All about the money...

[Peter77]

Hi,

So, morning and not really much better, got to see my son for 1 minute and she is sending me messages complaining I not kiss her good morning and say make her not want to come home,don't then...

Anyway, looking at your feedback:

bwpage3 seems like you have given the best advice so far, at least you acknowledge this will not be easy, elgordo38 seems to agree

peterrabbit and shirtless, your exit strategy is good in theory but difficult to see in practice

jacko45 and JoopJoop, yes I should have done my homework, she has an 11-yr old daughter from Isaan ex, but only found that out when she was comfortable with me, ps first time I've heard Rig-Pig, good one :-)

BKKdreaming - you have Thai police buddy? Seems like something a farang would not have

Thrilled - aye, especially after this morning, since she seems to think I would turn up, apologise for god knows what, kiss and make up, yes divorce is definitely on the cards

pkspeaker - Thai salary in my office is 4 times that for secretaries, I know Government salary is not much better than 10k per month but if you're seriously hiring you may need to raise your offer a bit

And finally, many of you have agreed I should seek legal help, so please recommend someone?

Thanx

Peter

[JoopJoop]

So where's Peter the OP?

Lawyering up? Hahahaha......I bet he gets fleeced there also.

[Fairynuff]

Hi,

All good feedback, thanx, keep it coming.

You are right, I should have said wannabe hi-so, her ex was in oil and gas and gave her evetything until she left him, guess that was not even enough either.

Can't say I have had her on fixed income but everything has been by bank transfer, no cash in hand, so can prove have been supporting my wife.

Yes it has been more than a year paying off these debts, box was too small to go into a 4-yr sob story, but came to a head last night when I challenged her on spending 10,000 in less than 4 days, been arguing all day and she has taken the kids and not come home tonight.

Most friends have advised getting a divorce, just trying to figure out where I stand on custody and that I can just take care of my son and forget about her.

Thanx

Peter[/quote

Peter, I have no relevant experience in a situation like yours but I believe a woman like you seeme to be married to, totally focused on money, would most likely readily abandon her son when she realized kids cost money. Really wish you luck

[Peter77]

Hi JoopJoop,

Just getting into work, I'm in Bangkok remember and it's morning now.

And yes that is why I keep asking for a recommendation of a lawyer, I know what they are like here...

Peter

[georgemandm]

This hi-so thing has always amazed me.

A 'self defined' hi-so girl is no better than any other girl,

they just think they are better than others because they have

a few quid.

Even if they made the money by selling themselves, because of

the money they made in doing so, they believe they have gone

up on the social ladder.

Their attitude to others is normally sad, as they tend to talk

down to anyone not of the same financial level.

It is as bad, in my mind, as the BS face thing over here.

Yes very true will writing you are so right

[georgemandm]

You can't even work your marriage out. Don't think you can be a parent. You foolishly think your wife is Hi-So. There is no such thing. You're filled with no such thing.

You are a joke ok talking like that he is after help not dick heads like you

[whatproblem]

Bide your time ,get evidence on her ,did you meet her in a bar ,plan your escape from her and take your son if you are the legal father ,he's your son as much as hers ,when she's got no money she be back at bar ,

[whatproblem]

My ex got in to gambling ,I waited a few months while I made plans ,my son is with me ,she can't care him ,I did usafruct on house ,car in my name a swell as motorbikes ,I gave her some money to go away ,not last her long but her problem not mine ,I was married and living with her for 8 years .plan well and you will win

[georgemandm]

Very sorry to read what you are going through and hop it all works out for you if I we you I would just walk and try and work something out with your boy because if she has been like this the last 4 years she will not change.

Most of thai woman are like her be it hi so or low so all the same .

I have had things happen to me here but lucky I not have kids with no thai lady and I have not put my hole life savings in to thailand and I can walk away and still have lots of money but most man put to much in to thailand and can't walk away and put up with the Sh?t but you say you have not put much in to thailand so just walk good luck hop it all works out for you .

Ps not as if she is the last thai lady here but next time take your time with thai lady like I do now cheers .

[Berkshire]

This hi-so thing has always amazed me.

A 'self defined' hi-so girl is no better than any other girl,

they just think they are better than others because they have

a few quid.

