Am I Just very Lucky or am I being set up ?

[steelepulse]

Love the title of this thread " Am I Just very Lucky or am I being set up?

For his "friend" !

[louse1953]

When the lease of condo run out she will ask him if they should buy a house - in her name of course since he cant own land .....

But if they are married,he can get half the house,fair enough.

[lovelomsak]

My advice is simple. She maybe good she maybe bad. So put nothing in more than he can afford to walk away from. If it works grow with it. It it flops walk away.

To be honest sounds like my first wife. That marriage lasted 4 months. I walked away over 1 million poorer.

Mt last words are tell him to take control of things. He has to show her he is in control or else he may find himself in way over his head before he even knows it..

[LostDemocracy]

<script type='text/javascript'>window.mod_pagespeed_start = Number(new Date());</script>

Tell your friend to register on TV best thing he can do.

Then post a pic of the girl and her phone number so we can help out.

Oh dear, don't think this would be such a good idea...??

Its a joke!

[Soutpeel]

She rented the condo in her name? She bought a car in her name on her credit? If that's true it doesn't sound too bad as he can walk. If it's all in his name and his credit, I'd get worried. In addition to money there can be big problems getting her out of a condo that's in his name. Same with getting anything for the car other than payments.

Cheers.

The condo and car is in her name and she's not asking him to share any of the down payments that came out of her pocket ( 175000 baht ) in total I think. All she ask of him is to pay the installments on the car as it is actually his and half of the rent on the condo.

I have been reading all that you wrote about this girl...... a couple of things to note.....

if she got a condo and a car then they are in her name.... She would need his passport to put them into his name..... So he does not own the car or the condo and she can do as she pleases after he has flipped the bill....

The idea that the family does not want sin sod is good.... this shows the family is not pushing her to marry him for money..... However, even though this was the case with my Thai family when i married i still had to show sin sid for the wedding ceremony with which was placed quietly under my bed after the wedding.....

All in all I would say he has found a good woman.... Only time will tell for sure but he should never let his heart empty his wallet.... The simple fact that she bought all this without discussing it with him in advance has me thinking this is how his future will be.... Her buying things she thinks is good without talking about it before hand and agreeing to it... This should be addressed seriously before he considers a life with her.....He should clarify what exactly taking care of family means to her and to her parents also..... If it means sending them 20,000 baht a month to live then he will be poor to raise his own family with her..... If it means helping when needed and helping for medical then this is different and he can plan for those things.....

i have met some women who had foreigners for 6-9 years and left them because they would not send or give more money to help the family live the high-so life they were getting used to.... they just wanted him to send more money....

Her family is going to be an incredible influence to all she does in the future... So he needs to make things clear what he is willing and unwilling to do and she needs to agree.... He should also judge her feelings to doing things that maybe her family is against..... just in case a situation comes up (which probably will) that they dont understand or agree to and that he will have a problem from...

You can PM me if you like for more if you like.... My situation with the woman and the family is about the same as his..

Thanks mate. I don't have insight of every little details of their affairs but they did talk about renting a condo together and him buying a affordable used second hand car as he for some reason simply refuses to get in taxi or on a motorbike with a Thai driving.

His point is being she makes all this happen within 4 days and only difference to what they agreed on is the New Car and new model she went and bought. He says he wanted to spend 250000 baht on a used affordable car he found in Pattaya but she reckoning the place flooded some years ago and the car will only be problems...thus buying a new one and she paid 130000 down on the car with her own money and he using the original 250000 baht to do the monthly payment on it.

Many is out bashing him here but I don't see him loosing any money should their relationship go sour...in fact just the other way around. But as I mentioned before I see them having a lot of respect for each other and from what I can see these two are really alike. They even call themselves the Terrible Twins..

It may not be money he needs to be worried out if things went sour... .....bunny boiler mark my words

[NoshowJones]

i am his friend. I just turned 72, but i look 30!!! I take vitamins and walk every day!!! I listen to hip-hop music and can stay up to 8:30 p.m. some nights!!! But I am up at 4, drinking warm milk.

April the 1st is about two weeks yet.

[NoshowJones]

i am his friend. I just turned 72, but i look 30!!! I take vitamins and walk every day!!! I listen to hip-hop music and can stay up to 8:30 p.m. some nights!!! But I am up at 4, drinking warm milk.

Hmmmmmmmmm, you listen to Hip Hop............I am out of this thread........... ...........

I agree, he should be at home listening to Doris Day. 'Take me back to the black hills'.

[mango66]

Their currently working to improve their communication skills and he's apparently going the study Thai and she English....

