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Pressures of living in an Isaan village


Kenny202

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All my Thai neighbors hate me because I yell at them in Thai when having to clean up their dogs' mess after their dogs leave such mess in front of our gate where I have to either clean it up or step in it when opening/closing our gate while they stand there watching me clean it up.

Suits me just fine.

vinegar is the answer. sprinkle it about.dogs wont be back. renew when rain dilutes it too much

How did JL's aversion to dog sht and this old post get dredged up?
could it be i decided to start reading the thread from the beginning? actually if i had read a little further background i wouldnt have posted:)
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have met farang with exceptional wifes here. and the thai girls do need to be exceptional to get past all the neverending road blocks and such that is constantly being thrown in their path. trouble is i have never met a singe/non-attached exceptional one. takes less than a minute to tell the difference. thats how long it takes for the bad news to arrive anywhere in thai public.

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As is usual in Thai Visa a, lot of negativity and very few giving positive views about village life which distorts the way things are.

Or people hijacking a post which had nothing to do with the initial post, such as in this case, dog poo.

I live in a very rural Isaan village and have done so for over 5 years.

Yes, it takes a little getting used to, after al,l things change ever so slowly in the remote villages.

Thai customs are sometimes an eye opener and at times seem laughable.

But hey, I chose to come here to live, didn't want the big town life or the bars etc.

Yes, somethings I think what the locals do is weird, but then this is their land and they can do what they want.

If I don't like it I can move away.

But I am very happy here. I am accepted by the villagers even though I don't speak Thai.

(mainly because most speak Cambodian to each other in the village and sometimes Loa)

I would have to learn three languages and I am too old for that.

I treat them with respect as I would expect them to do with me.

My wife does not have any problems even though we live in the best house in the village and have all the mod cons and things I had in my country (England)

She always dresses nicely with good but not expensive clothes. This is what the locals expect from a lady married to a farang

Sure there is bound to be a little jealousy at first but they get over it.

It's the Mother-in-Law that most of the elderly villagers are jealous off but thats because she opens her mouth too much about what she has etc.

We have no problems at all. So to me there is no negativity to changing your lifestyle and going to live in a remote village if you have the right mentality to do so.

It is surprising though that certain small things are changing in the village after seeing how the farang lives and does things.

Such as many of the local children and some parents are now starting to wear night clothes to bed instead of sleeping in clothes they wear all day.

Others are now following our example and taking their rubbish with them to put in bins when they go by car into town instead of letting it blow around everywhere or burning it.

We started to buy the 15 litre bottles of water for drinking and cooking. Before noone else did this. Now so many houses have done the same that two different companies come

to our village twice a week to sell their water.

This can only be a good thing, because otherwise villagers live in their own little bubble and never change their ways.

I am sure there are other Farangs who enjoy village life, let's here from you instead of all the negativity and dog poo!!

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We got plenty of flak from the family and neighbors. I often find that my wife's older sister makes fun of us. Five years, and no property..no house....no business. I make over 100,000 baht a month, and we rent. Her sister wants her to find a new falang and leave me. I suppose she thinks that if we owned a house, that she would benefit from it. Perhaps get a loan from my wife based on equity in the property. There is no other reason why she would push it so hard.

My idea is to get my wife back to the states...where we jointly own property. Good enough for my wife...but her family wants us to buy their property. Something they got free, when their parents passed away. Problem is, every single family member is losing their property and vehicles to credit collectors/banks. (They all pawned their ownership papers for cash, years ago).

My idea is to put up with it. Better that, then try to buy ourselves into a "face saving" purchase (that I don't need or want). So we are the "low so's" and I am the farang kee nok....etc. Property in the states is the way to go...and 10 years marriage (5 years in the USA)...and the wife can qualify for social security benefits when my time is up.

Same people that laugh at us now....borrowed money from my wife (before she met me). Her brother asked her to take out a loan from a money lender, as he had debts that were getting him in deep trouble. He never paid the money back....and the chinese lender went to court. Not one member of her family stood up for her... and she lost 18 rai. (inherited). Damn if those people will put her in the same situation...just as quick.

