Bluecat Posted April 7, 2004 Author Share Posted April 7, 2004 Problem, of course, you get a divorce and marry the new partner, you might end up in a few years in the same situation. The last one from Oscar Wilde To marry once is a duty; to marry twice is a folly; to marry three times is madness. Basher, your comments please? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
simon43 Posted April 7, 2004 Share Posted April 7, 2004 Well, this could (should?) really be the subject of a whole new thread! I fully agree with you that many couples stay together for the sake of the kids, and all parties suffer. It's for this very reason that I don't live with my UK wife, but visit every month. We get on far better than we did when living together . And the kids are young enough to believe that Daddy is simply working hard (they must be thinking that he is working VERY hard to be away for 3 weeks ....) As you say, everyone changes over the years. I'm happy to stay married to my UK wife, but commit myself emotionally to my Thai GF. Maybe it's a strange 3-way relationship, but all parties seem happy with this status-quo. I'm certainly interested to know if there are any other guys on this forum who share their time between a Thai 'wife' and an overseas 'wife'. Cheers - Simon Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Axel Posted April 7, 2004 Share Posted April 7, 2004 I'm certainly interested to know if there are any other guys on this forum who share their time between a Thai 'wife' and an overseas 'wife'. Good friend of mine. Worked until recently retired and was looking forward to a very nice pension. In case of a divorce this would not only have been split but by far reduced. So he and his European wife decided to stay married and enjoy the retirement income. She lives in Italy and he stays with his Thai 'wife' in Bangkok. Both know of each other and have met once or twice. But if the one visits BKK the other one usually stays away. I would do it the same way, just imagine both wifes start to understand each other, that's when the real trouble would start. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
simon43 Posted April 7, 2004 Share Posted April 7, 2004 Yep, when my Thai GF comes to the UK (usually every month with me), we stay in a house about 10 minutes drive from my UK wife. Great fun when the latter rings up and has to speak to my Thai GF . I'm afraid I have a perverse sense of humour and have been teaching my UK kids to say sawasdee to their mum Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bluecat Posted April 7, 2004 Author Share Posted April 7, 2004 would do it the same way, just imagine both wifes start to understand each other, that's when the real trouble would start. There was a movie on this subject with Sharon Stone and Isabelle Adjani,... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
simon43 Posted April 7, 2004 Share Posted April 7, 2004 The only thing my UK wife and Thai GF agree on is how to empty my bank account Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sandy Posted April 7, 2004 Share Posted April 7, 2004 Simon: i think it's wrong to have your UK kids to say "sawadee" to thier mom, unless she takes it as a joke too. But for me, its dis-respectful. Its bad enough that u have a "mia noi" but to have my kids talk to me in a language knowing that they learned it from the mitress. But maybe your UK wife is different. As open minded as i am, that is something i would not be able to deal with. Go have your "mia noi" but dont bring it to my family, especially my kids. Sorry. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
simon43 Posted April 8, 2004 Share Posted April 8, 2004 Hi Sandy, I don't think you understand It's called the British sense of humour - sometimes very dry My wife in England leads a separate life from me. Most people who are separated probably divorce, but I am in no hurry to do this. And who is the Mia Noi? Is it my Thai GF or my UK wife? I think you need to remember what humour is, because me, my UK wife and my Thai GF certainly all see the funny side of this Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rhys Posted April 8, 2004 Share Posted April 8, 2004 The grass is greener, where every you water it... The custom will never leave Thailand.. men and women use it to their best advantage..AND.. just because a Thai Woman with a masters or Ph.D. is not beyond the M.N. degree as well. F...Me, Thought a woman with a masters.. was above the players game... ON ASKING THE ATTACHMENT STATUS Khun Prettty: do you have a boyfriend. Oh.. I have OLD boyfriend. Three weeks later, after doing the nasty. Tee Rak: My old boyfriend wants to kill you. Khun Pretty: I thought you had an old boyfriend, meaning you are not seing anyone but me. Tee Rak: Yes, it is true...I say good bye to OLD (60years old and MP) boyfriend, when I meet you. I want only you. Khun Pretty: See ya later catch the A train. Tee Rak: I want you.. When it doubt, pull it out... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
