Giving Birth

[Jared]

Ok so my wife is due to give birth in a few weeks and we had a doctors appointment today. Were at a private hospital in Korat, the doctor said that during the birth no one is aloud in the room apart from my wife and the doctors, so they will not let me help her through this. Is this normal practice in Thailand as I want to be in there with her, its common practice in the UK and as Im paying for the birth im going to demand it. Im curious to know what situations other fathers were put in during there childs birth.

She also asked my wife if she wanted to have the baby today, 2 weeks early just because the doctor is going on holiday next week. She said she can give her an injection so she can have him now. This doesnt sound right to me.

Thanks

Jared

[mamastar]

Couple of thoughts - though I've never given birth in Thailand.

In Japan (where I had mine), nearly all (except for a few western ones) hospitals don't allow other people in the room, other than the doctor and nurses. My sister-in-law had her husband, mum and cousin in the room in Australia, hubby filming the whole thing to boot. (I got to see a pic of the doctor sewing her afterwards, with her smiling tiredly.)

Due dates are also not a science, as the last due date the doctor tells you is based upon certain measurements, I believe, and not on last known period. Maybe the doctor thinks it won't matter? Though I do think suggesting that is rather inappropriate of him/her. Though this is obviously decades ago, supposedly when I was born, the doctor asked my mum when she wanted me. I was born just around the time of year when a week earlier I would be in the year above, and I was induced later in order to be in the year below. Would also have to note, that this is the British NHS for you.

Just a couple of things, though not sure if they were of any help.

[Neeranam]

I was in the room with my wife. Bamrungrad in Bkk. Wasn't a pretty sight though, and we had ask the doc first. Normal practice is the father can't go in, and Thais don't ever question a doctor.

I'm not going in for the next one in a 4 months.

[mamastar]

Having read Neeranam's comment, I would like to point out to Jared, that being in the room isn't for everyone.

I was initially very unhappy when I was not allowed my partner in the delivery room, but once labour started, I realised that I would rather not have him. He was pottering around, trying to hold my hand, encouraging me and trying to get me to breathe properly, and I was in such pain that his efforts merely irritated me. Once in the delivery room, I had nurses, doctors and midwives who knew what to do, whereas my partner wouldn't have had a clue.

Not intention of bursting your bubble - for some, it's an incredible experience and couples want to share that moment, for others, the pain is just so intense that you want to get it over and done with in the most efficient possible way. I was obviously the latter.

Good luck though - either way, you'll be getting a lovely baby out of it all. Bumungrad does sound pretty good - were I to have another one, I would definitely consider having it there.

[Nawtilus]

I was in the room here in Bkk, there was never a hint of not being allowed in.

As for the doc asking to do it now...I would go find a new doc, that kind of practice and attitude already sounds suspect to me.

Guess it might be a bit hard and late to find a new doc and hospital, but if you could afford it i would come to Bkk.

Insist on being in the room, if they still say no, go elsewhere. Make sure you make this arrangement early, so that you have time to change.

It is your child as well and you have every right to watch what goes on, be there at the first instant and support your wife. Above, be the farang with the enquiring mind, maybe that is what they do not like...but bad luck for them is my attitude when it comes to my family and kids.

[t.s]

Ok so my wife is due to give birth in a few weeks and we had a doctors appointment today. Were at a private hospital in Korat, the doctor said that during the birth no one is aloud in the room apart from my wife and the doctors, so they will not let me help her through this. Is this normal practice in Thailand as I want to be in there with her, its common practice in the UK and as Im paying for the birth im going to demand it. Im curious to know what situations other fathers were put in during there childs birth.

She also asked my wife if she wanted to have the baby today, 2 weeks early just because the doctor is going on holiday next week. She said she can give her an injection so she can have him now. This doesnt sound right to me.

Thanks

Jared

quite simply i would get the heck out of korat.

I too have a child on the way in a couple of weeks, and justly or unjustly, i would not have it delivered outside bangkok, especially when the attitude of the doctor is that cavalier. That said, in bangkok the doctors wait for about 20 mins before announcing "c-sec dee gwah".

all in all im just happy its not coming out of my body

[BKK90210]

In many cases the father can be such a distraction for everyone in the room instead of concentrating at the job on hand, now they have to be worrying not only mother & baby, but a distraught dad too. Don’t be surprise if you ended up on the floor from fainting and you may think differently about "the love canal" afterward.

