do u marry the girl or marry the girl and the family?

[crickets]

Songkran time and the wifes family are coming again. Not 16 of them like new years as i got angry about that. Just 7 and a dog. I was a little bit disgruntled and my wife got angry and told me to read a book on issans family ties. Where do i fit in in that book. Did i marry all of them as well? Now we have a house in pattaya its always going to be there public holiday destination. its hard to pretend that im enjoying myself and if i dont smile and join and sit there nodding then i am seen to be hateing them. Poor people are easily offended unfortuantly. Would spend three days livig a lie and pretending u enjoy them there or just be yourself?

[CharlieH]

MOVED to Expat forum

[marko kok prong]

The exact reason i have come to koh chang,they are a pretty good family really,[apart from the father in law,who now much to my chagrin lives in a room out the back of our house],but a few of the extended family stay in our house,and i can never get in the bathroom,my wife's niece seems to spend most of the day in there,i go to cook,they are all cooking for hours on end,the giant speakers they rig up at my wife's shop,opposite our house,music from 5am til 1 am,numerous village drunks staggering into the shop grounds,purloining ciggarettes of me,the oppressive heat,it is better now since i lent her brother money to build a small house further down the soi,where he ,his wife,and daughters now stay[he has paid me back,on time every month],but they will have a better time without me there,and i will have a better time ,sitting on a very quite beach in Koh chang ,enjoying a few quite beers,a good book,and some early nights.

[NickJ]

She would be your niece as well Uncle Marko.........I used to say the same thing. I reached a point and there was never any coming back. Took over a decade. Now, have a Gf who went to college, has a job. Her family have there own homes and cars and lives that dont include me unless its mutual......The process of having the ATM tatoo removed from my forhead kinda hurt but I feel very very well better off for it.....

[marko kok prong]

She would be your niece as well Uncle Marko.........I used to say the same thing. I reached a point and there was never any coming back. Took over a decade. Now, have a Gf who went to college, has a job. Her family have there own homes and cars and lives that dont include me unless its mutual......The process of having the ATM tatoo removed from my forhead kinda hurt but I feel very very well better off for it.....

Agree Nick,i am nearing a crossroads here where,i may just decide to move on,i have not called the Mrs for 2 nights,of course it would never cross her mind to use credit on her phone to call me,and for me that just about sums it up.

[Thongkorn]

just take the wife to her family's for a change, sit back re;lax drink there beer and eat their food. while your there ask to borrow money because your pet lion has died back in England,

[Squeegee]

These kinds of topics are like a public information service: don't talk to strange men, look both ways when crossing the road, don't marry poor Thai village girls who come with an extended family.

When will people realize poor, uneducated Thai ladies are for Christmas, not for life.

[MaeJoMTB]

Tradition is they return to the family farm/home/village for Songkran.

I'm assuming that isn't in Pattaya.

[malt25]

Why ask ? You already know the answer.

[Mcffee]

Thanks for making me remember again the promise I gave myself to NEVER get married with a Thai, unless she is an orphan with no family.

[konying]

It's funny how Isaan family ties pops up when riding someone else's back.

The moment money or inconvenience is self related , all over sudden family no longer exists.

Reminds me of a nice girl I knew who came crying one day because her father has cancer and chemo was not free.

I told her to go take out a loan to pay for it( she had a decent job)

The tears stopped and response was unbeatable.

But if I borrow money , I have to pay it back .

Long story short, father died without any treatmemt.

Isaan family ties

[Sealbash]

Op. Do NOT give in. Just because you chose to marry a girl from a different culture, and you chose to live in her homelands, that is absolutely no excuse for her wanting you to accept her family values. Do NOT give in. You come from a western country that is much more advanced, your society is so much better, and you have paid the bills. Sooner or later she will accept this and bow to your superiority.

[richard_smith237]

You marry the family....

Mutual respect is key. Not just between wife and husband, but between families.

That's doesn't mean we need to be a doormat, however, offering a little flexibility goes a long way, as does putting your foot down at the right time.

Be yourself and be happy. But that doesn't work of you are an over opponionnated bigot, it also won't work if your second family are selfish idiots....

[benalibina]

You marry the family....

Mutual respect is key. Not just between wife and husband, but between families.

That's doesn't mean we need to be a doormat, however, offering a little flexibility goes a long way, as does putting your foot down at the right time.