aaaaaa Posted April 8, 2004 Share Posted April 8, 2004 It's not just Thailand where the "second wife" is common with no ill judgements attached. The "practice" is alive and well in Malaysia & Singapore too.If the man has enough $$$ - no problem... I can add Taiwan here as weel - I talked to one girl, college in the company, who shared it with me quite open-mindedly that her boy friend has a wife and familiy yet visits her regularly and supports her financially. in fact the car we were talking in about that was purchased by him for her... and she said it is normal and common. she seemed to be quite content with her position.... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
aaaaaa Posted April 8, 2004 Share Posted April 8, 2004 I always thought, it is a nice custom... as long as it is conducted nicely.... the main thing is not about having or not - but having HOW... I always felt like in Asia ther is less hipocrasy than in the west. is it good or not - it is very relative anddepends. if someone , particularly "main wife" feels ok about it - then why not... but what I feel like main point here - that if man has enough merit and dignity to keep his responsibiloities to both his women. it is not even about does he havve enough $ for that - coz many might even have enough, yet not be commited to either of the women he is involved with. and women seems to be content with such a mn who is at least "honest" to some extend - admiting having extra affairs while at the same time continuing his responsibilities towards his main family..... I am reading nice book "Four reigns" by thai author Kukrit Pramoj - story of one gal thru reaigns of 4 kings in Thailand. he has nicely shown in this book how it used to be - what what the real attitude and reasons etc. about second wifes.... nowdays everything get ugly twisted in life and in world. what used to be based on concern abolut care and support, protection - nowdays has turned into taking advantage of mislead females by irresponsible men.... and then finally everything in realtions is personal. it is not right and correct to mix up everything together. I'm always against any kind of generalisation. coz it always depends... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
aaaaaa Posted April 8, 2004 Share Posted April 8, 2004 Most girls won't put up with it anymore. They have more options open to them now and are no longer trapped in a marriage. Previously, most women had little education and no marketable skills. yeah, and then what they do ? go to another city or to Bkk to cater for some fat old farangs who looks like as my friend said - "dry lizard" ? so nice emancipation, huh? yeah, sure they get free and educated and financially capable. then what? do they get a man they want? nope. no offence, SBK... just try to look to so called independence form other end... what is it about? it is about that gals become more like man - they get more choise and oportunity to have more than one man without being emotionally or in other ways attached... so is it what for originally they werre trying to get such independence/ the very thing they were against and for which they started to seek this so called independence... tey simply end up adopting the same attitudes and morale as those men because of whom they decided to try it - that their men were having more affairs... and then - do they accomplish anything in the sense that their men start to have less side affairs? nope! simply coz there are more emancipated and liberated, independent women available then b4 - and by some funny or cruel irony, it is because of the women's attempt to avoid being "second"... like some guy in another thread - was it Yohan? - wrote about gal who accompanied him on his trip - not a BG, educated, with sufficient income and that means independent enough to choose the man she wants AND not willing to be emotianlly attached... this is what I feel is one of main outcomes of liberation.... such gal decided she "won't put up with it anymore" - and in the end she just changing men like men changng gals... is it more positive thing? if it is then she would simply contradict herself... I would say - it destroys watever little responsibilities and commitments ppl still have nowdays... another interesting and funny thing is: although most of men like and want to have more then one women to enjoy with, they prefer to marry only those who they trust would be faithfull.... play aournd with - ok. but marry - no! sad, but I feel like females in nowdays world become so confused and brainwashed by male mentalities that they bite a cheap bait and adopt their attitudes and lifestyle... don't misunderstand me - I'm not advocating irresponsibility neither in men nor in women. I just say that - don't try to simplify it, don't take a bait! not all the men are same. there r still enough those who r commited. it is simply that in all the matters humans - both males and females - always prefer escapism, simplifying, and find easiest way. we don't want to accept trivial truth - there is no easy way in life.... and life is not only about money and sex... if it was - why would be rich ppl still not happy and why would so many members in this forum still bitter and bored even though having plenty of sex opportunity in this country? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
