Nephew threatening my marriage

[thaibeachlovers]

Long story short.

I live in my SIL house ( she does not ) and for reasons I won't go into am unable to move. However, her son turns up to stay whenever he feels like it, eats my wife's food ( I lock up my food when he comes ), never tries to help with anything like washing the ( or even his own ) dishes, makes a big mess which he leaves when he goes ( recently he changed the oil in his m'bike and left the old oil on the road outside our gate- didn't even drain it on the waste land next door ), uses my washing machine and lies in the lounge for hours watching my tv. He has always been a little ****, but it's getting to the point I take it out on my wife when he turns up, which I know is unfair, but I can't do anything to him or we'd be evicted and it would make things very difficult between my wife and her sister. There is no real possibility that my wife can get him to stop coming and his parents won't do anything about it.

When he stays I have to lock up my tools or he steals them, and have to lock the bedroom whenever I leave it- I do not trust him, with good reason.

Currently I just leave the house for as long as possible when he turns up or stay in my bedroom, but I'm getting really angry about having to do that because of a brat, and it is poisoning my marriage. If it goes on long enough I can see us getting divorced.

I don't think there is an answer, short of moving, and that is really not possible, but I'm putting this out there in case anyone has any experience and can come up with a realistic solution.

It was hard to put this in public, so I'd appreciate not getting any of the usual TV solutions of "run", or any other suchlike answers. I do not want to leave my wife.

Thanks for any decent answers.

[stoneyboy]

Ask yourself is this acceptable behaviour back home and would you stand for it,simple answer in short is NO so why put up with it here.

It's amazing how may expats live here under similar circumstances,I've met people first hand and for the love of me can't understand how they manage to get in these dodgy Thai family scenarios.

Coming from the west I always wanted as a teenager nothing more than to move out of my parents house and have my own pad,the place I could call home where by I make the rules.

Some of these set ups here whereby the Farang takes up residency with all and sundry baffles the hell out of me.

Time to put your put down and tell your wife like it is,this guy is humiliating you and his immediate Thai family and it shouldn't be allowed to continue.

From the sounds of things your up the creek without a paddle,if you can't afford to move house then it seems you need to put up or shut up,because you the Farang won't win over her Thai family.

[cornishcarlos]

Have you tried being nice to him and teaching him to respect others possessions ? If you don't have the option to move then you'll have to adjust in some way, or you will continue to be miserable.

[nidieunimaitre]

? Sabotage your TV cable, and inform the nephew that it would probably be too expensive to fix it.

[thaibeachlovers]

Ask yourself is this acceptable behaviour back home and would you stand for it,simple answer in short is NO so why put up with it here.

It's amazing how may expats live here under similar circumstances,I've met people first hand and for the love of me can't understand how they manage to get in these dodgy Thai family scenarios.

Coming from the west I always wanted as a teenager nothing more than to move out of my parents house and have my own pad,the place I could call home where by I make the rules.

Some of these set ups here whereby the Farang takes up residency with all and sundry baffles the hell out of me.

Time to put your put down and tell your wife like it is,this guy is humiliating you and his immediate Thai family and it shouldn't be allowed to continue.

From the sounds of things your up the creek without a paddle,if you can't afford to move house then it seems you need to put up or shut up,because you the Farang won't win over her Thai family.

Not helpful. You have not said anything I didn't know.

Originally the nephew lived 6 hours away and wasn't a problem. None of the rest of the family live with us and very rarely stay for a night if passing by on their way to somewhere else, which is fine. It's only become a problem since he moved 1/2 hour away to go to university, and sees us as a free laundry and restaurant facility.

I can't give any ultimatums or I'll be the one leaving. FGS, it's not like my wife doesn't understand the situation, but her family comes first, as I knew before I married her. I just didn't realise what a **** he'd become many years later ( he was a child when we married ).

[thaibeachlovers]

? Sabotage your TV cable, and inform the nephew that it would probably be too expensive to fix it.

No can do. It's needed for the security camera.

[JohnC]

A bit more clarification would help, are you paying rent? In which case as the tenant you dictate what happens in "your" house, if you are living rent free then it remains the nephews mothers house so it's his home and you are the interloper, there needs to be give & take from both sides. You say you can't move that indicates financial restraints in which case you have little choice but to accept the situation unless as I said above you are actually a paying tenant.

Off course in the west we would sit the miscreant down and explain the error of his ways and tell him to change or stay away!