How can anyone possibly be in love with someone they can't satisfactorily communicate with ?

How can you even begin to think you are compatible when you cannot even discuss issues of importance ?

It's pathetic, your friend needs to move on and get a life.

I travell for 30 years worl wide,

to communicate , you must not always know the language !

there are many ways to communicate and understand,

special when you feel you love someone;

[gemguy]

Hmmmmm.....all too often it starts off the same or similar to what the OP has posted.

Everything seems so wonderful while the girl seems to be so charming and helpful and so lovable.

However as time goes by the guy comes to realize that he is always or nearly always paying for everything while spending money on far more items and expenses than he can really afford...relative to how much money he has available.

Basically........a person has to be in total control of the money and not let the girl end up spending your money.

It is a sort of tricky situation where you want to be generous and spend freely because it makes most everything go more smoothly and more enjoyable and plenty of fun and entertainment to be had also....but.... if you do not curb your enthusiasm ( and or her enthusiasm ) the money will be gone much sooner than you may realize.

Living in Thailand is not really all the cheap while there are all too many tempting ways to spend your money.

You have to start testing her motives and tell her you can not afford to spend the money you have at leisure and learn to say NO...as in NO WAY and do not back down when you do not want to use your money for something that you would otherwise think or decide is not needed while she is wanting to buy something ...anything...or do something's that she thinks is good for the both of you and spending your money....not hers...while your money is her money also while her money is........ her money.

If she wants something or do something that costs all the more money...... then tell her to use her money and end of discussion

Point being....you will learn real fast just what is going on in her mind concerning the money matters and her spending habits concerning your money.

When the requests for money for some problem she has (and there is always some problem) ...believe me...( what ever it may be ) are met with a firm NO....you will learn just how she reacts while you will truly learn her ulterior motives and what she really thinks of you.

She is a woman, while most women every where in the world, but more so in the poor countries, view men as a means to obtain money or obtain what they want by way of the mans money.

Cheers

[transam]

Hmmmmm.....all too often it starts off the same or similar to what the OP has posted.

Everything seems so wonderful while the girl seems to be so charming and helpful and so lovable.

However as time goes by the guy comes to realize that he is always or nearly always paying for everything while spending money on far more items and expenses than he can really afford...relative to how much money he has available.

Basically........a person has to be in total control of the money and not let the girl end up spending your money.

It is a sort of tricky situation where you want to be generous and spend freely because it makes most everything go more smoothly and more enjoyable and plenty of fun and entertainment to be had also....but.... if you do not curb your enthusiasm ( and or her enthusiasm ) the money will be gone much sooner than you may realize.

Living in Thailand is not really all the cheap while there are all too many tempting ways to spend your money.

You have to start testing her motives and tell her you can not afford to spend the money you have at leisure and learn to say NO...as in NO WAY and do not back down when you do not want to use your money for something that you would otherwise think or decide is not needed while she is wanting to buy something ...anything...or do something's that she thinks is good for the both of you and spending your money....not hers...while your money is her money also while her money is........ her money.

If she wants something or do something that costs all the more money...... then tell her to use her money and end of discussion

Point being....you will learn real fast just what is going on in her mind concerning the money matters and her spending habits concerning your money.

When the requests for money for some problem she has (and there is always some problem) ...believe me...( what ever it may be ) are met with a firm NO....you will learn just how she reacts while you will truly learn her ulterior motives and what she really thinks of you.

She is a woman, while most women every where in the world, but more so in the poor countries, view men as a means to obtain money or obtain what they want by way of the mans money.

Cheers

Yep, I will go along with that......

[roo860]

Sounds like she is setting the stage for the future draining of his wealth, ...... they are masters at worshipping the ground you walk on until they get their hands on your wallet, ...no joint bank account, ..do not buy anything together, ...only buy a condo if own a place to live and make sure it is only in your name. Protect yourself first, last and always.

I was the same, ...moderate savings, ..... ended up with nothing and alone. ... she was so respectful and caring at first, but as soon as the money was gone, .... Dr, Jeckle became Mr. Hyde!

There's a little word that people forget to use, that word is............. NO!!!!!! Edited March 18, 2015 by roo860

[Minnehaha]

I guess it has all been said.

I would not want a relationship with a person who makes unilateral decisions like she has done, particularly financial ones.

Her aim may well be true. I don't doubt her intentions, or his.

I just hope she is super hot and a tiger in the sack. After a lifetime of living at home there is high probability she is very inexperienced in relationships, intimacy, etc.