Thats how these people work. They probably don't have a pot to pss in and they're calling others kie neow and kie nok. Ask them why do you need to loan them money or give them anything? What are they going to do for you. They wont have an answer just that stupid grin that shows you they know the game is up. Its emotional blackmail, the same sort that an eight year old kid would use on you back home....and we wouldn't tolerate for a minute. How do so many of us fall for it here? I gotta a mate in Patts. Big corporate guy in another life. Super successful...good bloke too, real old school. No bodies fool. Yet over here he has an old girl wrong side of 45. Probably left school at 10. Not even a warm personality. Bar girl little or no future without him. He could have the pick of the litter but puts up with her. Chases after her when she packs her bags. She has the tantrums and dramas and controlling and she has him wrapped around his little finger. He's even aware of it. Only I run a close second in stupidity. Must be magic pussy.

We even had the monk putting the blowtorch on my missus last week. The monk told her I should pay to finish the temple (around $20k US). She asked him why I would do that? I am not a buddhist and not even religious in my own country. Then he said I will gain much merit and have a lucky future, get big money. She told him I have enough money and am happy with what I have. Isn't that what the Buddha teaches? Starting to run out of answers. Then she told him I would rather help out the local kids who are less fortunate than others? Isn't that more important than a building. In the end he begrudgingly agreed haha. Most of them are con men.

As for the wife's sister nagging your wife to give you the flick. There may be another dimension to that you haven't considered. She's jealous of her sister and would like to see nothing more than you split together. You can read some of these people like a book if you open your eyes. This isn't the culture of Thailand it is greedy uneducated people (not the majority) who are obviously a lot more smarter than us farangs at a primitive level anyway.

That's right it's called "street smart". A lot of farangs are not educated on the street and are not therefore street wise or opportunistic. Its all very logical. Poorer Thai's are subsistence livers and there is not the social security programs farangs have and if need be rely on, so grab what you can. But they are not all like that.Then there is the fact that different culture/ language is going to automatically make success harder, it just stands to reason.

Then there is emotional need, Some men are tolerant to a huge amount of abuse because they are afraid to face their own loneliness. But every relationship is different and if couples are happy then we cannot judge if it is based on "love" or mere practicalities. Everything is a trade-off of some sort. If you are happy, congratulations!

Currently I am glad I live in NZ with my Thai wife and children. Best thing I did for her kids. Not sure if I will come back to Thailand, there is so much to consider than just warm weather. My wife has a full time job here and therefore her own money. She is starting to have family ask for money. My input is, fine if a baby has a heart condition then help, but not give for holidays or because some other family member has clocked up someone else's credit card. Her money and she works hard for it so I can only guide her. Problem is they have helped her before I met her so it becomes difficult. The wise European saying, "A borrower not a lender be" can just never apply to Thai culture and you would be despised if you tried.

"Neither a borrower nor a lender be; For loan oft loses both itself and friend, And borrowing dulls the edge of husbandry. This above all: to thine own self be true..."

Hamlet, William Shakespeare,

(Husbandry= industry on the land)

Sorry if becoming off topic, but I did comment about dog poo many months ago on this thread!

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We got plenty of flak from the family and neighbors. I often find that my wife's older sister makes fun of us. Five years, and no property..no house....no business. I make over 100,000 baht a month, and we rent. Her sister wants her to find a new falang and leave me. I suppose she thinks that if we owned a house, that she would benefit from it. Perhaps get a loan from my wife based on equity in the property. There is no other reason why she would push it so hard.

My idea is to get my wife back to the states...where we jointly own property. Good enough for my wife...but her family wants us to buy their property. Something they got free, when their parents passed away. Problem is, every single family member is losing their property and vehicles to credit collectors/banks. (They all pawned their ownership papers for cash, years ago).

My idea is to put up with it. Better that, then try to buy ourselves into a "face saving" purchase (that I don't need or want). So we are the "low so's" and I am the farang kee nok....etc. Property in the states is the way to go...and 10 years marriage (5 years in the USA)...and the wife can qualify for social security benefits when my time is up.

Same people that laugh at us now....borrowed money from my wife (before she met me). Her brother asked her to take out a loan from a money lender, as he had debts that were getting him in deep trouble. He never paid the money back....and the chinese lender went to court. Not one member of her family stood up for her... and she lost 18 rai. (inherited). Damn if those people will put her in the same situation...just as quick.