Even if they made the money by selling themselves, because of

the money they made in doing so, they believe they have gone

up on the social ladder.

Their attitude to others is normally sad, as they tend to talk

down to anyone not of the same financial level.

It is as bad, in my mind, as the BS face thing over here.

Why are you guys even discussing "hi-so?" The OP's wife is not hi-so. You can tell because she married him. Hi-so Thai women do not associate with farangs...except in very rare occasions (some bonehead will bring up the princess from decades ago). She sounds like a typical farang-hunter or BG. My condolences to the OP.

[Peter77]

Hi,

georgemandm, yes, thank you for saying that, was surprised that statement from nithisa came from a super member, not surprised to see he is sitting in US, looking for help from people who are actually here

Thanx to everyone wishing me luck, yes seems like next year will be a messy divorce and payout, but happy with my son after that and no plans to go rushing to the next Thai girl

Peter

[ggt]

Hide the kitchen knives and do not go near any balcony with her present...also watch your back...

[lathamallika]

hi everyone ,i am on a oa visa living here now 7 months and have learnt so much on this subject ,when do we as farangs learn all we are ,is an atm card to these women when the money stops we are done and dusted until a new idiot comes along ,why do we do is the main question we all know the answer to that one .marry the women you marry the family thats the reality of living over here ,the onces that suffer are the kids ,be strong my friend you are the earner put your foot down and never never let the small head control the big head ,i would never buy houses cars in a thai womans name 80% doomed from the start ,take a walk along pattaya beach road i counted 15 guys sleeping rough all wiped clean by these women careful careful remember the old fs find them feed them f---- them forget them its kept me safe for many years living in asia best of luck to you

[bazza40]

been arguing all day and she has taken the kids and not come home tonight.

Go away for a couple of weeks, no forwarding address, no contact, no money left behind.

Home loans, car payments ....... don't pay anything.

Don't answer any phone calls.

I'm really good at escalating!

As for the kid,

If you pretend you don't want him, she won't want him either.

It's not as if you can't impregnate another Thai girl tonight.

Amazing - I'm in full agreement with you.

OP has broken the first rule in Thailand - DON'T GET MARRIED.

[pkspeaker]

oh god, can't you people have a sense of humor,15000 for a thai with perfect english and 6 days a week, how do you not make fun of that?

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[ttthailand]

I am not an expert and never had same problem but have been here over 20 years and seen and heard allot.

One thing to think about is how would a Thai guy handle the situation. They basically walk away and the lady is left with what ever he may or may not give, most give nothing and leave them with the kid who ends up with the grand mother.

If you are running after her she is in control. If it was me I think I would walk away and not tell her where you are but answer your phone and listen and not say much but if she gets angry just hang up. Just play like you don't care about anything.... Let her do the running and calling. It's a waiting game ! When you finally got her under your control and she is willing to be reasonable then tactfully proceed and get custody of your child. This game might take a month or two or even longer.

You are in deep so you will need to also figure out how to get the house, car and anything else out of your hair.

Sorry don't know any honest lawyers in Thailand. Be careful as lawyers here like to play both sides and suck as much money as possible.

[fang37]

Don't walk - run very fast NOW!

[pkspeaker]

its not anti-semitism, fact is farangs have more money than the average thai, its a foreign element that comes here to make money but they often pay low wages and hook up with women that are physically superior to them especially as far as looks and the local population thinks we're cheap bastards because we don't share our money with their families like they do, the thai's will share all their money with their families and westerners are not used to that because we are in the 'individulism' mindset.. its my momey but ill tip you,.. its shades of pre wwii european history where jews got tagged as 'cheap' and 'greedy'

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[SOTIRIOS]

That is the only reason why she married you....

Face the facts....the rest is lies and illusion...

You will be lucky to end up with anything at all...

'Hi-so'.....don't make me laugh.....

Whatever the real case is....has nothing to do with moral character...

