Persevere or run?

[oztaurus]

I agree with the "Walk away" sentiment.

Unless you can speak enough Thai to not need her around in order to live your life here, know something of the cultural expectations in general society and in relationships in particular, then you will always feel like a fish-out-of-water and an outsider if you end up in her village. If you want your interactions outside of the bedroom to be predominantly with other expats, and she will accept that, that is a different story .... but you could also find yourself a Thai (or other Asian girl) in Australia on a dating site there, and still plan to retire in her home country when it suits you both.

As others have said, there are plenty of women with less baggage - and on that topic, with 2 ex wives - you are also bringing some baggage to the relationship ..... You wouldn't jump into marriage with the first Aussie lass you met on RSVP.com so apply those same survival skills to a culture which you know next to nothing about.

As a counterpoint - my SO and I met on a Thai dating site, have lived together for 2 years, have separate bank accounts, share expenses and are emotionally pretty comfortable - but then I have 10 years in country, we speak 80% Thai at home and her most common complaint (in a joking fashion) is "how come a farang knows about that?"

[Larry]

When I read this sad story, I think of my housekeeper. She is a reasonably attractive 45 year old Thai woman, tall (about 5ft 8in, but not a ladyboy) who's worked with us for seven years, and has proven herself to be honest, hardworking.and imbued with a positive attitude and a good sense of humor. Her English is a bit above Thai standards, and she works in a second job as a caddy .She's a great cook, and keeps the house immaculate. Never complains. Has a son who is out of the house (22) and one who isn't (9). She's also not a drama queen. Just a good, caring woman who will go the extra mile for any man who can treat her decently.

Her womanizing Thai husband played around for years, but the final straw was his mia noi.having his baby. No financial problem for her since he has contributed precious little for years.

If you'd like to live in Chiangmai, she's a good candidate. Write me a private message.

[sanuk711]

Has TV hired a new writer?......

Yer I think your right nickJ.....but there should be some reward for all this effort......maybe TV can have an Agony Aunt Cup, that gets awarded for the best script ---------- May even give it a go myself..

---------------------

Dear Thai Visa--I am in to necrophilia --bestiality -- & flagellation, do the readers think there is any hope for me, .....or am I just flogging a dead horse................

Edited July 20, 2015 by sanuk711

[steve654]

Run! Too many flags, with the biggest one being Max her UK embassy "friend" calling everyday 3-4 times a day.

Her rage when you question her is just as big a flag. Trust is built on honesty, not on intimidation, which is an old

and often successful tactic amongst great liars.

Edited July 20, 2015 by steve654

[johnny49r]

Read Steven Leather's 'Private Dancer' and you'll have your answer.

Run like hell.

[dotpoom]

Life is short...do you need all these complications? I understand all too well that it is nothing to look forward to when we admit that in our own best interest it might be time to start the process of finding another partner all over again. Like the feeling ..."I haven't the strength nor the inclination to go through all the motions again, the getting to know and understand each other all over again"...it's easier to stay with the devil we know than the devil we don't know. It may well be easier but is it the right decision for you. Only you yourself can answer that question.

[SheungWan]

The problem is all inside your head

She said to me

The answer is easy if you

Take it logically

I'd like to help you in your struggle

To be free

There must be fifty ways

To leave your lover

-Paul Simon

She's Max'ed out.

https://youtu.be/R-gvHhLbwOs

Edited July 20, 2015 by SheungWan

[ToddinChonburi]

I wouldn,t bother putting my shoes and socks on before I started running. Go find a youger girl. Take your age, divide by 2 then add seven. Get to work and have fun dating younger beautiful women.

[ToddinChonburi]

I wouldn,t bother putting my shoes and socks on before I started running. Go find a youger girl. Take your age, divide by 2 then add seven. Get to work and have fun dating younger beautiful women.

[oneday]

Let me get this right.

You have only met this lady in person 3 times since meeting her online in 2013 and you have already allowed her to talk you into giving her another baby, that you really don't want and you aren't even married yet. If she has that baby and you have a rocky relationship and you are not registered as the babies father at the Amphur then you can kiss all your rights as a father away. Don't even think that your name on a birth certificate is good enough in this country, because it isn't.

I'm afraid you won't take any good advice, but here it is...

RUN!!!

[Toscano]

You say you have already had two failed marriages , so I would advise against marriage . It takes two to make a successful marriage and it seems you are not very good at it .

Your G/F doesn't want to marry again and lose the widows pension/child support from the UK . When the moment is right you could have a Thai wedding , which has no registration or strings attached that you can walk away from any day .

If you want to stay in Thailand , it is far better to have a retirement visa , unless you plan to work . A marriage visa is a pain in the arse , for which you have to produce endless documents for the annual extension . A retirement visa gives you freedom to live where you like and is not affected should you split up with the G/F .

You say you have met up with this woman three times , for holidays I presume . You are in too much of a rush , thinking to have a baby already ! You need to know a Thai woman well for 2/3yrs before thinking to commit yourself . You mention visiting her family between Khon Kaen and Udon Thani ; there are many of us who live in Isaan , whereas it is rural and peaceful , it is also boring as hell .