Thats how these people work. They probably don't have a pot to pss in and they're calling others kie neow and kie nok. Ask them why do you need to loan them money or give them anything? What are they going to do for you. They wont have an answer just that stupid grin that shows you they know the game is up. Its emotional blackmail, the same sort that an eight year old kid would use on you back home....and we wouldn't tolerate for a minute. How do so many of us fall for it here? I gotta a mate in Patts. Big corporate guy in another life. Super successful...good bloke too, real old school. No bodies fool. Yet over here he has an old girl wrong side of 45. Probably left school at 10. Not even a warm personality. Bar girl little or no future without him. He could have the pick of the litter but puts up with her. Chases after her when she packs her bags. She has the tantrums and dramas and controlling and she has him wrapped around his little finger. He's even aware of it. Only I run a close second in stupidity. Must be magic pussy.

We even had the monk putting the blowtorch on my missus last week. The monk told her I should pay to finish the temple (around $20k US). She asked him why I would do that? I am not a buddhist and not even religious in my own country. Then he said I will gain much merit and have a lucky future, get big money. She told him I have enough money and am happy with what I have. Isn't that what the Buddha teaches? Starting to run out of answers. Then she told him I would rather help out the local kids who are less fortunate than others? Isn't that more important than a building. In the end he begrudgingly agreed haha. Most of them are con men.

As for the wife's sister nagging your wife to give you the flick. There may be another dimension to that you haven't considered. She's jealous of her sister and would like to see nothing more than you split together. You can read some of these people like a book if you open your eyes. This isn't the culture of Thailand it is greedy uneducated people (not the majority) who are obviously a lot more smarter than us farangs at a primitive level anyway.

That's right it's called "street smart". A lot of farangs are not educated on the street and are not therefore street wise or opportunistic. Its all very logical. Poorer Thai's are subsistence livers and there is not the social security programs farangs have and if need be rely on, so grab what you can. But they are not all like that.Then there is the fact that different culture/ language is going to automatically make success harder, it just stands to reason.

Then there is emotional need, Some men are tolerant to a huge amount of abuse because they are afraid to face their own loneliness. But every relationship is different and if couples are happy then we cannot judge if it is based on "love" or mere practicalities. Everything is a trade-off of some sort. If you are happy, congratulations!

Currently I am glad I live in NZ with my Thai wife and children. Best thing I did for her kids. Not sure if I will come back to Thailand, there is so much to consider than just warm weather. My wife has a full time job here and therefore her own money. She is starting to have family ask for money. My input is, fine if a baby has a heart condition then help, but not give for holidays or because some other family member has clocked up someone else's credit card. Her money and she works hard for it so I can only guide her. Problem is they have helped her before I met her so it becomes difficult. The wise European saying, "A borrower not a lender be" can just never apply to Thai culture and you would be despised if you tried.

"Neither a borrower nor a lender be; For loan oft loses both itself and friend, And borrowing dulls the edge of husbandry. This above all: to thine own self be true..."

Hamlet, William Shakespeare,

(Husbandry= industry on the land)

Sorry if becoming off topic, but I did comment about dog poo many months ago on this thread!

good observations and of course they're not all like that. I "get" the family support thing here when in its correct context...ie family support kids, work hard, educate...provide home and land for their kids future wen they pass. In turn the children support the parents in old age. My belief is the value of sin sot is generally placed on the value of what the husband will receive back in the future. Home, land, a smart educated wife with income potential being the most prized. That is my argument for not supporting my girls family in anyway. Abuse, abandonment, gambled and drank away huge land inheritances they received from their parents. Forced her to leave school and work at 12 while her dad stayed in the village and drunk the remainder of what they had while the mom abandoned her and went to live with her new boyfriend in Bkk. One thing I have observed with Thai ladies gainfully employed and living overseas or in Thailand is that there income is there's to do what they wish....including sending money back to greedy families. Whilst the man is expected to direct all his income to their home, debts, living etc. I don't get that either?
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I won't bother quoting but I was the one who first said that I refuse to go quietly while my neighbors let their dogs crap in front of my gate and right underneath my kitchen window and just let it stay there. Things have gotten much better as they realize that they will otherwise have to listen to that crazy farang yell at them in Thai and that I have a good water hose and just blast it out into the street.