[steve187]

Thai's come first, so put yourself first, and do what needs to be done, don't meekly allow your self to be ruled this way. are you the bread winner

[thaibeachlovers]

Thai's come first, so put yourself first, and do what needs to be done, don't meekly allow your self to be ruled this way. are you the bread winner

Perhaps some clarification is in order.

I live in my SIL house with my wife and have a nephew that is poisoning our marriage with his unwanted presence ( by either of us ).

I can either leave the house and divorce my wife and return to home country, or carry on as is and take the chance that we will become so bitter towards each other that we get divorced anyway.

His parents are not going to stop him staying whenever he wants, nor is my wife going to do anything that would go against her sister.

I am not going to "talk" to him as he does not speak English, and my wife has already tried, without success.

As I said, I don't see any happy solution, and this is a last resort.

[stoneyboy]

Ask yourself is this acceptable behaviour back home and would you stand for it,simple answer in short is NO so why put up with it here.

It's amazing how may expats live here under similar circumstances,I've met people first hand and for the love of me can't understand how they manage to get in these dodgy Thai family scenarios.

Coming from the west I always wanted as a teenager nothing more than to move out of my parents house and have my own pad,the place I could call home where by I make the rules.

Some of these set ups here whereby the Farang takes up residency with all and sundry baffles the hell out of me.

Time to put your put down and tell your wife like it is,this guy is humiliating you and his immediate Thai family and it shouldn't be allowed to continue.

From the sounds of things your up the creek without a paddle,if you can't afford to move house then it seems you need to put up or shut up,because you the Farang won't win over her Thai family.

Not helpful. You have not said anything I didn't know.

Originally the nephew lived 6 hours away and wasn't a problem. None of the rest of the family live with us and very rarely stay for a night if passing by on their way to somewhere else, which is fine. It's only become a problem since he moved 1/2 hour away to go to university, and sees us as a free laundry and restaurant facility.

I can't give any ultimatums or I'll be the one leaving. FGS, it's not like my wife doesn't understand the situation, but her family comes first, as I knew before I married her. I just didn't realise what a **** he'd become many years later ( he was a child when we married ).

So what are you going to do ?

Why do you expect people on here to be able tell you what to do when you know what answers your going to get.

Why do you live in Thailand and are dependant on your Thai SIL putting a roof over your head?

Don't you feel a bit of a wally I would having to rely on Thais of all people housing me with no get out clause,that's leaving your self open to abuse if you ask me.

Any way good luck,I'm glad and I hope I'm never in your sorry situation.

[MaeJoMTB]

Live in someone else's house, and you do what they want.

Don't like it, move somewhere else.

[thaibeachlovers]

Live in someone else's house, and you do what they want.

Don't like it, move somewhere else.

I wrote so I'd appreciate not getting any of the usual TV solutions of "run", or any other suchlike answers and you just couldn't help yourself, could you .

[MaeJoMTB]

Live in someone else's house, and you do what they want.

Don't like it, move somewhere else.

I wrote so I'd appreciate not getting any of the usual TV solutions of "run", or any other suchlike answers and you just couldn't help yourself, could you .

Another solution ....... hide the tv remote or take it with you.

Another solution ....... buy a second tv and a pair of headphones.

Edited July 19, 2015 by MaeJoMTB

[manarak]

Live in someone else's house, and you do what they want.

Don't like it, move somewhere else.

I wrote so I'd appreciate not getting any of the usual TV solutions of "run", or any other suchlike answers and you just couldn't help yourself, could you .

getting your own place to live is not to "run".

face it: you live in your sister in law's house. As I see it, her son has more rights to be there than you, unless you rent the house for a reasonable amount.

it's not a problem in your marriage, it is a problem of you being unable to provide your couple a place to live at.

[cornishcarlos]

Live in someone else's house, and you do what they want.

Don't like it, move somewhere else.

I wrote so I'd appreciate not getting any of the usual TV solutions of "run", or any other suchlike answers and you just couldn't help yourself, could you .

He didn't say "run", he said move to your own place..

You can't dictate what answers people give to your question.

Grow a set and sort it out..

[thaibeachlovers]

I started this thread because I hoped that someone might have a solution that I could not think of. So far you have only said unhelpul and in some cases unkind things despite me asking not to be given such answers.

I will not be contributing further.

[CharlieH]

At request of OP

CLOSED