Questions about Thai dowry - and what else to ask

[bangon04]

When negotiating be sure to take into account how young, handsome and well off you are. If it is easy to find another girl then negotiate hard. Also if you are very well off then the amount isn't that important. Sounds like you have a good girl. I wouldn't pay more sinsot than the cost of a good one carat diamond ring.

A Thai man might pay 100,000 to 1 million for a "virgin" bride - ie young, no kids, socially equal / acceptable. It might be quietly paid back or given to the bride, depending on needs.

A Thai man would be unlikely to pay for an Isaan girl with 2 kids.

[gerry123]

yipee its sinsod time again

[alexlm]

I would never pay money to marry someone.

Or I would ask them to come to my country and give 200% of the amount to my family first... yeah..., that's the culture in France...

Edited January 13, 2016 by alexlm

[MaeJoMTB]

'What kind of Thai dowry should i be expecting to pay?

Should i ask whether is will be returned or not ? As in is it for show etc?

Who generally pays for the wedding?

What else should i ask?'

1. Nothing, human trafficking is against the law in Thailand.

2. Don't mention buying her to anyone, it's insulting, she isn't a piece of meat to be bought and sold.

3. I paid for my wedding, 30bht at the Amphur office, who pays the 30bht .... up to you.

4. I don't talk to my wife's relatives, we have nothing in common, they don't speak English.

[NoshowJones]

I paid off the balance of my wife's outstanding student loan debt. They showed this along with the wedding jewelry that I bought my wife. I gave the parents a small cash present each, no more than a Christmas / Birthday present to UK parents. That was it.

My wife's dad was only interested in seeing that I'd always take care of his daughter. MIL tried it on once early on but my wife put her in her place. FIL dealt with her.

A Brit guy married one of the sisters of my brother in law. She was mature divorced successful business lady. He gave about 15 of her relatives presents of between 10k - 25k THB each. His choice, no one pressured him.

Remember this is as much about face as anything. Look after wifey, buy jewelry for her, not for anyone else, and remember any cash shown on the day can be given back the following morning. All about showing off to the relatives, friends and neighbors.

"MIL tried it on once early on but my wife put her in her place". Tried what on?

[mrmicbkktxl]

How old is the girl?

Where is her home provence?

She was married before?

What level of education?

Does she has kids?

What is her family doing?

[Jonathon]

If her parents are decent reasonably educated people then nothing will be demanded nor expected. They might like to save face by showing respect for old traditions by accepting a gift then returning it later.

On the other hand if they are still tied to old traditions then best walk away; it will only be the start of many more demands for money whenever they run short.

[backtothailand]

How old is the girl?

Where is her home provence?

She was married before?

What level of education?

Does she has kids?

What is her family doing?

Hi and thanks

She is 25

She is from Hat Yai

Never Married

Degree from PSU

No kids

Her family own an AC company

[georgemandm]

Get ready to be taken for a ride.

Yes yes yes yes yes

[mikosan]

Nice to read some positive and helpful comments from contributors for once. Good luck with the wedding and in the future 'backtothailand', seems like you've fallen on your feet.

[MMF]

I paid a dowry when I and My G/F did the Thai ritual. To my mind this I agreed and, actually suggested as a respect toward her and her family.

So, lets clear that for a start.

Secondly, I believe the dowry is entirely up to you to decide, I was happy to pay 50.000 Baht to each, Father and Mother.

I was happy to do this as they are very nice people and I don't believe for a moment that they would have been unhappy with less.

So, my advise is, think of a number you be happy with and go for that.

All the best.

[buddha02]

I've been happily married to my Thai wife for 38 years. She's a university graduate and we knew each other for 7 years before we got married and the question of a dowry NEVER came up. You figure.

[The Beguiled]

To answer your question, generally I have found that the best way to calculate the sin-sod is to ask around and find out what the amount would be if it were a Thai guy marrying a Thai woman.

If you are happy to pay the same then that is your decision and leave the two bit advice where it belongs.

From some of the posts, there are many happily married foreigners married to Thai women and who enjoy happiness.

Most of us ended up here due to a breakdown in a previous relationship so the law of averages does apply universally and there will be mixed marriages that don't last for many reasons - just read between the lines in some of the above posts.

My personal experience in this matter is how the parents of the women act with you and if they respect you and it is a two way street with yours and theirs relationship.

Good luck for your future.

[RBOP]

For those that think westerners are taken for a ride by this thousand year old tradition, how much does a western wedding cost in your country? Ten thousand, twenty thousand, thirty thousand dollars? Then when you divorce (more than 50% in western cultures) she takes you to court gets half of everything own give monthly payments for the rest of her life, or until she remarries.

[recycler]

Would you pay for your wife in your home country? Would it be legal?

It is a bad idea to put a woman in a position as the object of a financial negotiation. Calling it culture does not make it right!

You can get legally married for a few hundred Baht at the local tessabaan office, that's the only legal marriage in Thailand, not the charade with all the family and neighbors counting your money.

[mrmicbkktxl]

Well expect 2-300000baht plus 3-5baht gold plus marriage party.If her family is not to poor and have some education u might get back the money.A Thai guy might pay a bit less cash.Last month my Thai neighbor married,both from Sukothai,both engineers,family not rich.He is 32,she is 29,he paid 150000bt 3bt gold and both paid for parties in Sukothai and in Chonburi

[MaeJoMTB]

For those that think westerners are taken for a ride by this thousand year old tradition, how much does a western wedding cost in your country? Ten thousand, twenty thousand, thirty thousand dollars? Then when you divorce (more than 50% in western cultures) she takes you to court gets half of everything own give monthly payments for the rest of her life, or until she remarries.

$25 in the USA, 20GBP in the UK.

