence is not enough and ultimately cannot compete with her wholly ingrained beliefs in the lack of her self worth. I can only sit on the sidelines now. To force myself upon her life now she will doom herself to repeat her transgressions against me.

I believe that I can no longer help her. That's the only pain within me now. Again, be kind in your thoughts towards her for she is most deserving of kindness. And she is in great need of it.

Edited August 26, 2006 by Tippaporn

[Old Croc]

What does it matter if she was from a bar? She married and has been with him for over 5 years, that is the only relevant fact.

It matters very much.

if any of you silly bastards are willing to marry a bar girl, then serves you right.

Having sdaid that i am still on page 23, she might be something else entirely.

Troll!

I think he said they weren't married.

Grumpy OC.

Don't start Be Lamphun.

[Mobi]

This thread isn't about passing judgement - moral or otherwise.

Tip has asked for advice and help, and for the most part, that is what he has received.

IMO a discussion on the merits or dangers of marrying bar girls has no place here - the subject is irrelevant and in any event has already be done to death.

[sebastian]

Perhaps someone should do a summary of all the facts - seems as time goes on we are losing them???

Ok then.

1 The OP asked for help and advice from forum members on an anonymous email.

2 The email stated that his wife was having an affair with a policeman.

3 The anonymous emailer is thought, not confirmed, to be his wifes best friend.

4 The OP left his wife for 9 months to work in the USA

5 The OP admits it's not his wife but his 'jungle' wife i.e. girlfriend.

6 The OP chooses not to return to Thailand but to continue working.

7 The OP chooses not to hire a PI but to believe the unsubstansiated emails.

8 The OP states that he loves his 'wife' more than anything but does not contact her and continues to work.

9 The OP chooses not to listen the advice he has asked for and continues to believe the anonymous emailer.

10 The OP chooses to put his customers before his 'wife' and stays in the USA.

Have I missed anything?

[britmaveric]

Tip - she's aloof and doesnt say much on the phone, nor does she respond to your affection? Has she always been that way or is this a change in her behaviour since the supposed time with the cop???

[Gary A]

This thread isn't about passing judgement - moral or otherwise.

Tip has asked for advice and help, and for the most part, that is what he has received.

IMO a discussion on the merits or dangers of marrying bar girls has no place here - the subject is irrelevant and in any event has already be done to death.

It was just a matter of time before troll brought up the bar girl opinion. I think what is more important is that long distance relationships are difficult at best. I wouldn't be too quick to condemn her at all. She's an easy target for some slimeball wanting to take advantage of the situation. I would, however, make sure that I did no more to finance that relationship. It's very likely the guy will move along if the money stops.

[sebastian]

This thread isn't about passing judgement - moral or otherwise.

l. She's an easy target for some slimeball wanting to take advantage of the situation. I would, however, make sure that I did no more to finance that relationship. It's very likely the guy will move along if the money stops.

She's a woman who has been abandoned for months at at time by a man who has failed to commit fully to the relationship either emotionaly or personaly for years.

The 'slimeball' policeman has been attracted to an unmarried, available woman who needs someone who is there, emotionaly and in person.

[Tippaporn]

Tip - she's aloof and doesnt say much on the phone, nor does she respond to your affection? Has she always been that way or is this a change in her behaviour since the supposed time with the cop???

It's a change that I detect, Brit. I purposely brought up our marriage to induce a response that would indicate that the love is there. I purposely bring up the fact that I deeply miss her. I just don't hear her echoing my sentiments. She doesn't talk much of anything. Of course not, what's there to speak of? Her life has changed. Her thoughts are no longer in a direction of our future. She will naturally have little to say.