aaaaaa Posted April 8, 2004 Share Posted April 8, 2004 Who made the rules,... exactly, BC ! that's what I'm talking about.... and who that would be? about pua noi.... I know one gal, she said to me she has a bf (both r thai) and actually has married him. they even live together... she is not so much educated - normal, yet has good enough paid job - for example bought recently a laptop PC about 1K $ on her own money (not money form any farang b/f).... but she said she doesn't love hi, only live with him. for few reasons... one is - he is very jelous and beats her if she try to leave him. yet she manage to go out and cheat on him, has few affairs sometimes at the same time - not for money sake but for fun, or more precisely for sex which she enjoy so muhc... and her so called b/f is pitifull laughing stock... he maintains him financially, even actually she said she paid dowry of 50K Baht to her own parents saying that he gave it to marry her.... she pays for everything - room rent, bills, etc. give s him pocket money... and of coz he just waste whatever money she give him and alway invents new stories to get more... so I asked her - why u still live with him? she said - coz he cleans the rooms and does her laundry and goes to buy food for her, and even trims her nails... and once in a month she lets him have a small reward - have sex with her... and , yeah - to continue live with her as a pet, although he thinks himself as a controller of her life... I think she just pity him and at the same time keeps him for convinience..... so, isn't it a pua noi? and believe me or not - it is true story. I don not judje her. simply curious how human mind works... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
p_brownstone Posted April 8, 2004 Share Posted April 8, 2004 About a year ago, my Driver - basic salary Baht 7,500.- a month, take home pay after overtime etc. about Baht 11,000.- , came to me and asked for a day off because his wife was having a baby. O.K., no problem I say, and actually gave him Baht 1,000.- as a gift for the new baby. 5 months ago he came again and asked for another day off - his wife was having a baby. After a quick calculation and armed with a basic knowledge of the human reproductive cycle I pointed out that this was surely impossible; turned out that it was in fact his second wife who was now having a baby, confirmed later by my Maid who knows them well and apparently the three - plus kids - all live together quite happily. Either I am paying him far too much or he has charms which completely escape my notice! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bluecat Posted April 8, 2004 Author Share Posted April 8, 2004 although most of men like and want to have more then one women to enjoy with, they prefer to marry only those who they trust would be faithfull.... play aournd with - ok. but marry - no! Of course, any man would prefer to marry somebody who is faithful to him,... But at the time of marriage, I think both parties strongly believe that the other party will be faithful or I am sure there would be no marriage in the first place,... (when money is not the primary factor,...). Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
simon43 Posted April 8, 2004 Share Posted April 8, 2004 Bluecat, you are spot-on! When I married my UK wife a long time ago, I did not consider a separation in the future. Else why would I marry in the first place? But people change over time and none of these events can really be forseen. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sandy Posted April 8, 2004 Share Posted April 8, 2004 Simon: i understand. I quote myself again "unless she takes it as a joke". I was saying my point of view, and the fact that she dont mind and laugh about it, thats great. At least the 3 of you (UK wife, Thai GF, and u) seem happy. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
simon43 Posted April 8, 2004 Share Posted April 8, 2004 Hi Sandy - Life is too short to be sad or angry I'm sure both UK wife and Thai GF have great fun thinking up new excuses for spending my hard-earned money Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sandy Posted April 8, 2004 Share Posted April 8, 2004 LOL...thats the way to go Simon. Tell them i would help spend your money too. hehehe Life isnt too short. I know i said this before in another thread, but life is the longest thing anyone was to do. But if laughing off your sadness helps, then fine. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Richard W Posted April 9, 2004 Share Posted April 9, 2004 What's the difference between a 'mia noi' and a 'mia lap'? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
meemiathai Posted April 9, 2004 Share Posted April 9, 2004 "mia lap" means secret wife. So they are the same. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