[Farma]

Ask most Thai fathers if they were in the delivery room at time of birth and most if not all will tell you they weren’t.

My wife says it’s hospital policy not to allow fathers in the delivery room at most hospitals.

Birth is a nice experience to watch but take some earplugs so you can’t hear the names your wife will call you in between the cramps. You need a strong stomach too.

[mamastar]

I agree with BKK90210 - some women fear that the partner will see them differently afterwards. A friend of mine refused to let the hubby at "that end" at delivery, because of this. It didn't matter that the said hubby was a doctor, and it's professional courtesy among them (seemingly) for the OBGYN to allow the doctor hubby to "catch" the baby. I guess there's a fear of hubby seeing the wife as a mother instead of a wife/lover.

I do think that if Jared is uncomfortable with the policies at the hospital, then to find another one. It's never really too late, just don't leave it until the contractions start. Hospitals will always make a decent amount of money from childbirth, and I'm sure some would be willing to take an expecting mother at this late date.

Above all, making sure the mama-to-be is comfortable with arrangements.

[JacknDanny]

Ok so my wife is due to give birth in a few weeks and we had a doctors appointment today. Were at a private hospital in Korat, the doctor said that during the birth no one is aloud in the room apart from my wife and the doctors, so they will not let me help her through this. Is this normal practice in Thailand as I want to be in there with her, its common practice in the UK and as Im paying for the birth im going to demand it. Im curious to know what situations other fathers were put in during there childs birth.

She also asked my wife if she wanted to have the baby today, 2 weeks early just because the doctor is going on holiday next week. She said she can give her an injection so she can have him now. This doesnt sound right to me.

Thanks

Jared

My son was born at Bangkok Nursing home, and I was asked if I wanted to be present during the birth, which I accepted.

I stayed away from the messy end but I can honestly say that when he finally popped out looking like a 7lb plucked chicken, it was the best moment of my life.

I also have friends who were also present at the birth of their kids over here, so I do not believe it is hospital policy in Thailand.

[mamastar]

Are those friends Thai or westerners? Some have pointed out that Thais don't do this, maybe some hospitals who are used to foreigners WILL allow it.

I'm sure seeing your baby come out was quite an experience. I'm partly glad that I didn't get to actually see mine "pop out" as I was busy delivering. I initially did want my partner to be there, because part of me has always felt that women get to give birth, and in a primitive way, know that that baby is theirs as it came out of them. Men on the other hand don't get that experience, and is possibly important to some to be there for the birth. My child's father was not present (asleep in the next room) at the time, and that in the end suited us.

Just wanted to make it clear I am in no way dissing dads being there for the birth.

[Farma]

I also have friends who were also present at the birth of their kids over here, so I do not believe it is hospital policy in Thailand.

Maybe I should rephrase my comment to read Government hospital policy. I know my information is correct.

[bkkmick]

I was in the room for our two being born. Both by CS. They try and keep the business end out of sight, but they hadn't adjusted for my 6'3" height. It was hard not to look, so I (unfortunately) kept peeping. Not a pretty sight. Then there was the smell of the cautorising the cuts - urghhh.

All in all I'm glad I did it.

[cathyy]

2 weeks before and after the due date is considered to be normal full-term. Asking your wife if she wants to have labor induced now, before the Doc goes on vacation for a week, is highly considerate of the Doc. He is offering her the opportunity to ensure that he is the one attending her birth, not a strange doctor she has never seen before in the case she goes into labor while he is still on vacation. It really does make a difference.

[totlanh]

Our daughter was born in Da Nang Vietnam and there was NO way i was going to be allowed in the delivery room.No-one was not even my wifes Mopther.The Vietnamese believe Labour will be quicker without added distractions and as my wife gave birth in under 1 hour methinks they may have a case

[Jared]

Thank for for all of the replys. My wife does want me to be with her as she is quite scared and so am I. I will ask the doctor again and if they let me I will stay with her. If it gets to much for her and she wants me to leave I will do whatever is best for her. If I have to wait outside, I will just have to sit there twiddling my thumbs for how ever long it takes and wait for the great news.

