Grounds for divorce.

[Sirbergan]

Connda, firstly, my sympathies. You're right, life is short and it's a darn shame to waste it. It sounds like this has been going on for a long time. You need to move on and make the best of the time you have left.

On a separate note, your situation kind of reinforces my theory. It seems that guys on TV who are the most negative about Thailand will typically have either financial difficulties or relationship difficulties.... or both. I hope you will have a better perspective about Thailand once your relationship issues have been rectified.

Connda: If you're not happy, you obviously need to take action. Life is too short to get stuck for years in a situation you feel is unacceptable. You need to find the right solution for you though, and I don't think it's called for to advise you to divorce her without knowing ins and outs of your situation. We don't walk in your shoes. I wish you the best of luck, and hope you are happy with whichever choices you make.

On your separate note, Berkshire; I'm neither in financial difficulties nor unhappy with my marriage – it certainly doesn't apply to me. On the contrary, I find most people who speak too highly of Thais and Thailand are either Thai themselves, or don't really know the culture nor the language all that well.

I'm not the most negative, though, I rarely post. But I'm certainly not the most positive. I'm pretty tired of trying to reply to people asking me if I stay here because Thailand is so damn awesome, when it's below average at best if you disregard the weather and the lower prices (compared to my country).

[Joedoebarinio]

I was married to one of them for 25 years. It got to a stage were I didn't consult her about anything, like buying a car In or something. I'd go away with my mates for a couple of weeks at a time, so she just sulked for a week or two or until she wanted something. She often asked for a divorce, but I would decline the offer as I didn't want someone else bringing up my lad. But when the time came her attitude soon changed. But a divorce in the UK is most expensive commodity she never wanted.

I would just do your own thing and see what goes around comes around.

[NickJ]

pack a bag.....and go. Dont continue being a captive ATM. life is way to short spending it with a person your not happy with and does not have your best intrest at heart.

[HerbalEd]

Are you a troll, or what? If this story is actually true then I'd think you'd welcome divorce with open arms. Otherwise what possibly benefit is there to continuing this terrible life. Esp. given you live in Thailand where there are soooo many beautiful women who'd love to take your wife's place.

Try growing back your gonads and get yourself a hot young girlfriend ... or two or three. It's amazing how therapeutic that can be to a castrated man. Enjoy your life while you can. You don't get a second chance.

[geriatrickid]

Marriage Counseling.

[Beetlejuice]

To the OP:

The situation you have described is not grounds for divorce pertaining to your wife, but obviously if she wanted to leave and divorce you there is nothing to stop her, but I have known several guys over the years in similar situations that I describe as the long and suffering.

You have three options, either tell your wife you want to go away for a few days and would enjoy her company, or you need some space at times and would prefer to escape for a while on your own and if she doesn`t approve, than tell her to do her worst or subject yourself to her demands and grin and bear it.

From what I have observed over the years, most domesticated husbands like you usually just submit to their wives demands and continue on as the long and suffering. Perhaps because their wives become substitute mother`s and the husbands become sort of institutionalised into the relationship Some end up as rather weak minded, sad and pathetic individuals.

These are your choices, that none of us can make for you. Whatever which way you decide to handle this is at your own discretion.

[neeray]

You asked TVF members for their advice and they have spoken. I agree with the majority of opinions stated.

Life is short. Get out, enjoy, move on. But first, tell her your true feelings, give her her options. You have nothing to lose by the sounds of it.

Best of luck to you.

[MyFriend You]

You said it yourself "I might just cut my losses after 9 years of marriage." I did the same thing in 1986, have never looked back, haven't been 'married' since then, but in a long term relationship. My curent partner knows the deal, she knows I will just not come home one day, or go 'on vacation' for a few months at any time and she is good with it. We have joint ventures, and joint/seperate bank accounts, it s a real partnership.