BTW I live on a long rural road straightaway with no speed bumps and it often turns into a drag strip and I think many of the dogs have disappeared courtesy of the vehicle traffic.

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We got plenty of flak from the family and neighbors. I often find that my wife's older sister makes fun of us. Five years, and no property..no house....no business. I make over 100,000 baht a month, and we rent. Her sister wants her to find a new falang and leave me. I suppose she thinks that if we owned a house, that she would benefit from it. Perhaps get a loan from my wife based on equity in the property. There is no other reason why she would push it so hard.

My idea is to get my wife back to the states...where we jointly own property. Good enough for my wife...but her family wants us to buy their property. Something they got free, when their parents passed away. Problem is, every single family member is losing their property and vehicles to credit collectors/banks. (They all pawned their ownership papers for cash, years ago).

My idea is to put up with it. Better that, then try to buy ourselves into a "face saving" purchase (that I don't need or want). So we are the "low so's" and I am the farang kee nok....etc. Property in the states is the way to go...and 10 years marriage (5 years in the USA)...and the wife can qualify for social security benefits when my time is up.

Same people that laugh at us now....borrowed money from my wife (before she met me). Her brother asked her to take out a loan from a money lender, as he had debts that were getting him in deep trouble. He never paid the money back....and the chinese lender went to court. Not one member of her family stood up for her... and she lost 18 rai. (inherited). Damn if those people will put her in the same situation...just as quick.

Thats how these people work. They probably don't have a pot to pss in and they're calling others kie neow and kie nok. Ask them why do you need to loan them money or give them anything? What are they going to do for you. They wont have an answer just that stupid grin that shows you they know the game is up. Its emotional blackmail, the same sort that an eight year old kid would use on you back home....and we wouldn't tolerate for a minute. How do so many of us fall for it here? I gotta a mate in Patts. Big corporate guy in another life. Super successful...good bloke too, real old school. No bodies fool. Yet over here he has an old girl wrong side of 45. Probably left school at 10. Not even a warm personality. Bar girl little or no future without him. He could have the pick of the litter but puts up with her. Chases after her when she packs her bags. She has the tantrums and dramas and controlling and she has him wrapped around his little finger. He's even aware of it. Only I run a close second in stupidity. Must be magic pussy.

We even had the monk putting the blowtorch on my missus last week. The monk told her I should pay to finish the temple (around $20k US). She asked him why I would do that? I am not a buddhist and not even religious in my own country. Then he said I will gain much merit and have a lucky future, get big money. She told him I have enough money and am happy with what I have. Isn't that what the Buddha teaches? Starting to run out of answers. Then she told him I would rather help out the local kids who are less fortunate than others? Isn't that more important than a building. In the end he begrudgingly agreed haha. Most of them are con men.

As for the wife's sister nagging your wife to give you the flick. There may be another dimension to that you haven't considered. She's jealous of her sister and would like to see nothing more than you split together. You can read some of these people like a book if you open your eyes. This isn't the culture of Thailand it is greedy uneducated people (not the majority) who are obviously a lot more smarter than us farangs at a primitive level anyway.

That's right it's called "street smart". A lot of farangs are not educated on the street and are not therefore street wise or opportunistic. Its all very logical. Poorer Thai's are subsistence livers and there is not the social security programs farangs have and if need be rely on, so grab what you can. But they are not all like that.Then there is the fact that different culture/ language is going to automatically make success harder, it just stands to reason.

Then there is emotional need, Some men are tolerant to a huge amount of abuse because they are afraid to face their own loneliness. But every relationship is different and if couples are happy then we cannot judge if it is based on "love" or mere practicalities. Everything is a trade-off of some sort. If you are happy, congratulations!

Currently I am glad I live in NZ with my Thai wife and children. Best thing I did for her kids. Not sure if I will come back to Thailand, there is so much to consider than just warm weather. My wife has a full time job here and therefore her own money. She is starting to have family ask for money. My input is, fine if a baby has a heart condition then help, but not give for holidays or because some other family member has clocked up someone else's credit card. Her money and she works hard for it so I can only guide her. Problem is they have helped her before I met her so it becomes difficult. The wise European saying, "A borrower not a lender be" can just never apply to Thai culture and you would be despised if you tried.

