Is Having Mia Noi (mistress) Still Very Common

[Bluecat]

dr_Pat_Pong Posted: Sat 2004-04-03, 18:53:26  

Is this thread going anywhere ? 

dr_Pat_Pong Posted: Sat 2004-04-03, 18:53:56  

A rousing NO

The fastest disappearing thread I have ever seen.

After a few hours of being posted? Most of the threads go nowhere but at least they have a few days to "prove" themselves,...

Am I missing something here?

[Bluecat]

So, back to the original posting:

I read long ago in the Thai Airways magazine an article on that subject with a remark about the difference in between Thailand and western countries:

In western countries, everybody (men,...) speaks about having a mistress but very few do it,...

In Thailand, nobody speaks about it but everebody does it,...

Probably exaggerated but I have to say that my experience with Thai men and western men makes me believe it is not that exaggerated,...

[pnustedt]

BC - I think you're right. My (Thai) wife says she wouldn't have ever married a Thai man because of this prob.

I've also subsequently met Thai girls who seem to think that it quite normal to be considered to be a "second wife" - their terms, not mine!

I think that this could be an intersting thread if allowed to continue

[Boon Mee]

It's not just Thailand where the "second wife" is common with no ill judgements attached. The "practice" is alive and well in Malaysia & Singapore too.

If the man has enough $$$ - no problem...

[TizMe]

My GF's father had quite a few mia nois in his days before he had a stroke. My GF isn't sure how many, but all the family knew that they were around.

And from the talk, I have always assumed there to be at least 3.

Since he can't get down the stairs anymore he now has to be content with mia leung.

Ironically now is probably the time when my GF's mother wouldn't mind having a mia noi that she could palm him off to occasionally.

[D80]

The men in my family don't believe in the practice, so I can't comment on a personal level. Most of my close friends' family also disapprove of having mistresses. We might joke about it but that's as far as it goes.

I know 2-3 friends whose dads had (or still have) mia noi and 1 whose mum was actually a mia noi herself. They don't rub it in their families' faces but it still cause loads of problems for them.

In my opinion, having mistresses is no more common in Thailand than any other places. It just seems that way since there was a culture that allows it to be done so openly in the past and some people still practice it today. But I think most people's view on this subject is changing. None of the women I know would put up with it these days (if they don't have kids), nor would they consider it acceptable/normal to be someone's mia noi.

[JimGant]

Why does the mia yai hang around when she knows there's a mia noi? A lot of truth in this old joke:

A husband and his wife are having dinner at a very fine restaurant when this absolutely stunning young woman comes over to their table, gives the husband a big kiss, tells him she'll see him later, and walks away.

His wife glares at him and demands, "Who was that?!"

"Oh," replies the husband, "that was my mistress."

The wife says, "That's it. I want a divorce."

"I understand," replies her husband, "but, remember, if you get a divorce, there will be no more shopping trips to Paris, no wintering in the Caribbean, no Lexus in the garage, and no more country club. But the decision is yours."

Just as the wife is about to say something, she notices a mutual friend entering the restaurant with a gorgeous woman. "Who's that woman with Jim?" she asks.

"That's his mistress," replies her husband.

"Ours is prettier," says the wife.

[Bluecat]

None of the women I know would put up with it these days (if they don't have kids)

Do I get you right, D80, you mean women without kids would not accept the mia noi but if they have kids, they would be sometimes more understanding?

[SeaVisionBurma]

Jim Gant,

lol

Great joke, puts a nice balance on the topic.

[Axel]

I always thought, it is a nice custom. Perhaps having your main wife helping you to select the mia noi, who is to take care of you in all aspects the main wife does not want to or cannot do anymore.

Than, of course, did discuss the same subject with the HKG-wife of a Swiss friend, who clearly told me, this happens in Hong Kong now only in the TAIPAN by James Clavell. If her hubby would do the same, she would..., sorry I got lost, as she switched into cantonese but it sounded very much like feeding the ducks.

[taxexile]

Ironically now is probably the time when my GF's mother wouldn't mind having a mia noi that she could palm him off to occasionally.

if she palmed him off more often then he wouldnt need a mia noi.

my wifes uncle, who died last year aged 75, had 3 wives. they all lived in the same house in bangkok together and they all came along to family functions together. he took his third wife, a real cracker aged about 25 when he was 70.

the three wives still all live together in the same house. he only had children with the first wife

[Axel]

my wifes uncle, who died last year aged 75, had 3 wives. they all lived in the same house in bangkok together and they all came along to family functions together. he took his third wife, a real cracker aged about 25 when he was 70.

the three wives still all live together in the same house. he only had children with the first wife

I really don't judge on this. My best partner had 6 wifes - legally. OK over in Taiwan where mia nois are calles hsiao tai - tai (little wife, do you see any difference?)