[bina]

inducing a birth for a special date means added pain etc for the mother and very very likely will have to be given pain stuff (epidural, gas, twilite drugs ...etc)...

one of my births was partially induced (labour stopped in the middle) and i did it all w/o pain killer until the pitocin kicked in (and boy did it kick in!!), and then got twilight painkiller (something like ketamin so u are awake and aware but dont rely notice the pain)... dont know if they have that option in thai hospitals.

had husband (now ex) present for all three births; mother present at first birth w/camera in hand: third one i gave birth in a religious jewish hospital so no husbands allowed once i start pushing... at that point, as someone pointed out, i couldnt have cared less where my husband was...

dont they have pre birth classes or something in thailand?? or do one with wife thru internet so at least she wont be so scared and u will feel in control. when u are induced, its scarier because it happens faster and more intensely, when labour starts naturally, u have time to adjust to the levels of pain, and get your brains (both of u) sorted in that u are about to have a baby...

[Heng]

It's definitely an option at the few private hospitals I know (Vichaiyuth, Vejthani, and Samitvej Srinakarin and Sukhumvit), as a quick survey of those here at breakfast, only one relative wasn't in the room -but was definitely allowed in- for the actual delivery (at his choice after seeing his wifes internal organs halfway through the c-section) out of recent deliveries. You can definitely be in the room at Vejthani in Bangkok as well, as we had inquired about that from the first meeting with our ob/gyn, 8 months before delivery.

It may indeed be a rule at some gov't hospitals as often there is an additional nurse assigned to you to make sure you're okay and don't get in the way. Gov't hospitals may not have that luxury.

[macb]

All I will say is respect the thai culture: Some people seem to forget and expect everyone to adjust to there requirements not just in the case but other aspects as well.

My wife will have our baby in January if she wants me there in the room I will be there but if not I will respect the culture.

macb

[Jared]

I understand what your saying Macb, but does that also mean youll be letting your new born child on the back of your wifes moped, or in your car without a carseat. Because I know theres no way I will be, I know we shoud respect the culture and the way of life over here but theres somethings that are just wrong.

[Nawtilus]

Excellent advice Catthy...not...are you Thai at all ??

Considering the doc knew the dates he/she would be on holiday, considering the dates he/she knew the baby was due....then perhaps a little fore thought would have been kinda nice beforehand to introduce her to another doctor that would be around at the time and have her visit this doc once or twice just in case.

But Thais are not so good at thinking to far in advance and logically, even the educated know all docs.

Anything forced is not good, anything forced for convenience is worse.

[Maizefarmer]

JARED - without naming the hospital - is it the one on the left hand side as you come into Korat from the Bangkok side - its set back down a long drive, just before the Mall shopping centre - ??

If so, the wife has a good friend there who is a gynacologist and is very pro natural birth and dads been present ect ect.....happy to give you an intro.

Tim

[cathyy]

Excellent advice Catthy...not...are you Thai at all ??

Considering the doc knew the dates he/she would be on holiday, considering the dates he/she knew the baby was due....then perhaps a little fore thought would have been kinda nice beforehand to introduce her to another doctor that would be around at the time and have her visit this doc once or twice just in case.

You are assuming the Doc knew well ahead when he would be gone, and that may not be true. You are also assuming that the Doc would know months ahead of time just which other Doc might be filling in for him, and that may also not be true. Don't confuse the private practices and partnerships of US physicians with the medical system here, which is much more hospital oriented.

I stand by my comment, that the Doc was offering to ensure that the wife of the OP could deliver her baby with her preferred Doctor present. It's the same reason that most labors in the US are now induced, except there it's for the convenience of the Doc so they don't get called in to the hospital late at night or on weekends. I see nothing wrong with inducing labor when a baby is full-term. I have had both uninduced and induced labors, and there was no real difference.

I am flattered that you think I might be Thai...I must be adapting well.

Edited October 13, 2006 by cathyy

[qualtrough]

To each his own, but I have never had any desire to be in the room when the delivery is being made. My wife (Thai) didn't see any need for it either. As for inducing births, I do not know a lot about that other than that my wife had this done for both our daughters. She had the babies within about an hour each time, and they came out very quickly. No pain killers. We were lucky, it all went smoothly. One thing you should be aware of: lots of hospitals here have a policy of keeping the baby in the nursery for a day or two before returning it to you. I wasn't too happy about that, but there seems to have been no lasting harm.

[Jared]

TIM - Yes mate that is the one we are using, that would be great