"Neither a borrower nor a lender be; For loan oft loses both itself and friend, And borrowing dulls the edge of husbandry. This above all: to thine own self be true..."

Hamlet, William Shakespeare,

(Husbandry= industry on the land)

Sorry if becoming off topic, but I did comment about dog poo many months ago on this thread!

good observations and of course they're not all like that. I "get" the family support thing here when in its correct context...ie family support kids, work hard, educate...provide home and land for their kids future wen they pass. In turn the children support the parents in old age. My belief is the value of sin sot is generally placed on the value of what the husband will receive back in the future. Home, land, a smart educated wife with income potential being the most prized. That is my argument for not supporting my girls family in anyway. Abuse, abandonment, gambled and drank away huge land inheritances they received from their parents. Forced her to leave school and work at 12 while her dad stayed in the village and drunk the remainder of what they had while the mom abandoned her and went to live with her new boyfriend in Bkk. One thing I have observed with Thai ladies gainfully employed and living overseas or in Thailand is that there income is there's to do what they wish....including sending money back to greedy families. Whilst the man is expected to direct all his income to their home, debts, living etc. I don't get that either?

Probably just the expectation that the man traditionally takes care of general living expenses and supports the family. In my case I do all that surrounding the home but my wife buys all the food and stuff for her kids, but it is not my business if she feels compelled to help her family with her own money. I just tell her to be careful. She is learning the ways of falang which is quite different, but that is easier for me because we are not in Thailand and eyes get opened to other values including shared responsibility.

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I guess that was my point. In a marriage there is such a thing as "your own money"? My marriage experience past was shared or "our" money. I wish it was different as I was always the major income. Would have loved to share expenses and what was left was mine. Only reason I mention it was when my girl lived with me in Australia I think she had the same idea. I'd paid out a fortune in visas and travel for her, just been through a divorce and took out a mortgage in my own name. ..and she thought she'd be sending "big money" back home. I don't get it?

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relocation temporarily and often is the easiest solution. when the thais get jaded with seeing your face just move, you can also return after a while, months is best. repeat as necessary. i have at least about six locations that i rotate through by whim. actually probably more than six, go back and stay in the same hotels/guesthouses again and again.

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I guess that was my point. In a marriage there is such a thing as "your own money"? My marriage experience past was shared or "our" money. I wish it was different as I was always the major income. Would have loved to share expenses and what was left was mine. Only reason I mention it was when my girl lived with me in Australia I think she had the same idea. I'd paid out a fortune in visas and travel for her, just been through a divorce and took out a mortgage in my own name. ..and she thought she'd be sending "big money" back home. I don't get it?

Outside of Thailand our system is easier to use because it is quite common in European countries where partners operate their own accounts and both work. I think in many ways it's more simple and I think it's good to have independence within a relationship. When you earn your own money you value what went into creating it, it is less likely to be abused or taken for granted or argued about. It's unusual for Thais, so hard to understand it at first but my wife takes pride in having her own accounts. But that doesn't mean she could financially get by without me, she could not, I still shoulder the majority burden, but then I earn more.It's a contrast to the man earning then giving all to the wife and she gives a little bit back for beer money as seems to be the Thai tradition. She's here and and adopted our ways which I established from the beginning. It seems to work for us.

Thai's can have great expectations coming to a land of milk and honey and are surprised to meet poor people, somehow thinking just because you're farang you must be rich. Also surprised to find people of other races and cultures when the expectation is that we would all be European.

Realize off topic but contrast to pressures of living in an Isaan village !

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re:pormax..

Since I've come back to Hawaii, I've discovered a water bottle that is BPA free. I sure would like to get water in LoS that was not a hit of estrogen.

Aussies have banned it..Canada has banned it in baby bottles.

Sure like the Glaceau on Thailand

Aloha

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Although I do not live in Isaan, where I do live is similar eg far less traffic, true nature (fauna & flora).

I can hear the birds chirping.

The worst part - people are interesting in each others welfare.

STAY AWAY - NOT GOOD FOR YOUR HEALTH!

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  • 2 weeks later...

All my Thai neighbors hate me because I yell at them in Thai when having to clean up their dogs' mess after their dogs leave such mess in front of our gate where I have to either clean it up or step in it when opening/closing our gate while they stand there watching me clean it up.