The best way to test a relationship is to travel together. Travel to places that are not easy to get to or get out of. After weeks or a month or 2 the relationship will revel its strengths and weaknesses. Nothing accelerates/tests relationships like travel. Other things do (serious illness etc.) but of the things you can control this is a good tester.

[thousandpercent]

Today, this isn't a problem. There is no way to know if it will become a problem in the future. If it doesn't, cool. If it does, the solution is easy. Say no. For example, let's say the man planned to be here six months, and outside Thailand six months. The woman asks him to pay half of the car expenses while he's here, and when he leaves, asks him to continue paying half. He can say, "No, I planned to have the expense of a car for six months. That's my limit." Also, if he makes a significant investment into a car, he needs to be on the blue book as an owner. He may end up paying for half and owning none of it.

And, importantly, he needs to say (now), "Don't make any big decisions without my agreement. If we rent a condo together, I want to be part of deciding which neighborhood, and what budget." She may only be caring for someone she loves, but it's important to tell her how you want her to do it. Of course she may also be expecting him to pay for whatever she decides to spend his money on.

[LostDemocracy]

<script type='text/javascript'>window.mod_pagespeed_start = Number(new Date());</script>

i am his friend. I just turned 72, but i look 30!!! I take vitamins and walk every day!!! I listen to hip-hop music and can stay up to 8:30 p.m. some nights!!! But I am up at 4, drinking warm milk.

Are you a cat?

[mango66]

Dear Cape Thai !

I think he have found a very ggod thai girl !!

I have my one now for 12 years, 2 kids, 5 and 9, so you might beleave and trust what i say here now;

There are many BS comments here on this forums, please take care ; dont send a picture - this was a joke !!

If she would been a bar girl, she would speak english, and not go to an english school;

As bar girl she would not have the money and would not have done this with the condo and the car;

With the car, it was a very vise decision from her, not always rent, is too expensive,

much better a new than a used one;

I think she worked and saved money from her Job;

I think also her parents have their own income and their own house where they live,

so I guess he will later on not be responsible to feed them too much;

She knows that he is not reach;

To share the actual costs - seems to me very fair,

He not paid like many other 2 mill for a condo or 600.000,- for a car,

so, if it will fail later, he loose just his life spending with her !!

And be sure if he would go with a bar girl on daylie basis,

he would spend 2 times more and loose 10 times more;

My wife from before working in 7/11 - improved with some schooling which i sponsored,

improved now to job and selary for 1k US$;

about the same what I can spend every month,

she take care all family with Grands which live with us,

my money was used first for the haus in BKK;

and now to purchase a wekend house in Bang Saray;

I wish your friend all thebest,

I think he is a lucky expat and farang;

If you want more,

pls feel free to PrivateMaill me;

[losworld]

These are not good signs. She goes out and buys a condo that he is to pay at least one half at a time when the market is falling and perhaps collapsing. She goes and buys a car. What does she need a car for? Seems like a lot of moves to increase face to me.

My guess in short order he will be paying the condo and the car all in her name.

I think there are big problems waiting here.

[marko kok prong]

Come on you cynics,give cape thai's pal a chance,it could be wonderful,i see it now; driving the car,mother ,father in law an 8 cousins jammed in the back,the beautiful condo,never free of family visitors,sleeping on the floor,playing cards,eating 10 times a day,him stuck on the internet while they all jabber on about food,and how many times they 'ab nam ' that day,the cleaned out fridge,the mess in the bathroom,now this is what could happen,am not saying it will,but could,so let your pal know that op.

[maidee]

its normal, he will just get the bill for it all, sooner than later

[transam]

Dear Cape Thai !

I think he have found a very ggod thai girl !!

I have my one now for 12 years, 2 kids, 5 and 9, so you might beleave and trust what i say here now;

There are many BS comments here on this forums, please take care ; dont send a picture - this was a joke !!

If she would been a bar girl, she would speak english, and not go to an english school;

As bar girl she would not have the money and would not have done this with the condo and the car;

With the car, it was a very vise decision from her, not always rent, is too expensive,

much better a new than a used one;

I think she worked and saved money from her Job;

I think also her parents have their own income and their own house where they live,

so I guess he will later on not be responsible to feed them too much;

She knows that he is not reach;

To share the actual costs - seems to me very fair,

He not paid like many other 2 mill for a condo or 600.000,- for a car,

so, if it will fail later, he loose just his life spending with her !!