[foxteen]

Try here:- http://www.thailandlawonline.com/article-older-archive/thai-divorce-law-and-legal-grounds

and here:- http://www.siam-legal.com/thailand-law/grounds-for-divorce-in-thailand/

Section 1516, Title I of the Civil and Commercial Code of Thailand provides that “Grounds for divorce” are as follows:

1. The husband has given maintenance to or honored such other woman as his wife, or the wife has committed adultery, the other spouse may enter a claim for divorce;
2. One spouse is guilty of misconduct, notwithstanding whether such misconduct is a criminal offense or not, if it causes the other:
   1. to be seriously ashamed;
   2. to be insulted of hated or account of continuance of being husband or wife of the spouse having committed the misconduct; or
   3. to sustain excessive injury or trouble where the condition, position and cohabitation as husband and wife are taken into consideration; the latter may enter a claim for divorce;
3. One spouse has caused serious harm or torture to the body or mind of the other, or has seriously insulted the other or his or her ascendants, the latter may enter a claim for divorce;
4. One spouse has deserted the other for more than one year, the latter may enter a claim for divorce;
   1. one spouse had been sentenced by a final judgment of the Court and has been imprisoned for more than one year in the offense committed without any participation, consent or in the knowledge of the other, and the cohabitation as husband and wife will cause the other party sustain excessive injury or trouble, the latter may enter a claim for divorce;
   2. the husband and wife voluntarily live separately because of being unable to cohabit peacefully for more than three years, or live separately for more than three years by the order of the Court, either spouse may enter a claim for divorce;
5. One spouse has been adjudged to have disappeared, or as left his or her domicile or residence for more than three years and being uncertain whether he or she is living or dead;
6. One spouse has failed to give proper maintenance and support to the other, or committed acts seriously adverse to the relationship of husband and wife to such an extent that the other has been in excessive trouble where the condition, position and cohabitation as husband and wife are taking into consideration, the latter may enter a claim for divorce;
7. One spouse has been an insane person for more than three years continuously and such insanity is hardly curable so that the continuance of marriage cannot be expected, the other may enter a claim for divorce;
8. One spouse has broken a bond of good behavior executed by him or her, the other spouse may enter a claim for divorce;
9. One spouse is suffering from a communicable and dangerous disease which is incurable and may cause injury to the other, the latter may file a claim for divorce;
10. One spouse has a physical disadvantage so as to be permanently unable to cohabit as husband and wife, the other may enter a claim for divorce.

No other women: no mia noi, no gig. Like I said, I've no interest. No desertion as per the the law, I just want to have time to myself. Thanks immensely for the info.

[foxteen]

You done your share and other part is not cooperate so just get out and live your life ....is no point to argue

[deepcell]

Go for it, have your time (nothing pay for it) traveling, when you back if she talk about divorce then, get a divorce. But in my humble opinion she needs you, then she will never talk about divorce, but she will feel tormented for a few days. Then repeat the cycle. Eventually she will be traveling with you. believe me.

[Linzz]

You must have been really smitten by her in the beginning! You have wanted to be Jesus and Santa Claus to her because you want to be loved and admired and be the MAN. But it looks like all you have created is a controlling possessive woman who can't let you out of her sight. Am I right? You have given of yourself too much and now she expects it forever.This is also your own fault.You have to decide what is best for you as well as her because the status quo is not doing either of you any good.Make the decisions and respect your own needs and magically she will then respect you. If none of this works then seek help because menopause can be deadly. If not that and nothing can be mutually agreed to then you must walk away Kids are old enough now.

[connda]

You need to grow some balls.

Else be a doormat forever.

Let me look. Nope, I still have a pair, just much smaller since I've turned sixty plus. lol

I hear you. You have a valid point.

[connda]

This reminds me of the old joke that women tell each-other:

A man is like a wooden floor, lay it right, and you can walk on it forever.

It is bent, buckled, with much of it collapsed (not speaking of my floor, only my wife's). She needs to re-lay it, but it's not on her priority list. Maybe she should pay one of her friends to lay it for her (wishful thinking on my part). Never happen.

So the floor is in total disrepair, hence the OP.

[connda]

May I ask in which province are you

Northern Thailand. It's on my profile. Tammai?

[connda]

I fought that for 2 years eventually leaving her for 6 weeks telling her I will go out when I want and come back when I want I need space and will not compromise on that, after 2 years of hassle I eventually left got back together and not been an issue for the last 6 plus years ya gotta put your foot down and let them know you wont accept there BS.

Now I travel when I want alone if she does not want to come and come and go at my own leisure.

That's encouraging. Thanks!

[sanuk711]

I would never divorce my wife.

