my thai brother in law keeps touching me

[Gonsalviz]

MOM!!!!. He's touching me!!!!!!!!!

[elgordo38]

"this kind of touching is 'dominance behavior'

basically this means he sees you as a threat and needs to reinforce his 'pack position'. with a marraige and new kid all the usual family position status and hiearchy gets mixed up and has to re-settle.

if you keep letting him touch you it will likely extend to other things like how you live, unwanted advice, loan requests etc. but dont get upset, that gives him position or power.

the 'alpha' response would be to firmly insist on no touching like you have been doing. if it continues grabbing his arm in return firmly, not forcefully, may do the trick. you can laugh about it. i would bet he would not like it one bit and future gestures will stop.

or he could get pissed off thinking your angling for alpha position, so it has to be done low key and in a friendly but understood manner."

written by someone who obviously knows nothing about Thai culture. First of all your pseudo sociological understanding of Alpha relationships isn't even accurate for western people let alone Thai.

Second of all everything that the OP did and that you did actually are more of how a beta or lower animal would deal with it. Sounds like both of you have inferiority complexes. A real Alpha doesn't actually get into pissing contests or worry about others in his/her space. A real alpha just exists and others fall in line.

Posters like this one and the OP are the real reason why cross cultural marriages have such a bad rap. You clearly don't understand people nor respect other cultural perspectives.

Is this a human story or a National Geographic special on wolves. All this talk of Alpha, hierarchy, territory. Does he pee on your pant leg to show his territory or does he spray the yard. You better break him of his bad habits they will only get worse.

[phil2]

HAd a South African colleague who refused to stopped touching me (including my backside) even after warning him several times. Found out later he wasn't straight. And another Italian colleague doesn't talk to me anymore from the day I asked him why he liked touching me. I'd heard from someone living in the apartment he lives in that he isn't staright. I do not appreciate men touching me, and I don't just go about touching members of the opposite sex because I'm attracted to them. People must learn to keep their hands to themselves irrespective of their sexual orientation.

[wangsuda]

A cross-cultural marriage is just that: cross-cultural. It is the husband's job to understand his wife's culture. It is also the wife's job to understand his culture as well. It goes both ways. It is not a one-sided street. "But this is Thailand," you whine. "It is his job to surrender his culture, his identity, and his manhood if he gets married. That's the Thai way." I call BS on that. Marriage is not a one-way street. Both cultures have to be blended. And yes, I have been married in Thailand to a Thai lady. No, we did not divorce. I am a widower. That notwithstanding, we learned to accept each other's cultural differences and work within them.

[benalibina]

Your wife her reaction ....twice......is your main concern I would say......good luck, you need it, if you do not want to believe it.

[Patsycat]

Would you be complaining if it was your wife's sister doing the touchy feely thing? I come from a family who are always touching or hugging each other. But we don't see each other very often so keep it all bottled up and then go wooosh!! So i don't see anything wrong in the way your brother in law is touching you. But we are Irishy.

At my age, i still lie with my head in my mums lap and she strokes my hair - it is therapeutic. Relaxes me and her.

Touch him back, feel the love!!! Some Brits just clamp up if even a wee bit of closeness is involved. It stems from their upbringing. Seen and not heard comes to mind.

It's better than if he totally gave you the cold shoulder.

Edited April 14, 2015 by Patsycat

[macksview]

i hope it is not dominance behaviour with all my wife's old male relatives when they touch me, hold my hand,etc, because at their age marking territory could be messy or involuntary.

i have met former colleagues of my wife's father, hard old b*rstards, veterans of the communist insurgency, some of them cross the western touching barrier, i know it was lonely up in the mountains, but surely they do not see me that way inclined.

[LindaLovelace]

I wish he'd touch me; I haven't had man in a while. But then my looks are not what they used to be. Is it the cigar?

[chrisinth]

OP, I have to ask, is the brother in law living with you and your family? Ie, is this happening everyday or only when you invade his space?