And be sure if he would go with a bar girl on daylie basis,

he would spend 2 times more and loose 10 times more;

My wife from before working in 7/11 - improved with some schooling which i sponsored,

improved now to job and selary for 1k US$;

about the same what I can spend every month,

she take care all family with Grands which live with us,

my money was used first for the haus in BKK;

and now to purchase a wekend house in Bang Saray;

I wish your friend all thebest,

I think he is a lucky expat and farang;

If you want more,

pls feel free to PrivateMaill me;

Glad I don't have all the extended family round my neck.......... .........

[mango66]

I guess it has all been said.

I would not want a relationship with a person who makes unilateral decisions like she has done, particularly financial ones.

Her aim may well be true. I don't doubt her intentions, or his.

I just hope she is super hot and a tiger in the sack. After a lifetime of living at home there is high probability she is very inexperienced in relationships, intimacy, etc.

The best way to test a relationship is to travel together. Travel to places that are not easy to get to or get out of. After weeks or a month or 2 the relationship will revel its strengths and weaknesses. Nothing accelerates/tests relationships like travel. Other things do (serious illness etc.) but of the things you can control this is a good tester.

read the mails of the OP;

They will make now a test - live together for 6 months;

Never mind what they will do in 6 months - stay only in bed and P&M,

or travell 6 months trough Thailand,

they will know exactly after,

if their live will fit !!

She is not a bar girl hunting a farongs money !!

90% of post here are only defamating, this is terrible,

There are many many good examples,

but they not blarring this out on a forum like that ones which fail with bar girls;

Our money goes in love with our families and not with beer bar girls and profiting bar owners !!

[transam]

I guess it has all been said.

I would not want a relationship with a person who makes unilateral decisions like she has done, particularly financial ones.

Her aim may well be true. I don't doubt her intentions, or his.

I just hope she is super hot and a tiger in the sack. After a lifetime of living at home there is high probability she is very inexperienced in relationships, intimacy, etc.

The best way to test a relationship is to travel together. Travel to places that are not easy to get to or get out of. After weeks or a month or 2 the relationship will revel its strengths and weaknesses. Nothing accelerates/tests relationships like travel. Other things do (serious illness etc.) but of the things you can control this is a good tester.

read the mails of the OP;

They will make now a test - live together for 6 months;

Never mind what they will do in 6 months - stay only in bed and P&M,

or travell 6 months trough Thailand,

they will know exactly after,

if their live will fit !!

She is not a bar girl hunting a farongs money !!

90% of post here are only defamating, this is terrible,

There are many many good examples,

but they not blarring this out on a forum like that ones which fail with bar girls;

Our money goes in love with our families and not with beer bar girls and profiting bar owners !!

So why ain't she teamed up with a Thai guy, which Ma & Pa would like......?

[maidee]

i guess the family will get it back with a little sin son of 3-5 million baht

it is called an investment

[marko kok prong]

I guess it has all been said.

I would not want a relationship with a person who makes unilateral decisions like she has done, particularly financial ones.

Her aim may well be true. I don't doubt her intentions, or his.

I just hope she is super hot and a tiger in the sack. After a lifetime of living at home there is high probability she is very inexperienced in relationships, intimacy, etc.

The best way to test a relationship is to travel together. Travel to places that are not easy to get to or get out of. After weeks or a month or 2 the relationship will revel its strengths and weaknesses. Nothing accelerates/tests relationships like travel. Other things do (serious illness etc.) but of the things you can control this is a good tester.

read the mails of the OP;

They will make now a test - live together for 6 months;

Never mind what they will do in 6 months - stay only in bed and P&M,

or travell 6 months trough Thailand,

they will know exactly after,

if their live will fit !!

She is not a bar girl hunting a farongs money !!

90% of post here are only defamating, this is terrible,

There are many many good examples,

but they not blarring this out on a forum like that ones which fail with bar girls;

Our money goes in love with our families and not with beer bar girls and profiting bar owners !!

So why ain't she teamed up with a Thai guy, which Ma & Pa would like......?

Agree Transam,not only bar girls love money,you can bet the whole family is pushing her on this,thinking what they can get,it's human nature ,only more so in Asia.[does that rhyme,okay that my copyright on that].

[Razzler1973]

I don't buy into declarations of love after short meetings and also without proper means of communication

She's gone ahead and spent money on these things and not asked for anything ... yet

You really think she has 175K tucked away? His contibution is coming down the line

Once in town the terms can be re-arranged, he can be paying for who knows what but he's committed to it now

He wanted to come rent a reasonable place and hire a car if/when he fancied and now look what he got. My alarm bells would be going off. This is all happening without clear lines of communication also

[khunPer]

I’ll stick to OP’s questions, and to my own experience and knowledge – that’s what many have told me – from living here the past 10 years, and some years in-and-out before that.