Suits me just fine.

you're a cranky old man JL hahaha :-)

Why ? because he doesn't like cleaning up someone else's crap?

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I think in many ways it's more simple and I think it's good to have independence within a relationship. When you earn your own money you value what went into creating it, it is less likely to be abused or taken for granted or argued about.

I never supported this lifestyle. Why should a woman work or have a bank account? And how can it be abused if you take care of things? I mean, if you have the money why you let your wife decide what to do with it?

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All my Thai neighbors hate me because I yell at them in Thai when having to clean up their dogs' mess after their dogs leave such mess in front of our gate where I have to either clean it up or step in it when opening/closing our gate while they stand there watching me clean it up.

Suits me just fine.

you're a cranky old man JL hahaha :-)

Why ? because he doesn't like cleaning up someone else's crap?

I think he was trying to inject a little humour.
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I think in many ways it's more simple and I think it's good to have independence within a relationship. When you earn your own money you value what went into creating it, it is less likely to be abused or taken for granted or argued about.

I never supported this lifestyle. Why should a woman work or have a bank account? And how can it be abused if you take care of things? I mean, if you have the money why you let your wife decide what to do with it?

Why shouldn't a woman work and have a bank account if she wants those things? So if you have the money you hold the reins of power and she has no say in anything? You're obviously not married or if you are then you must be a complete misogynistic dictator.

So if you die first which is normally the case for men, your woman has no clue how to survive and manage money because you've failed to teach her these things because you wanted to be boss, thought you were going to live forever and she has meant nothing more to you than being a maid, Your kids if you have any would also be left vulnerable because you needed to be a control freak. Don't you want to be remembered well when you pass on? Or do you want them all to say, thank God he's gone! Then that is the time when if they have any money left over that you obviously no longer need, then it gets abused because they don't know any better, or others muscle in and take from them because they have no monetary skills. You need to think a bit deeper my friend.

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I think in many ways it's more simple and I think it's good to have independence within a relationship. When you earn your own money you value what went into creating it, it is less likely to be abused or taken for granted or argued about.

I never supported this lifestyle. Why should a woman work or have a bank account? And how can it be abused if you take care of things? I mean, if you have the money why you let your wife decide what to do with it?

Why shouldn't a woman work and have a bank account if she wants those things? So if you have the money you hold the reins of power and she has no say in anything? You're obviously not married or if you are then you must be a complete misogynistic dictator.

So if you die first which is normally the case for men, your woman has no clue how to survive and manage money because you've failed to teach her these things because you wanted to be boss, thought you were going to live forever and she has meant nothing more to you than being a maid, Your kids if you have any would also be left vulnerable because you needed to be a control freak. Don't you want to be remembered well when you pass on? Or do you want them all to say, thank God he's gone! Then that is the time when if they have any money left over that you obviously no longer need, then it gets abused because they don't know any better, or others muscle in and take from them because they have no monetary skills. You need to think a bit deeper my friend.

So you are doing the my friend thing. Great to meet new friends here that know nothing about someone but talk like they know everything. Weird unfriendly nature, mostly a parenting problem.

You do not need to be a dictator to be the leader of the pack, you will be loved, giving love and be appreciated by your family - men who let their wife control basic things of their own life do not understand this.

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Why shouldn't a woman work and have a bank account if she wants those things? So if you have the money you hold the reins of power and she has no say in anything? You're obviously not married or if you are then you must be a complete misogynistic dictator.

So if you die first which is normally the case for men, your woman has no clue how to survive and manage money because you've failed to teach her these things because you wanted to be boss, thought you were going to live forever and she has meant nothing more to you than being a maid, Your kids if you have any would also be left vulnerable because you needed to be a control freak. Don't you want to be remembered well when you pass on? Or do you want them all to say, thank God he's gone! Then that is the time when if they have any money left over that you obviously no longer need, then it gets abused because they don't know any better, or others muscle in and take from them because they have no monetary skills. You need to think a bit deeper my friend.

Misogynist = someone who hates women, why would such a person choose to live with a woman?

My wife is a student at CMU, why do I need to teach her anything, that's what high school and university are for.

She has the same chances as every other uni student to earn money.

Except now, no need to work in a beer bar to earn money, and when I'm dead (not long now), no student loans to pay back.

