Thailands unspoken law.

[Daniel Boon]

Our village handyman was bragging that he had shagged every mia falang in the village, except one.

When I told my wife about it and she said "That will be Noi from number 22, she thinks she's so hi-so".

What about your wife then?

for guten sake, its a joke ...

[Suradit69]

A girl from Swensens? Seriously?

How about next time you find a woman close to your own age?

Do you really think younger generation has anything in common with you?

Can you blame a younger woman wanting to live her life?

And to answer your question.... no this is not Thailand's "unspoken law". What a bunch of.....

My girlfriend has a lot of friends and there are only a few instances of infidelity. Certainly no one ever said it is "normal" LOL

"And to answer your question.... no this is not Thailand's "unspoken law". What a bunch of....."

It does seem odd that some people only "see" certain behaviors in Thailand and nowhere else. Infidelity is hardly unique to Thailand, especially when the "magic" that binds the relationship is largely imagined by one of the partners.

Last month I proposed to get with a 400,000 baht ring.

Which probably pretty well sums up what the O/P is bringing to the relationship. Coming to Thailand with the plan to splash around some money in order to find "true love" and blaming their "catch" for insincerity is definitely a case of the pot disparaging the kettle.

Edited November 28, 2015 by Suradit69

[Jacks77]

I had 3 girls who cheated on their bf w me.

1 used to call me just for sex on her lunch break.

1 was married and used to come see me when he was at work or business trips.

1 had a bf in singapore and I was again the one she called when she was horny or didnt want to sleep alone.

Foreigners who live outside thailand and leave their thai "gf" here and keep sending money every month are such fools.

[jomcondo]

I used to target foreigners wives/girlfriends that they left looking after the condo.

they were already receiving cash from the bf/husband so they wouldn't ask me for any.

[rodcourt49]

Not a Law, but according to the durex survey, Thailand is ranked number 2 in the world for infidelity, affairs and cheating. The top spot goes to some African country. Paradoxicly, Thai women (and men) hate a to be lied to but they sure excel at it. I call it "Asian honesty" words are meaningless, trust few.

...welcome to Lie-land..

[joboss]

I used to target foreigners wives/girlfriends that they left looking after the condo.

they were already receiving cash from the bf/husband so they wouldn't ask me for any.

Yep.. and they don't stick to you too.. win win

[prakhonchai nick]

A boyfriend who lives/works overseas and visits occasionally. Whether he sends money or not, he could turn off the tap at any time and break the relationship -especially if he finds someone else back home.

Can you blame the girls for keeping their options open -at least until marriage.

If he is fool enough to spend big money, but houses.cars for the girl, then more fool him.

Marry her and live with her -permanently -then you will be 90% safe!

[arminbkk]

Why does the OP complain about the one good point of Thailand? Namely, the increased chances to get with

a girl/woman you want to do even though she is taken.

Also, why did OP spent over 4 M baht in 4 years on “just” a girlfriend?

The OP’s story also shows that those that always advice to pick a normal girl, an office girl, a girl that works in a department store,

or at Swensen’s…….don’t know what they are talking about.

Anyway, as a more serious response: OP first needs to learn to differentiate between “normal” and “common occurrence”…….these two are not the same.

Although many girls (and even more guys) do what the OP’s girlfriend did, sorry…ex girlfriend did, it is not “normal” and there are many girls that will not do that.

When she said "no, he is in his county and not come much, so it's ok"…the OP should have already known what time it was,

since OP himself “is in his country and not come much”.

To answer the OP’s question: yes, it does happen to others, many others. But I am sure that the girls get cheated on more than the guys.

[cgphuket]

"a cute little Thai girl working and swensen ice cream eatery." says enough about you. case closed.

[ggt]

What I want to know, has this happen to anyone else?

Meaning no disrespect...but this question made me chuckle...

Honestly friend...I personally know of no Thai woman that is completely trustworthy...it is common place for a Thai woman to be servicing several men at one time and feel she is still being true to her farang husband/bf...no big deal in her mind...she makes her farang happy when she is with him...so what is the problem...this is how she feels...this is one aspect of Thai culture...

I know you are down and out at the moment...rightfully so...you have learned an important life's lesson...try not to make this same mistake again...

This pain and suffering will soon pass...

So many lovely ladies...so little time...good luck...

[rocketron57]

There are stories like this all over this forum. So no, its not unusual and in many cases t would seem its "the norm" if you are not careful.

Suggest you also read this as a similar story: http://www.thaivisa.com/forum/topic/870503-another-victim-bites-the-dust-when-will-they-ever-learn/

There are even books written about it. Try "private dancer".

I was given a copy of private dancer a few months after I moved to Thailand 8 years ago, I was very green.

I started reading the book one evening and was absolutely fascinated by it, so much so that I sat reading through the night until I finished it the next morning. So many things about the Thai psyche that until then I had not understood suddenly became clear.