thaiflyer1 Posted April 9, 2004 Share Posted April 9, 2004 Strange how "more on the missing clitoris " has had the same number of views (790 as of 9/4) as this thread........................any connection perhaps? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bluecat Posted April 9, 2004 Author Share Posted April 9, 2004 "mia lap" means secret wife.So they are the same. Are for the same purpose,... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moving Posted April 9, 2004 Share Posted April 9, 2004 Well, this could (should?) really be the subject of a whole new thread!I fully agree with you that many couples stay together for the sake of the kids, and all parties suffer. It's for this very reason that I don't live with my UK wife, but visit every month. We get on far better than we did when living together . And the kids are young enough to believe that Daddy is simply working hard (they must be thinking that he is working VERY hard to be away for 3 weeks ....) As you say, everyone changes over the years. I'm happy to stay married to my UK wife, but commit myself emotionally to my Thai GF. Maybe it's a strange 3-way relationship, but all parties seem happy with this status-quo. I'm certainly interested to know if there are any other guys on this forum who share their time between a Thai 'wife' and an overseas 'wife'. Cheers - Simon Simon43 My wife and I, after many years of marriage have came to a similar arrangement...and just recently decided divorce wasn't the answer for a variety of reasons (mainly financial). Maintaining the status quo wasn't going to work. The issue of Mia Noi is understood but not discussed. I am now in the process of getting her settled and planning on coming to Thailand next month...I have started a Limited Corp and will be buying a business. I will return periodically to the US every few months for a month or so at a time. Will this arrangement work? Time will tell. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bluecat Posted April 13, 2004 Author Share Posted April 13, 2004 Will this arrangement work? Time will tell. I do not know what kind of arrangement exactly but on a legal point of view, being in Thailand or in the US, if married, you can not have a mia noi. I hope you have a very good "understanding" with you wife on the subject because if you have a mia noi, even in Thailand, you are not divorced and she wants to make your like miserable, you will be in deep, deep trouble,... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
simon43 Posted April 13, 2004 Share Posted April 13, 2004 Hi Bluecat, I'm certainly aware that I can't marry my Mia Noi whilst I'm still married to my UK wife! And I'm sure Moving is aware of the same legal status in the USA. But in the UK it is not always necessary to have a divorce before you commit yourself 'seriously' to another woman. UK law recognises that the breakdown of a UK marriage does not have to end in divorce - although it usually does. If desired, both parties can enter into a legal separation, which is one step short of divorce. (Ie, both parties remain married, but there is a legal recognition that that marriage has broken down). Interestingly enough, within the UK rules on visas and settlement, there is an option to get a settlement visa for an unmarried partner, whilst still remaining married. The details are explained very well in the relevant government documents. If I can show/demonstrate that my marriage to my UK wife has permanently broken down, AND I can demonstrate my relationship with my Thai GF for a 2-year period, then she can be eligible for a UK settlement visa. Well, if we want to settle in the UK in the future, then that's worth knowing. But I'm sure such a request to the British embassy in BKK will raise a few eyebrows Ceratinly my Thai GF is very aware of my situation (ie still married), and yes, we do have to consider things carefully since she/me may not have certain rights (either in the UK or Thailand), that a married couple would be eligable for. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bluecat Posted April 13, 2004 Author Share Posted April 13, 2004 Simon. No judgment from my side. Just a reminder. Law and life are not always on the same wavelength and being in Thailand will not make it different, especially for you,... (she is still married to a Thai man, I guess, this is really, really very ambitious from your side, I have to say,...) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
simon43 Posted April 13, 2004 Share Posted April 13, 2004 Hi Bluecat, you got it a bit wrong there My Thai GF has never been married! I'm the one who has (and still is) Cheers - Simon Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bluecat Posted April 13, 2004 Author Share Posted April 13, 2004 Hi Bluecat, you got it a bit wrong there My Thai GF has never been married! I'm the one who has (and still is) Sorry, you're safe, on the Thai side, that is,... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Babooshka Posted May 25, 2023 Share Posted May 25, 2023 I know a thai boat captain from phuket who has five and moans about it all the time as it appears not easy to get ridof them lol My wife used to have a pua noi - same <deleted> reversed - an old german pervert trying to steal someone's youth because he thought he could afford it. A bit of headache but we went through that Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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