Domesticating a Thai child.

[roamer]

I am an infrequent contributor to TV, however this topic caught my interest. Not withstanding that the original poster may be trolling, I make the following observation based on personal experience as a grandfather of 2, one Thai,and 1 Thai/Aussie. Our eldest grandson who is now 10 came into our lives when he was 3 and was as wild as a march hare. He had been spoilt in an Issan village by the extended village community along with his grand parents. The home was full of love for the boy and at the time l felt the pain of the grandparents as their daughter migrated to Australia with her son. The initial 3-4 years were straining on all concerned as the little one adjusted to the presence of a strange male role model, coping with a language barrier and the adjustment to western living standards The geographic upheaval and sense of loss with the absence of Thai grandparents and village community led to long periods of sullenness and rebellion. However, with caring parents and the arrival of a little brother the eldest boy has transformed into a devoted and nurturing brother who is ever watchful of his younger brother's carefree demeanour.

I give this background to assure anyone who may be embarking on such a life changing experience, that with the best of intentions and a willingness to understand and adjust your own thinking to accommodate the merging of cultures, the result can be fantastic.

I have spoken to my Thai daughter-in-law about the circumstances described in the OP and her response was as follows. In Issan, when Thai couples choose to separate and children are involved, the father normally takes the girls as they represent value as far as a future Sin Sod is concerned and the boy stays with the mother. Is this a widely held view?

In closing, l wish any couple considering the blending of cultures with children involved all the best, it can be challenging, but with the best of intentions and application the future can be filled with great joy.

PS. I am taking the grandson's fishing today, a lot of noise, a lot of splashing in the water, changing hooks etc, however the look of pleasure on their faces is priceless for me.

" I have spoken to my Thai daughter-in-law about the circumstances described in the OP and her response was as follows. In Issan, when Thai couples choose to separate and children are involved, the father normally takes the girls as they represent value as far as a future Sin Sod is concerned and the boy stays with the mother. Is this a widely held view?"

Not really. Depends on the situation., the father might see boys as being more useful to him in some situations, farming for example. Also, Issan comprises various ethnic cultures, Lao, Khmer as well as Thai, can't generalize about this type of thing.

[roamer]

Still no reply or comment from the OP.

Troll indeed

Know where you are coming from, but trolls from a member with a 1k plus posts are unusual, sometimes you just forget about the post you made. Got nothing else to do, (sitting in a railway station, waiting for my destination, homeward bound, I wish I was...) I'll wake him up with a pm

[2fishin2]

Where are the moderators when you really need them?

[Gecko123]

I have spoken to my Thai daughter-in-law about the circumstances described in the OP and her response was as follows. In Issan, when Thai couples choose to separate and children are involved, the father normally takes the girls as they represent value as far as a future Sin Sod is concerned and the boy stays with the mother. Is this a widely held view?

Nice post.

I don't live in Issan per say, but I have not observed what your daughter-in-law reported. The most frequent pattern I have seen is that when the couple divorces, the father moves out, moves to a new town, and is rarely if ever in contact with the kids again. That is certainly what happened when my neighbor across the street divorced. My step children's father also had next to no contact with his two kids after the divorce, and I've yet to meet a foreigner who reports the natural father is heavily involved in their step-children's lives. In another case I can think of, after the wife died suddenly in an automobile accident, the daughter, who was finishing high school, lived with the relatives next door almost as if it was taboo for her to live with the widowed father. I can think of other examples that fit this pattern as well.

I will say though that one local guy does appear to be taking care of two daughters as a single parent. I don't know whether he is widowed, divorced, or if his wife is just working long term in Bangkok. But that's just about the only example of a single father I can recall seeing.

I'm no expert on sin sod in rural Thailand, but my observation is that unless the girl comes from a particularly well to do family, future sin sod payments are not a motivating factor for most parents. For one thing many of the sin sod gifts are ceremonial in nature and given back to the newlyweds as a wedding present. A lot of times, the teenage daughter's marriage is a "shotgun" affair to a farm boy from a poor family who scarcely has the resources to cough up a hefty dowry. Finally, many people seem to quickly remarry after divorce, and the newly single father has to weigh what impact his taking responsiblity for the care of his children from a prior marriage will have on his desirability as a perspective mate. Not every new bride rolls out the welcome mat when it comes to children from a prior marriage. In any case, in the vast majority of families I have observed, if the mother is not available to care for the children, the duty falls on the grandparents or another relative, but only in the rarest of cases is the father called upon to shoulder this duty.

I would be interested to hear if your daughter-in-law has any comments in response to these observations.

Edited August 16, 2015 by Gecko123

[johninbkk71]

First, what is a bin? Second, knives are used for preparing the food not eating the food. Me thinks you exagerate. Spelt wrong but you understand.