I love my house too much................................

[connda]

To the OP:

The situation you have described is not grounds for divorce pertaining to your wife, but obviously if she wanted to leave and divorce you there is nothing to stop her, but I have known several guys over the years in similar situations that I describe as the long and suffering.

You have three options, either tell your wife you want to go away for a few days and would enjoy her company, or you need some space at times and would prefer to escape for a while on your own and if she doesn`t approve, than tell her to do her worst or subject yourself to her demands and grin and bear it.

From what I have observed over the years, most domesticated husbands like you usually just submit to their wives demands and continue on as the long and suffering. Perhaps because their wives become substitute mother`s and the husbands become sort of institutionalised into the relationship Some end up as rather weak minded, sad and pathetic individuals.

These are your choices, that none of us can make for you. Whatever which way you decide to handle this is at your own discretion.

The situation you have described is not grounds for divorce pertaining to your wife, but obviously if she wanted to leave and divorce you there is nothing to stop her

She's in her mid-fifties and menopausal -- there aren't a boatload of amorous farangs beating down the door to pick her up if I split. And if they are amorous, best of luck. Sex is a boat that sail away when the menopause arrived onshore.

I'm I a 'rug', 'doormate', 'pushover', etc. Yeah, maybe, probably. I met her in her late forties and married she out of compassion, a desire to take a train-wreak and right it, and send it down the tracks in better shape than it was before it came off the tracks- I changed her life and her family's life too. And I'd say it's compassion that has an iron ring around my ankle that is driven into the cement floor. And it's perhaps of my own making. I'm not telling anyone that I'm not confused...I am confused. Trying to be a decent human being, and yet salvage a piece of life just for yourself. I've even talked with my wife about this to some extent. Her comment is that over time the menopause may subside and things will change; but by that time maybe I'm too old to do the things that I can still do today. It's tough.

[MaeJoMTB]

Her comment is that over time the menopause may subside and things will change; but by that time maybe I'm too old to do the things that I can still do today. It's tough.

I can answer this one, mum was a specialist in women problems.

Quote "I have never encountered any woman where menopause improved her personality, stability or disposition"

[kerrysum]

Leave, cut the purse strings, and let her dwell on how SHE screwed things up. Of course, she won't, as in her mind she's the best wife ever, and you are just an ungrateful falang who was too stupid to realize how wonderful she is.

Got that right!

Or maybe,

Like the Old Thai saying, "You have forgotten where you come from." Generally it will never be enough.... Simple... Never mental masturbate, don't get your wants and you needs mixed up.... Thailand has changed soooooooo... much over the years.

[kerrysum]

OP,

I understand your thoughts, and I did read that your wife was from Northern Thailand..... My guess is a lot of the village in which you live are family clan, I know been there and done that. In effect at least in my theory, you can not breath, too much family around, which can cause Khaos, in life.... Maybe too much family being about your business... Maybe too much drama! You can never be the answer for them until they realize that you are not the solutions, because of the expectations they have of you.

Trust me, the wife tries the same things.... But in all honesty that is the way the villages in the North are. You do need time for yourself, and I would take it....

Personally, I have not been back to Thailand, for over 10 years. I found that the village life was just not for me.... In my wife's village the last time I was there, I felt suffocated, and shortly after a village wedding, I snapped, and told the wife to pack her bags, and took a trip to Ubonratchathani. It was so nice... My wife is from Mukdahan....

I can not take the constant complaining and bickering from the family that lives in the village... Just my thoughts, and best regards, it is truly your decision......

Find some peace within yourself, and I would get the hell outta that village, you are out numbered!

[Linzz]

To the OP:

The situation you have described is not grounds for divorce pertaining to your wife, but obviously if she wanted to leave and divorce you there is nothing to stop her, but I have known several guys over the years in similar situations that I describe as the long and suffering.

You have three options, either tell your wife you want to go away for a few days and would enjoy her company, or you need some space at times and would prefer to escape for a while on your own and if she doesn`t approve, than tell her to do her worst or subject yourself to her demands and grin and bear it.

From what I have observed over the years, most domesticated husbands like you usually just submit to their wives demands and continue on as the long and suffering. Perhaps because their wives become substitute mother`s and the husbands become sort of institutionalised into the relationship Some end up as rather weak minded, sad and pathetic individuals.