If you can manage to live away from her family , somewhere you like , perhaps beside the sea , or in the mountains , do so .

It is evident that you are very cautious , if you have any doubts , run , there a masses of pretty women available for marriage , you don't have to get stuck with the first one you met via internet

[mihalis]

run Forrest run...

[Laza 45]

Run!

[Thakkar]

How I wish I could unread the parts of your post with all the menstrual details.

T

[Emster23]

This all stinks like fish on a counter for a week.

Disappear, and do not tell her in advance. Get out of that trap with a quickness.

Showed you property? How about some deeds?

Mr Max..... yeah right

Do you need her to put up a bill board stating "This is a scam. I am not to be believed or trusted!"?

[mango66]

if she woud be honest ,

she would have washed the bed sheet !!

20 years Thai experinace,

15 years some wife with 2 childrens - ( 6 and 10 );

The sister were a bitch, everytime she had to use the restroom, were a call from a lover ,

just check to call her when she urgent moce to restroomm in the restaurant,

special on evening times;

stay for 2 months - you will see all -

she must do something for her " BUsiness i BKK "

stay sick in bed, she must go out for any supply,

your chance to check documents ,

if she hide everything -

time to " RUN "

[tassieman]

Dear All....O.P signing in...again can't say THANK YOU enough to the replies that have helped a lot...yeah I am a "newbie" here on TV and to "things" Thailand in general....so, to the various sceptics as to the authenticity of my post and situation...."fair enough"....one thing I am learning FAST about "things" Thailand is that a healthy degree of scepticism goes a long way IN ALL MATTERS. But, SORRY to disappoint the rusted on sceptics and cynics about T.V ghost writers and faux agony Aunts, this little Tassieman is for real and the scenario as set out originally....not fiction. In fact, the whole weirdness of the scene inside the goldmine at my GF's place (ex's gear etc) last month IN BKK pretty much blew my mind and I got out that night asap...walked over to Sabai-Sabai Hotel and bunked down for the evening...next day, headed to Ratchada Atrium on the other side of BKK (putting as much distance 'tween me and the spookiness) and then returned to collect my suitcase etc etc next day. IT WAS A REALLY FULL ON EPISODE. Again, I am sorry to have written an bit of an epic, but again to the guys who have been generous enough to share their thoughts/insights: thanks .

And just for a bit of a "dig":

"Yer I think your right nickJ.....but there should be some reward for all this effort......maybe TV can have an Agony Aunt Cup, that gets awarded for the best script ---------- May even give it a go myself.." [sANUK711 EARLIER THIS EVE OZ TIME AT LEAST...]

OK...last bit of blah which happened today...after I said i was going to cease Skype contact etc and take some time out, well, finally Ms. Y., gave me the email contact of the embassy guy who she says facilitated the pension etc and you know what at the very least he's REAL as corroborated by a bit of web searching (on another Thai form via google) I did in terms of having been a helpful go to person.

She was REALLY unhappy in chat today that I go ahead and email him and I am weighing up this guy's right to privacy in terms of my urgency to get something that holds true. BUT, couple of last flies in the proverbial ointment:

1. All the while I was asking her about this guy who was ringing my GF all the time...she said his first name was "Max"; but according to the email address it's something else. GREAT.

and:

2. Extensive googling on the name that heads the email she has given me flips up a thread on a scam watch website from a couple of years ago and the form of the address and provider (gmail) is fairly similar to what's on the scam site.....xxxxxxxx[email protected] as against the scammer's email address form on the scam watch site: xxxxxx[email protected]; in other words, name + a string of numbers...and look I am doing is what I think is the ethical thing and not trying to implicate this fellow at the British embassy and the possibility is that his identity has been hijacked or something similar.

So, yes, I have had my head done in big time. When I let the worst suspicions a bit of room to move, I have also thought about what arunsakda says above: "Right ourt of the long scam playbook." and the scariest part of the possible "long scam" play is that my GF has a sister here in oz who my brother has met and whose Australian partner (according to the bro) is a sort of junkie waster with rotting teeth etc., and so the idea of being asked to take a "gift" back to sis in oz one day becomes part of the equation.

Anyway, I feel a bit of a dickh*** for writing so much here; apologies for those I have bored; again thnx to those who have listened and been kind enough to feedback. Good luck with all you be doing. I am out for the count on this one and might just run away and lick my wounds for a time. cheers, MP

Edited July 21, 2015 by Support

[Muzarella]

At 50?...why get into a complicated relationship, with children, looking into own fatherhood, other people's financial issues, ex lovers and boy friends, etc, etc, etc???.....and....if you need to know if her financial status, assets, business, etc, are real.....it is easy. Any Thai person with some kind of job, business, and/ or assets have credit cards, not just ATM cards, and some kind of loans and good credit...if not...no way she will get one.

If you find that she lied in just one thing...she was lying in all. Enough to look for better company....