From what you have written, IMHO, you are showing signs of paranoia and seem to be lost while not having control in the family situations. He, the BIL, is probably only trying to show you what to do in a scenario that you are not used to.

As for the touching, to go whining to the parents, or worse, taking it outside of the family as you have suggested, shows weakness. If you need to, and if this only happens at family events, and you are not living with the family, either go with the flow for that time period or sort it out yourself in as non confrontinal a manner as you can.

If you are living with the family, that is an entirely different issue that you would need to think about...................

[tubby johnson]

You and him just need to spend a weekend together and get to know each other more intimately.

[harryfrompattaya]

Your wife her reaction ....twice......is your main concern I would say......good luck, you need it, if you do not want to believe it.

It maybe wife's BF or Husband

Hire a detective at once

[Asheron]

Where do you guys get this "thais like touchy feely"? No one in my ex-wifes family was all "touchy feely" with me as it was quite obvious, both ways, that that kind of behaviour was not acceptable. And i have never witnessed nor heard of such behaviour from other farang-thai relationships since my first trip to Thailand about 15 years ago.

I'm fairly certain that either BIL is secretly gay/bi or he feels "threatened" by the OP in a deeper way (alpha).

And i think some in this thread should "show" some cojones and stop accepting all the crap their extended thai family come up with.

[benalibina]

Your wife her reaction ....twice......is your main concern I would say......good luck, you need it, if you do not want to believe it.

It maybe wife's BF or Husband

Hire a detective at once

As it is a male doing the it, could well be possible. Have to take the knowledge of OP at face value....its the brother....it all shows the mindset of ....why she stays with and married him. Nothing more.

[Fookhaht]

Where do you guys get this "thais like touchy feely"? No one in my ex-wifes family was all "touchy feely" with me as it was quite obvious, both ways, that that kind of behaviour was not acceptable. And i have never witnessed nor heard of such behaviour from other farang-thai relationships since my first trip to Thailand about 15 years ago.

I'm fairly certain that either BIL is secretly gay/bi or he feels "threatened" by the OP in a deeper way (alpha).

And i think some in this thread should "show" some cojones and stop accepting all the crap their extended thai family come up with.

Then your ex-wife's family was weird. And your experience is an aberration.

Just spent Songkran in a Thai village and lost count of the times I was touched by family members and total strangers of the same sex. Both you and the OP would have been in straight-jackets by the end of my visit.

Same-gender touching is normal in Thailand, and increases with distance from Bangkok. Maybe shocking to you, but same-gender sex is also quite common among single young people who do not consider themselves homosexual. They eventually get married to someone of the opposite sex, and most "grow out of it." Some don't. Chew on THAT cultural shock for awhile...

Edited April 23, 2015 by Fookhaht

[lostinisaan]

Sorry for being out of line, but who is the childish one?

Brother touched my hand? is this some kind of a joke?

Has brother hit the OP? no, Has brother said anything bad to OP? no

OP, Grow a pair of balls and either be a man of the family or move aside.

What is wrong with being touched? its not as if brother grabbed your testicles or grabbed you by the neck.

If you too insecure about your sexuality, go try a ladyboy and then a man and see what you feel.

At my wedding things were stressful for him as he organised a lot of stuff for us. At one point he tried to order me around and I wouldn't indulge him. Very soon after he grabbed me strongly on my arm and I pulled away. Later I strongly tapped him on his shoulder to show him that I would not tolerate this.

I'm completely sober typing this and i really try NOT to lol. "I strongly tapped him"????? What's wrong with some people?

Of course were things stressful for him at your wedding?? Seems that you married a married woman.

[ChrisB87]

He's not her brother.

What is it they say?....true dat!

Edited April 23, 2015 by ChrisB87

[papa al]

If he touches you again,

don't

'think too much.'

Act.

Face, solar plexus, whatever.