You say farm dwelling as if it is repulsive. Get over yourself. She's used to eating many meals without utensils. Can't take long to show her how the very proper farang wants her to eat.

Never used a knife and fork before?

[monkey4u]

Explain to the kid she needs a new step father

The one she has is a retard

[fullcave]

It’s easy just teach her. Kids learn fast. No big deal.

[Happy Grumpy]

Thanks all for the replies. I will forward the thread on to him via email.

As for his wife, she was getting her BA in BKK, then her MA in Geological Exploration (?) in Chula, and then was then hired by PTT for long hours in BKK. (Both of them are in the O+G field.)

Thanks again for the fascinating replies.

[soihok]

Thanks to you HG.

Started to doubt your integrity.

Interesting post, but poor choice of words for the title.

All the best

[Loptr]

I remember a child like this in my son's kindergarten.

It took a few years but the teacher really worked hard with him and spent a lot more time on him than the others.

Now, he is 11 years old an totally normal.

I'd say it took 5 years minimum.

I would venture to guess it is going to take a special teacher who really cares.

As well as you and her Mom at home.

Gonna take lots of love.

I also think school would be important because she would see how others act, and eat, and go to the bathroom, etc.

Good luck.

I suspect you're a good man, but I never would have used that word.

Having been through this, what this poster says in the last sentence is the solution. I'm sure a lot of love is already there.

It is also doubtful because, I KNOW this is a beautiful child. That her new playmates, etc. They will not judge her. She will have so much to teach and share with them.

Many who may not have been more than 50 klicks from home.

God is with you. That's all the luck you will need.

Baraka Bashad

do·mes·ti·cate

/dəˈmestəˌkāt/

verb

synonyms: tame, tamed, pet, domestic, trained

1. tame (an animal) and keep it as a pet or for farm produce.

What is the politically correct term that you would use in this circumstance? At least the OP didn't ask how to house-break the girl...

[HooHaa]

She is God dam'n a human being and not a dog...may you reconsider your choice of words...

his choice of words was the entire point of the post.

he most certainly was not angling for a constructive reply.

[HooHaa]

Where are the moderators when you really need them?

where is your ability to think for yourself

[HooHaa]

I think yor mate should consult some experts/ child psychologist how to proceed ...the case is quite difficult.

May you can keep us updated how the process is because I think this case is not unique here...

It is not unique here. A friend of mine married a Thai lady with a 6 year old son who had been raised in Issan by his Grand parents. Not sure of every thing he did but for hygiene he made him take a bath every day. At first he would force the kid into it by taking one with him and washing him. Eventually the boy learned that he was going to take one every day like it or not. So he started doing it himself. I believe he would actually cut his food for him and hold his hands on the utincils until the boy learned to do it himself. He was not allowed to eat with his hands. Patience and tolerance were the main key.

Not sure of how he broke the boy of every thing but he did use love, patience and tolerance. It paid off in less than a year.

First, never seen a bath tub in any house in Issan. Showers only. Secondly if he's taking a bath with a 6 yr. old boy <deleted>

Been staying in Issan for 8 yrs and I've never used a knife to eat with. The problems aren't with the kid, theyre with the farang.

the fact that you felt the need to take exception to the notion of an adult male teaching a 6 year old how to clean himself speaks far more unfavorably to your character (and perhaps upbringing) than to that of the fellow in question.

[davjensteph]

I have my ex wifes daughter living with me and our daughter together,,10 yr and 6 yr...the 10 yr old came from udon 1 n half yr ago,,she has learnt a lot but trying to get her to eat nice is difficult,she holds her spoon and fork near the end so not much control,plus she has to fill the spoon with food b4 trying to put it in her mouth,thus having to eat with her mouth open and making a noise,,i have to tell her all the time I don't know why it doesn't sink in,even my 6 yr old tells her to stop making a noise,,she also does the tutting and turning away when you tell her off or try to exsplain something to her...just have to percivere and keep exsplaining thing to them...

[Gutterboy]

Give her lots of love, and support and talk to her. She's not a dog, poor little thing: she can speak, think and reason. Presumably she doesn't speak any English so your mate will have to achieve all that through his partner.

"Speak" - probably

"Think" - that's pushing it

"Reason" - you must be joking

[thehelmsman]

I think yor mate should consult some experts/ child psychologist how to proceed ...the case is quite difficult.

May you can keep us updated how the process is because I think this case is not unique here...