[crazykopite]

Feel sorry for you , you are in a tricky situation I don't want to hear of another foreigner being found on the pavement after jumping out of an apartment block ( because that's what we hear week in week out ) maybe if you were to tell her that you have had to take a cut in wages so can no longer send money to her family would be helpful, I know it's being untruthful but I am sure she has been untruthful to you over the last 5 years the other question is are you 100 % sure that it is your son and not some rig pigs . Hope you can find a way out of this dreadful situation . It's true what they say about Thai woman "No Money No Honey" in 10 years of living in the Kingdom I have seen so many guys heading back to Europe skint and broken hearted !!!! Hope you manage to sort things out !

[Stevemercer]

You are in a bad situation now and your wife seems to have the upper hand. However, you still have a job and control the money flow. As several posters have suggested, you need to be patient and careful. Act like you don't care anymore and maybe the marriage is over. She will try and blackmail you for more money using your son. You may have to give her the silent treatment for a few weeks.

When she is ready to talk seriously, maybe you can offer to look after your son for a month or two while you both have time to 'cool off'. Make a list of plausible excuses and reasons she might swallow. You can give her some support money for that time. The important thing is to play a cool hand until she is willing to let your son live with you for a period of time in exchange for some money. Once your son is with you, then fight to keep him with you. You might have to move address and cut off contact with her at that stage. I don't think a lawyer can help you until you have got your son with you. That's when you start the fight.

[Peter77]

Couple of good last posts, thanx

Yes, starting silent treatment already today.

Peter

[Pinot]

The child is the pawn. The situation sounds ugly. The OP bought into this situation and was fine with it until he wasn't. I would lay down the law. The situation is intolerable and she can either accept the changes or divorce. I doubt she'll kill the golden goose but if she does and uses the kid as the pawn you have to be ready with legal action.

Have your ducks in a line. Have the talk with the wife after knowing your rights from an attorney.

Everything is negotiable, including children.

I would be prepared to lose everything. Sometimes (more often in Thailand) it goes like that.

[louse1953]

5555,stopped reading after hi-so from Yasothon.Ok,i'm bored,i'll read on.

[fang37]

$$$ ain't everything but I am an exception to the rule.

Must see the RC priest - he takes very good care of me & is so gentle (most of the time).

I give Father only a little $$$ - he is so understanding of my needs.

[HughJass]

just trying to cheer the OP up with a little humour

[callaway]

Hi-So my arse. She ain't even a wannabe. Formerly partnered with a rig pig. Mate, there are no rig pigs with class so she definitely ain't a girl of high status.

Leave that hill tribe Issan whore and get legal advice re your kid.

Jeez, you should have done your homework.

Still, you calling her Hi-So has me thinking you're a very naive lad. Good luck and damn glad it's not me.

Joopjoop totally uncool comment. I work oil and gas and believe I would have more class in a hair on my ass than you, judging by your comment

[csabo]

Thought he had a hi-so

but really got a lo-ho

I feel for you bro

Her family gotta go

Trips to the ATM..no mo

Grab the kid son

Next border run?... Mexico

Credit: Jay-Z Rockafella Records

[louse1953]

I had a Hi-So Gf......A real one. Thai-Chinese. We flew first class all over the globe. Ate in the best restaurants....She bought me more stuff than I care to recall...

She kept me hidden from her parents. The rest of the family were great. So......What I think you have is a face playing gold digger.

Oh......Pretty much everything we did was on her dime. I really had to plan on ways to pay for stuff........

Her cerdit card you mean.

[Krataiboy]

Join the club. Thailand is full of disillusioned falangs who fell in love with local girls whose notion of a loving relationship is measured in how money money is lavished upon them and their families. By the sound of it, you are young enough to start again, if that is really what you want

Assuming you would like your freedom, an hour with a good divorce lawyer would be a worthwhile initial investment. Or you can trawl the endless supply of divorce-related material available on the Internet.

Contested divorces in Thailand are a lengthy, traumatic and very costly, lottery - whereas a divorce by mutual consent, easily obtained at the amphur where you were married, can be easily obtained in a few minutes for a few baht.

Ideally, if she can be persuaded down the consensual route, persuade (you should know how by now!) your wife to sign a written Agreement on precisely who gets what from the assets of your marriage - including custody of your son and visiting rights for the absent parent..

When submitted with the divorce papers, such an agreement will have the power of law and can only be changed by mutual consent.

Good luck, whatever you decide.