Too much negativity at the moment...

[Crazy chef 1]

Though let's have a topic about funny moments you have had here....

For example my wife asked me to create a new e-mail address for her and I asked if she would like "Joy eighty"? But she replied "Joy eight zero" would be much better...

[WitawatWatawit]

I have no objection to taking the micky out of anyone (I'm a Kiwi who's lived in Oz, after all, and did my bit to educate them), but is this meant to be yet another thread that points up the quirkiness of the Thai people? Just asking, as you know where it will go, from quirky to nasty most likely.

[Seligne2]

How long was your wife in the army?

[Crazy chef 1]

I have no objection to taking the micky out of anyone (I'm a Kiwi who's lived in Oz, after all, and did my bit to educate them), but is this meant to be yet another thread that points up the quirkiness of the Thai people? Just asking, as you know where it will go, from quirky to nasty most likely.

You should know me long enough here...not a member of the Thai bashing brigade...

Just wanna read some funny things you guys have encountered here...after all the negativity...

[Hornyskunk]

Here's a strange and funny thing that happened to me recently...

Every morning I catch a taxi to work. Usually I tell the driver the street, he nods and we don't say anything to each other for the rest of the 30 minutes to an hour it takes to get there. Except one morning, after getting into a taxi...

"You American?"

"Yes and you're Thai?"

"No! I am Americaaannnnn. American Army."

I laugh. "Yeah? For how long?"

"Many years. I was first Thai army, then American Army. I was in Vietnam War. You know Vietnam War? Very bad war... I meet US president. You know Nixon president? I secret service to him."

I laugh again. "You were in the Vietnam War?"

"Yes"

"You were in the secret service for Nixon?"

"Yes"

Several minutes passed in which I had no idea what to make of this scrawny, crazy old man that claimed to be secret service for Nixon.

"How did that happen?"

"Ohhhh... I was war champion. You know muay thai? I am champion muay thai boxer. I win millions of baht. Other guys, they come from village and they fighting and get one thousand baht, you know, in 1960s. I was champion, undefeated, got millions of baht. I give all to president Nixon and tell him 'let me be secret service to you!' and then I make secret service."

At this point I can't stop laughing. This is the best taxi driver I've ever had. Sure he was batshit crazy, but at least he was driving fast, cutting through the alleys and entertaining.

"I bet I could beat you."

"Ha! Nobody beat me! I have..." He let go of the wheel at 80km/h and moved his hands around his waist.

"A belt?"

"Yes! Nobody take from me! You no try."

Another several minutes passed while we were stuck at a train crossing in which he let me know that prostitutes are bad and to not get on a tuk-tuk because they are all gangsters.

"But weren't you in the Army?"

"Yes."

"So how were you also a muay thai champion and a secret service agent?"

"Yes.. both..." He started counting on his fingers, "Thai army, American army, air force, uh... arai.... marine, muay thai champion, secret service... all same time. I go to US to secret service to president Nixon."

"Ah.. that makes sense (like hell it did). You know, my dad was in the air force intelligence, but many years after Nixon..."

"I fly jet, you know jet? I fly the jet in air force."

"Did you kill anyone?"

"Oh yaaaaa.... many communist. I fly jet to communist village and BOOM kill all. You know, communist try to kill president Nixon, but I save him. In Vietnam. That's why I am American."

"Wow. You saved president Nixon from the communists and he made you an American?"

"Yes."

"You know, a lot of people might not thank you for that."

He didn't seem to catch that. "I stay in America many years. Secret service. Have American girlfriend."

For the rest of the ride, we play a game of pointing out ladies with fine asses wearing sarongs. They are actually pretty rare in downtown Bangkok.

Once we got to the road, he correctly guessed where I worked on the first try. I was shocked, as there are a number of other organizations which he could have named.

"How did you know where I work?"

"I told you. I am secret service. I see you before."

I paid and even tipped the guy but never saw him again.