Note: wedding ceremony, wedding party, wedding certificate ....... 3 entirely separate items, only 1 is legally required

Edited January 13, 2016 by MaeJoMTB

[csabo]

Get ready to be taken for a ride.

I see nothing wrong with following the traditions that her family see fit. These are the same traditions her father had to undergo when he wished to marry her mother - and the same traditions that her brothers will face too.

I asked a few genuine questions.

Can you answer them or not?

What happened to your traditions??

[oxo1947]

So there you have it "backtothailand"............basically..........Up To You........

[mgjackson69]

To start with, in Thailand it is not "dowry"...it is "sinsod".

A dowry is paid by the parents of the bride to the groom for taking her off their hands.

Sinsod is paid to the bride's family (read: mother) for raising such a good daughter for you to marry.

There are varying opinions as to whether this should be paid or not. I think it needs to be determined on a case by case basis.

As others have stated, much of it is about putting on a show for the village. There is plenty of anecdotal evidence where the bride's family has returned the sinsod to the newly married couple the day after the wedding.

In my case, my wife had been married previously and had a child from that marriage. By the traditional rules, I was not obligated to pay any sinsod, and I did not do so. Had I tried, my mother-in-law would not have accepted.

A few years before my wife and I met, she had bought a house and was making payments on it. When we married, I paid off the mortgage and made it clear that was in place of a sinsod. My wife and her family all said that was perfectly acceptable.

So we started out with each of us paying approximately 1/2 of the purchase price of the house. My wife also brought some land into the marriage; I have since bought roughly an equal amount of additional farmland (yes, I know that I do not own that land, so save your comments).

I am happy with the way things have turned out...your results may vary.

[mrmicbkktxl]

I found that

http://www.thaiembassy.com/thailand/thai-dowry.php

[superdome]

I married a girl from Issan [buri Ram]...was with her 6 yrs...she wanted 500000...after a bit of "talk" i got it down to 50000...never got returned...her parents are[were] very poor rice farmers so i guess the money went to pay off debts,i never had a problem with that,i felt the money was well used.

We are still together after 2 yrs married.

On reflection i would not have paid a single baht...but to this day like to think the money got them debt free & back on there feet again.

All i say is think about it...to late for me to think about it...as i said i like to think the money was put to good use.

[TKDfella]

When I got married to my Thai wife (top Grade government nurse) in late 1994 her parents were not alive. Nonetheless, a dowry was mentioned and would have been distributed to older members of the family. However, as I had paid my wife's mortgage debt, 200,000 Baht (exchange rate at that time was different), all agreed that that as long as I paid for the Thai wedding (monk's at the house etc.) this would suffice. However, what I didn't realise was that in the Thai wedding ceremony the dowry cash was also expected to be 'blessed' too so I made an extra withdrawal (cannot remember how much but was less than 100,000) and used this simply as symbolic. I later returned the amount to my account and then went to register the marriage.

Having been divorced for 3 years (nothing to do with the dowry Ha!) I did meet another Thai lady and have been living together for about a year and we will go to the registry office sometime this year ( purely for my own security in my old age). Dowry to mother was originally 80,000 Baht but after explaining personal details this has been dropped to 40,000.

The lady concerned is not college educated but an excellent cook and generally good in practical matters the complete opposite of my ex wife. I mention these latter details because I think one has to decide on one's own priorities which of course vary from person to person.

As an additional point, when my friend married a Thai lady he also bargained about the dowry.

I hope this is useful to you, @backtothailand.

[ozyjon]

The dowry is an age-old scam.

Copied from the Indian culture in reverse.

Not a dime, period, and i can afford it.

[nontabury]

Know of one Farang who paid 2,000,000 bht for a girl who had been a bar girl for a number of years. Strangely, they did not return the money to him.

One born every day!

[Bruzzzz]

Dear All

Her parents however still take care of her - bought her condo to live at near the airport - bought her a car - pay most of her bills. She is well looked after by mom and dad.

It was this part of the OP got me.

However I say this will come over as negative but am I missing something?

She is educated and employed but still receiving massive financial support from her parents.

OP the sinsod is irrelevant. Can you afford the ongoing costs.

Cruel joke:

The parents should be paying you to take her off their hands.

[bazza40]

Circumstances vary. I gave my Thai GF 600 K to build her house. To me, it's money well spent because it's her dream. She has never asked me for money for any of her relatives.

Perhaps the OP should use a different perspective. That is, what can he afford to walk away from if things go pear-shaped. If Sin Sod is a necessary component of the marriage, what is reasonable?

Due to the cultural differences, one may end up with a pearl or a lemon. Hard to tell.

[Guitar God]

I've been to three Thai-Thai weddings between couples of similar age and the sinsod was between 150,000 and 500,000฿.

I didn't hear how much if any of it was returned but unless all three weddings were some elaborate ruse put on for my benefit, I can say confidently that sinsod is an expected part of weddings in Thailand.

Personally I think it should be reduced if you're buying her a house, car etc. it is negotiated, not demanded though.

A lot of people in the U.S. drop $20-30k on weddings, I don't see why you can't spend half that in Thailand.

[D3030]

Well - if it was suggested or pointed out already. If she never divorced - she should before getting married again.. Jk - I know what you meant..

Anyway - seen a farang give ฿60000 as his dowry to the poor parents of his now X-wife (2 year relationship). Told him prior, it was too much to give, but did anyway. After he paid another ฿100000 baht gold and ฿60000 for a motorbike - he went back to the UK - on his his next trip 6 months later the marriage was over.

Anyway - the poor parents really miss him.. As she married a Thai truck driver one month after the marriage was over. Her second marriage - the dowry given looked like ฿3580 and she got a gold necklace out of it. That marriage lasted 6 months...

Good luck!

[catman20]

Get ready to be taken for a ride.

expensive ride no doubt