I would class you as the misogynist, as you seem to think women need a man to teach them what to do, and how to manage their money.

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I think in many ways it's more simple and I think it's good to have independence within a relationship. When you earn your own money you value what went into creating it, it is less likely to be abused or taken for granted or argued about.

I never supported this lifestyle. Why should a woman work or have a bank account? And how can it be abused if you take care of things? I mean, if you have the money why you let your wife decide what to do with it?

Why shouldn't a woman work and have a bank account if she wants those things? So if you have the money you hold the reins of power and she has no say in anything? You're obviously not married or if you are then you must be a complete misogynistic dictator.

So if you die first which is normally the case for men, your woman has no clue how to survive and manage money because you've failed to teach her these things because you wanted to be boss, thought you were going to live forever and she has meant nothing more to you than being a maid, Your kids if you have any would also be left vulnerable because you needed to be a control freak. Don't you want to be remembered well when you pass on? Or do you want them all to say, thank God he's gone! Then that is the time when if they have any money left over that you obviously no longer need, then it gets abused because they don't know any better, or others muscle in and take from them because they have no monetary skills. You need to think a bit deeper my friend.

So you are doing the my friend thing. Great to meet new friends here that know nothing about someone but talk like they know everything. Weird unfriendly nature, mostly a parenting problem.

You do not need to be a dictator to be the leader of the pack, you will be loved, giving love and be appreciated by your family - men who let their wife control basic things of their own life do not understand this.

I think what you don't understand, my acquaintance (sic), is that a shared relationship has nothing to do with "control;" which is what seems to be your echoing repetition because you think that as a man it is your role and entitlement that lesser beings such as females don't need to improve or excel, because it might threaten your manhood and thus your authority. Some women do but it's not a rule.."Men who let their wife control basic things of their own life" sounds like you're on guard for some challenge which you believe is latent in all women to usurp your position if you're not vigilant. The extension of this is to deny education i.e. the mushroom theory- keep them in the dark and feed them BS. Sorry to be weird or unfriendly but you remind me of the insecurity that pervades Islam today in their obsession with control by divine right of their women.

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because you think that as a man it is your role and entitlement that lesser beings such as females don't need to improve or excel, because it might threaten your manhood and thus your authority.

I'm not a teacher, it isn't my job to train anyone what to do (not to mention no work permit), man or woman.

But if it's my money, I get to spend it however I want.

If 'she' wants money, 'she' can earn it and spend it how 'she' likes.

The dichotomy of your posts,

His money, but she gets to share it, even though she should be independent.

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Why shouldn't a woman work and have a bank account if she wants those things? So if you have the money you hold the reins of power and she has no say in anything? You're obviously not married or if you are then you must be a complete misogynistic dictator.

So if you die first which is normally the case for men, your woman has no clue how to survive and manage money because you've failed to teach her these things because you wanted to be boss, thought you were going to live forever and she has meant nothing more to you than being a maid, Your kids if you have any would also be left vulnerable because you needed to be a control freak. Don't you want to be remembered well when you pass on? Or do you want them all to say, thank God he's gone! Then that is the time when if they have any money left over that you obviously no longer need, then it gets abused because they don't know any better, or others muscle in and take from them because they have no monetary skills. You need to think a bit deeper my friend.

Misogynist = someone who hates women, why would such a person choose to live with a woman?

My wife is a student at CMU, why do I need to teach her anything, that's what high school and university are for.

She has the same chances as every other uni student to earn money.

Except now, no need to work in a beer bar to earn money, and when I'm dead (not long now), no student loans to pay back.

I would class you as the misogynist, as you seem to think women need a man to teach them what to do, and how to manage their money.

Oh hello MaeJoMTB, how are you? we've crossed swords before and also liked each other too!

It's nonsense to say I'm a misogynist if I intend to improve basic information to better someone's life in the absence of their significant other. On the contrary it would be misogynistic not to which seems to be the case in point. I teach my wife about finances because she never had the opportunity to go to Uni and quit school at 12. Why is it misogynistic of me to improve her survival chances in money matters after I'm gone?

In her case it's not a condescension on my part but a needs must. My criticism previously is a deliberate attempt to not impart knowledge because of role playing. That I call misogyny.