Anyway, I went to his 5-cycles birthday (60 years it is, like all over Asia) and was surprised that 3 of his (legal) wifes showed up. He was surprised that afterwards I knew where to go. His mia-noi's (hsiao tai - tai's) flat. She was not allowed on the party, but she is the one, who now holds his elbow, because he has problems in walking but, I understand, he stilol is great in ... as long as somebody holds his elbows

[TizMe]

I work with a Saudi guy that always has four wives. Not always the same four though.

One of his wives recently gave birth to his 32nd child.

This guy is one of the happiest men I have ever seen.

He always a HUGE smile on his face.

(4 current wives)

[D80]

Bluecat,

These women I know don't like it one bit that their husbands have mia nois. However, for one reason or another, they think having a father figure around is better than nothing at all (even when the guys go off to see the mia nois from time to time). These women have good jobs & could have supported the family financially without the husband. They were just afraid that their kids will have a problem with growing up without a real father figure (although in my opinion, the guys weren't much use as a father figure in the first place).

It's up to the different families if they can manage with mistresses. In my limited experience however, I haven't seen one family who is truly happy when the father has a mia noi.

Each to his own, I would say.

[meemiathai]

I always thought, it is a nice custom. Perhaps having your main wife helping you to select the mia noi, who is to take care of you in all aspects the main wife does not want to or cannot do anymore.

Than, of course, did discuss the same subject with the HKG-wife of a Swiss friend, who clearly told me, this happens in Hong Kong now only in the TAIPAN by James Clavell. If her hubby would do the same, she would..., sorry I got lost, as she switched into cantonese but it sounded very much like feeding the ducks.

Actually there are loads of men here in HK who have mia nois.

[sbk]

I live in the rural south and would have to say that the practice is disappearing among the younger people here as well. Most girls won't put up with it anymore. They have more options open to them now and are no longer trapped in a marriage. Previously, most women had little education and no marketable skills. Most women are no longer dependent on the husband for food and housing and are independent enough to feel able to tell their husbands "no mia noi". I think it is more a sign of women's ability to take care of themselves than anything else. Noone would enjoy being forced to accept a situation they don't like simply for survival, man or woman.

[NedKelly]

My friend in the south of Thailand is a very dark skinned muslim girl and she 'married' a Thai / Chinese from bangkok who has still got the first wife with kids. Now my friend has a kid to him.

Now the first wife is threatening divorce and all sorts of shit so if this happens the husband wont have much money left so my friend is very worried. She feels that if the first wife forces a break down in the family, then her own security is under threat ....why......because the first wife would force the family to take care of the ALL the children....which means the second wife would have to give up her child and probably never see it again..

I found this out one day when I was down south and I went to the husband and looked him in the eye and told him that if he allowed this to happen that I would personaly feed his ... bits to the ducks !! He looked pretty worried !

[Bluecat]

Most women are no longer dependent on the husband for food and housing and are independent enough to feel able to tell their husbands "no mia noi". I think it is more a sign of women's ability to take care of themselves than anything else.

I read somewhere that Thailand was the country having , in the world, the higher ratio of women working compared to men, I am talking about women officially employed,... (but maybe it means less men working,... )

But anyway, unfortunately, besides the fact that there is still a big discrepancy in between men income and women income, there is still a big discrepancy in between the income of Thai from different "social" levels, hence I think the mia moi are still here for quite some time (and it is not only Thailand,...).

[Sandy]

My uncle has a mia noi, she's mexican. He has a nice big house that my aunt (his real wife) lives in with 2 nice lexuses and 3 wonderful boys. His mia noi lives in a really nice condo, with a nice SUV and 3 wonderful boyz as well. And he has another boy who his mom left him with my grand-mother. So overall, my uncle had 2 mia noi, one is still with him and has 7 boys. Now, my aunt is still with him, which the whole family says she is, is because of the kids and she really dont know where to go and what to do without him. And now i heard, he is trying his best to have a little girl. Do i hear another mia noi? LOL Who knows with him.

I would never be able to live like that, unless my husbands mia noi work for me and give me all her earnings and i can slave her anyway i would like. LOL JK I couldn't do that to another female.

[grimreaper]

Is the female version of multiple partners (mia noi) a bar girl with several boyfriends sending her money every month?

There are certainly some fascinating double standards in Thailand.

[Bluecat]

Is the female version of multiple partners (mia noi) a bar girl with several boyfriends sending her money every month?

There are certainly some fascinating double standards in Thailand.

The male version of mia noi, i.e. pua noi (little husband) does indeed exist also and not only between bar girls and farang "boyfriends",...

In fact, only talking about the mia noi, the people having multiple mia noi can not really "take care" of them on a regular basis, so the mia noi have pua noi, ....

