Doubt if I should get involved in a relationship again lol

[dennis123]

Ok story go's like this, sorry if it sounds pathetic from a guy who stays here for 3 years already and had a dozen or so relationships lasting from 10 days to almost 9 months (ok can't call 10 days a relationship but well).

Guy works in a bar - red flag, well in Pattaya it doesn't really matter where they work for it to be a red flag, I have similar experiences with people from hotels, restaurants, banks you name it so I ain't gonna exclude someone for the fact that he works in a bar.

So he tells me he loves me 50% lol, and that percentage will increase by how well I will take care of him, well I ain't gonna buy houses / cars in the next few years.

Anyhow, he's a fun guy to hang out with, and the cashier in the bar told him that I love him, which is complete nonsense but I sure like him.

He knows me quite well and knows my reputation as a butterfly as well, so he has some doubts about me

But he sounds like he's willing to give it a shot.

So a huge butterfly and a sex worker, what are the odds, well in Pattaya that's quite common of course.

I don't really get the feeling he's doing his best for me as he doesn't believe the cashier that I love him (thinks I'm just playing around), and neither do I do my absolute best for him as he only talks about money and that he has no money to buy food, kind of the standard poor bar boy behavior.

He claims he acts like that cause he doens't believe I have legit feelings for him, and I claim I act like this cause I don't believe he has true feelings for me.

Quite a funny situation.

What you think, should we give it a shot?

We did have some serious conversations in between about the two of us though, he doesn't like working in the bar but he's in a complicated situation where he has to support his whole family. His brother is also gay (his parents have 5 kids, all boys) and his brother has a foreign boyfriend that doesn't live in Thailand, and that isn't too supportive from what I understand.

He's willing to find a job, at 7/11, Tesco or Big C or something which is quite a difference opposed to my previous ex boyfriends that were too lazy to find a job so I like this attitude of his.

It's just that I said to myself, no more boyfriends, but he's a little different (despite working in a bar right now), he'd love to go with me to Holland in May next year, while the others were also a bit more convervative about that, though I never asked them the last one wasn't even interested in a few weeks holiday to my country so that relationship ended after 8 months.

We also talked about money and I said I would supplement his 7/11 income to 20k baht/month, so that's 12k so he can take care well of his family, he needs to send about 10k/month as his parents are worn off from working on the farm their whole life. I paid my previous boyfriends 20k/month and they didn't work so from that point of view it's a pretty good deal!

Last night I went to the bar and had 3 drinks and left, and he was pretty pissed off about that, not exactly sure why, maybe cause I left him there while there were other foreigners that he didn't want to sit with? I don't know but I was sick (earache) and had to get up early today to visit the hospital so didn't feel much for bar fining him as I was in pain and a bit grumpy cause of that.

Quite a bit of a different post then what you usually read from people when they post about getting involved in a relationship or not, but that's simply cause I'm a butterfly myself so yeah the whole 'trust' thing works two ways now.

When I say to him "Oh darling I love you so much" his response is something like 'yeah whatever, who you gonna <deleted> when you leave?' and my response is something like "pick a number and you might get lucky".

Quite an interesting starting point And no this is not a troll post, seriously curious what others think about how much chance such relationship would have!

Maybe you started yourself like that and already 20 years together by now?

[CharlieH]

Flame post and response removed.


Refreshingly honest post it would seem.Seldom do we see someone being open about paying monthly etc and about the family situation.

A brief warning to those who respond.

11) You will not post slurs, degrading or overly negative comments directed towards Thailand, specific locations, Thai institutions such as the judicial or law enforcement system, Thai culture, Thai people or any other group on the basis of race, nationality, religion, gender or sexual orientation.

[YeahSiam]

Don't know the dynamics of

the relationship. Is OP the

'submissive' partner?

[dennis123]

Thanks for the warnings Charlie, I hope I don't cross any of them myself.

Although the whole story might sound uncommon to a lot of people, it's in fact quite common, monthly payments included, I literally can't remember the amount of times someone asked me how much I would contribute per month in terms of dollars.

As I already said, I've been here for 3 years and haven't build up the best reputation during these years.