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I agree with you Jo. I envy the guys that say they have the perfect wife / relationship but I just can't see how you could ever put one of these ladies in control of your life / finances. I've never treated my missus like it's my money or I'm the boss but I don't have the luxury of empowering someone to screw me over financially. If I was in my 70s with large cash reserves I'd probably be less wary

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because you think that as a man it is your role and entitlement that lesser beings such as females don't need to improve or excel, because it might threaten your manhood and thus your authority.

I'm not a teacher, it isn't my job to train anyone what to do (not to mention no work permit), man or woman.

But if it's my money, I get to spend it however I want.

If 'she' wants money, 'she' can earn it and spend it how 'she' likes.

The dichotomy of your posts,

His money, but she gets to share it, even though she should be independent.

Then there's some agreement then.

Your post: If 'she' wants money, 'she' can earn it and spend it how 'she' likes.

My post :Why shouldn't a woman work and have a bank account if she wants those things?

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I teach my wife about finances because she never had the opportunity to go to Uni and quit school at 12. Why is it misogynistic of me to improve her survival chances in money matters after I'm gone?

Why not let her attend high school for herself, then university for herself.

'Catch up' High school is run by every local Amphur in Thailand on Sundays, 4 years = high school diploma.

And if you finish 'catch up' high school, you are guaranteed a place at university.

She has the opportunity, with your financial backing, you should encourage her to use that opportunity.

There is one lady at CMU, taking her degree at age 70+, she said she never had time before.

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I teach my wife about finances because she never had the opportunity to go to Uni and quit school at 12. Why is it misogynistic of me to improve her survival chances in money matters after I'm gone?

Why not let her attend high school for herself, then university for herself.

'Catch up' High school is run by every local Amphur in Thailand on Sundays, 4 years = high school diploma.

And if you finish 'catch up' high school, you are guaranteed a place at university.

She has the opportunity, with your financial backing, you should encourage her to use that opportunity.

There is one lady at CMU, taking her degree at age 70+, she said she never had time before.

Yes mate thanks for that I will keep it in mind should I return to Thailand, However being in NZ she prefers to hold down a job and feed her kids at this point but I'm sure she could do extra education because she's far from thick.There is no dichotomy in our relationship, she earns money and spends it on me too, so we are independent and co dependent at the same time. But basic survival stuff she should know should I kick the bucket, I try to prepare her for and I think that would be a fairly normal undertaking, yes,no?

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All my Thai neighbors hate me because I yell at them in Thai when having to clean up their dogs' mess after their dogs leave such mess in front of our gate where I have to either clean it up or step in it when opening/closing our gate while they stand there watching me clean it up.

Suits me just fine.

you're a cranky old man JL hahaha :-)

Why ? because he doesn't like cleaning up someone else's crap?

I think he was trying to inject a little humour.

"All my Thai neighbors hate me because I yell at them in Thai when having to clean up their dogs' mess after their dogs leave such mess in front of our gate where I have to either clean it up or step in it when opening/closing our gate while they stand there watching me clean it up"

Suits me just fine.

"Doesn't sound too humorous to me"

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This sounds like a blast from the past.. for 3 years, I lived in an Issan Ging Amphur back in the early 90s.. as a govt volunteer from a western country.

This brought back memories... We were given the introduction to rural life and what to expect.. for the most part it was smooth and the villagers looked out for me.. I dressed modestly and lived at their level and lifestyle.. of course, they all thought.. I was the rich westerner.. which of course was not true.. they saw me riding my bicycle along the roads and to the schools and health centers.

This was a insightful 3 years in the village.. Toughest job I ever loved

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You think that as a man it is your role and entitlement that lesser beings such as females don't need to improve or excel, because it might threaten your manhood and thus your authority. Some women do but it's not a rule.."Men who let their wife control basic things of their own life" sounds like you're on guard for some challenge which you believe is latent in all women to usurp your position if you're not vigilant.

I hear those shallow arguments often, why would anything a woman does weaken my authority or change anything about me? I would be still myself. You are the one who support the idea that a woman may controlling the man's money.

If she wants to work it is already the question why she wants to work, is she bored in life, does she not have enough to do, is there not enough money? To meet my lifestyle, a woman does not need to work and does not need to care about anything regarding to money.

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