Be yourself and be happy. But that doesn't work of you are an over opponionnated bigot, it also won't work if your second family are selfish idiots....

On your last sentence......they both live in hope....

[umbanda]

Thank you for this posting.

Makes me remember and appreciates more how lucky I was with my wife and her family.

[pgrahmm]

I think you got your answer (all your answers last holiday/thread)....

[sirineou]

I dont live i Thailand full time and perhaps I would change my tune if I did,

I love my wife's family and enjoy spending time with them, they are very nice people, and when I am not in Thailand , I miss them very much.

Actually I probably like them more than my wife does, I am always arguing with her to give them more money or buy them more things.

[Kaalle]

Thanks for making me remember again the promise I gave myself to NEVER get married with a Thai, unless she is an orphan with no family.

Or marry one that has the sense to adapt to you or at least is willing to meet in the middle.

To the OP, you pay´d for the house so put your foot down for christ sake.

[NCFC]

Just take yourself off for a singles holiday somewhere. You have the perfect excuse, you don't get on with the in-laws, and you won't be around to pay for everything. Just don't tell the wife until the last minute and she has no Plan B in place.

On the other hand, 3 days a year is not so much to put up with.

[i claudius]

Thank you so much GOD,that the wife's family are not to badly off own their own homes and very rarely come to Pattaya,I love them dearly but I hate full houses

[crickets]

This is painful. Have nothing to converse with these men.

[wow64]

Tell them you saw a ghost last night and again tonight... They will leave tomorrow.

Sent from my c64

[Gonsalviz]

I guess I am lucky. Ilive in the midst of her family and do not get overwhelmed. Maybe I am just more tolerant.

[MaeJoMTB]

I guess I am lucky. Ilive in the midst of her family and do not get overwhelmed. Maybe I am just more tolerant.

or more of a doormat.

[wooloomooloo]

My wife is an only child and we live in the UK. No danger of anyone dropping round for weeks on end. If there was, it would only be mum and dad and they're no trouble. Notwithstanding, they just couldn't cope with a twelve hour flight to the UK, so that's never going to happen anyway. Though, they're more than welcome to come for a holiday if they so wished.

The extended family all work and are no burden either. Glad of our set up to be honest.

[NickJ]

Its a sad state...As most guys that fall in love with an Issan girl enter into the relationship thinking that they will bring there values to the relationship.....the familly makes demands over a period of time....at first we think we can handle it and put it into perspective....Well....the perspective changes and the relationship turns into a series of compromises.....and sadly it takes time and we realize we are at the shit end of the stick.....not wanting to throw the towel in, it turns into DYSFUNTION.....

[NickJ]

I count my lucky stars.....knowing I didnt create any kids and make them a part ot the Grand Illusion........

[Tonto21]

There but for the grace of God go I........No bragging by any stretch of the imagination guys, just lucky. My wife is a country girl, (northern Thailand) but not without education, the wife's family are not wealthy but take the time to try and talk and engage me when I visit. Do I see myself as a full member of my wife's family.....No, I do not, but not because of any Scheming by my wife's family, I think its just a culture thing and I or they have no issues with that.

I did when I first came to Thailand, have a relationship with a real sweety.... It lasted two years, first 18 months was great, only a little interference from the family, but the last 6 months of the relationship got hard going with talk all the time of her needs, security, wanting this and that, telling me I should sign the house over to her. eventually I had given her so, so much rope for her to hang herself with.......She did and I told her to leave.

Reading some of these posts all I would say is if your not happy with the way things are going now....What's going to change? you, your wife......her family....Pull the pin and move on.

[Kenny202]

just take the wife to her family's for a change, sit back re;lax drink there beer and eat their food. while your there ask to borrow money because your pet lion has died back in England,

I knocked all that on the head early on. I simply asked the missus how would she feel if all my family in Australia were asking her for money all the time or if she was expected to pay for everything all the time without thanks. She got it! :-)

All the locals joke I'm kianow now and suits me fine. What amazes me is we go out somewhere, buy drink etc. The neighbour's will turn up, bring nothing and expect me to provide everything yet wen I don't play the game I'm a Tightwad haha.

[sipi]

I only married the wife, but see her family often.

Unfortunately we also see my family often. They are crap compared to hers.