These are your choices, that none of us can make for you. Whatever which way you decide to handle this is at your own discretion.

The situation you have described is not grounds for divorce pertaining to your wife, but obviously if she wanted to leave and divorce you there is nothing to stop her

She's in her mid-fifties and menopausal -- there aren't a boatload of amorous farangs beating down the door to pick her up if I split. And if they are amorous, best of luck. Sex is a boat that sail away when the menopause arrived onshore.

I'm I a 'rug', 'doormate', 'pushover', etc. Yeah, maybe, probably. I met her in her late forties and married she out of compassion, a desire to take a train-wreak and right it, and send it down the tracks in better shape than it was before it came off the tracks- I changed her life and her family's life too. And I'd say it's compassion that has an iron ring around my ankle that is driven into the cement floor. And it's perhaps of my own making. I'm not telling anyone that I'm not confused...I am confused. Trying to be a decent human being, and yet salvage a piece of life just for yourself. I've even talked with my wife about this to some extent. Her comment is that over time the menopause may subside and things will change; but by that time maybe I'm too old to do the things that I can still do today. It's tough.

You should never marry someone out of 'compassion' or to 'save' someone.It doesn't work that way, you create huge expectations and dependency. Believe me I've been there. Good luck.....

[maprao]

Snapped and went to Ubonratchathani

My word , same same but different

[Berkshire]

Connda, firstly, my sympathies. You're right, life is short and it's a darn shame to waste it. It sounds like this has been going on for a long time. You need to move on and make the best of the time you have left.

On a separate note, your situation kind of reinforces my theory. It seems that guys on TV who are the most negative about Thailand will typically have either financial difficulties or relationship difficulties.... or both. I hope you will have a better perspective about Thailand once your relationship issues have been rectified.

Connda: If you're not happy, you obviously need to take action. Life is too short to get stuck for years in a situation you feel is unacceptable. You need to find the right solution for you though, and I don't think it's called for to advise you to divorce her without knowing ins and outs of your situation. We don't walk in your shoes. I wish you the best of luck, and hope you are happy with whichever choices you make.

On your separate note, Berkshire; I'm neither in financial difficulties nor unhappy with my marriage – it certainly doesn't apply to me. On the contrary, I find most people who speak too highly of Thais and Thailand are either Thai themselves, or don't really know the culture nor the language all that well.

I'm not the most negative, though, I rarely post. But I'm certainly not the most positive. I'm pretty tired of trying to reply to people asking me if I stay here because Thailand is so damn awesome, when it's below average at best if you disregard the weather and the lower prices (compared to my country).

At the risk of going OT, allow me to share my experiences. I've met hundreds, if not thousands, of farangs in Thailand during my time here. We're talking the "real world," not the TV world. By and large, the farangs in Thailand that I've met are happy or content with their lot in life and do not blame the Thais for their current circumstance. But the ones that I've met who have issues with the Thais or are otherwise unhappy with their lot in life--and I'm talking 100% of the time--have issues of their own. Usually with finances and/or their personal relationships. That's been my experience.

As for me, I did my homework before coming to Thailand and knew what to expect. So after arriving here, there were no surprises. And frankly, Thailand has exceeded my expectations in many respects. So I ask you, Khun Sirbergan, what exactly were you expecting of Thailand? That it be like your home country, except cheaper?

[strabel23]

You want to divorce her or you are afraid she will divorce you if you go on a holiday without her?

Plan your trip and tell her where you are going. If you are gone for 1 or 2 days or weeks it is not going to be grounds for her to divorce you and at any rate she probably wouldn't be that stupid to kill the golden goose. Thai husbands go away for work or whatever all the time. She might be upset at first but after a while she'll get used to it.

[AlexRRR]

Doesn't sound like you want to leave her its more that your afraid she will carry out a threat, i think its a storm in a tea cup, she's afraid probably more than you, some people are so pessimistic its unbelievable, my sisters partner of 25 ys is often gloomy before a trip overseas, to much work on things need to be done around here, this is the wrong time....and when he's back he's got a smile from ear to ear.

Push it, force it, just do it, organise a few days away locally and insist she comes, you been weak for to long and allowing her insecurities to control you.