In my opinion this book is a must read for anyone new to Thailand especially for anyone in a relationship with a Thai girl.

[smotherb]

There are stories like this all over this forum. So no, its not unusual and in many cases t would seem its "the norm" if you are not careful.

Suggest you also read this as a similar story: http://www.thaivisa.com/forum/topic/870503-another-victim-bites-the-dust-when-will-they-ever-learn/

There are even books written about it. Try "private dancer".

Agree that this is a common occurrence. Especially within the subculture of Thai women who date farangs. The OP seems crush and defeated. Yet, he's probably still going to find another Thai woman. Not just him, but thousands of foreign men are seeking a Thai wife. If Thai women are so notoriously bad, why are so many wanting to be with them?

Just a guess, but perhaps it's because some Thai women are so readily available, especially the sub-culture who "date" farangs.

[joebrown]

Reading the OP reminds me of the 5 years I spent living 'up north'.My Thai g/f made me aware of a common practice employed by some of the local women. This was the art of 'balancing the diary', whereby a woman would have 3 or 4 farangs sending money from abroad every month, but only coming to LOS for a short break, once or twice a year. The clever ones were able to arrange visits by the farangs, so there was no duplication/overlapping, and they always met up at a resort eg Pattaya or Phuket, far away from the gossips in their home village.

Another 'moral' issue I have encountered is the surprising number of farangs who come to LOS, live with a Thai woman for a couple of months and then return to their farang wives and families for the remainder of the year.

[mikiea]

A girl from Swensens? Seriously?

How about next time you find a woman close to your own age?

Do you really think younger generation has anything in common with you?

Can you blame a younger woman wanting to live her life?

And to answer your question.... no this is not Thailand's "unspoken law". What a bunch of.....

My girlfriend has a lot of friends and there are only a few instances of infidelity. Certainly no one ever said it is "normal" LOL

yea , I heard swensens is the perfered place for broken hotties to wait for a old farts to fall into there web of sweetness . this brain trust needs to learn the art of monkey spanking ...........

[georgemandm]

All I can say after coming and going to thailand in the last 7 years I can't trust a thai lady at all and a western lady as well .

I have lent the hard way to but I am not that stupid to put all my money into thailand and a thai lady I just play the game now like the Thais do .

The think that makes me so mad in thailand is when I meet a western man and that man tells me his thai lady is a good one what a load of bullshit that is all I can say .

And if we not for thai puss me and 99% of man in thailand would not be in thailand.

What you put into thailand you should say I am going to lose it and not try and get it back just walk away but most man put it all in to one lady and are stack with her that is why most get on her and complain about thailand and thai lady's I love the place to go and then come home and then back again for more fun and no I never ever get the Thais out of thai bars not like them at all .

[HerbalEd]

Thais women have no monopoly on this sort of behavior. I'd say that in all countries and cultures of the world you'll have a high rate of infidelity when there is frequent and prolonged separation between a man and his lady friend. Example: construction or oil workers who work outside of Thailand for months at a time and then come back to Thailand to be with their Thai lady friend.

Also, I've know many men who cheated on their lady, and yet they are the most indignant when they discover their lady is cheating on them.

[momtaz]

This is totally a cheating, unethical,

However, to be fair for all, we can't accuse all Thai girls to be like this type,

I do personally know some good conservative ladies, but for sure the bad ones are every where,

However, you did right step to pack everything and get away from this bad one,

in fact, I wonder that so many farang guys very idiot to trust a girl they met in bar or such dark spots dn start spending millions??

some of my friends whom they lived here for a while, they jumped over countless of girls and no one of them got 1 single baht, in the best cases a meal at KFC,

[wombat]

if you aint there using it then there is nothing wrong in getting it used.......i don't see what the problem is.

[BlindMagician]

How much do you really know of this class of Thai cultural behaviour?

Here's a simple, perhaps oversimplified, but useful example. Not water tight, but illustrative, so don't over focus on the holes, but focus on the core:

"Western thinking" : Truth is more important than a relationship.

1. If you lie to a friend or a lover, then the relationship will suffer, and maybe end due to the lie.

2. The truth is the truth regardless of who the individual is that you are connecting to.

3. There is the truth, and anything other than the truth are lies. Black and white.

"Thai ... erm ... thinking" : The relationship is more important than the truth.

1. The relationship must be maintained, whether by lies (as defined by Western thinking) of truth is not relevant.

2. The truth or "information" depends on who you are connecting to, and it is all a matter of the relationship you have to that person that then defines what the truth is.

3. There are no lies, just different versions of information that is needed according to the relationship.

One example outcome is that if you accuse a Thai (of that approx class, who fits this oversimplified little model) of lying to their face, they only register this as an insult to their perceived relationship status. They wonder why you want to damage the relationship by misinterpreting the "information" in this harmful way. They can easily adjust the information, to keep the relationship, and don't understand why you can't do the same. You can't understand why they can't see the "information" as being a clear bare faced lie.