Personally I do find it immens hard to build up a solid reputation, unless I'm prepared to swallow a lot, which I'm not.

A quick extreme example to illustrate this: Someone steals money from me and the next one I tell tells me: "Why you care, you make plenty of money".

Another example, I'm sitting with the guy tonight in the bar and another foreigner walks in, despite he seeing me sitting with the boy he approaches him, ignoring me completely, and gives him a quick kiss on the mouth. Alright... I control my temper and let it go.

That having been said, the story continues:

So I saw him tonight again and in my opinion we had a good conversation, which got disrupted shortly, eventually we went home, he took a swim, all was good, we had a chat about our potential future, and I speed up things a bit to see how legit he really was about it. He said he was willing to quit working in the bar and I said: "Why not quit right now". Some financial things followed up like how much he earned so far this month including his tips and I told him I would compensate him for that.

I had some holiday planned, possibly with him, and he wanted to visit his family, well no problem as I haven't been out of Pattaya for quite a while.

We also talked about what he would do when we returned, I reminded him about working at the 7/11 or perhaps Big C / HomePro or Tesco Lotus or something like that.

His suggestions all of a sudden turned into, what about:...

- Working as a dancer at TamNan Isaan (mostly frequented by gays)

- Being a cashier at a gay bar

- Working in a gay massage shop.

I dont understand how certain foreigners can accept these type of jobs, (and I know quite a few), but ok, up to them, i obviously told him that would not be an option.

Because of this sudden shift I hided my valuables, and told myself I would just stay calm, have a good night of sex and call the whole plan off the day after, despite him saying "yeah ok ok, I will just look for a job at the 7/11", a little to late for me.

Instead of a fortunate end, at least for me, he received a phone call from another foreigner, and he was all so happy on the phone, a small discussion between him and me followed that didn't result in anything as he just contiued his talk with the to me unknown foreigner.

That was the final drip for me so I asked him to leave.

The end!

Now i hear a lot of people thinking: "What else did you expect", and I can't disagree with that. However when we talked more serious in the bar he had tears in his eyes, and not those fake ones so I did expect a little more.

For what it's worth, the best relatioships I had here had the least drama involved so I think that could serve as a lesson.

[robertthebruce]

After reading your post, i dont think you are ready to settle down, and to be honest, he does not sound like the settling down type..

There is a lot of ''Gay'' guys going around , maybe the ones that frequent ''Gay Bars'' are not the best to have a meaningful relationship..

If it was, me there would be no way, i would be supporting his family, or any one else's for that matter..

just my two cents worth..

all the best in your quest for Love...

[dennis123]

Don't know the dynamics of

the relationship. Is OP the

'submissive' partner?

Could you explain why you think the submissive part has to do with ti?

Personally Im more attracted to the slight feminine (not talking about ladyboys) and from experience I can telll you they mostly prefer to be the 'receiving' partner so from that point of view your comment doens't make a whole lot of sense to me, unless I'm missing something.

Fair is fair, the one mentioned in the OP was more versatile.

[kurtramsbottom]

Anyhow, he's a fun guy to hang out with, and the cashier in the bar told him that I love him, which is complete nonsense but I sure like him.

When I say to him "Oh darling I love you so much" his response is something like 'yeah whatever, who you gonna <deleted> when you leave?'

[dennis123]

After reading your post, i dont think you are ready to settle down, and to be honest, he does not sound like the settling down type..

There is a lot of ''Gay'' guys going around , maybe the ones that frequent ''Gay Bars'' are not the best to have a meaningful relationship..

If it was, me there would be no way, i would be supporting his family, or any one else's for that matter..

just my two cents worth..

all the best in your quest for Love...

A little bit of history, I used to be the romantic monogame type however Pattaya kind of changed that so one could say I became a butterlfy out of self protection.

It happens to be so that most who don't frequent gay bars aren't very active on dating sites either, kind of the hidden ones, tough job to find them.

Ok now that first sentence might sound a bit like an excuse, I have to admit I enjoy it as well, but who wouldn't.

As for being ready to settle down, I don't know, I'm 38 and my life has been extremely turbulent so at times I felt like I had a lot of catching up to do and at the same time I feel I've over compensated this whole catching up thing.