It is not unique here. A friend of mine married a Thai lady with a 6 year old son who had been raised in Issan by his Grand parents. Not sure of every thing he did but for hygiene he made him take a bath every day. At first he would force the kid into it by taking one with him and washing him. Eventually the boy learned that he was going to take one every day like it or not. So he started doing it himself. I believe he would actually cut his food for him and hold his hands on the utincils until the boy learned to do it himself. He was not allowed to eat with his hands. Patience and tolerance were the main key.

Not sure of how he broke the boy of every thing but he did use love, patience and tolerance. It paid off in less than a year.

First, never seen a bath tub in any house in Issan. Showers only. Secondly if he's taking a bath with a 6 yr. old boy <deleted>

Been staying in Issan for 8 yrs and I've never used a knife to eat with. The problems aren't with the kid, theyre with the farang.

the fact that you felt the need to take exception to the notion of an adult male teaching a 6 year old how to clean himself speaks far more unfavorably to your character (and perhaps upbringing) than to that of the fellow in question.

Funny stuff on here, thanks for the laughs. There's anguish on here over how a kid holds a fork, let the little bugger take a shower like they're used to. Control freaks come to mind.

[sammygood]

why not sent her back where she came from ? not your problem, is it ?

[richard_smith237]

Funny stuff on here, thanks for the laughs. There's anguish on here over how a kid holds a fork, let the little bugger take a shower like they're used to. Control freaks come to mind.

Where you see a Control Freak many others see someone who is prepared to offer time, effort, care and love to assist with the healthy upbringing of a child.

Without this nurture Children wouldn't become educated or civilised. Its something you see every (most) parent do.

I too help my Child hold his Spoon and Fork, the Knife will come later, I teach him how to dress, how to clear his toys away, how to brush his teeth and wash, how to swim.... etc etc etc....

Much of this nurturing comes as part of play as he's still young 20 months...

Of course, at some point over the next year once he shows indications of readiness we will start Potty Training...

To call someone a Control Freak when they are educating their children, especially with regards to hygiene is perhaps one of the most careless, lazy and unintelligent responses I've read on this thread so far.

[richard_smith237]

why not sent her back where she came from ? not your problem, is it ?

Read the Opening Post: A 'Friend' of the Opening Poster has the issue.

So you are right, its not his problem - but your implication is that the Op's Friend should 'send her back' is outright idiotic and trollish, I wonder why people offer such insight into their flawed intellect even if this is just an anonymous forum.

We can't and don't all run away from issues at the first sign of trouble. Many take on responsibility instead of taking flight.. Its much more honourable than 'its not your problem is it?'... So perhaps thats why he's not 'sent her back to where she came from', apart from the fact that he's already 'where she came from' [Thailand]....

[2fishin2]

Everybody please read the definition of "domesticating" and tell me why this thread has been allowed to remain. This has got to be one of the most egregious violations of human dignity I have ever read on Thai Visa. Why is this obvious human degrading thread still here?

http://dictionary.reference.com/browse/domesticate

[Roadman]

Everybody please read the definition of "domesticating" and tell me why this thread has been allowed to remain. This has got to be one of the most egregious violations of human dignity I have ever read on Thai Visa. Why is this obvious human degrading thread still here?

http://dictionary.reference.com/browse/domesticate

Because the mods are not weak to your selective dictionary choices.

The Merriam - Webster for example has :- to train (someone) to behave in an appropriate way at home (such as by using good manners, being polite, being helpful, etc.).

[Roadman]

Everybody please read the definition of "domesticating" and tell me why this thread has been allowed to remain. This has got to be one of the most egregious violations of human dignity I have ever read on Thai Visa. Why is this obvious human degrading thread still here?

http://dictionary.reference.com/browse/domesticate

Because the mods are "obviously" not weak to your very poor research of selective dictionary choices.

The Merriam - Webster for example has :- to train (someone) to behave in an appropriate way at home (such as by using good manners, being polite, being helpful, etc.).

Edited August 22, 2015 by Roadman

[2fishin2]

Everybody please read the definition of "domesticating" and tell me why this thread has been allowed to remain. This has got to be one of the most egregious violations of human dignity I have ever read on Thai Visa. Why is this obvious human degrading thread still here?

http://dictionary.reference.com/browse/domesticate

Because the mods are not weak to your selective dictionary choices.

The Merriam - Webster for example has :- to train (someone) to behave in an appropriate way at home (such as by using good manners, being polite, being helpful, etc.).

This thread is full of comments of distain for the wording and condescending attitude of the OP and you defend him?

You domesticate animals and you teach manners to children.

[Your Thainess]

TV needs a 'My Mate...' sub-forum

[sirineou]

Start with a box in the room and some kittylitter in it.. A bowl on the ground with some food in it.

Sent from my c64

I stopped reading this Thread after this reply

Wow64 thank you for a good laugh