Digital and analogue. It can work, but needs a super high tech interface to "translate".

So, in your case, and in your thinking, your lady is/was cheating. In her thinking (maybe? I am ONLY proposing a theory here, as I don't know her in the slightest!!) she simply has relationships and conveys "information" to those parties according to keep those relationships - I know; difficult for us Falang to understand, but...you see why?

As I said, this is just a theory for your specific case and specific lady; but the core essence of this is based on a lot of empirical evidence (not just my observation, but also comes from wider reading), and written as a gross generalisation and simplification.

Practical advice:

-For this specific lady, decide to stick with it, or walk away.

-For future ladies, as part of the "getting to know them" phase, see what their views are on the "digital versus analogue" of Western and Thai thinking. If they can describe the differences, with specific examples from their lives, and show a balance view, if they can openly discuss it, this is itself a measure that they can think in the Western way, as well as the Thai way. Then you know you can open a serious chat by saying you want to chat in the Western brain mode, and get deep into your understanding with the lady. Only then do you have a chance to build the "translator tech" between the two very different thinking worlds.

Best of luck!!

TIT, LoS, and all that.

[iaminwa]

Stay single this time mate - This is great place to live if you earn good money working out of country, but never invest in a condo or wife here.

Just rent, and bang whores short time...if you don't want to bang whores there are plenty of 1 night stands out there.

Please, please do not listen to idiot Farangs who tell you that a "good Thai girl" will not sleep with you before marriage or meeting the parents etc...that is absolute bullshit. If she is not sleeping with you and you have been dating her for a while, then like a previous poster stated, get a HIV test done.

I know several Farangs who work out of country, and all have Thai wives (some on their 2nd one), or are now in the process of getting a divorce.

What makes me laugh is how the Thai wife asks for a breast job or a nose job after the new house has been built for "Mamma Pappa" up in Isaan.

Then comes the condo investments in Pattaya or the plots of land up North - "for her so she has something when I am gone"

I must say though, the GPS tracking on the scooter is the smartest thing you have done.

And finally, the Farang who imports a Filipino girl to Thailand for the 4 weeks he is living here between work assignments. Seems to be the way to go, an abundance of young cuties in the PI. Just can be a real pain for them to leave the PI airport immigration if you are not there with them, even though they don't need a visa to come to Thailand.

Conclusion - bang the whores, bored Thai wives, and bored Thai girls with idiot Farangs sending them money and you wont go wrong here.

[METV]

Yes it is normal for a Thai to betray a farang. There are many books about it.

Thai society is very hierarchal, Farangs are at the bottom with brown skinned people, but having money makes up for it.

You are only accepted as walking ATM, and for your GF and family, it is shocking that suddenly you don't want to play that role anymore.

What did you expect? Romanticism is a 19th century French concept that never made it to LOS. The best you can get is a partner who'll know better than to cheat on her golden goose or be discrete enough not to be caught.

[METV]

Just rent, and bang whores short time...if you don't want to bang whores there are plenty of 1 night stands out there.

Recipe for syphilis which is rampant here.

[micmichd]

Do you think a Thai lady is your property because you invested into a sexual relationship?

[elgordo38]

Your at the initiation stage. This is a lesson learned. If the lesson is not learned you may have to be burnt a second time. After a number of years you will get the hang of things. Just hang onto your wallet and 400,000 bahts for a ring? She must have been gorgeous and seen you coming. I only lost 15,000 baht on my first effort and the lesson sunk in. Right after you land they whiz you off to the jewelry store so you can show your undying love. You have to learn to separate the wheat from the chaff.

[Altalake]

Suggest you read "Private Dancer" by Stephen Leather.

It spell it all out.

[elgordo38]

Your at the initiation stage. This is a lesson learned. If the lesson is not learned you may have to be burnt a second time. After a number of years you will get the hang of things. Just hang onto your wallet and 400,000 bahts for a ring? She must have been gorgeous and seen you coming. I only lost 15,000 baht on my first effort and the lesson sunk in. Right after you land they whiz you off to the jewelry store so you can show your undying love. You have to learn to separate the wheat from the chaff.

[SOTIRIOS]

.....they only look human...they have no conscience...no soul..............

...they go through the motions.....

...and it works....because we want to believe.....and we cannot imagine that such monsters exist in the world.....

...sad......shocking and true...and it is epidemic....

...didn't you read all the studies and surveys......80-90% of teachers and students think it is okay to cheat.....

...that applies to lying...to get away with anything as well.....it is rampant.....

....bad is good........and good is stupid.......

[chrisinth]

I had 3 girls cheating on me at the same time.

So who was the real cheater then?

[brucegoniners]

Yes, it happens a lot.

It always comes down to the caliber of woman you are choosing.

I find if they are too "needy", wanting this and wanting that, then it's not good.

I got lucky with my wife. She is beyond reproach. Fortunately.

But I had a bad experience with the one before her.

[CharlieH]

Crude and inflammatory remarks removed.