When I'm into a relationship I feel I'm missing out of a lot of things and when I'm single I kind of feel lonely. Like the glass is always half empty. Like an early starting mid-life crisis or something.

[dennis123]

Anyhow, he's a fun guy to hang out with, and the cashier in the bar told him that I love him, which is complete nonsense but I sure like him.

When I say to him "Oh darling I love you so much" his response is something like 'yeah whatever, who you gonna <deleted> when you leave?'

Both statements are somewhat exaggerated, I did like him a lot, bordering to love and i never &lt;deleted&gt; anyone else after I left the bar he worked at.

Anyhow I'm &lt;deleted&gt; pissed of at his suggestion about working at some gay establishment and talking with a &lt;deleted&gt; foreigner while being at my house.

[JMWPACIFIC]

Close your eyes and assume this is a heterosexual hookup. Is this OP's story any different from other sad sacks whining about the bar boy/girl's behaviour. If this is what you want, just pay the price as it is only about money.

[xylophone]

And judging by your other post regarding your syphilis and the fact the you say you don't always use a condom perhaps you should take more care out there.

Remember that there is also a rise in potentially untreatable strains of drug resistant gonorrhea esp in Thailand which seems to be prevalent in the gay community.

If you want to be a butterfly then do so, but take care and give up on thoughts of a "relationship" per se. It doesn't seem to be for you.

[dennis123]

Close your eyes and assume this is a heterosexual hookup. Is this OP's story any different from other sad sacks whining about the bar boy/girl's behaviour. If this is what you want, just pay the price as it is only about money.

Not whining, just following up with the story.

It's just surprising how he was whining how terrible he finds it to work in a bar while soon after trying to convince me to work at a place that is frequented by sex tourists.

Yeah yeah a lieing whore, nothing new.

[peterb17]

Don't know the dynamics of

the relationship. Is OP the

'submissive' partner?

Totally irrelevant- is your wife, girlfriend, dog the submissive partner.

It seems that all heterosexual men think about are sexual acts- it's all getting a bit tedious- things have moved on a bit.

[dblaisde]

When the testosterone levels drop (as in old(er) age, so does the interest in women, giving rise to the oft repeated "If you take away sex, most women aren't very interesting." It's true at the other end of the age spectrum too. How many men are interested in girls at the age of 10. They're playing their silly hopscotch games and have their gossip and little girl talk...boooring. Boys are climbing trees, having adventures with nature and sports. But all of a sudden testosterone cuts in an girls are interesting, vitally so. Boys don't grow interested in girls, they grow interested in sex, which are two completely different things.

Edited September 24, 2015 by dblaisde

[dennis123]

Gay relationships are a hell anyway.

Straight people mostly have friends from the same sex while gay people mostly have gay friends so cheating is much more prevailant.

Anyhow I saw him again and we decided to just be friends as he's fun to hang out with.

[robertthebruce]

After reading your post, i dont think you are ready to settle down, and to be honest, he does not sound like the settling down type..

There is a lot of ''Gay'' guys going around , maybe the ones that frequent ''Gay Bars'' are not the best to have a meaningful relationship..

If it was, me there would be no way, i would be supporting his family, or any one else's for that matter..

just my two cents worth..

all the best in your quest for Love...

A little bit of history, I used to be the romantic monogame type however Pattaya kind of changed that so one could say I became a butterlfy out of self protection.

It happens to be so that most who don't frequent gay bars aren't very active on dating sites either, kind of the hidden ones, tough job to find them.

Ok now that first sentence might sound a bit like an excuse, I have to admit I enjoy it as well, but who wouldn't.

As for being ready to settle down, I don't know, I'm 38 and my life has been extremely turbulent so at times I felt like I had a lot of catching up to do and at the same time I feel I've over compensated this whole catching up thing.

When I'm into a relationship I feel I'm missing out of a lot of things and when I'm single I kind of feel lonely. Like the glass is always half empty. Like an early starting mid-life crisis or something.

hh

Typical gay male....... Wants his cake and eat it..... That's fine. , like I said for sure you ain't ready to settle..