In praise of divorced men

[Fabricus]

I've noticed some very defensive (and even a few borderline offensive) posts have made their way onto this thread.

I wonder why that is.

In my OP I simply stated that I prefer the company of divorced men. I consider them wiser and more mature. I find them more interesting, too.

By contrast, so-called happily married men often strike me as little more than naive schoolboys.

===

I've been very honest about my own circumstances. My ex and I were together for ten years. I firmly believed she was the only woman in Thailand who would never cheat. But she did.

In retrospect I am very happy for her. She was obsessed with football, and I guess you could say that her dream came true.

She is the mother of my only son. We send him to a top school in BKK.

I'm far from bitter. I'm just wiser!

Divorced men will understand.

[MaeJoMTB]

I've noticed some very defensive (and even a few borderline offensive) posts have made their way onto this thread.

I wonder why that is.

Denial!

Divorced man = bad man

I'm a good man, so divorce can't happen to me.

See, easily explained.

Edited November 5, 2015 by MaeJoMTB

[SoiBiker]

I've noticed some very defensive (and even a few borderline offensive) posts have made their way onto this thread.

I wonder why that is.

In my OP I simply stated that I prefer the company of divorced men. I consider them wiser and more mature. I find them more interesting, too.

By contrast, so-called happily married men often strike me as little more than naive schoolboys.

Sounds like you're the one dishing out the insults to me.

[Mudcrab]

That seems like a very narrow minded point of view. Like only a math teacher understands math. etc No disrespect implied or intended.

It's a bit like saying that people who failed their exams make the best teachers.

Who then come to Thailand and teach English.

[seancbk]

Interesting post, but you've ignored the fact that women cheat just as often as men.

Are you certain that's a fact?

In Hong Kong I worked as a male escort, my clients were all wealthy married western women.

Typically story was they were staying married until the kids were older or in some cases for the husband's job, but had their own sex lives.

I even went out socially with some of the women with their husbands.

However, I'd like to think that when I get married my marriage will be more like my parent's.

My father died last week aged 79, right until the end he did everything to make my mother happy. They were married for 52 years and like newlyweds up until the end.

My father's brother is still married to the same woman.... and my Mum's brother is still happily married to his wife..... both couples must be approaching the 50 year mark together.

[hoffy66]

Divorced men seem to be the ones who haven't a clue of holding a relationship together….well thats how it appears at least.

What a joke, when you go through this occasion you may be a better person for it.

[GAZZPA]

I've noticed some very defensive (and even a few borderline offensive) posts have made their way onto this thread.

I wonder why that is.

In my OP I simply stated that I prefer the company of divorced men. I consider them wiser and more mature. I find them more interesting, too.

By contrast, so-called happily married men often strike me as little more than naive schoolboys.

===

I've been very honest about my own circumstances. My ex and I were together for ten years. I firmly believed she was the only woman in Thailand who would never cheat. But she did.

In retrospect I am very happy for her. She was obsessed with football, and I guess you could say that her dream came true.

She is the mother of my only son. We send him to a top school in BKK.

I'm far from bitter. I'm just wiser!

Divorced men will understand.

Erm, your post is borderline offensive my friend, please remind yourself of the highlights in your post below, so expect likewise responses.

I thought you claim divorcees were supposed to be wise? Could you not predict those kinds of responses? I certainly would have. Even your post above you are stating that happily married men strike you as "naive schoolboys", well in response I would say you strike me as a misguided, bitter old fart,, get it?

Wisdom comes with age, different life experiences teach you different things, but making a statement that only divorced men really know about life and love and that happily married men are naive and less interesting is obviously crap to the average intelligent person.

i think a better translation of your post is you can relate to other divorcees better then happily married men, simple. Did it ever occur to you that happily married men may have learnt life lessons from girlfriend relationships before marriage? And that experience gave them wisdom to chose their married partner with more success then you? Don't know what I am saying, of course it didn't.

So you can sit with other bitter old men slating women and having conversations about how happily married men are so naive and how wise you all are. Well frankly, rather then interesting i would find your conversation predictable and mind numbingly boring, they all end a similar "she got my cash,,, she got the house,, women get the lot, men get screwed" bah, blah, blah. I would rather stay at home and boil my own head then sit through a depressing evening listening to that drivel.

I talk to westerners young and old alike, but these days I only take seriously men who've been through divorce. I believe firmly that divorced men are the ones who know most about life. Divorced men are invariably more interesting, more knowledgeable and wiser.

I don't get a kick out of hearing pipsqueaks telling me their GF is "different" or their marriage is "rock solid". This is all part and parcel of life. It's important not to be bitter or cynical.