You will be surprise how many mature and beautiful Thai independent women you can meet, and without all those problems and demands...and remember. If you cannot support a family with your own income and get involved with a women with more money than you...be ready to get more demands and lose control...to be alone again.....and away from your young child.

At 50?....may be time to avoid mistakes, or learn from the past ones.

[arunsakda]

Here is a more likely scenario. The chap in Crawley is sending her a bit of dosh, to "take care" of the kid. He also made the typical mistake of purchasing a home in woman's name. (The place in BKK) . No way he is dead. If they were actually ever married (pics mean nothing) They are probably still married, in the legal sense. Perhaps a real Thai husband too?

The "embassy" bloke is probably a well attached BKK married guy she fools around with. Her gives her money too. I guarantee she has never run a business, and owns nothing she did not get through a scamming men. (Other than perhaps some upcountry land she might inherit) Nobody owes her anything. On the contrary she is the one in debt through Gambling or loans. She has no skills other than spreading her legs and trapping unfortunate Farang by the heartstrings. And at her age she has to rely on Internet to find new victims. Sorry, you need to get out of there man.

Edited July 20, 2015 by arunsakda

[frank0424]

This the perfect example where you:

DON'T COMMIT YOURSELF TO SOMETHING THAT TAKES LONGER THAN 15 MINUTES TO WALK AWAY FROM.

[lucifer666]

Run Forrest, Run

[frank0424]

I wouldn,t bother putting my shoes and socks on before I started running. Go find a youger girl. Take your age, divide by 2 then add seven. Get to work and have fun dating younger beautiful women.

I wouldn,t bother putting my shoes and socks on before I started running. Go find a youger girl. Take your age, divide by 2 then add seven. Get to work and have fun dating younger beautiful women.

You can say that again!

[tassieman]

I have to say arunsakda...but of all the "how dumb are you..." replies...yours REALLY hurts....ouch x 1000000000 (but thnx) F*** +++++.... I have already decided to go for a full STD check this week. take care n thnx again MP

[lungnorm]

I don't like to say this but you must be Soooo gullible. I never heard so many lines of crap all about one relationship. I am from Aussie and consider myself to be an expert on Thai women.I went thru 6 of them before I found a true and honest Thai lady. During my 15yrs with her I saw and heard of many of her so called Thai friends rip off the guys they had sucked in. I have known so many guys that met Thai hookers already in Aus and ended up losing everything. One guy had 3 houses and after 3-4 yrs was separated from his Thai G?F and back home living with his Mom and yes all 3 houses were gone. This is just one of many stories I can relate. You are correct in one aspect the place in BKK and the clothes belong to this ex or the Embassy guy (they may be one and the same). You are just another possible source of income. C'mon mate use your gut feeling and RUN RUN RUN. The best piece of advice I can give any man thinking of retiring and settling down in Thailand with a Thai honey is just be very careful with your money and as soon as the sob stories come out just pack up and go because once they start they will continue, and I must admit some of the stories are very creative and believeable. I know all this as I was a P.I. in Aus and ended up doing many jobs on Thai women both in Aus and in Thailand. Never once did I find the investigations I did led to nothing. They were all up to sucking the men dry and giving their Aussie wives the evidence for divorce.

[arunsakda]

Sorry I just wrote a possible fiction last post, but I think it more likely than the tall tale she spun for you. If you like her have a good time, go on weekends, buy whatever gifts you like, but never ever invest more than you can afford to lose. I'd also recommend if at 54 you are not interested in a kid GET A VASECTOMY and plow away. It is a very liberating experience.

[catman20]

ride or be ridden

[catman20]

Has TV hired a new writer?......

I gave up reading it

[Kurt Kubik]

I have lived here for 7 ½ year...I nearly think you or we have the answers to our own questions.. I have a GF.. we have been together nearly 3 years, met her in a bar.. but that dont really matter if its in a bar or o a dating site, .. my trick was to say after one month.. sorry some bad things happened to my finances back i denmark, so i can not take care of you anymore.. means pay her 10 k a month.. She wanted to stay, and i would never anyway have a GF that do not work..maybe i have been lucky, getting really burned the very first month i came here.. naive, and without any knowledge of the Thai culture as well as the " love and money goes together" as the one who really burned me told me years ago... they lies are all finished, because they all lie.

Now i consider it as a honest relationship...but i have kicked many out..can only advice you to listen to your Intuition... and take actions from there..And i believe you already know the answer yourself..Wish you good luck and remember to think we the big head ;o)

[georgemandm]

All I can say a very long story and was not going to finish it but I did and if I were you I would run run like in the movie foster gum you are 54 years old I think why would you want a 40 year old thai lady who has had a baby with a western man before , can you not read in to it she is a lier so run not as if you can't get a new one I have a very good looking thai lady sitting next to me here in Australia now and no bullshit she is 24 years old and I like her but I think with my big head not my little head , hop you work it out and the best of luck and I am older then you cheers

[Deli]

Get out before she gets pregnant. This country has plenty of women, take another one.