[Up2U]

I work with a Saudi guy that always has four wives. Not always the same four though.

One of his wives recently gave birth to his 32nd child.

This guy is one of the happiest men I have ever seen.

He always a HUGE smile on his face.

(4 current wives)

Yes, one of my client's in Libya was telling me he had 34 brothers. Didn't count the sisters. And his father had over 140 grand-children.

This guy (my client) was head of a large construction company. His brother was a lawyer who married me and my second wife. Another brother was manager of a large hotel in Malta. All had done well for themselves.

This is the traditional muslim thing with up to four wives. Again, not necessarily the same four all the time. Easy to divorce. (for the man).

Another thing for America to beat the Muslims over the head with - lack of PC.

[Bluecat]

Muslim people can have more than one wife if they live in a muslim country, i.e. in a country accepting the "concept",...

Depending on the country, the number can vary.

In North Africa, they can have four wifes providing the four wifes are provided for and live in different homes, similar to mia moi, in fact,...

But these days, muslim girls do not like it more than many of the Thai girls, maybe even less,...

[D80]

Is the female version of multiple partners (mia noi) a bar girl with several boyfriends sending her money every month?

There are certainly some fascinating double standards in Thailand.

I don't know about bar girls but if a Thai woman has multiple partner (as in female version of having mia noi), the man would be called 'chou' (ชู้). Women who have 'chou' (มีชู้) are normally badly condemned in traditional Thai society. They are seen as irresponsible, the cause of family break up and all the evil in the world. It's the sort of view that says 'at least the men can't help it. So it's the women's job to keep the family going'. There may be some situations that the women won't get blamed so much ie. if her husband had been abusive, lazy etc etc.

NB: I don't agree with this. I'm just explaining how the traditional view works. It's not as bad these days but that was definitely the position in the past.

So, I guess, it is a 'fascinating' double standard. In the past, no, even now, if a man has multiple partners, he is seen as a stud (most of the heroes in Thai literatures have more than one wife, most obvious one is 'khun paan') but if a woman does the same thing then she is a sl*t (again, in Thai literatures, you'll find 'nang kakee', 'nang wantong', 'nang suwannamalee'-these names can even be used as insults to women today).

Come to think of it, that sort of view still exist even in western countries today. So, perhaps the double standard is not confined to Thailand afterall.

[Bluecat]

a Thai woman has multiple partner (as in female version of having mia noi), the man would be called 'chou' (ชู้).  Women who have 'chou' (มีชู้) are normally badly condemned in traditional Thai society.  They are seen as irresponsible, the cause of family break up and all the evil in the world.

Reminds me of something:

If men have many girlfriends, they are the macho/playboy type, quite admired in many countries and anyway, among their peers,...

If women have more than one boyfriend, they are just whores,...

Who made the rules,...

[simon43]

I'm sure there are some farang here in Thailand who also have 'Mia Noi'. Whilst I'm happily engaged to my Thai GF, that's as far as it goes because I'm still married in the UK. 3 weeks in every month I stay with my fiancee in BKK and for the fourth week I stay in the UK. (Well not actually under the same roof as my UK wife because that sent me crazy , but a few miles down the road so I can pop round every evening to see my kids).

Although I don't consider my UK wife as Mia Noi or Mia er major..., the arrangement works very well, with no apparent problems between either my UK wife or my Thai fiancee. (And they both know of the existance of the other).

But clearly having 2 'wives' means paying for 2 wives, and that's the downside

Luckily, neither of them know about the 3rd 'wife' in BKK, but enuf said on that subject

[Sandy]

I dont get why u would get married in the first place. U just paid a lot of money for a nice wedding, and yet you are also spending money on other women. Whats the point? I guess that's why i wont marry my BF yet...LOL jk.

I rather be single and have no worries at home or outside of home. Do what u want and whoever u want.

[Bluecat]

I dont get why u would get married in the first place.

Good point, Sandy, good point.

I give you another one from Oscar Wilde

Every man at heart is a bachelor.

And maybe every woman.

Open to discussions,....

[simon43]

Well, I married my UK wife yonks ago, so the Mia Noi is only a recent addition for me after the UK wife took up draining my bank account as a full-time profession

I certainly am in no hurry to marry again. I'm sure some of the traits of my UK wife are shared by other women

Being single definitely does have many plus points ...

[Axel]

Let's face it, who you married and who your partner become years later can be a big difference.

You make a cut or you stay together (because of the kids or?) and both suffer.

You look for the mia noi or chou, who offers you what you don't get at home anymore. No, I am not talking about sex, only.

There is a wear and tear, even in human relations.

So you mend it with another relation. Problem, of course, you get a divorce and marry the new partner, you might end up in a few years in the same situation.

Oh, the grass on the other side looks so much greener.