A Thai lady with a good mind – she being a so-called “normal” lady with a job, or a girl from the nightlife – will care well for her husband, or potential future husband. Actually I’m always told, that she “makes face” caring, and “loose face” if she don’t – which sometimes can be a bit annoying for us Westerners when constantly poured something into the glass, or there comes everything on the table, we did not have in our thoughts, and sometimes see ourselves compelled to enjoy, for good face...

Caring a lot for, and constantly thinking of another person, can also mean deep and true feelings.

From what you say, OP, I see very positive signs from your friend’s potential wife; also that she cares about spending and saving money.

However, many – if not most – Thai women think of a man as a provider. Not said in a negative way, but merely as it was common in older time also in the West, where the husband would work and make an income to take financially care of his family, whilst the wife would take care of the house and children. More modern thinking, especially from a Western point of view, is that “we share” everything – but I do believe that Thais with that modern thinking still expect the “man of the house” to share a little more – however far from talking any kind of “rip off”.

I know of many well working Western-Thai relationships – not so exciting to read about as the “horror stories” – and it also seems like many a good relationship, at least in the beginning, can go down a wrong route later; that counts for both pure Western or mixed Thai. Presume it must be up to personality, feeling and behavior – bearing in mind that a culture difference sometimes can complicate the understanding in a relationship a bit extra.

From what has told been in the Opening Post, I would say: Sounds really great, sounds like a good lady, go ahead – just your friend keep both his legs on the ground and do common sense thinking. Talk and agree at an early stage how to manage or settle things, when living together – as in any relationship – and if that drags too much in an unacceptable direction, it’s time to reconsider, before it comes out of hand; never forget that there may be misunderstandings of behavior because of different culture, and therefore thinking.

And that works both sides – I know a number of Thai ladies splitting up from their Western partner, not so much about money, but if it becomes too complicated, or the other part become too controlling. I even seen a nice girl (a hi-so dream for many a farang) leaving a multi-dollar-millionaire (a dream of most a “Gold Digger”) in spite of she had a good allowance; so it’s not always all about money...

The difficult part is of course, that the cleaver scammer, who plan to rip some foreign man off, can be very difficult to point out in advance – and a relationship can also work extremely fine based on some level of money, rather than love, as long both parts are happy – unfortunately some of the worst “horror stories” I know, are about so-called good ladies, not bargirls; and some best stories of very well working relationship I know, are with kind honest ladies having a past in the nightlife...

The only way to find out, is to listen to your own feelings – if feels Okay, then go ahead, and give it a try...

Whish your friend a great future in LoS...

PS: Often a valuable help to a successful relationship is that both parts read the book “Thailand Fever” (see more at thailandfever.com)

Edited March 18, 2015 by khunPer

[Eaglekott]

She cant speak English already?

This is a wind up.

Talking English is not an on-off switch. Maybe she knows English enough for them to understand each other on a basic level, and she want to be able to communicate fluent.

[Kees5555]

He should go for her ! She seems to really love him and to want him in her life.

[Scully]

Cape I don't know what your mate has been telling this girl but in her mind she's married and living happily ever after. She's building her nest way too early, that would certainly worry me.

She isn't doing it out of greed or malice but because he's done the parent thing, had the marriage discussion just not the marriage.

It's not a bad thing if that's what he wants, but in some Thai girls minds if all the ground work has been done then it's a done deal.

[Soutpeel]

The best way to test a relationship is to travel together. Travel to places that are not easy to get to or get out of. After weeks or a month or 2 the relationship will revel its strengths and weaknesses. Nothing accelerates/tests relationships like travel. Other things do (serious illness etc.) but of the things you can control this is a good tester.

your sentiment is correct but disagree with the "travel" bit, best way to test the relationship is get into the 9 to 5 routine/ normal daily life for a few months and if there are any cracks they are going to appear.

[marko kok prong]

The best way to test a relationship is to travel together. Travel to places that are not easy to get to or get out of. After weeks or a month or 2 the relationship will revel its strengths and weaknesses. Nothing accelerates/tests relationships like travel. Other things do (serious illness etc.) but of the things you can control this is a good tester.

your sentiment is correct but disagree with the "travel" bit, best way to test the relationship is get into the 9 to 5 routine/ normal daily life for a few months and if there are any cracks they are going to appear.

Agree,travelling together gives a false perspective,either good or bad,plus you are together most of the time when as you say Soutpeel,in 9-5 you are not.