But I genuinely feel that only divorced men really understand life, love and relationships.

[Straight8]

Most divorced men come here and marry to a Thai [or re-marry in their own country] and the process happens all over again.

OP couldn't be further from the truth.

Divorced men are divorced for a reason.

[bazza40]

If you said people who can hold their relationship together were happier or more contented, no argument. It is entirely possible for a person of limited intellectual capacity to be perfectly happy. Wiser and more knowledgeable? Disagree - how would you go about proving your assertion?

So people who are perfectly happy staying together are of "limited intellectual capacity". . Are you suggesting you have significant intellectual capacity? Is that where these pearls of wisdom are coming from? From my experience the smartest people don't draw attention to their intellect, they see little point, only the people of limited intellectual capacity sight themselves as being smart...

I don't need to prove my assertion, the same as you don't, it is just opinion, we are not in a court of law.

How very convenient for you. So you can make generalised assertions on the basis of a sample of one couple, combine a straw man argument with a bit of ad hominem, and walk away saying your opinion won. You have certainly convinced me of your wisdom and knowledge..

[catman20]

What about those of us who weren't naive enough to get married in the first place ?

well mate I have to take my hat of to those guys there the real smart ones

[catman20]

Most divorced men come here and marry to a Thai [or re-marry in their own country] and the process happens all over again.

OP couldn't be further from the truth.

Divorced men are divorced for a reason.

any man that remarries or for that matter marries in Thailand needs his head look at

[fang37]

A divorced man has learnt a lot from the broken marriage.

He comes here with new understanding (I hope) & is willing to work hard to resolve problems.

As a result, broken relationships are few.

The exception - too much booze.

[GAZZPA]

If you said people who can hold their relationship together were happier or more contented, no argument. It is entirely possible for a person of limited intellectual capacity to be perfectly happy. Wiser and more knowledgeable? Disagree - how would you go about proving your assertion?

So people who are perfectly happy staying together are of "limited intellectual capacity". . Are you suggesting you have significant intellectual capacity? Is that where these pearls of wisdom are coming from? From my experience the smartest people don't draw attention to their intellect, they see little point, only the people of limited intellectual capacity sight themselves as being smart...

I don't need to prove my assertion, the same as you don't, it is just opinion, we are not in a court of law.

How very convenient for you. So you can make generalised assertions on the basis of a sample of one couple, combine a straw man argument with a bit of ad hominem, and walk away saying your opinion won. You have certainly convinced me of your wisdom and knowledge..

I did not say my examples were the entire basis behind me forming my opinion, that's just yet another silly assumption you have made. Almost as ridiculous as your inference that it's possible for people to stay happily married if they are intellectually challenged.

So far you have also failed miserably to convince me with your "wisdom and knowledge". Do you have anything to say that is more convincing then your arguments so far, preferably an argument that is sound without insulting happily married people? Or will it be just another excuse to spout your bitterness towards people? I will wait for you apply your "superior intellect".

[mydee]

People are often attracted to those who have the same outlook or share similar opinions. But if that's what you like well misery shared makes one party the wiser. In my opinion a lot of divorcees are bitter and twisted I don't find that group particularly interesting especially when they burden you with their all to common tales of woe and betrayal. I find a lot of them particularly boring. Like everyone else when divorcees prove to be interesting it is because of some other factor rather than their marital status.

[spidermike007]

Divorce is a beautiful thing. If the marriage is not working and you have done all you can to fix it, walk. Life is far too short to stay in an unfulfilling relationship. Far too short. Divorce is a celebration of life.

[bazza40]

.

So far you have also failed miserably to convince me with your "wisdom and knowledge". Do you have anything to say that is more convincing then your arguments so far, preferably an argument that is sound without insulting happily married people? Or will it be just another excuse to spout your bitterness towards people? I will wait for you apply your "superior intellect".

You are the person putting words in my mouth and jumping to unwarranted conclusions. Having said that, I see no reason to suffer fools gladly. I suggest you have a nice cup of tea, a Bex, and a good lie down.

Edited November 6, 2015 by bazza40

[smotherb]

In the same way that those who've been in a car accident know the most about driving?

Maybe it's no one can hope to make a good relationship decision until they have made a bad one.

[smotherb]

I agree that most negative experiences in life that you overcome, divorce / addictions / serious accidents will make you wiser whatever your gender.

JHolmesJr said

'Divorced men seem to be the ones who haven't a clue of holding a relationship together….well thats how it appears at least.'

I have been divorced twice and i think that judgement could correctly have been applied for me on both occasions (was a slow learner) In hindsight i should have been less nice, less reasonable and less compromising!

I too have been divorced twice, both amicably achieved with no loss of personal assets. Perhaps you should have been more nice, more reasonable, more compromising, and a lot better at choosing a spouse.

[smotherb]

In the same way that those who've been in a car accident know the most about driving?

If you were in a car accident because somebody ran a red light, you may be the person whose car was struck as you went through the intersection with the green light, or you were the person who ran the red light.

Did you walk to work or bring your lunch?

[SoiBiker]

In the same way that those who've been in a car accident know the most about driving?

Maybe it's no one can hope to make a good relationship decision until they have made a bad one.

Oh, I've made plenty of those. Thankfully, though, I never married any of them.

[JLCrab]

In the same way that those who've been in a car accident know the most about driving?

If you were in a car accident because somebody ran a red light, you may be the person whose car was struck as you went through the intersection with the green light, or you were the person who ran the red light.

Did you walk to work or bring your lunch?

Whatever work I may do is done at home and my lunch is delivered by my dabbawala.

Edited November 6, 2015 by JLCrab

[rogeroc]

Referring to a number of recent posts about the ability to choose a partner.

Great if you are in a happy marriage / relationship and all is well. The point is, how many of those who were married but are now divorced thought exactly the same way for maybe many many years! If you are on / or pretty close to your deathbed and still happy with your partner only then can you say that you know how to choose a partner.

[JLCrab]

... and on that pleasant note, a musical interlude:

[JAFO]

Referring to a number of recent posts about the ability to choose a partner.

Great if you are in a happy marriage / relationship and all is well. The point is, how many of those who were married but are now divorced thought exactly the same way for maybe many many years! If you are on / or pretty close to your deathbed and still happy with your partner only then can you say that you know how to choose a partner.

You know I laughed at myself a bit when I decided to get married again because I told myself after I embarked on my divorce I would never do it again. But I thought, hey I went 21 years first time around and had no regrets and with a little luck I can pull off another 20+ one now. Getting married now I am way wiser in that I am not buying the vows so no worries or pressure. What will happen will happen and I do not have to force anything. I could have lived with my now wife not getting married but it meant the world to her and her family values. She never asked but I knew.

I will say things are way different the 2nd time around. I am not looking at career paths and working long hours playing the corporate America game. My children from first marriage are grown and on their own and we are not having. I do not need to work but have some opportunities in the works for Thailand to dabble in. Wife is happy. I am relaxed. I built us a nice house that is ours but ultimately hers and is paid for. I have reserves tucked away in the US in case it all goes weird.

In the end its all very different this time around. Different place in life. Why decided it was all good.

[CharlieH]

What always struck me was, as you get older, have more experiences, you may not precisely know what you want, but you sure as hell know what you dont want.

[Fabricus]

Divorce is a beautiful thing. If the marriage is not working and you have done all you can to fix it, walk. Life is far too short to stay in an unfulfilling relationship. Far too short. Divorce is a celebration of life.

I like that a lot!

I find it curious that so many people consider divorce to be failure. If the relationship has produced children and/or offered opportunities for personal growth, it's been a success.

It's also odd to see that many people believe divorce is invariably the fault of the man. I think lots of TV members have of a poor understanding of life, women, and female sexuality.

[fang37]

Divorced men have so much to offer young Thai women.

There should be an incentive for their services.

A medal?

Alternatively, discounts at local whorehouses?

[spidermike007]

Divorce is a beautiful thing. If the marriage is not working and you have done all you can to fix it, walk. Life is far too short to stay in an unfulfilling relationship. Far too short. Divorce is a celebration of life.

I like that a lot!

I find it curious that so many people consider divorce to be failure. If the relationship has produced children and/or offered opportunities for personal growth, it's been a success.

It's also odd to see that many people believe divorce is invariably the fault of the man. I think lots of TV members have of a poor understanding of life, women, and female sexuality.

In western society, everything is the fault of the man. Some western women remind me of many Thai men. Unable to take responsibility for their mistakes, or to look within for the source of the problem, when it comes to failed relationships. And probably, a good many relationships in the west fail, due to the woman's nearly complete inability to embrace femininity, and her absolute insistence on the nearly complete emasculation of her man. And there is probably little consciousness of how terrible it feels, for the average man to walk around without a nutsack. But hey, that is just the way I see it, and it is just my opinion. Worth about five cents.

[SoiBiker]

I'd say you over-estimated the value a little.

[rogeroc]

If you have been through divorce yourself OK, if not i would say the value is worth 5 cents more than your comment.